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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 216 ... spooky fun in cuffing season

988 replies

BelladiMamma · 26/10/2021 22:22

Hi everyone

Can someone else please copy and paste the rules as my screenshot is crap 💩

OP posts:
Stayingstrongish · 04/11/2021 19:13

I haven’t caught up with all of the thread yet, work and life got super busy. I have a second date with Mr Beard tomorrow and am really looking forward to it, we have lots in common. I ended up staying at his place on the first date as public transport let me down (all trains cancelled two hours early!) but he was a complete gent, gave me his bed and just kissed me goodnight. Not used to that.

BelladiMamma · 04/11/2021 19:31

[quote pinkfondu]@BelladiMamma I think a simple it's been great talking however I'm not looking to take this any further is fine. Other news is exciting! Re mr pizza 'you don't know your lover till you let them go' true colours!

@Isitreallyme177 good luck!

Welcome @LittleMo234

[/quote]
MrSardinia restored my faith in humanity and sent me a very kind message. Shame about his outdated gender pay gap views.

OP posts:
pinkfondu · 04/11/2021 19:36

Oh and Mr Ireland text me today, had a few texts back and forth. Managed to stay in control with no multiple messages etc. Not getting excited, he is so sexy though and his voice drives me crazy Blush. It's fun but not RL.

Have text Mr smile asking about plans for the weekend. This weekend is his final chance. If he's not making plans then I'm not asking any more and will probably just let it die out.

pinkfondu · 04/11/2021 19:37

@BelladiMamma
Angry
MrSardinia restored my faith in humanity and sent me a very kind message. Shame about his outdated gender pay gap views.

PurpleStripyScarf · 04/11/2021 19:39

@Stayingstrongish

I haven’t caught up with all of the thread yet, work and life got super busy. I have a second date with Mr Beard tomorrow and am really looking forward to it, we have lots in common. I ended up staying at his place on the first date as public transport let me down (all trains cancelled two hours early!) but he was a complete gent, gave me his bed and just kissed me goodnight. Not used to that.
Aww that's the cutest 😍
FlaptheWings · 04/11/2021 19:59

Hi everyone! I'm a long-term lurker here, trying to keep up with you all. Please can I ask you all for some advice because I'm going crazy.

I met a guy on Bumble and we really hit it off. We met up for a coffee and it all seemed good, but then he said that he thought I was looking for more than he was. I explained that with having 3 kids, I'm not looking for domestic bliss, just someone to have fun with etc. It seemed to be going well again, with lots of sexting (I know, probably not a great idea) but every time I think it's progressing he says again that he thinks I want more than he does, and asks if I'm still checking Bumble.
He's into quite kinky sex, likes to be dominated etc, and I find it a real turn-on, but I don't know if that's all he wants. Right at the start, when he first said we were looking for different things, I backed off, but he got back in touch after a few days. Now I feel invested and it's driving me really mad.
Can anyone offer me any advice or crumbs of comfort?

BelladiMamma · 04/11/2021 20:01

@FlaptheWings

Hi everyone! I'm a long-term lurker here, trying to keep up with you all. Please can I ask you all for some advice because I'm going crazy.

I met a guy on Bumble and we really hit it off. We met up for a coffee and it all seemed good, but then he said that he thought I was looking for more than he was. I explained that with having 3 kids, I'm not looking for domestic bliss, just someone to have fun with etc. It seemed to be going well again, with lots of sexting (I know, probably not a great idea) but every time I think it's progressing he says again that he thinks I want more than he does, and asks if I'm still checking Bumble.
He's into quite kinky sex, likes to be dominated etc, and I find it a real turn-on, but I don't know if that's all he wants. Right at the start, when he first said we were looking for different things, I backed off, but he got back in touch after a few days. Now I feel invested and it's driving me really mad.
Can anyone offer me any advice or crumbs of comfort?

Have you only met once? Have you tried to meet since?
OP posts:
FlaptheWings · 04/11/2021 20:07

Hi Bella. We live an hour apart. He seems to think that's a long way. I don't. He just isn't interested, is he? Sad

BelladiMamma · 04/11/2021 20:41

@FlaptheWings

Hi Bella. We live an hour apart. He seems to think that's a long way. I don't. He just isn't interested, is he? Sad
The thing to remember is, it's not personal. He might have come out of a long distance relationship and be searching for the easy date around the corner solution, or given that he's into that particular kink he may be looking for someone who's had multiple relationships/experience with that ...?

The trouble is, you may never find out. If he's withdrawing now the best thing you can do is to back off as much as you can too. It's hard but like tearing off a band aid it might be best just to leave it for now.

ThanksThanksThanks

OP posts:
FlaptheWings · 04/11/2021 20:47

Thanks Bella. I just can't seem to bite the bullet and finish it, but then neither does he! It's a total head fuck!

BelladiMamma · 04/11/2021 20:53

Am finding MrA's schedule really challenging. But I'm trying to recognise it and not take it personally. For example, latest arrangement was to go up after the show Saturday, stay over, breakfast then he's on a flight. Turns out he's now been called into rehearsals for his next thing on Sunday.

I have been struggling with doubts, thinking he's lying or pushing me away. But he calls me frequently, to update me. Doesn't over apologise for it, is genuinely happy to be working again after Covid but doesn't then say, 'let's do this instead'. I don't think planning is his strong suit & he also can't turn down work. I also know how unpredictable it can be.

Meanwhile I'm just bobbling along, trying not to doubt myself or him too much.

Head fuck, basically. 🤯

@Isitreallyme177 that's annoying about the job but at least it's given you the fire in your belly you needed to get out there again

So many other updates!! Whoever said the thread is a full time job is right ...!

OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 04/11/2021 20:54

@FlaptheWings

Thanks Bella. I just can't seem to bite the bullet and finish it, but then neither does he! It's a total head fuck!
Join the head fuck club! 🤯
OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 04/11/2021 21:04

[quote pinkfondu]@BelladiMamma
Angry
MrSardinia restored my faith in humanity and sent me a very kind message. Shame about his outdated gender pay gap views.[/quote]
So not sexy, being a covert misogynist

Biiii

OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 04/11/2021 21:05

@pinkfondu

Oh and Mr Ireland text me today, had a few texts back and forth. Managed to stay in control with no multiple messages etc. Not getting excited, he is so sexy though and his voice drives me crazy Blush. It's fun but not RL.

Have text Mr smile asking about plans for the weekend. This weekend is his final chance. If he's not making plans then I'm not asking any more and will probably just let it die out.

Good call.

God I love me an Irish accent. Drives me insane. 🤣

OP posts:
Isitreallyme177 · 04/11/2021 21:13

@BelladiMamma thanks, yes I was all fired up earlier this year but lost the oomph. I understand about schedules, he's been training today and yesterday and in the office tomorrow (I suppose it's nice he's let me know what he's doing). It's difficult as I have to keep telling myself it's not because he doesn't like me (sounds really childish) but he is busy working/childcare/buying stuff for his new place. And like Mr A he is happy to be working again and not on furlough (and he seems a lot happier too).

Dazedandconfused10 · 04/11/2021 21:23

@BelladiMamma he's going back to his home country which I knew would happen, but I just went from blonde to a glorious purple hair. So I had the break up new hairstyle pre booked Grin

BelladiMamma · 04/11/2021 21:27

[quote Dazedandconfused10]@BelladiMamma he's going back to his home country which I knew would happen, but I just went from blonde to a glorious purple hair. So I had the break up new hairstyle pre booked Grin[/quote]
Get in there 💇‍♀️ @Dazedandconfused10

@Isitreallyme177 the scheduling struggle is real. Especially for these guys who've been out of work / furloughed. I worked pretty steadily through the pandemic but I had other shit to deal with that I could have done without!!

OP posts:
Isitreallyme177 · 04/11/2021 21:51

@BelladiMamma I worked throughout so I can only imagine what it must have been like to be unable to do the job he trained for, for 17 months. Now he is back doing it, he probably just wants to get back in the air as much as possible.

StartingAgain6369 · 04/11/2021 22:01

@FlaptheWings all I can say to likes to be dominated etc, and I find it a real turn-on is wow !

@BelladiMamma ........ So many other updates!! Whoever said the thread is a full time job is right ...! I will have to own up to that, it is great to hear how everyone is getting on

So taken DD1 and DD2 out for a meal tonight as it was DD1 birthday, whilst out get a message from Ms YM1 saying I've left you a food parcel in your garage, it's more like a box full than a parcel

Going to text thank you now

BelladiMamma · 04/11/2021 22:03

[quote StartingAgain6369]**@FlaptheWings* all I can say to likes to be dominated etc, and I find it a real turn-on* is wow !

@BelladiMamma ........ So many other updates!! Whoever said the thread is a full time job is right ...! I will have to own up to that, it is great to hear how everyone is getting on

So taken DD1 and DD2 out for a meal tonight as it was DD1 birthday, whilst out get a message from Ms YM1 saying I've left you a food parcel in your garage, it's more like a box full than a parcel

Going to text thank you now[/quote]
I'm really intrigued by your back story with YM1, this seems like extremely generous behaviour, there must be a story behind it..?!

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 04/11/2021 23:35

Re being dominated yes, MrWG is the same, I suspect I'm not dominant enough for him, I'm not demanding, he does react positively when I am.

Re schedules, his is a nightmare, I can't even be bothered to try to follow it but I'm cross/down about him at the moment - he's not found time for me for weeks now, he had an op on 26th, I spoke to him on phone about a week before and then the night before(this was actually a really nice call, we had a good chat and it felt more real than most of his relaying his diary to me, which is what he normally does on the phone). He didn't have good plans in place for being picked up etc and I offered several times to pick him up, stay over if he wanted, or not, or bring him to mine etc but no, someone else was lined up (a plan was cobbled together) then on the night I contacted her (because I was worried as she was picking him up but he had no-one at home for the 24 hour thing) and she asked why I wasn't going (because I offered and he said no, she texted him to say I was coming instead), he was then kept in and had no lift planned for the next day, I had very little work so I offered, AGAIN but no, he cobbled something else together (he did at least thank me this time for being available as a back up), I then spoke to him on the phone Saturday, had a really long chat about loads of things, he was feeling much better recovering quicker than he expected. Said he would try out driving on Tue and maybe come and see me Wed (I have a two hour lunch on a Wed).
Sunday I texted and asked if he wanted to come for dinner, would pick him up and take him home, he said thanks but I've got food I defrosted two days ago I need to eat.

I felt really upset by that. Rejected several times offering to pick him up etc, and then rejected in favour of two day old food (that would have no impact on him if he threw it in the bin).

A week or so ago I told him his job was to find a time we could meet up before I go away, I go away Tue for 4 weeks, he said maybe 5th/6th, would confirm when he got home, he's not confirmed (I now have other plans, of course) and he is supposed to be coming down when I am away 14th, but that's not been confirmed either.

I know I need to just end whatever this is. It's causing me anxiety now. It's not a 'friends with benefits' situation because I don't count him as a friend, friends don't behave like that, and there are no benefits. It's not a fuck buddy because there is no fucking!

pinkfondu · 04/11/2021 23:47

Have text Mr smile asking about plans for the weekend. This weekend is his final chance. If he's not making plans then I'm not asking any more and will probably just let it die out.


Good call.

@BelladiMamma basically haven't been able to agree something for the weekend said 'maybe I should take the hint' and he replied he does want to meet, tried again and ended up saying to him that 'Certainly is a shame. It is up to you now, I can’t keep asking xxx' and he replied 'I hear you. I get it xxx' ....but what does that mean exactly? Confused

Onesmallstep67 · 05/11/2021 00:01

@VanGoghsDog, I think you have given MrWG plenty of time and opportunity to move things on or at least into a regular thing but unfortunately he just hasn’t done so. When it moved from being friends at the walking group to something more physical how did that come about? Did he initiate ? Does he ever comment that he’s frustrated with his busy schedule? Or does he show any awareness of your feelings or needs ? Not everything needs a label but what does he consider you to be to him? I think if you are spending lots of time wondering about him and trying to coordinate times to meet with little reciprocation from him then it’s no wonder you are feeling fed up with things. I know you like him and possibly no one else has sparked with you in the same way he does so it’s understandable that he’s still very much in your thoughts. Did you say you knew of someone else he dated and it panned out in a similar fashion? Do you think he knows that you like him and want something akin to a relationship with him? From the outside looking in it seems like hard work and nobody wants to feel that. I know you have said you find discussing some things difficult with him but I fear if you don’t give it one last shot this may just fizzle out.

StartingAgain6369 · 05/11/2021 00:17

@pinkfondu @VanGoghsDog I really can't believe these men, I'm a bit lost for words, but I would think very carefully about taking things further

@BelladiMamma re Ms YM1 I promise a full recital if the meet comes together, but yes a lot has gone on and it's complex

StartingAgain6369 · 05/11/2021 00:30

Regarding my other iron Ms Sunglasses I've had a message tonight asking if I will be available for a coffee date Sunday lunchtime, this will be date 0

I've said yes, she's admitted to being really nervous but I've promised to buy cake which she said that will help.