Team Ioan Gruffudd or Alice Evans?

[BabyBearRus]

I've been following the story around the breakup of Ioan and Alice. I haven't been a great fan of Alice in the past, but I do feel for her and her children right now. Who else thinks that Ioan has behaved atrociously to his family? According to his wife, he has been having an affair for a long while, and making her feel as though she was in the wrong for months.

Ah but I could flip that and say that she has only just realised that cheating is a possibility.

In that case she’s days out of her dday. And tbh she’s piecing puzzle pieces together, perhaps getting it badly wrong but perhaps making a full jigsaw. Who knows? Experience tells me (and I follow many threads on infidelity and read a lot into it) is that an affair is a distinct possibility in this case.

Evidence we don’t have though, before you say that. But I can see why her head is going where it is.

Projection no. Empathy yes.

The way in which Alice also claims her kids have ‘accidentally’ seen everything before she has - the new girlfriend pic, the divorce papers - makes me a bit suspicious to be honest. I really want to believe that’s the case but I think it is equally as likely that she showed them so then she can admonish Iona for upsetting them.

She also claimed back in March to know who the ‘OW’ was, so she isn’t days into this betrayal.

She has 2 choices now, she has to actively choose:

1. Keep on with the social media, live like Miss Havisham & let it lead her down the path to permanent mental and physical health damage
2. Take a huge breath, step away from social media, book some top class therapy & focus on her mental and physical health.

She has 2 daughters, the answer has to be number 2.

He is a smarmy creep and I’m sure he has done some of the things she is accusing him of, but I can also imagine her as a very difficult ex who is hard to communicate with, withholds the kids (like PP said) & selectively ignores things she doesn’t want to hear before claiming not to remember them.

Ioan on the other hand should not have posted that photo, it was gratuitous and totally unnecessary.

@Tiredofbs123

I agree.

*Projection no. Empathy yes.

I think many of us quietly reading this thread have empathy for her. We just can’t be bothered to get into an argument with a group of women who clearly are not displaying any empathy towards a woman in pain.

She has been abandoned as much as some posters would like her to just move on, infidelity takes 2-5 year to heal from, she believes he has cheated and has at the least been abandoned. A year is nothing especially when just a few days ago she was privy to that cost picture of his new girlfriend.

And yes she is still married, argue the toss all you like. She is still married. He is not her ex husband.

She’s going through an acrimonious divorce with children who are clearly in pain. She’s picking up the pieces. Watch your children cry for their daddy at night and see how that feels. The rage is palpable. Not projection. EMPATHY.

As for the damage to the children, some of the comments around her alcoholism, mental health, control, narcissism etc are just shocking. If loan really believed his wife was the person some of you have decided she is why leave his kids with her!

Do I agree with her actions, jeez I don’t know? But I know that there were plenty of days where I felt voiceless, powerless, out of control, beholden to a narrative that wasn’t true.

It’s an awful place to be.*

Yes. And we'll said. So much more articulate than me.

She hasn’t been abandoned. If leaving someone is ‘abandonment’ then that would make it wrong. Is leaving somebody always de facto ‘wrong’?

Sadly as the father has made such a fool of himself it falls to the mother to provide a stable and good example to the children . I feel for Alice as she has been humiliated publicly but with hindsight she will realise he looks like every other idiot older man with a younger affair partner.

Empathy yes, abuse apologist no.

There is no evidence he had an affair, regardless of how many people project their own situations onto this one.

He may very well be pursuing full custody through the courts right now and she is playing right into his hands. Cafcass could very well being initating an investigation right now.

No-one has any knowledge of what is happening in the background, nor should we. This should be a private family matter for the sake of the children. Any distress or crying for daddy at night is being compounded by her very public rants and attempts at parental alienation.

She has found found group of people on twitter who are egging her on simply because it's entertainment for them. She's feeding off that negative energy because it's clear she has no real life support. This kind of behaviour will appease the baying mob but could very well cause her huge personal damage in the long run.

Marriages breakdown, people get hurt but it doesn't give anyone the right to publicly bully and harass people online.

There is no excuse for being abusive just because you are hurting.

I’m actually really scared for Alice and her children at this point.
I feel that this is not going to end well unless someone intervenes.

Somebody needs to do something.

Those latest selfies are really distressing.

Abuse apologist? On here the ones shouting about abuse are the ones who have called a woman in pain terrible names, including accusing her of being an alcoholic, mentally ill, crazy etc etc It’s ironic really.

@Onyernelly

I’m actually really scared for Alice and her children at this point. I feel that this is not going to end well unless someone intervenes.

Somebody needs to do something.

Those latest selfies are really distressing.

I totally agree. The pain she is in is unbearable to watch.

And abandonment is a psychological term and perfectly reasonable to use. She does feel abandoned, she’s entitled to feel that.

I agree, she's publicly unravelling and Twitter users and the Daily Mail are cheering her on for their own profit and entertainment.

There's no empowerment here, just a woman's palpable pain being cynically exploited.

@TokyoTammy

I agree, she's publicly unravelling and Twitter users and the Daily Mail are cheering her on for their own profit and entertainment.

There's no empowerment here, just a woman's palpable pain being cynically exploited.

Yes and threads like this don’t help her at all so I’m bowing out.

@Tiredofbs123

And abandonment is a psychological term and perfectly reasonable to use. She does feel abandoned, she’s entitled to feel that.

She can feel whatever she feels.

Abandonment to me is a baby being left on a church steps, or a husband that vanishes in the night without another word. Simply leaving a marriage isn’t ‘abandonment’. And peddling that narrative is what abusers do to get their spouse to stay with them - ‘Don’t abandon me’

@TokyoTammy

I agree, she's publicly unravelling and Twitter users and the Daily Mail are cheering her on for their own profit and entertainment.

There's no empowerment here, just a woman's palpable pain being cynically exploited.

Exactly.

Anyone who actually empathises with her will understand the pain, fear and stress. They would not want to fuel that any further by indulging in speculation and gossip with her or by encouraging the mental negativity involved in the bitching about him.

Empathy is not projecting your experience into someone else’s. It’s not even just about understanding how they feel. It’s about using that understanding to help and get her to better place.

That he has ended their marriage is not going to change. That he will have relationships is not going to change. That society allows him to do this is not going to change. She needs to come to terms with it.

Atm her behaviour is entirely counterproductive and she may pay for it in the divorce and custody courts.

@Tiredofbs123

And abandonment is a psychological term and perfectly reasonable to use. She does feel abandoned, she’s entitled to feel that.

Sure, she can feel anyway she feels. But it doesn’t give her the right to be abusive. To use her children as weapons. It simply doesn’t.

If a man was doing this no one would say well he feels abandoned so that’s ok then, let’s show him empathy. In fact when any woman posts on here her ex does similar she’s told to keep records, go to the police, go no contact and that harrassment and abuse is not acceptable.

I think some folks are projecting their own pain or thoughts here. Prolonged Abuse is never acceptable. And it does not matter what the other person did , it is not acceptable from a man or a woman. And this is beyond a shadow of a doubt abusive.

when any woman posts on here her ex does similar she’s told to keep records, go to the police, go no contact and that harrassment and abuse is not acceptable.

Yes! If a woman posted to say she had left a relationship after 20(?) odd years, she couldn’t take it anymore, and now her ex is withholding the kids, constantly posting about her online & is looking slightly unhinged, the responses would be all ‘So tough for you, make sure you keep a record and go to the police if you feel unsafe’ etc. Plus the odd ‘sounds like you were right to leave’ thrown in.

I very rarely buy the ‘if the sexes were reversed’ stuff but it’s quite obvious here.

I think some folks are projecting their own pain or thoughts here

Me too. The worst bit being their ‘support’ will not actually help Alice, it’s just recruiting her into the bitter club.

If a man was doing this no one would say well he feels abandoned so that’s ok then, let’s show him empathy. In fact when any woman posts on here her ex does similar she’s told to keep records, go to the police, go no contact and that harrassment and abuse is not acceptable.

I don't feel sorry for AE because she's a women. I feel sorry for her because she seems increasingly emotional, desperate and alone and painfully unraveling on SM. If she was a man in the same situation doing what she's doing I would also feel sorry for them.

I think some folks are projecting their own pain or thoughts here.

Thats a neat way of dismissing people who have experience in this area. Tbh this entire thread is 'projection' . Just like "you should be over stuff in a year. " That's YOUR projection obvs.

The worst bit being their ‘support’ will not actually help Alice, it’s just recruiting her into the bitter club.

Do I think my feeling very sorry for AE and commenting on here will actually 'help' her?

Nope

If she was a man in the same situation doing what she's doing I would also feel sorry for them.

Keeping his kids from their mum? I’m afraid I don’t believe you. Anyway if a man was doing all this he would be called ‘dangerous’ ‘stalky’ and ‘controlling’. Nobody would say ‘Ah the poor love, he can’t help harassing her, he’s falling apart’. Not on here I don’t think, anyway.

Nobody said she should be over it in a year. Most of us will have had people in our lives who go through a hardship, have that sympathy and support, but as the months and then years roll on by, make it clear they actually don’t intend to help themselves - just wallow and emotionally drain those around them.

It’s been over a year but she’s acting like it happened last week. She has 2 daughters and now needs to find work & build a new life. They need her to keep her cool, get the best settlement possible & move forwards and show them there’s more to life than following a man around.

Can I get one thing straight - I thought the separation was announced in Jan? Did they separate in 2020 then? I am confused about that?

I don't like the idea of children being kept from any parent! @Glassofshloer but I still would feel sorry for anyone unraveling in public, distraught and what appears to be alone.

Thats a neat way of dismissing people who have experience in this area. Tbh this entire thread is 'projection' . Just like "you should be over stuff in a year. " That's YOUR projection obvs

Not one person said she should be over it in a year. No one literally thinks that. What’s being said is that it’s not ok to be abusive. And to use your children as weapons, to involve them like this.

@sunglassesonthetable

Can I get one thing straight - I thought the separation was announced in Jan? Did they separate in 2020 then? I am confused about that?

I don't like the idea of children being kept from any parent! @Glassofshloer but I still would feel sorry for anyone unraveling in public, distraught and what appears to be alone.

New Years day they split apparently, but by all accounts it was in major difficulties for a long time before hand.

I feel so sorry for her 😔