Team Ioan Gruffudd or Alice Evans?

[BabyBearRus]

I've been following the story around the breakup of Ioan and Alice. I haven't been a great fan of Alice in the past, but I do feel for her and her children right now. Who else thinks that Ioan has behaved atrociously to his family? According to his wife, he has been having an affair for a long while, and making her feel as though she was in the wrong for months.

I politely disagree.

@sunglassesonthetable

It’s been a full year and she is still ranting online like it was last week.

What's this 'full 'year' crap? . He only revealed his new GF last week? They were married 20 years.

Since when is that the allotted shock/grief time? Some people take YEARs to get over shit like this.

I’m not saying she should be over it. And I’m not saying he should have a new girlfriend.

But the way they have both gone about those things is wrong.

Couldn't agree more @Glassofshloer

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

"Don’t you just hate it when one poster takes over an entire thread pushing their own narrative and minimising everyone else’s opinion or statements until they create an echo chamber that they are in control of?

Ruins the thread"

I know right, too bad MN doesnt have a block/mute option. Like..ugh. Also how many fake IDs do you think AE has on this thread? She's clearly determined to carry out a one woman smear campaign against him on the internet, I doubt she would shy away from running here too.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

Completely team Alice.

He can’t help his feelings but he can certainly help how he behaves and expresses his feelings.

Whereas she very clearly can't.

I'd never heard of either of them until this publicity crazy d list celebrity Eastenders-esque debacle.

Don't get people saying that maintaining a dignified silence is somehow being a victim of patriarchy. Look at how Matt Hancock's wife publicly handled the shit he put her through. I've got far more respect for her doing it that way.

@LoekMa

What did the big smile mean?

Exactly @altmember there's no need for hundreds of posts debating who is the villain in the Hancock marriage.

Her silence and dignity has ensured that he is clearly and unanimously identified as the faithless cockwomble there.

The CCTV helped mind.

Hancock was defintely cheating. We all saw the video.

Loan on the other hand has simply started a relationship a year later. There is no evidence he was involved with the woman he’s currently dating before that.

I’ve no idea how long some folks think someone has to be single for before they are allowed to date again. A years a signficant time.

I’ve no idea how long some folks think someone has to be single for before they are allowed to date again. A years a signficant time.

I don't think there is any set time before newly separated people should be 'allowed' to date. Who cares ? Crack on.

My point was that a year is not necessarily a long time to "get over" something like this. Which is something very different.

Those poor children.

Someone needs to take her internet access away.

The length of time doesn't matter so much as how you use it.
If you sit at home stewing about it, picking at the wound, making it the only thing you talk about, then you won't feel much differently after a year.
If you move on, go out, meet people, pursue hobbies, have fun, then you'll be surprised at how far away it feels a year later.
Guess which one she's doing.

If you move on, go out, meet people, pursue hobbies, have fun, then you'll be surprised at how far away it feels a year later.
Guess which one she's doing.

There are often threads on MN where emotionally distraught women whose partners have left them, within the year, need advice. Do go and share.I expect you'll get a lot ruder replies than this.

If I find a thread where the emotionally distraught woman is rich, has no childcare or work responsibilities, and is clearly being publicly self destructive, I will.

what has childcare and wealth got to do with it????

One of the reasons this all appears to have kicked off is because Alice Evans responded quite harshly to Tamzin Outhwaite liking Ioan Gruffud's tweet. Tamzin Outhwaite had split from her husband following his infidelity, so it's not as if she's unaware of the pain and distress of a broken marriage . No doubt Sunglassesonthetable will say there is no right or wrong way to react/respond to a marriage breakdown but Tamzin Outhwaite and Tom Ellis seem to have put their children first.

Assuming that the press don't know the half of it, the public aspect of their split has been handled with dignity, ensuring their children know they have two parents who love them, and their kids will not have their parent's split played out on social media.

@Hont1986

The length of time doesn't matter so much as how you use it. If you sit at home stewing about it, picking at the wound, making it the only thing you talk about, then you won't feel much differently after a year. If you move on, go out, meet people, pursue hobbies, have fun, then you'll be surprised at how far away it feels a year later. Guess which one she's doing.

It really is true.

The first few months will obviously be devastating - unable to eat/sleep stuff…

But you have to pick yourself up, especially when you have children, and the mind/body are so intertwined. She needs to look after herself and her health, trying to distract herself with other things & she will begin to feel better.

I agree with the year point. It is time to focus energies on her new life, her children, friends and looking forwards not backwards. I was with my XH for 20 years and I certainly suffered hugely but I looked ahead for myself and protected my DC.

No doubt Sunglassesonthetable will say there is no right or wrong way to react/respond to a marriage breakdown but Tamzin Outhwaite and Tom Ellis seem to have put their children first.

I don't think either AE or IG have put their children first.

They both seem immersed in a tit for tat war. Albeit his is more restrained and calculated whereas hers is wild and erratic. God help those kids.

However the narrative that one of them should be doing this or that or should be 'feeling' this or that just because they are in the public eye is rubbish.

But cheers for knowing what I would say.

She's hurt and carrying two hurt children. Meanwhile he's drinking coffee with someone much younger. Even if Alice had moved on it would have hurt. It was all so staged on his part. Almost looked professional. Now why would you need to go to all that trouble?

She gets 5x as much engagement on twitter posts where she insults her husband and his new partner than on posts about other topics, she herself mentioned that she does not have real friends and her internet friends are her friends, I dont know why posters on here keep hoping someone will intervene and tell her to put away her phone.
But she doesnt need to, I bet her exhuband couldnt have asked for a more acute depiction of the hell he went through so its good she keeps posting and

Its good to see that my previous suspicions were right about posters projection in this issue. It is about his new partner's age. Guess that should be a warning, when you leave a marriage you are un happy in, date someone close in age to your wife, even if its only pretend, then and only after that can you date a younger woman. Also what age is she now really? Wikipedia has her as 53.

@Bluntness100

Hancock was defintely cheating. We all saw the video.

Loan on the other hand has simply started a relationship a year later. There is no evidence he was involved with the woman he’s currently dating before that.

I’ve no idea how long some folks think someone has to be single for before they are allowed to date again. A years a signficant time.

I wasn't insinuating the circumstances are the same, everything so far suggests they aren't.

Just that previous posters have said AE has every right to be vocal and make a scene about it. I don't think she's achieving anything positive for herself, I think she may even be harming her side in what sounds like an inevitable custody battle over the kids. Where as Hancock's wife kept quiet and let the press do the digging and character assassination on him. Admittedly he made that very easy!

I just think more people would have sympathy and respect for AE if she wasn't being so vocal, lashing out wildly in every direction, selling out to the tabloids etc.

Projection no. Empathy yes.

I think many of us quietly reading this thread have empathy for her. We just can’t be bothered to get into an argument with a group of women who clearly are not displaying any empathy towards a woman in pain.

She has been abandoned as much as some posters would like her to just move on, infidelity takes 2-5 year to heal from, she believes he has cheated and has at the least been abandoned. A year is nothing especially when just a few days ago she was privy to that cost picture of his new girlfriend.

And yes she is still married, argue the toss all you like. She is still married. He is not her ex husband.

She’s going through an acrimonious divorce with children who are clearly in pain. She’s picking up the pieces. Watch your children cry for their daddy at night and see how that feels. The rage is palpable. Not projection. EMPATHY.

As for the damage to the children, some of the comments around her alcoholism, mental health, control, narcissism etc are just shocking. If loan really believed his wife was the person some of you have decided she is why leave his kids with her!

Do I agree with her actions, jeez I don’t know? But I know that there were plenty of days where I felt voiceless, powerless, out of control, beholden to a narrative that wasn’t true.

It’s an awful place to be.

But she’s only believed she was cheated on on the last few days. For the proceeding year since they split she had no such thought and was still attacking and using the kids as weapons.

Of course if they split and she thought it was due to cheating, people would have more empathy, and if it was immediately after and in the following months, although very few would forgive using the kids as weapons at any stage.

But she’s now decided he ended it due to infidelity because he’s entered a new relationship a year later. That’s different.

Infidelity does take a long time to get over, but the circumstances are very different indeed here.