Dating Thread 217: Is it burning bright or fizzling out?

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Well the blonde is back. It's still wet so I can't see how it's turned out yet 😬😆.

On another note I'm beginning to see a different side to Mr Cricket, he's been away a lot. Surely he should be seeing his daughter not going away on some holiday with his new girlfriend. Wouldn't you make seeing your child a priority?

@Isitreallyme177
I've got everything crossed for you and the blonde

I do put my DD(x2) first, probably to the extent of damaging my own social life but I look at it as you only have a short time together before they become adults so make the most of it.

[quote Onesmallstep67]@Isitreallyme177, glad to hear that puss’ visit to the vet went smoothly. 😻
Things are getting serious with Mr V and we’ve made a big commitment - I’ve put him on my car insurance 😂. He isn’t always bothered about drinking when we go out so it makes sense to have him covered to drive my car. I made a comment about hoping we don’t split up now and he told me not to even think that way.[/quote]
I put my most recent ex on and haven't bothered to take him off because it's the only thing you can't do online so I've just left it. Two renewals since and he's still on there. Don't think it impacts him!

@Isitreallyme177, this is why I think he’s been seeing the woman that he’s going away with for longer than you suspect. You’ve been very trusting of his version of being busy - moving house , working away and sorting divorce etc because you are a trusting person and had no reason to doubt him. But for whatever reason he hasn’t been totally open with you, maybe as Eesha suggested earlier because you have been a very lovely fall back option. But you totally deserve to be someone’s no 1.

[quote StartingAgain6369]@Isitreallyme177
I've got everything crossed for you and the blonde

I do put my DD(x2) first, probably to the extent of damaging my own social life but I look at it as you only have a short time together before they become adults so make the most of it.[/quote]
@StartingAgain6369 thanks I'm hoping it's not ginger 😆. That's how I see it, he spends a lot of time away flying so surely the time he has at home should be with his daughter. I'm not saying it as I'm hurt but as you say she'll be a teenager/adult soon. He has no formal child access arrangements in place either. But hey Swan off on a holiday as you got a good deal through work and forget your daughter who won't see you for another couple of weeks! He seems to me quite selfish at times.

@Onesmallstep67 thank you think I've been a bit naive and far too trusting and got taken in by his nice guy image.

[quote Isitreallyme177]@Onesmallstep67 thank you think I've been a bit naive and far too trusting and got taken in by his nice guy image.[/quote]
Easy to do. I'm just going to say one word:

Pilot.

@Isitreallyme177 I think there is nothing wrong with being trusting, especially when you genuinely like someone. Unfortunately this woman might have known him quite a while longer than you think. It's his prerogative to go away when he wants really. However he just should have mentioned something at least about dating.

I haven't been on the thread at all today and won't be tomorrow but I just wanted to say @Isitreallyme177 this is all a bit sh1t for you and the best thing you can do is to let the feelings in. Give them sometime and then kick them up the arse. A few months ago you'd never met this guy and his existence had no impact on your life.

If you want to take the positives you could think about what you liked about him and what aspects of the interaction you might want to take forward, in any capacity. Did he spark a renewed interest in anything for you eg travel, the gym, cinema etc?

And then what were the things you learnt from it that's in your control to change. Maybe it could be that if you ever feel that you're not giving someone the attention they deserve, that you tell them straight up and then move on and let them meet someone else. Which is exactly the way he should have treated you. And yes, he is selfish. A lot of people are and when they're first out of a relationship they justify it by 'playing the field' or 'keeping their options open'. Maybe you could borrow a little bit of this guy's selfishness and do something you really want to do, either in your dating life or other aspects of your life.

Sending you lots of 💓 and tonight

@BelladiMamma thank you I'm going to lick my wounds for a bit but I'm not going to wallow for too long. I'm going to go shopping tomorrow and even if I don't buy anything it gets me out.

My friend just popped over and made me laugh when i said he wanted to meet up when he gets back. She said what so he can show you his holiday snaps 😆.

Not sure how to play the friend thing or what to do if he suggests meeting up when he gets back.

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma thank you I'm going to lick my wounds for a bit but I'm not going to wallow for too long. I'm going to go shopping tomorrow and even if I don't buy anything it gets me out.

My friend just popped over and made me laugh when i said he wanted to meet up when he gets back. She said what so he can show you his holiday snaps 😆.

Not sure how to play the friend thing or what to do if he suggests meeting up when he gets back.[/quote]
You know me, I'm all for authenticity so I'd tell him. I'd probably do it with a voice note then let him know that you'll be blocking until you think a friendship is possible. I like being myself, a relatively undiluted version too, so long as I stay respectful of the other person I think it's an opportunity for us both to learn. Him, that feelings were involved and he should grow up. You, that you can speak your truth.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk as they say on bumble

@BelladiMamma TED talk appreciated😅. It has given me some food for thought. I can't do it tonight or tomorrow as he goes away tomorrow and I don't want to be seen as bitter and ruin his holiday.

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma TED talk appreciated😅. It has given me some food for thought. I can't do it tonight or tomorrow as he goes away tomorrow and I don't want to be seen as bitter and ruin his holiday.[/quote]
You have NEVER EVER come across as bitter or shallow or anything like that at all 💓

@BelladiMamma thanks and there I am yet again putting his feelings before my own. Worried to say anything as I don't want to ruin his holiday.😔

@Isitreallyme177 do you feel a bit of closure in a way? Like I suppose you were in that grey area between friends and potential romance and now you know where you stand?
I love your kick arse attitude - get to the gym, do your hair and the rest will follow!

@MizK I don't know at the moment. I said to my friend earlier at least Computer Geek was honest. He did the decent thing in the long run. He knew I had feelings for him so he did the right thing and disappeared. Where as Mr Cricket must have realised I had feelings for him and carried on meeting up with me and kept telling me he wasn't dating. I'll lick my wounds for a few days and I'll bounce back. The gym is my happy, safe place and I was nearly in tears in there earlier. I can't let that happen again.

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma thanks and there I am yet again putting his feelings before my own. Worried to say anything as I don't want to ruin his holiday.😔[/quote]
Yes. I spotted that. It does you credit but you need to get a little more selfish 💓

[quote Isitreallyme177]@MizK I don't know at the moment. I said to my friend earlier at least Computer Geek was honest. He did the decent thing in the long run. He knew I had feelings for him so he did the right thing and disappeared. Where as Mr Cricket must have realised I had feelings for him and carried on meeting up with me and kept telling me he wasn't dating. I'll lick my wounds for a few days and I'll bounce back. The gym is my happy, safe place and I was nearly in tears in there earlier. I can't let that happen again.[/quote]
Yes you can cry. Even at the gym!! Crying helps you move on xx

[quote VanGoghsDog]@Isitreallyme177

So sorry this has impacted on you. He could have been more open with you I think.

I hope I am more thoughtful to MrStone, I know he finds me attractive and wants more than I do. I don't tell him anything about my dating (such as it is!) and that's also why I don't want him and MrWG at my Christmas party.

But I also wouldn't out of the blue tell him I was going away with someone. This weekend I just told him I had a friend staying with me (which was true).[/quote]
I'm not sure I'm quite getting the Mr Stone thing? You know he wants more, yet you know you don't? But you invite him to spend time with you? And you're not honest about your dating? Could that not be giving him false hope? Or is he happy to be friend zoned? Could I be asking any more questions? 😅

The gym is my happy, safe place and I was nearly in tears in there earlier. I can't let that happen again.

** have a good cry! You're only human

Well my hair isn't as blonde as I would have liked but at least I don't have massive black roots like I did (the ombre look is no more). The test will be what it looks like when it's been washed and it's curly again as that will mix up the shades a bit.

@BelladiMamma yes this is what I'm realising I need to be a bit selfish, he needs to know how I'm feeling and how that measage made me feel. He was either completely oblivious to how I was feeling or he chose to ignore it.

I want Computer Geek now 😫😭. I was missing him but today I miss him even more.

@Isitreallyme177

Well my hair isn't as blonde as I would have liked but at least I don't have massive black roots like I did (the ombre look is no more). The test will be what it looks like when it's been washed and it's curly again as that will mix up the shades a bit.

@BelladiMamma yes this is what I'm realising I need to be a bit selfish, he needs to know how I'm feeling and how that measage made me feel. He was either completely oblivious to how I was feeling or he chose to ignore it.

I want Computer Geek now 😫😭. I was missing him but today I miss him even more.

I think drunk / weepy texting a load of exes and BFF's is the way forward. It's what I'd do 🤣

@Heartbeats0708 or anyone will you do us a new thread 🧵 pretty please ♥️

Damnation! I just messaged MrA about a work thing
#wastryingtoplayitcool

@BelladiMamma Haha I messaged him on Friday and he hasn't read it. Bastard 😤🤨

I've just written a message to Mr Cricket (not sent though) but I've said his message hurt, but I don't why I was surprised as he had been distant for a while and always had an excuse not to meet up. Also that I'm not sure if he didn't know or just chose to ignore it but I had started to develop feelings for him (they started surfacing in September) I tried my hardest to ignore them. And that I don't know where we can go from here as right now I'm hurting and I'm not sure if I can handle seeing him as a friend, I don't want to lose him as a friend though but I need to get my head together.

Don't know whether to send it or just tell it to his face when we have this 'catch up' and walk away with my head held high, a stronger woman.