Could you forgive this?

[Essexmummy88]

This is one thing amongst many issues, but it stands out to me.

Could you forgive your partner if in a rage he woke you up by standing over you in the night whilst you slept and poured water over you? I forgave him because he was sorry but I am regretting it now.

Apart from the glaring safety issues, neither of you will ever be happy.

If you have 3 DC even more reason to leave urgently.

Get out now.

Can your dad come any sooner @Essexmummy88? You need to get out of this situation and fast.
Your ds is probably happy in school, but it might seem he is more happy as he is unhappy at home. I don't know if your kids are aware of what is going on, but they will know things are not right. He, and your other two, will be much happier with him gone.
I wish you all the best. You may still be paying for the sofas a year down the line, but imagine him not being there?

I really think you need to move. He’s not going to let you go easily, and if your dad kicks him out, you’ll be left to deal with the aftermath alone and may end up caving again. You need to be as far away from him as possible. I think you need to ask your family to help you move back home.

OP, you have been let down by SS - they should have spoken to you alone, without your P present. Basic safeguarding.

Really hope you will find the strength to take your children far away from this vile man. ❤️

You say you don't want to leave because your child is happy in school.

But what will your children do if he kills you - a very real risk - and then hinself ends up in prison?

Please do the brave thing and leave. For the sake of your children.

They don't deserve to grow up in this environment, and it's only going to get worse.

[quote Essexmummy88]@clarrylove I'm not from up north, my family all moved up there. I would go, but I don't have the money for a deposit, train fair, or anything.[/quote]
@Essexmummy88 If your family want him away from you, would they pay the fare for you and the children and let you stay with them while you get back on your feet? What is the situation with your housing? Is it rented/local authority etc? If you leave, things will be tough to start with but you clearly aren't safe. Please please get away.

@Essexmummy88

I can but i worry what he will do in retaliation. Also I worry about my dad as he has a temper but works for the police and I worry he would lose his job or something.

He's a gangster and works for the police? This sounds like Eastenders.

@ValerieCupcake No he isnt a gangster, I never said he was. He works for the police in a role that isn't an officer, thanks for the input though.

And a genuine thanks to everyone else.

No fucking way would I forgive that!!! Forgiving it is basically giving him the green light to escalate the abuse. This is how these abusive dudes operate. Get more and more abusive the more you allow it by staying with them.

@Essexmummy88

He also broke my front tooth, I called the police but they let him go. This is horrendous I hate him

Why are you still with him?

Have my first LTB

No I couldn't forgive this. I couldn't ever imagine doing this to someone so I couldn't tolerate it being done to me. I couldn't be around someone or like someone who does stuff like that.

[quote Essexmummy88]@clarrylove I'm not from up north, my family all moved up there. I would go, but I don't have the money for a deposit, train fair, or anything.[/quote]
I bet your family would send you tickets

We rent, my dad is the guarantor. So if I leave my dad will be liable for the rent if "partner" doesn't pay - which lets face it seems likely. I can't saddle my dad with that. I am just so sick of living this chaotic life, I cry daily feeling so guilty for my kids. Why am I still with him? He won''t leave and I can't afford to.

[quote Essexmummy88]@clarrylove I'm not from up north, my family all moved up there. I would go, but I don't have the money for a deposit, train fair, or anything.[/quote]
You're seeing your dad today?? Can't he lend you train fare?

@Essexmummy88

We rent, my dad is the guarantor. So if I leave my dad will be liable for the rent if "partner" doesn't pay - which lets face it seems likely. I can't saddle my dad with that. I am just so sick of living this chaotic life, I cry daily feeling so guilty for my kids. Why am I still with him? He won''t leave and I can't afford to.

Give notice on the home

I have spoken to landlord who seems like a really lovely and reasonable man, explained the situation briefly, but legally his hands are tied and he cannot remove BF from the tenancy without his agreement.. so I am stuck. Honestly if it werent for the kids I would just kill myself.

@Essexmummy88

I wish I could, I don't work though so have no money, we have three children, I literally cannot get out.

Contact womens aid.

You can get out - your situation is exactly what women's refuges are for.

I'm not seeing my dad until thursday.

@Essexmummy88

He also broke my front tooth, I called the police but they let him go. This is horrendous I hate him

Did you tell them that he did it? That sounds like a silly question but I can't imagine the police not at least arresting someone for this, it's a clear assault.

Would this help? People fleeing domestic abuse can get free train tickets:

www.womensaid.org.uk/rail-to-refuge/

Gosh no. He is clearly abusive and that is pretty scary as what will it be next?! He's already broken your tooth?!

Please get out and safe for yourself and your children

@Essexmummy88

I have spoken to landlord who seems like a really lovely and reasonable man, explained the situation briefly, but legally his hands are tied and he cannot remove BF from the tenancy without his agreement.. so I am stuck. Honestly if it werent for the kids I would just kill myself.

Please phone your dad to come and get you. Pack a bag for you and the kids and just leave. They need you.

But he has never hit me so I feel I don't warrant the need for a refuge space when there are women literally being attacked. This is awful, I used to work, had a good job, had my own business and I am now a shell, who probably comes across like a Jeremy Kyle guest when in actual fact I am intelligent I have just gotten caught up with a monster.

[quote Essexmummy88]@ValerieCupcake No he isnt a gangster, I never said he was. He works for the police in a role that isn't an officer, thanks for the input though.

And a genuine thanks to everyone else.[/quote]
Apologies, you said this My dad is very old east end, gangster type, not good but it is what it is, I know he could get him to leave. What a mess.

In seriousness though, reading your last post, you seem to be minimising the fact that because he's not hit you you don't deserve a space in a refuge. He's an abuser so don't dress it up. You and your children deserve far better than this.

@youvegottenminuteslynn Yes I told them, he was arrested that night and kept in overnight but he was let out. The reason was because he had scratches on his arms from me trying to get away but in their eyes its like we had a fight/I attacked him/ his word against mine.