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Original poster

Friend’s comment about me buying house

148 replies

WhatDayIsss · 29/10/2021 10:47

I’m 36 (37 next may). I’ve basically found myself alone, dating but not finding anyone and after meeting someone I really loved a year or so ago and it ending out of the blue, I’m just fed up with the whole situation.

I live in a nice two bedroom terrace that I’ve been in since my twenties, i own it and there’s around 50% equity it in. I loved the house but as time has gone on everyone has moved to bigger homes, larger gardens, more space, proper drive etc.

I’m being transparent about finance here as I really want some guidance and don’t feel I can discuss this in real life. I earn 67k, outside London ie midlands/north. With deposit I could buy somewhere around 475k.

In the areas I am looking, more countryside towns and villages, this would mean a driveway, extra rooms to have an office when working from home, a big kitchen and full garden.

I have a close friend who I have told this to (not the specific finances!) but said I was looking at somewhere a bit bigger with these features. Her response was that I would be lonely rattling round in a big house and wouldn’t it be worse than being somewhere smaller like I am now which is suitable for me. She said the homes I was looking at were family ones and not for someone single.

I get her point and I’m not sure she meant it to sound how I took it…but I feel like my life is on hold until I can meet someone and share that journey together. I would LOVE to share that with someone. I’d love to view houses with them. I’d love to chose kitchen tiles with them. I’d love to be paying a mortgage on a house that they enjoy too. But I’ve not found that person. There’s part of me also that feels I’ve worked so hard to earn better money etc and do well at work and whilst I do have a lovely house that I am grateful for, it’s become stagnant and feels a little boring. I’ve been here so long and hoped to meet someone. It just hasn’t happened.

Do I go ahead and buy somewhere closer to my ideal home? Or would it be horribly lonely and worse than it is when I’m here alone in my terrace house?

OP posts:
Chewieboora · 29/10/2021 10:48

Friend sounds jealous. Buy what you want, it's your money. Doesn't sound like you're buying something ridiculous so go for it!

Newfrontdoor · 29/10/2021 10:49

I never understand thinking like your friends. Live in the house you want that suits you. Particularly working from home space and a garden are actually important!

JuneOsborne · 29/10/2021 10:50

I'm not surprised you took it that way! Spend your hard earned cash on a beautiful home, why wouldn't you?

Life can be crappy, but no need for it to be crappier by staying in a 'single persons' house. Flowers

Carbuncula · 29/10/2021 10:52

Huh, if you can afford it, can maintain it alone and it would make you happy, buy it!

It will be just as exciting buying for yourself. I think she may be a little envious of you - but if that's really what she thinks, she can carry on and think it can't she.

MrsBungle · 29/10/2021 10:52

Live in the type of house that’ll suit you and that you’ll love. You have options available to you and you should do what’ll make you happy.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 29/10/2021 10:52

I came across this when I was buying for me and DD, estate agents regularly commented that I didn't need a 3 bed house when it was just the 2 of us - absolutely bizarre attitude.

Buy what you want, Property is always a great long term investment. You can sell it and downsize in 20/30 years time and that's a massive part of your pension sorted!

Original poster
WhatDayIsss · 29/10/2021 10:52

I think her view is that I will feel the loneliness more acutely. I don’t know.

I never wanted to be alone and would love to share this with someone but the fact is I AM alone and feel like staying where I am has almost become like waiting for a man, literally, before I move forward with my life in any way

OP posts:
MumUndone · 29/10/2021 10:54

Oh gosh, buy your ideal home! Don't put your life on hold.

Pinkchocolate · 29/10/2021 10:56

Your friend is definitely jealous! Buy the house you can afford in the area you can. You could meet someone tomorrow or not for years, it’s your house and you can be happy there. Why should you wait until “you have a family” to buy your perfect home? I’ve never known anyone to “rattle around the house” because it’s too big. Good luck OP, I hope you get the house and then meet someone to get the life you want. I also hope you have other friends who have your interests at heart.

Threebecomesfour · 29/10/2021 10:57

As long as you can comfortably afford your dream house (or closer to your dream house than you're in now), why not? What an achievement to be able to do that for yourself, congratulations!
I always think loneliness is a state of mind. You can be lonely in a marriage, lonely when single, lonely in a studio flat, lonely in a great big mansion... I don't think your surroundings really affect that feeling.
The only red flag in your post to me was your reference to other people moving on to bigger houses, larger gardens etc... don't do it to keep up with the Joneses. Do what makes you happy!

Notonthenewrug · 29/10/2021 11:00

Do it! You won't be lonely in a bigger house, plus you are investing your money. What an achievement to be able to afford a beautiful, large home alone. You should be proud 🙂

Sakurami · 29/10/2021 11:01

Not the same I know bit I live in a fairly large 4 bedroom house and only have my kids 50,% of the time. When they're not home and my boyfriend isn't with me it doesn't feel too large, I love the space.

And it is a good investment too. If you can afford it, I don't see the problem.

LadyLuLou · 29/10/2021 11:04

Why do people always assume someone else is jealous, its such a dismissive approach to what could be a useful point of view.

Your friend could be thinking that being surrounded by other big houses filled with families might be make you feel lonely and isolated. She might be right or she might not ,only you will know that.

It's your money do what you want with it, but consider how you might feel long term. You might be happy as Larry in which case go for it. If there's a chance you won't then have a rethink. Just because you can do something doesn't always mean you should. Only you know what's right for you long term.

Fastforwardtospring · 29/10/2021 11:05

Buy your dream house, don’t worry about what your friend thinks, but as someone who lives in a detached house with a fairly big garden with a DH, I’m looking forward to downsizing to a smaller house that doesn’t take up so much of our time with the upkeep, I would never manage it on my own, but then I’m probably older than you, I’ve enjoyed our house but I would rather be out / off doing things then doing the general maintenance.

Peace43 · 29/10/2021 11:05

I live in a 3 bed with a garden. It’s just me and DD 50% when she’s here. I don’t taylor around at all!! Buy the house you want and enjoy it!

Watchingyou2sleezes · 29/10/2021 11:06

Space is lovely. You have a reasonable income. Buy somewhere bigger.
As pp have said, you'll most certainly get a much larger long term return on a decent 'family' sized home.
You can downsize in years to come if it suits you then.

Chewieboora · 29/10/2021 11:09

Because most people don't want to piss on someone else's chips when something exciting is happening, therefore friend could be jealous.

Cheeeesecake · 29/10/2021 11:10

If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got.

Of course you should buy the bigger house. It would be madness not to. You want to move on! It’s odd that she wouldn’t want this for you.

Also, her saying “but you’ll be lonely in a big house” kind of implies she never sees you getting with anyone, which is very fucking rude & you should have pulled her up on it.

Longdistance · 29/10/2021 11:12

That was off of your df. I had similar years ago with a ‘friend’. Yes, it was pure jealousy. She’s no longer a friend.
Buy that house of your dreams and your luck with life may change.

WickedWitchOfTheTrent · 29/10/2021 11:14

Loneliness has bugger all to do with the size of house you live in.

Live in a house and area that you love.

Your friend is being an idiot

BackInBlackAgain · 29/10/2021 11:14

My son has just bought a new build 3 bedroomed house, there is only him in it.

He loves the house and can afford it, it is nobody elses business.

If buying the house makes you happy then buy it, its your money you have worked hard for it.

Your friend sounds jealous.

Snowdropsandbluebells · 29/10/2021 11:15

Eh? Friend is really rude and judgemental
I bought a 3 bed twice (moved to a better area) in my twenties
(Its dirt cheap here)

I loved alone. It was heaven.

timeisnotaline · 29/10/2021 11:15

Buy what you want, gardens make me happy so I would love a huge one whether single or not!

Bluntness100 · 29/10/2021 11:16

Christ go for your ideal home and enjoy it. Being in a smaller house doesn’t make you less lonely for goodness sake.

Lotusmonster · 29/10/2021 11:21

You can and should do what you effing well like OP! Buy a big house, do it!

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