Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@MayEye @SpringlikeBunk @Dazedandconfused10 @RayoftheTriffids @Naimee87 @FabulousMrFifty @WeWantTheFinestWines @Moopyhereagain thank you all for your kind words

@PurpleStripyScarf I'll let you know about visiting a milliners !

@SpringlikeBunk thank you

It's an AYE from me

@SpringlikeBunk I'm up for that weekend 😁

@SpringlikeBunk
Aye from me too! I'll COVID(shit) in mind though for travel! I wish i could be more reserved but if i like someone i find it very tricky to resist letting them know. What's your take on emoji's? I exchange a lot of these with magnet-man especially in between visits. I like them as they just sort of show he's thinking about me. We get into text conversations as well. But my friends convinced i'm settling into breadcrumming by 'liking' the emoji's? I wish i was as passionate about my career as you are, you sound so content in your role! I just feel like a scheduling machine at the minute!
@BatShit2021 i'm in a similar situation and have had to lie to my DS given i have him almost 100% of the time as well. In telling 'white lies' you are protecting them in the long-run. No need for them to get to know people who may not actually become part of yours/their lives. My DS is 12 and i can sort of see similarities with @WeWantTheFinestWines as long as the PS4 is working, his phones fully charged and he can eat he isn't too fussed if i'm out for an hour or so!

@StartingAgain6369 the date sounds really lovely. I was only saying last night about what happened to good old meals out and proper dating and here you are. This sounds like it has real potential.

@SpringlikeBunk

FIRST WEEK IN FEBRUARY FOR LONDON MEET?

AYE OR NAY OR MAYBE

Aye

@StartingAgain6369 great date update 🥰

First week in Feb is a maybe. It depends if/when I go snowboarding.

@Eesha I am a bit of an old romantic

@BelladiMamma thank you

@Moopyhereagain 5 decent options is great! All you need is one! And good for you for getting back on the horse 😊

@BatShit2021 white lies are definitely the way forward. I've told my kids about MrA as in 'I'm dating this guy but it's not going anywhere because he lives 100's of miles away.' Then I just tell them when I'm seeing him. It's less threatening because he's not coming here and it's not 'here's your new Dad kids!' Which is basically what no teen wants to hear. So you could say you're out on dates but keep it very very low key. Or just lie, I have a very useful friend that I have a shared hobby with and I'd normally say I was out with her doing my hobby and give her a heads up. She was very good about it.

@RayoftheTriffids real life connections are so good when they happen. I've realised that I do have a pattern of relying on other people sometimes to help me see / makes the changes I want in my life. Being with MrA has reminded me that I am happiest with social and creatives and that I need to continue with the work I've been doing to change my career.

In other news I've been reminded of why I can't do a full on relationship. My exh has been an utter out and out gaslighting c#nt to my DD this weekend and has somehow made her feel that it's her fault he cancelled on her?! Result: mental health crisis and School refusal today. Thanks, c#nt face. So angry and sad and just at my wit's end with him. Also: I am beyond caring about him or trying to encourage him to behave properly. I'm on the verge of suggesting DD go NC with him for her mental health ... but I also know that's not a good idea either, some sort of relationship with him is in theory the best thing. Head f&ck all round basically.

And rereading my post that's obviously why I think men lie! I think my exh lied to me from the first day we were together. He did actually - I was dating an Irish lad who went to NYC for work and my exh told me that the Irish lad wasn't interested and was going to play the field. We then start dating & Irish lad comes back and feels utterly betrayed and I never understood what the issue was ... until I realised exh can't open his mouth without a lie coming out.

Sending hugs to your daughter (and you) @BelladiMamma
Some men are just fuckwits🤬

My daughters father is the same so I feel your pain (DD has been back from Uni since Tues lunchtime, her dad suggested seeing her yesterday and would pick her up at 1pm, he actually picked her up at 2 and she was home by 6.30 having not been fed by him🤬, I know she's an adult but surely people need to eat, she goes back to Uni tomorrow so he won't get another chance)

@SortingItOut

Sending hugs to your daughter (and you) *@BelladiMamma* Some men are just fuckwits🤬

My daughters father is the same so I feel your pain (DD has been back from Uni since Tues lunchtime, her dad suggested seeing her yesterday and would pick her up at 1pm, he actually picked her up at 2 and she was home by 6.30 having not been fed by him🤬, I know she's an adult but surely people need to eat, she goes back to Uni tomorrow so he won't get another chance)

Thank you. By extension he did the same to his DS but DD is always more affected. It's just so crap isn't it.

And it's not just men, I know that exh got his wonderful personality from his exMIL.

DD is sleeping now. Hopefully she'll recover enough for school tomorrow. Luckily she has a good set of friends there

@BelladiMamma @SortingItOut sorry to your situations at the moment! Really frustrating and takes a toll on your emotions!

I can echo sh*t dads! My DS's dad has just never maintained contact even after multiple attempts by me. It is more complex living in different countries but with how many channels we can use to keep in touch you'd think it's be possible but nope. Even had to cancel a trip i booked/paid for because it ended up we weren't able to stay with him as his dad had kicked him out... at 35yrs old you'd think he'd be more sorted but seems he just cannot get his act together. I even lost money on that trip as well. And it isn't like i'm minted myself. My DS is hurt and currently doesn't want anything to do with him until he apologizes to us both (his words) I wouldn't ever stop them from having a relationship in the future but for the time being we're better of just being the two of us!

@Isitreallyme177 com visit me for snowboarding! I can ski... not as cool i know! But i'm not too far from the mountains 💥🤩

@SortingItOut

Sending hugs to your daughter (and you) *@BelladiMamma* Some men are just fuckwits🤬

My daughters father is the same so I feel your pain (DD has been back from Uni since Tues lunchtime, her dad suggested seeing her yesterday and would pick her up at 1pm, he actually picked her up at 2 and she was home by 6.30 having not been fed by him🤬, I know she's an adult but surely people need to eat, she goes back to Uni tomorrow so he won't get another chance)

I mean it's bizarre, you'd think that they'd try even harder when they were hardly seeing each other. It just makes me want to run away from here. Which also won't help.

Are you dating? How much do you share with the person you're dating?

@SpringlikeBunk

FIRST WEEK IN FEBRUARY FOR LONDON MEET?

AYE OR NAY OR MAYBE

Definitely maybe, as long as there is room for old farts.

@Naimee87 you're on! I've never been snowboarding. I went skiing when I was 11. Can't be that hard can it? 😬🤣

@Isitreallyme177 it's fun once you get going and as long as you don't have to get the t-bar lifts, they are a nightmare! I'm no professional either...as long as the slopes not a black you should make it down to the bottom for sure!

@FabulousMrFifty, I think old farts, perhaps not, but Fabulous Fifty year olds that ride Ducati's yessssss!!! (Also maybe limit your beans and brussel-sprouts intake before joining)

@Naimee87 I always thought once DD went to Uni I'd never think about him again but the worry/stress continues even when the children you share get older.

@BelladiMamma I'm with Mr K, he knows a bit but then we have been together 2 years.
To start off with I told him nothing but as time went on there would sometimes be incidents when we were together (and lets not forget the tyre on his van was slashed when he stayed at mine once - there's no hiding a proper psycho ex when that happens).
Mr K cares about my DD so he gets quite concerned for her especially when her dad is emotional abusive to her and gaslights her.

If I ever date again I won't be sharing anything, it makes me feel too vulnerable.

I'm a 'yes hopefully' for the London meet up on the first weekend of Feb
Sorry to hear bella that your DD's father has had such a horrible impact on her MH during the visit. It must be really difficult for those of you with exes who continue to have a far reaching negative impact on your DC- and you. It must be such a complex set of emotions seeing someone who should love, care and prioritise their child being so lacking in every respect.
There are lots of good dads out there that I know and see in action and not all men are liars. There are also great guys bringing positive things into the lives of young people when in a relationship with a new partner.

[quote SortingItOut]@Naimee87 I always thought once DD went to Uni I'd never think about him again but the worry/stress continues even when the children you share get older.

@BelladiMamma I'm with Mr K, he knows a bit but then we have been together 2 years.
To start off with I told him nothing but as time went on there would sometimes be incidents when we were together (and lets not forget the tyre on his van was slashed when he stayed at mine once - there's no hiding a proper psycho ex when that happens).
Mr K cares about my DD so he gets quite concerned for her especially when her dad is emotional abusive to her and gaslights her.

If I ever date again I won't be sharing anything, it makes me feel too vulnerable.[/quote]
Oh yes that's a proper psycho ex. Sorry I'd forgotten your details re MrK. Porridge brain this morning!

I feel like I want to share as it will affect my mood but given that we are not going to see each til Saturday maybe it doesn't matter? I don't know really. At the end of the day it's a part of me, just down to me as to when I share I suppose. I can just go quiet and white lie 'busy with stuff at home'. But I hate it when irons do that to me and I've got nothing to go on. I don't want to invade my DD's privacy either. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@BelladiMamma Hopefully by Saturday you'll have dealt with some of it mentally and your mood may have lifted.

Life does go in fits and starts so could you just say you're busy with home, friends and work this week so you won't be messaging as much?
Its difficult but I agree with not breaching your daughters privacy.

Ahhhh that is so cute @StartingAgain6369! What a gent too, paying for the lady! (Yes I’m old fashioned and like it when the guy makes the effort to pay!) sounds quite romantic I am looking forward to watching this one progress 😊😊😊

AYE to first weekend in Feb! Nice one @SpringlikeBunk really looking forward to meeting y’all 🥰💗 will be giggles!!!

[quote BelladiMamma]**@Shayelle2009* @Eesha if you're not feeling enthusiastic about dating it's hard to find anyone attractive! Plus it sounds like you're both busy enough anyway. @Eesha* what were you doing working so late?!! And your photos are adorable so if you do want to swipe you can be really fussy 🥰

@Isitreallyme177 I too read some of your updates and I'm with @eesha that I'm concerned MrCricket is probably cracking on with his dating life but not bothering to share with you where he is. It's possible you might get hurt in this scenario and I worry that you're not mentally prepared for it. Plus I'm really sorry that you're having a crap time at work. These things often all come at the same time and it's no fault of yours. But protect yourself and be a bit more selfish about your own wants and needs. [/quote]
@BelladiMamma it’s not really that I dont want to date, and I see hot men everywhere!! It’s just the apps, I just can’t be doing with them.. though sounds like it’s working for you! 💗💗