Dating thread 216 ... spooky fun in cuffing season

[BelladiMamma]

Hi everyone

Can someone else please copy and paste the rules as my screenshot is crap 💩

[quote Naimee87]**@BelladiMamma* that made me giggle like a sneeze ... @Stayingstrongish* thank god you're the same, haven't met anyone IRL that doesn't think i'm odd, never watched porn either. Guess we're all different. I like the real deal and i'm a patient person when i know it's worth the wait.
@Dancerinthemoonlight what line of work are you in? I'm thinking a lot of companies are struggling at the moment. Mine seems to think that by using the word 'transformation' we won't realise people are being let go and positions are being sent to different countries. Next year will be very different that's for sure. Hopefully i'll be trucking goods around the country by then... away from the 'corporate' world of suits and bottomless inboxes! Hope you find something soon! Doesn't do your mood any good when works a pain.[/quote]
I think porn might be a bit of an age thing, my ‘introduction’ to porn was as a young lad doing a paper round back in the 80’s, sometimes we had to restock, so would sneak a peak at the top shelf mags (do they still exist), this was long before the Web, was invented, so the entire entire shift to online porn kinda passed me by, also I don’t really understand online porn (I mean like I do ‘understand’ it), but if your hungry you don’t look in the window of a restaurant, you go in and have a meal, if your in the mood for sex why watch other people? Why find someone and get stuck in, so to speak, dunno, maybe it’s just how I think 🤔

@pinkfondu

So as a newbie when do you cut your losses with someone you've not been able to meet yet in RL? Had a couple of meets cancelled by him, now texts have slowed down so I leave it. He's the one I've been most interested in which makes me doubt it

Now I think. Sorry 😞

You don't have to flounce, just let him know if he ever gets in touch, that you'd assumed he wasn't interested and you've moved on.

Try not to to text him and just leave well alone

@pinkfondu

So as a newbie when do you cut your losses with someone you've not been able to meet yet in RL? Had a couple of meets cancelled by him, now texts have slowed down so I leave it. He's the one I've been most interested in which makes me doubt it

Just leave them be, if someone cancels once, then okay stuff happens, if it’s twice then I would think they are not interested, sorry.

It's out of control online porn these days, as soon as a kid has a mobile phone. My DS (just turned 12) has a phone with parental controls enabled on youtube but he's already seen videos on other friends phones. Mainly those with older siblings. It's so disturbing but how do you police it. At least my DS has been honest and told me what he's seen. Having spoken to one other mum whose son had shown my DS videos during a sleepover they had she flat out refused to believe her son had done such a thing.

Thanks, I know you are both right he's not been proactively trying to rearrange so I need to remember he'd make time if he wanted too!

Heard from Mr Cricket this morning, so my chit chatty message yesterday worked. I feel less bothersome and less of a burden on him. As everyone has said he wouldn't reply if he didn't want to.

As for porn. My ex used to watch it and instead of waiting until I got home to deal with his urge he'd watch porn so by the time I got home he was done. He used to say "I'm a man I have needs", its like you have a wife you could wait for her to get home. I suppose at least it was porn and not another woman.

As for porn. My ex used to watch it and instead of waiting until I got home to deal with his urge he'd watch porn so by the time I got home he was done. He used to say "I'm a man I have needs", its like you have a wife you could wait for her to get home. I suppose at least it was porn and not another woman.

I’m sorry but that’s just bollocks, anyone can wait

My ex once said "I'm a man's man and you're not going to change me" as an excuse for coming to bed, in my pristine white Egyptian cotton sheets, with oil up to his elbows.

He was a twat too!

@JustAnother0ldMan that's what I thought but then he also acted like a spoilt child when he didn't get what he wanted.

[quote Isitreallyme177]@JustAnother0ldMan that's what I thought but then he also acted like a spoilt child when he didn't get what he wanted.[/quote]
Christ alive, It’s embarrassing being a man sometimes, oh well at least I live alone now, and I want I act to spoilt child or go to bed soaked in WD40, the only person that is affected is me.

@Dancerinthemoonlight i feel the same as you, so lucky to have been able to work through this (ridiculous) pandemic and not had any disruption to my salary or having had to reduce working hours. My team are great as well but it's more the work/tasks we're involved in on a daily basis that i seem unable to connect to. And when i'm disinterested i get so easily distracted. I'm not even sure how to change this as the work won't change, it has to be my attitude really.

@Isitreallyme177 excellent news, a text from MrCricket! very pleased to hear this!

@JustAnother0ldMan I share your thoughts on porn, I want to do it myself in real life, not watch others have all the fun! Especially knowing the others I’m watching may not even be enjoying it, it’s a job they’re doing for money.

I'm just reading a friend's memoir. She's describing how she got together with her husband and that after their first kiss she didn't call him for 10 days!!!!

I just can't fathom that anymore, not in the early days. The always on culture is so unhealthy for us in so many ways!!

I cracked and sent MrActor a couple of messages this morning. He's very busy, has no time off even during the day at the moment as they're filming during the day and onstage at night. So the message back was short but sweet. I'm feeling calmer about the whole thing as after our surge in communication I felt a bit like I needed time to myself again, so I waited a full 36 hours before messaging!!

The other thing about reading my friend's memoir is that I realise I'm so jealous of anyone that finds true love. I had that once and it didn't pan out and god I'm jealous!!! Even though I know rationally that they had challenges, and that there isn't a 'one' or MrPerfect or MissPerfect there's a Mr/missRightNow. But ... I still feel a loss.

Hi it's me still bumbling my way through this dating lark. Please could I have your opinions/advice on Mr Fox. Was with wife for 15 years and he said they spilt in Oct 19. Giving out all the right signals, great chat, seems genuine. A bit of fb digging found his ex profile there, there are photos of him and of his ex looking very cosy after the spilt. On holiday too. They have 3 children together. Her profile does say she is single. She's kept all her wedding photos up too. Do I give him the benefit of doubt and listen to his side of things? We are due to have a date next week so not sure whether to call it off or give him a chance. He has said they still get along. Not sure what the circumstances of the spilt are as I wanted to ask face to face. Thanks you lovely bunch x

Such wise words @WeWantTheFinestWines thank you:
please just enjoy this unicorn you've found and which we're all looking for! Yes you could get hurt and your living situations may put the kibosh on the whole thing, but worrying isn't going to make that less likely
I'm an emotional scaredy cat after a traumatic divorce but I'm finally letting my guard down. The highs are high but the lows still frighten me, I hate feeling vulnerable above all else
@BelladiMamma yes to the sneeze 😂 scratches an itch but ultimately pretty hollow compared to the real deal. Don't feel it's strange @Naimee87 it's just you. Wouldn't the world be boring if we were all the same? Toys do nothing for me, with or without a partner.

I still have photos from my wedding up on Facebook, I do sometimes think about getting rid of them but it's hassle. I also went away with my ex recently. I get on well with him, in fact he has bought me tickets to a show for my birthday.

They could genuinely get on. I met someone whilst I was at the Isle of wight festival who has stayed best friends with her ex too. My ex put it as we're still family we just aren't right for each other.

@Nahnahnah

Hi it's me still bumbling my way through this dating lark. Please could I have your opinions/advice on Mr Fox. Was with wife for 15 years and he said they spilt in Oct 19. Giving out all the right signals, great chat, seems genuine. A bit of fb digging found his ex profile there, there are photos of him and of his ex looking very cosy after the spilt. On holiday too. They have 3 children together. Her profile does say she is single. She's kept all her wedding photos up too. Do I give him the benefit of doubt and listen to his side of things? We are due to have a date next week so not sure whether to call it off or give him a chance. He has said they still get along. Not sure what the circumstances of the spilt are as I wanted to ask face to face. Thanks you lovely bunch x

So, please free to ignore, but I have recently been on the ‘other’ side of this, I was chatting to someone called Ms NHS, she was divorced after 20+ years of marriage, they still went to dinner together, went the cinema together, she cooked him meals etc, that was much too close for me, But I would say you need to have the date and see what he says

@Nahnahnah with three kids they may have gone on holiday for the sake of their children. I still have my Facebook wedding photos up as my wedding was part of my life.

@Nahnahnah

Agree with pps there's different perspectives and often life is more complicated than we want it to be and everyone is just trying to muddle through and make the most of things - it may be an amiable/doing the best for the children thing.

That said, I think if you're uncomfortable with the situation you're 100% entitled to be?

You're a person too, you don't have to "do the best thing for the interests of the children" if it's affecting you?

Obviously it's early days yet but you are entitled to not feel comfortable with having to "grin and bear" your bloke effectively still keeping up appearances of being married "for the sake of the children".

Some women could handle it, I know I couldn't (I don't date guys with children).

@BelladiMamma I also feel a bit envious when someone finds that great love so quickly. I spoke to my indirect boss and she was talking about buying a house with her partner of 3 MONTHS! This will obviously get delayed but she was very much besotted and of the school of "when you know you know". It was from one of the big dating sites. I sat there wondering when it was going to be my time! I genuinely haven't felt anything for anyone for so long that I've lost that enthusiasm for love!

@Eesha and @BelladiMamma

It is funny how ones brain works - it's like I know that realistically I am creating the best possible life for myself and my feelings and temperament I'm very lucky.

This sounds arrogant but I know that if I wanted the "moving in with someone and getting 2.4 kids and a joint mortgage" lifestyle I wouldn't really struggle too much

But also, I guess there is part of me that regrets "other potential lives I could have had which I haven't lived" sometimes, a little bit wistfully, some ennui.

Same as someone who married her childhood or uni sweetheart might look at all us daters and maybe feels a few pangs....

[quote hotdogsjumpingfrogs]@WeWantTheFinestWines good point! I think I've been too indirect previously - saying ' we should meet up' which previous iron agreed with, but didn't then make a plan...

I will be brave and grasp the nettle! I'll let you know how it goes[/quote]
Yay! Go hotdog 🤞

@hotdogsjumpingfrogs

agree with @WeWantTheFinestWines - I'm an early meeter and it can be a bit scary, but really does save a lot of time?

You don't have to consider the first meet a "date" - it's just a quick meet for a coffee to see if there's enough connection to continue investing in getting to know each other in real life?

Otherwise it's so easy to just get stuck in an endless "chat-loop". I've found most genuine guys are glad to meet sooner.

And you screen out the flaky types who just want a penpal or aren't who they say they are or want you to agree to sex before meeting.

@Nahnahnah in my eyes there is no right or wrong, it's just what you feel comfortable with

I tried to keep a relationship going with my exW and did for the first 6 months but as soon as she got a new bf things rapidly changed for the worse, communication stopped, picking points on trivial items etc

I have yet to date a lady who is still on good terms with an ex so can't really comment coming into a relationship from that angle

bella you have a friend who's written her memoir? That's not your common-or-garden friend, but clearly someone fabulous!

nahnah I hated living with my ex, but now that we live separately, we will sometimes socialise together with mutual friends and we'll both watch our DC play football. We'll spend Christmas together with the DC because otherwise one of us would be on their own. And we still co-own our house and the property we take turns staying in on our DC-free weeks. But there it's no doubt in anyone's mind that we are 100% over and have been for years. My ex-BF didn't have a problem with it at all. So maybe hear his story and try not to feel threatened?