Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Could you forgive this?

230 replies

Essexmummy88 · 01/11/2021 02:20

This is one thing amongst many issues, but it stands out to me.

Could you forgive your partner if in a rage he woke you up by standing over you in the night whilst you slept and poured water over you? I forgave him because he was sorry but I am regretting it now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Essexmummy88 · 01/11/2021 15:33

Okay I cant go to my friends now, something came up so we are all going for what Im sure will be a delightful family meal. Last time we went and he paid I wasnt allowed any food because the glass of wine I chose was too pricey. He assures me this time I can have what I want as we will split the bill. I cannot wait to escape

OP posts:
Original poster
Essexmummy88 · 01/11/2021 15:41

Ours is a rolling tenancy so I guess that is a positive - does that mean my dad would only be liable for a months rent if i randomly left?

Thank you so much to everyone still with me, I feel like I am just a pain, something to be tolerated, I appreciate all the replies so much

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 01/11/2021 15:44

@Essexmummy88 how can you split the bill if you have no money? He's not expecting you to get into debt is he? Or do you mean there are other family members going too?

ask your landlord about how it'd work. He said he can't remove your partner without his permission but you can ask him to remove you instead. Explain that your dad is the guarantor and you'd like him removed too. Don't mention that you're worried your partner might not pay, of course, or he won't remove your dad

Original poster
Essexmummy88 · 01/11/2021 15:48

"Lend me" as in deduct it from the rent.

OP posts:
Libelula21 · 01/11/2021 16:29

The situation you are living through is so horrific it’s giving me goosebumps.

Not “allowing” you food!

I’m not surprised you didn’t have a period for a year, OP. You’re living through absolute hell, and it’s heartbreaking you can’t see how precious and lovely you are.

Other posters here have more experience and practical wisdom than me. But please get help as soon as it’s safe to do so.

A brighter future lies ahead. 🌸

HouseOfFire · 01/11/2021 16:37

@Essexmummy88

Im going to pack a bag with stuff for me and the kids, go to meet my dad and ask him if I can go back with him. He will say yes without a doubt. Just need to hang on until then.
phone your dad and ask him to come early...
Original poster
Essexmummy88 · 01/11/2021 16:42

He cant, he works shifts. this is awful, please can one of you phone me just for some sort of comfort? dw, i am aware how pathetic that is to ask

OP posts:
lisaandalan · 01/11/2021 16:58

Why are you even still there after the first incident, let alone a catalogue of them.
You are toxic together get out and be happy, it won't change. X

Libelula21 · 01/11/2021 17:21

You could phone the Domestic Abuse helpline? It’s 0808 2000 247

I found the details here: www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

It sounds like you are mobilising - well done you x

ChargingBuck · 01/11/2021 17:22

@Essexmummy88

He cant, he works shifts. this is awful, please can one of you phone me just for some sort of comfort? dw, i am aware how pathetic that is to ask
Essex, that's possibly inappropriate, (not sure of site policy here) but you CAN talk to Womens' Aid - I take it this means you now have your phone back?
ChargingBuck · 01/11/2021 17:22

& keep posting!

MNHQ
YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 01/11/2021 17:28

Hello OP - we're so sorry you're in this situation. There is support out there for you and we strongly recommend you seek real life help asap. If you think you're in immediate danger, please call 999. If we can help with any of that, please let us know.

Our Domestic Violence webguide has some links to support. When it's safe to do so, please also consider calling the Domestic Abuse Hotline. Best wishes from MNHQ.

FlowerArranger · 01/11/2021 17:30

@Essexmummy88

Ours is a rolling tenancy so I guess that is a positive - does that mean my dad would only be liable for a months rent if i randomly left?

Thank you so much to everyone still with me, I feel like I am just a pain, something to be tolerated, I appreciate all the replies so much

Rolling means periodic, so give notice now and you'll only be liable for one month's rent plus however many days till next rent day. It is important that you give proper notice - you cannot just leave randomly.

Notice must be given on or before the last day of any rental period, i.e. the day before next month's rent is due. With a periodic tenancy, the rental period is usually one month, but do check your tenancy agreement.

And I would reiterate that you call Shelter and get them to explain the process, as well as anything else I haven't considered and which may be relevant. In particular I'm not sure how all this may be affected by your dad being guarantor.

lisaandalan · 01/11/2021 17:45

You must be able to claim benefits as a single parent if you say you are not together but he won't leave. X

Original poster
Essexmummy88 · 01/11/2021 17:50

hes found the thread so thats me gone, thanks all

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/11/2021 17:51

@Essexmummy88

hes found the thread so thats me gone, thanks all
Call your dad's station. He can take emergency leave to come and get you and the kids out of there.
girlmom21 · 01/11/2021 18:17

If you get chance to read this please get out as soon and as safely as you can. Call 999 if you need to.

HouseOfFire · 01/11/2021 18:22

Get out, just leave with your children

Libelula21 · 01/11/2021 19:14

Please let us know you are ok when it’s safe to do so.

Take care and please please climb out of this barrel of shit.

Inthesameboatatmo · 01/11/2021 19:48

I know it feels like tge hardest thing to do right now but you need to leave ASAP.
Put the children first and get out their lives will be even more of a misery than yours at the moment how awful for them .please leave him now .

Original poster
Essexmummy88 · 01/11/2021 20:47

The police just turned up saying they had been alerted about my thread...

OP posts:
rrhuth · 01/11/2021 20:48

@Essexmummy88

The police just turned up saying they had been alerted about my thread...
Really?
Noshowlomo · 01/11/2021 20:52

As in someone contacted the police worried about your safety?

Noshowlomo · 01/11/2021 20:52

Are you ok???

Wheretogo21 · 01/11/2021 20:53

@Essexmummy88

He was raging because after 5 years of emotional abuse I kissed someone else, and he found out. So I am not an innocent party, but he has done so much worse before I did that. I didn't have a period for a year and when I finally did, unexpected, he took a photo of my stained PJs (me wearing them!) and sent it to his other woman.
Oh my god I am so sorry. Why are you staying around for this unhappiness?