Living Apart - New Norm

[1MillionDollars]

I've come to the realisation that I never want to live with a woman again, will never be financially entangled, will never be in a situation where I can't just leave.

I want to start a movement (Not Really)

The way we do things over the last 100 years has changed. You couldn't live together unless you were married or have kids, very taboo. Same sex couples adopting, raising kids...A big no no.

When we have kids we move in together as it's practical, just that really practical and it's the norm.

I think even with kids people should maintain their own spaces/places, the kids still see two loving parents there for them, but it becomes normal for one person to go back to their own place. I know it sounds like it might not work but if it was normal from a child's birth, it would just be that. Normal.

They say 50% of people getting married in 2021 will be divorced and probably a massive percentage of those unhappy and stuck.

Let's save the hurt and trauma of separation by just not doing it. I think living apart/that being normal is less harmful than splitting apart.

One thing I realise is that I just didn't have my own space, constantly feeling Im not doing this or that.

I realise a lot of things would need ironing out... but desperate living....Who's with me 😊

@1MillionDollars I have a baby and have been through Shelter to try and get a home. I was told the waiting list could be up to ten years. We DONT have enough space to accommodate the current situation of people let alone people that then want to take up more room for nothing

@Sammiekim

I'm sorry to hear that. But why in an overpopulated world did you think it was a good idea to have a child?

Isn't that selfish?

@1MillionDollars again I dont think having a child is comparable to having a relationship. You can still have the relationship and chose not to require the extra space where as children NEED the space.

The difference is about yours being a want where as mine is a need.

And please dont question me on why I had a child. I didn't plan my child but I'm grateful she is here and I want to preserve some sort of nature left on this planet for her and generations to come.

It is much more unreasonable to tell people to NOT have children than to not have more than one house.

No one is telling you NOT to have a relationship.

But having two homes for your preference is ridiculous.

@Sammiekim

My point being you called me selfish because of over population. I am just throwing that back at you.

Those worried about housing shortage, over population should surely not contribute to it.

I am not questioning your reason or right to have a child, I am using your argument against you.

I see everyone's point about the shortage but it's just a hypothetical argument about would people be happier, separation and divorce less. So for this argument I would like to put housing shortage aside.

Granted, when I started this thread, housing shortage was not something I thought about and in all honesty, again for hypothetical sake wish to discount.

Would work better if an agreement to live near each other if having a DC together. It would be a great equaliser, I like the idea - able to do your own thing 50% of the time, splitting time off work for sick child between you. Sort your own domestic duties out. Holidays with and without DC's. Women would benefit hugely. Housing shortage unfortunately would become worse, and would need to be able to split paternity/maternity allowance equally - this already happens in Sweden.

@1MillionDollars I dont think its selfish to have children. We do need people to reproduce to keep us from.going extinct. However I do think its selfish if people have a large amount of children thoughtlessly and only for their own benefit. They dont think of the implications having this many children will have not only on the planet but on the children themselves that have to grow up into a world that isnt neccesarily changing for the better.

I dont think it's fair to call me selfish when I only have one child.

It's a pipe dream though, can't make all men do 50 % of child rearing, a lot just aren't up for it.

@Sammiekim

I don't think you are selfish at all but by your reasoning regardless of having 1 child or 2 it still contributes.

If EVERYONE in the country had 1 child it still contributing to the over population. So therefore you should not have a child.

Your reasoning is. 'Well, I'm only having 1, so that's okay, but those that want 2, not okay.'

Divorce rates have risen because people CAN get divorced.
Just because it didn't happen in the past does not mean people were blissfully happy.
People suffered each other. I know of many, many women who were victims of domestic violence amongst other things, they died married. Happy? I doubt it. Primarily they could not afford to leave simple as that.

There is also huge pressure on women, men to a lesser extent, not to sleep around.
Would you buy a car without test driving it ? No.
Would you buy a house without having a good look around first? No.
You'd have a list of requirements and search and test, search and test. In relationships society as a whole friend upon people who test and try out before buying as it were.
When I was young females were called all the names under the sun for trying out the opposite sex. This has a huge effect of forcing people to settle diwn, have kids, but a house, nice in together, get married blah blah blah.
It's very hard not to succumb to these pressures.

@Onlinedilema

Divorce rates have risen because people CAN get divorced. Just because it didn't happen in the past does not mean people were blissfully happy. People suffered each other. I know of many, many women who were victims of domestic violence amongst other things, they died married. Happy? I doubt it. Primarily they could not afford to leave simple as that.

. . . Exactly. Women did and still do lose their independence. They enter a relationship and things change. More and more women have their own careers and money.

More and more people have their independence and money before entering a relationship and they should keep it. Men or women. Own space / own place 😂

Yes, I still know it's a ridiculous and possibly not practical idea, but I still like it. Not in terms of running from responsibility but in my terms of I Just Want My Own Space and at times just want to think about myself, which goes vice versa too.

In 8 days I will have my own space again for the first time in 14 years and I cannot wait & before I am pounded upon, my kids will be with me too. Not running anywhere.

@Onlinedilema

There is also huge pressure on women, men to a lesser extent, not to sleep around. Would you buy a car without test driving it ? No. Would you buy a house without having a good look around first? No. You'd have a list of requirements and search and test, search and test. In relationships society as a whole friend upon people who test and try out before buying as it were. When I was young females were called all the names under the sun for trying out the opposite sex. This has a huge effect of forcing people to settle diwn, have kids, but a house, nice in together, get married blah blah blah. It's very hard not to succumb to these pressures.

. . . As a now single men. I hope plenty of women want to test me out 😂

TBH I'll be taking a nice break, me and my kids for the time being.

@1MillionDollars Oh come on....it's called MUMsnet. Yes, there are a few men on here, but it's massively female dominated and you know that.

@EarthSight

Your point being. Men should just be attacked for being a man. Everything a man says should be factored in and every man should be treated as if he runs off, shirks responsibility and abuses women.

I'm here because there is traffic and because I would like reasonable responses.

If you look through the thread it was a women who said men are generally attacked on Mumsnet and I've seen it time after time over ten years.

Is everyone on here a mum. Maybe they should be banished too.