Living Apart - New Norm

[1MillionDollars]

I've come to the realisation that I never want to live with a woman again, will never be financially entangled, will never be in a situation where I can't just leave.

I want to start a movement (Not Really)

The way we do things over the last 100 years has changed. You couldn't live together unless you were married or have kids, very taboo. Same sex couples adopting, raising kids...A big no no.

When we have kids we move in together as it's practical, just that really practical and it's the norm.

I think even with kids people should maintain their own spaces/places, the kids still see two loving parents there for them, but it becomes normal for one person to go back to their own place. I know it sounds like it might not work but if it was normal from a child's birth, it would just be that. Normal.

They say 50% of people getting married in 2021 will be divorced and probably a massive percentage of those unhappy and stuck.

Let's save the hurt and trauma of separation by just not doing it. I think living apart/that being normal is less harmful than splitting apart.

One thing I realise is that I just didn't have my own space, constantly feeling Im not doing this or that.

I realise a lot of things would need ironing out... but desperate living....Who's with me 😊

me! i know that after 22yrs together and now enjoying my peaceful life with my kids, i could never ever live with another man. could never imagine doing any of the living together again.

Awesome, can we have multiple partners too? 😄

Totally get this if one or both of you already have your own DC from previous relationships and don't like the idea of blending.

But are you saying it's also a good idea for couples having their first DC together? Wouldn't that mean the "resident parent" has to do all the night wakings, tidying up, default childcare etc?

I absolutely think living separate even when married is fine if you want to do so. Probably preferable for most if they were honest with themselves and could afford it.

But I think you shouldn't have kids if you don't want to live together. Kids aren't an entitlement. If you don't want to marry and go all in, don't do it at all.

@Bollocks989

Whatever floats ya boat. We come to see each other as property. Your mine now, you can no longer look at it be with another. Why. Social conformity.

@ParmigianoReggiano

Things need ironing out but in the beginning with new kids and arrangement made but you always maintain your own space / place.

It would just become normal. It wouldn't damage the kids like separation does as it's just normal and they have both parents in their lives.

I think for me mainly it is having that space that you can escape to when needed without any guilt or repercussions. Obviously a split down the middle of duties goes without saying.

Count me in, will never ever live with another woman again, don’t get me wrong, I still like the idea of being in a relationship and having that close connection with someone, but living full time with another person, no thanks,

@JustAnother0ldMan

👍🏽

Sounds good to me. I’ve been single for 6 years now and while I wouldn’t rule out another relationship I’m not actively seeking one and even if I did meet someone I know I will never, ever live with a partner again.

I suppose thats why aristo’s never really get divorced - they just take a wing each and meet in the middle for social niceties!

Hmm I really like living separately from my partner. We both have children from previous relationships and it's just nice for me and my DC to have our own space.

Bit concerned about the carbon footprint implications though and lack of available housing if a majority of families begin to maintain/heat 2 properties, plus all the travelling in between them.

On a relationship/own space level - fantastic.
On an environmental cost level - disastrous.

It's not financially feasible for people to each own their own properties though, so property prices would have to drop massively. Plus there's a shortage of properties already and you're talking doubling demand.

It would be horribly hard on mothers, who would inevitably end up doing all the grunt work of the baby years. They'd end up having to live with their mothers for financial and physical support, which turns society into a very different model altogether, with matriarchal multigenerational households and floating bachelors. Not that there's anything necessarily wrong with that societal model, but it would take a long time to become the norm.

I love living with my OH. I lived alone with my children before he moved in with us, and I'd be perfectly fine with doing so again if I had to, but I much prefer having someone to share life's ups and downs with

As long as you’re not one of these insufferable people who insists on referring to them as your “partner” then sure, you do you mate

I’ve lived on my own for 13 years, after splitting from my son’s dad, and I can’t imagine ever wanting to live with anyone again. I’m now in a relationship with a wonderful man, who also lives alone with his teenage daughter, and we’ve had conversations about this, as neither of us particularly want to “blend” our families or give up our own space. We see each other on weekends and have been away together, but we’re quite happy living separately and feel no pressure to change that.

It is a sort of movement already. Google 'Living Apart Together' LAT.

As if there weren't already enough of a housing shortage

Plus, of course, most of us actually 8like* living with our spouses in a loving and mutually supportive way.

@smoko

What's wrong with 'partner' my ex wasn't my wife, we were together for 10+ years and I'm over 40. Girlfriend just seemed like I was 16 😀

@UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername

Why unfeasable. A lot of people have / own their own place before getting together. They then rent it out or sell to buy together, just because it makes more sense. To me it doesn't make sense, giving up my space and freedom because it is the practical thing to do/save money. I say save the relationship and keep your space.

@Kite22

I've heard of it but I think it's if you don't have kids together.

@Kite22 You do know, but that can change. So because if a so called housing shortage, which isn't people's fault, you should be forced to stay with a cheating, abusive partner etc

Housing shortage is because government don't build affordable housing or have forward thinking about housing and how the housing market should look or change.

Obviously a split down the middle of duties goes without saying.

No, no, it really needs saying and some sort of agreement worked out. Otherwise the resident parent will get the shitty end of the deal. Surely it makes more sense and is fairer if both parents share the second residence as well - then they can alternate who is getting the "space".

Otherwise it's just exploiting the other person.

Fine if it works for the individual couple, but for many couples where both pull their weight, this would make life harder. So much easier being able to divide chores than for one person to do it all. Plus it would be incredibly expensive.

I've thought of that. Yes a laid out agreement needs to be made. I said it needs ironing out but I don't see why it can't be some kind of norm with or without kids.

Sorry you had a shit breakup, but I don’t think that’s really worth reorganising the basic societal expectations of relationships for.

Oh, and also, many people in couples actually enjoy having someone to eat dinner with, watch a drama with, have a cuddle before bed every night.... for me, living apart would take away much of the joy of a relationship.