Team Ioan Gruffudd or Alice Evans?

[BabyBearRus]

I've been following the story around the breakup of Ioan and Alice. I haven't been a great fan of Alice in the past, but I do feel for her and her children right now. Who else thinks that Ioan has behaved atrociously to his family? According to his wife, he has been having an affair for a long while, and making her feel as though she was in the wrong for months.

@TheStoic

Let’s pretend the new woman was posting here.

‘I’ve started seeing a man who says he’s separated. I know for a fact they’re living separately most of the time. His ex says they have been having sex, but I believe him when he says they’re living like brother and sister when they have to be under the same roof. He doesn’t want to rock the boat with his wife because she’s crazy and she will stop him seeing his kids.’

What would the responses to her be?

But that doesn't make sense.

Alice says they haven't spoken I'm almost a year.

If the relationship is new. Mon of the extra stuff you put there is relevant.

If he was seeing her before he ended is marriage, she knew he was married. Not separated but still having sex with his wife.

There's no evidence he did start seeing the girlfriend before he ended is marriage. And there's no evidence he told the girlfriend they were separated when they weren't.

You’ve missed the point.

We read exactly that here every day. And the response is… ‘That’s the script! Of course he’s saying that. How can you believe that? It’s a classic midlife crisis. All married men will say whatever they need to say.’

But apparently not in this case.

So is he a liar and a cliche? Or are ‘affairs’ not quite as black and white as most threads would have us believe? Can’t have it both ways.

I think part of the reason he wants to get away from her is that she doesn't accept being fobbed off.

He probably did play the script. And I always feels so sorry for women this happens to (single myself thank God) but that doesn't mean that he doesn't have the right to leave her and have a relationship with somebody else. Sadly he can do what he likes of course, regardless of the pain he causes.

But also, the loss of a man should never be causing a strong woman this much pain I feel. I might be biased because I'm long term single but I just cannot imagine unravelling to this extent over a man walking away from me.

I do hope she keeps her house though. If it's true he wants her out of the house then he is keeping quiet on SM but fuelling her distress quite deliberately to make her act crazy so that people pity him.

He is probably far richer so wanting her and his kids out of their house would be ridiculous. Buy another house.

@thestoic, I think we get that. I hate when somebody comes to a thread from a place of great pain and the a few people will take the other side. I hate it when it's an other woman who's been lied to, duped, strung along and then she brings her pain to mumsnet and is shamed and mocked and belittled as well.

Of course we never know all sides and the discussion here proves that we're all filling in the gray.

Well most of us. I'm team Stay Single! team ''do not be so dependent on a partner''

She's been posting and over-sharing very personal stuff on Twitter about her relationship and kids for a year now. I know she's had a horrible shock and is very upset but she just comes across as a raging loon who's thinking only about herself to the detriment of her kids.

She may say the sharing on social media helps her but it certainly isn't fair or helpful to her kids nor I imagine is it helpful in any efforts to co- parent.

I feel so sorry for her children- she has posted that she has had to be talked down by the older one (I think she's about 12), posted what her kids have said and are feeling about the split and the whole sorry year of ranting is there online for the kids to see for ever.

And now she's sold her 'story' to the Daily Mail? 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think you're clutching at straws there stoic, that situation isn't remotely a parallel of what's happening here.

A better description would be:

'My new boyfriend put a picture of us on social media and his STBExW has gone mad. They have been separated a year and are going through divorce, living on opposite sides of the world. She has threatened suicide on SM before and is bad mouthing my BF to the kids all the time, they can see all her SM posts via friends at school. She is posting abuse all over social media, to the point where I've had to close my account because I'm being bullied and harassed by strangers. My BF can't talk to his kids via FT because she uses it as a opportunity to verbally abuse him. She is now accusing me of being the OW to anyone who will listen. what should I do?'

MN advice based on hundreds of threads:

Grey rock, grey rock, grey rock
Have you contacted social services/Cafcass
Get a court order in place so he can see the kids
Get CM and finances done so he can get divorced
Don't engage directly with STBExW as she is abusive
Make sure you inform the school so they know what is going on
Use a neutral person for contact (MIL or family)
And so on...

@TheStoic

Let’s pretend the new woman was posting here.

‘I’ve started seeing a man who says he’s separated. I know for a fact they’re living separately most of the time. His ex says they have been having sex, but I believe him when he says they’re living like brother and sister when they have to be under the same roof. He doesn’t want to rock the boat with his wife because she’s crazy and she will stop him seeing his kids.’

What would the responses to her be?

What? They have been solit for a year and living apart during this time, not having sex, are you on the wrong thread?

The same scenario would be a woman posting

I am seeing a man whose relationship ended a year ago. It’s very acrimonious. Howver we have decided we should not hide our relationship so will be open about it, as it’s a year down the line now.

What would the responses be!

Alice has even been posting about how he’s ghosted her, said he didn’t wish to have sex with her when they split, why would anyone think they live together and shag! What an odd post, 😂

I think we get that.

Sounds like you might be. But I will bet my house on the fact that the most strident anti-Alice posters are also the most vicious posters in literally any OW-generated thread.

Of course they are naturally ‘all about the children.’

@TheStoic

I think we get that.

Sounds like you might be. But I will bet my house on the fact that the most strident anti-Alice posters are also the most vicious posters in literally any OW-generated thread.

Of course they are naturally ‘all about the children.’

Wow, why are you usibg this thread to attack other posters?

Oh Bluntness, you’ve also missed the point. What a surprise! 😁

So when the next OW comes here and says similar to what I’ve said above, what will your response be?

‘What? They’re separated, it’s on social media. Crack on, sweetheart. Best wishes!’

While I accept Alice is upset about the conduct of her ex, she should be media-savvy enough...given her career background...to not take her feelings into the public arena. Once in the media, how 'your story' is told is largely determined by the media channel and outside your control. She reports that she doesn't have family or friend's close-by, and reading the column inches suggests that she has no-one to support her. She presents as a vulnerable woman in need of help to overcome her anger and disappointment in his behaviour. She also presents as someone who lived their life through their spouse, which is never a good thing. Her co-dependency may make her more mentally vulnerable. I feel sorry for the children as they should not be the subject of gossip, especially driven by the actions of both parents. I tried my best to remain on good terms with my ex-husband, despite the fact he blew my trust out of the water on several occasions. My motivation was the children, and to protect them from having to deal with our conflict.

@TheStoic

Oh Bluntness, you’ve also missed the point. What a surprise! 😁

So when the next OW comes here and says similar to what I’ve said above, what will your response be?

‘What? They’re separated, it’s on social media. Crack on, sweetheart. Best wishes!’

At this stage there is no proven other woman. They have been split a year and he has entered a new relationship as a single man,

So in that scenario, either gender, yes they can crack on.

From what I’ve read -

Alice said that he refused to talk to her. It appears that he was stonewalling her and Alice was confused and desperate. This is when they were still together.
She tweeted that he told her he wanted to leave her and he responded furiously by running into her room and deleting the tweet from her phone.
He the tried to take over her social media.

So bingo - in Alice’s eyes, she now knows what gets his attention.
Considering he has refused to have a convo with her in any way for 11 months. This is Alice’s way of trying to get him to acknowledge her in some way.

It really is terrible to realise that you’re the footnote in someone’s life when you centred them.
I liked Sarah’s article and I agreed with her.

At this stage there is no proven other woman. They have been split a year and he has entered a new relationship as a single man

I don’t really agree, but it doesn’t really matter.

I think anyone with any experience in relationships knows that the vast majority of people don’t let go of one branch without having another branch to grab.

Of course, he could be the exception.

I just hope that the next time an OW posts, everyone here who has been understanding and believing of Ioan Gruffudd offers her the same understanding. I won’t hold my breath.

I not on any team as it's just not appropriate.

There are a lot of people on this thread projecting and surmising when we all only have one version of events.

Both articles in the daily mail make for uncomfortable reading and my thoughts are with their children who have been exposed to all of this on social media.

It is clear that the marriage has been over for a considerable length of time. He filed for divorce in January. It is reasonable to be in another relationship 10 months later.

@TheStoic

At this stage there is no proven other woman. They have been split a year and he has entered a new relationship as a single man

I don’t really agree, but it doesn’t really matter.

I think anyone with any experience in relationships knows that the vast majority of people don’t let go of one branch without having another branch to grab.

Of course, he could be the exception.

I just hope that the next time an OW posts, everyone here who has been understanding and believing of Ioan Gruffudd offers her the same understanding. I won’t hold my breath.

I agree @TheStoic

@TheStoic

Let’s pretend the new woman was posting here.

‘I’ve started seeing a man who says he’s separated. I know for a fact they’re living separately most of the time. His ex says they have been having sex, but I believe him when he says they’re living like brother and sister when they have to be under the same roof. He doesn’t want to rock the boat with his wife because she’s crazy and she will stop him seeing his kids.’

What would the responses to her be?

What's the point of this post? You have absolutely no idea this happened, it's utter conjecture.

@TheStoic

You’ve missed the point.

We read exactly that here every day. And the response is… ‘That’s the script! Of course he’s saying that. How can you believe that? It’s a classic midlife crisis. All married men will say whatever they need to say.’

But apparently not in this case.

So is he a liar and a cliche? Or are ‘affairs’ not quite as black and white as most threads would have us believe? Can’t have it both ways.

You aren't even making sense.

The world isn't based on MN threads.

There's absolutely no evidence that he told his girlfriend he had split with his wife when he hadn't. Alice hasn't even said that. So you 'scenario' makes no sense

Hmmm ok. I’ll try to…make sense.

Wife says: we had difficulties, like all married couples do, but we were actually having more sex than usual in that period.

Husband says: thank you for making me smile again. Or some such.

So, if we believe Alice, they were still sleeping together after he ‘made a connection’ with the new woman.

If we don’t believe his wife, why not?

And when any OW comes here and says her ‘boyfriend’ is not sleeping with his wife, do we believe him and her now?

@TheStoic

Hmmm ok. I’ll try to…make sense.

Wife says: we had difficulties, like all married couples do, but we were actually having more sex than usual in that period.

Husband says: thank you for making me smile again. Or some such.

So, if we believe Alice, they were still sleeping together after he ‘made a connection’ with the new woman.

If we don’t believe his wife, why not?

And when any OW comes here and says her ‘boyfriend’ is not sleeping with his wife, do we believe him and her now?

You have completely added bits in.

Alice hasn't seen him in a year.

There's no suggestion from anyone that he told the new girlfriend that they had split before they did.

There's no evidence except Alice believes it that he had an affair at all. But even if he did, there's no suggestion he told the girlfriend that had split.

I don't believe Alice because all she has is the fact that he is seeing someone now. That's the proof.

She first said it was 3 years. Then revised that. Her own timeline doesn't even make sense. She may believe it was an affair.

But she has no proof. The fact that MNers post about their husbands having an affairs has no impact on this situation. MN isn't the whole world and if that's what you base your opinions on, you are forgetting that people don't posts about every separation and divorce.

But the stoic that’s not what happened. Even Alice isn’t stating that happened,

They split a year ago. The divorce papers have been served in feb. They are in an acrimonious divorce battle. They do not live together. She’s whinging he doesn’t communicate with her. Except she then keeps posting what he does communicate because she renages on the custody agreement. They aren’t having sex or living together, far from it.they have been totally seperate for a year.

He’s now said, a year later he has started a new relationship. A year after he let go of the branch.

What Bluntness100 and Nyxs said – even Alice hasn't said what you're claiming, TheStoic! You're adding bits in to suit a narrative that exonerates IG's OW – when there's no proof she's ever been the OW.

Nyxs, Tattle also isn’t the whole world. Do you accept that?

My personal opinion:
Alice has significant mental health issues that she has been battling for years. Her reliance on social media, and alcohol, is bad, and I would not want to be married to her. Her behaviour is very harmful to her children. That’s an understatement.

Ioan is a middle-aged man cliche. He wanted to end his marriage, and he couldn’t have done it in a worse way. He found a younger model, he cheated on his wife, and I don’t know what he was thinking posting it on Instagram.

New girlfriend: irrelevant. She won’t be around this time next year.