Dating thread 216 ... spooky fun in cuffing season

[BelladiMamma]

Hi everyone

Can someone else please copy and paste the rules as my screenshot is crap 💩

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Justanother I'm sorry you feel thay way. Yet, you have Ms Wales wanting more fun with you and Ms Business who could be a potential iron - so there's clearly something about you that attracts people. Well, women, I don't know about other people...😅 Try not to focus on where you think you should be a particular number of years after you were born and instead really think about the positive things in your life. They're definitely there...

So sorry @JustAnother0ldMan that you feel this way!

For what it's worth, I always really value and respect people who put family first, the way you did with your parents.

The downside of that, as I totally understand, is that you can de prioritise yourself. And without meaning to, all the good deeds that you do for others can bring you down. Because looking after others is tiring and you neglect your own needs. Is there anything really selfish and a bit different that you would like to do for yourself? Small moves towards selfishness can have a great impact on your wellbeing

@Isitreallyme177 good luck with the application, sounds good that you already know the lady who’d be your boss 👍

Hey @Eesha how are you? Any chats on the go or taking a break from it?

@BelladiMamma it does feel like an anxiety bubble; it isn't affecting anything else, just when I'm feeling a bit emotional, I find myself questioning things.
I'm almost certain it's just me and I think my dismissive/avoidant is coming out. It's strange and difficult to explain but I seem to have an all-or-nothing approach to relationships. If we're not going to be together forever then what's the point, almost? Though I'm very happy and there's absolutely no reason to think about splitting. Can anyone relate?
Long gap in employment here @Isitreallyme177 after a prolonged spell of poor health.

[quote Heartbeats0708]@BelladiMamma it does feel like an anxiety bubble; it isn't affecting anything else, just when I'm feeling a bit emotional, I find myself questioning things.
I'm almost certain it's just me and I think my dismissive/avoidant is coming out. It's strange and difficult to explain but I seem to have an all-or-nothing approach to relationships. If we're not going to be together forever then what's the point, almost? Though I'm very happy and there's absolutely no reason to think about splitting. Can anyone relate?
Long gap in employment here @Isitreallyme177 after a prolonged spell of poor health.[/quote]
I can totally relate. But I also have the same issue as @Languidleopard in that I can't give a relationship too much time so that I'm not really ever going to be all or nothing til my youngest leaves home

@FourPostBed another fan of the non date date here! I think it's a great way to gauge whether or not you want to spend more time with that person or not?

@Clovertoast hi 👋🏻 feel free to share when you're ready. We've all learnt loads from you ♥️

Brief date zero is essential! I've done the dinner thing with someone I'd clicked with on the phone and it felt like the night would never end. Zero chemistry. I wished we'd established that in a quick walk so I hadn't had to put myself through that.

@BelladiMamma
I going to book a test ride on the Ducati Monster, it’s Bellissimo !

www.ducati.com/ww/en/bikes/monster/monster

And no, the cute young guy does not come with it.

@FourPostBed I'm a big fan of a coffee date, it suited us perfectly. There was no worry about what to wear or how dressed up to get. I rocked up in jeans and a nice jumper (I might wear a skirt on Tuesday just to show him I do wear something other than jeans🤣). It was a nice relaxed few hours. I mean it obviously worked as he didn't run away hating me and the only reason we stopped talking was because the place was closing.

@Heartbeats0708 oh I'm sorry I can imagine that must be quite hard. Are you doing a phased return?

@Shayelle2009 and @WeWantTheFinestWines thank you. We shall see how well I sold myself!

@JustAnother0ldMan that's fear about moving into management, having to deal with all the issues.

@Clovertoast Hi - how you doing 👋

@JustAnother0ldMan could you just be on experiencing a bit of a 'low' given the 'highs' of the weekend just gone? You've two women who really do seem keen to see you! Agree a name change is needed as it's a depressing one you've chosen. And given the glimpses of who you are as a person with what you post on here you're a catch. But you have to start thinking that way too because if you don't see yourself as a catch how will anyone else?
@WeWantTheFinestWines i've had that too, texting/chatting has felt really easy and relaxed but went on a while till we could meet. Finally arranged an afternoon together and i knew within the first 5-10minutes i knew 'in person' we were so far from compatible. So it really is best to exchange a few messages, meet as quickly as possible for a very causual coffee/walk etc. an go from there. I tend to know fairly quickly if i'm up for seeing someone again... i don't write off bad first dates too quickly either, i'm open for to giving people a second-chance.

I don't mind going on proper dates first but I generally get along well with people and like chatting so even if there is no chemistry it's a night out for me.

I am feeling a bit down, not sure why, no dates lined up with iron but will wait for him to reach out getting my hair done today and have a day put planned tomorrow to keep my mind off dating and men. I feel so blah, nearly 34, getting divorced and single is not where I want my life to be right now.

[quote JustAnother0ldMan]@BelladiMamma
I going to book a test ride on the Ducati Monster, it’s Bellissimo !

www.ducati.com/ww/en/bikes/monster/monster

And no, the cute young guy does not come with it.[/quote]
What a bloody great idea 😎

I seem to have an all-or-nothing approach to relationships. If we're not going to be together forever then what's the point, almost?

Oh that's interesting. I'm completely the opposite right now. I just want a relationship/situation where we can enjoy each other's company for now and enjoy our child-free time together - but definitely not looking to merge lives, and definitely not thinking about a "forever" timeframe. I mean, if I find that I continue to want to spend time with the person, then great, but I'm definitely not setting a long-term/forever expectation from the start. More like an "annual renewal" model than a "for life" model IYKWIM?

But then, my last relationship was suffocating and draining and very difficult to extract from. I guess we're all a product of our unique experiences.

Not sure if that's at all helpful or relevant, but just thought I'd share my very different perspective x

given the glimpses of who you are as a person with what you post on here you're a catch. But you have to start thinking that way too because if you don't see yourself as a catch how will anyone else?

I totally agree with these wise words, @JustAnother0ldMan

🤗

@Dazedandconfused10

I don't mind going on proper dates first but I generally get along well with people and like chatting so even if there is no chemistry it's a night out for me.

I am feeling a bit down, not sure why, no dates lined up with iron but will wait for him to reach out getting my hair done today and have a day put planned tomorrow to keep my mind off dating and men. I feel so blah, nearly 34, getting divorced and single is not where I want my life to be right now.

Aww, sorry you're feeling down. Hope you enjoy your hair-do and day out. At 34 you've got your best years ahead of you 🤗 as role-modelled by many of the lovely folks on this thread

Hi, can I join please?

I've been happily single for nearly 5 months (except one crisis where I declared renewed feelings for an ex who declined my offer of trying again - ouch!) but have just started dabbling in online dating...

I'm setting my age limit to 5 years either way so we have stuff in common and distance to 10 miles, but as I'm 50 myself the results are disappointing... I've sent 3 likes and messaged 2 people but no-one seems interested. I thought I was such a catch too

So, what's your number one tip of OLD?

@Dazedandconfused10 i'm having the same kind of day today and planning on taking a half day tomorrow, i'll take my DS to see my sister. Hopefully seeing her will help me feel better. Is it not hearing from your Iron that's got you down or just in general. We all have pretty rubbish days and i guess this is one of them. Hopefully you're free day tomorrow will be just what you need. I think taking a step back from OLD when you're feeling fragile is a wise move too. Sending you a BIG HUG and a

@purpleStripyScarf and @Naimee87

Thanks! I'm just having a down day, need to judt wait for the feeling to pass I think! I've turned off notifications for my apps. If my iron texts great, I have no reason to think he won't to be honest but I'm definitely taking a step back for a while and will try doing some solo travel and other bits over winter to keep me going.

@Isitreallyme177
You have nothing to fear, I moved from a team member to a team leader about 2 or 3 years ago, (bit more money & holiday), but you also get internal recognition as being the manager of xyz, so that’s all good.
You do have to deal with your line reports, but I don’t manage them too closely, which works for me, but I am also an internal escalation point, which can be interesting as all sorts of shit comes my way now.
Just see it as the next step on your career path, it’s a big step, but if I can do it, anyone can.
The other thing I have noticed is that my Linked in profile is getting a lot of hits ( job market in IT is very buoyant right now), I’m getting recruiters contacting me with roles paying £10 or £15k more than I’m on now, it’s just nuts right now, and that’s just because I have team leading & project management & technical skills,
So don’t let fear of the unknown hold you back, go for it, get some experience and your pay, self esteem, job opportunities will go through the roof, trust me, I support NCFC.

@PurpleStripyScarf

given the glimpses of who you are as a person with what you post on here you're a catch. But you have to start thinking that way too because if you don't see yourself as a catch how will anyone else?

I totally agree with these wise words, @JustAnother0ldMan

🤗

How about FabulousMrFifty ?

@LittleMo234

Hi, can I join please?

I've been happily single for nearly 5 months (except one crisis where I declared renewed feelings for an ex who declined my offer of trying again - ouch!) but have just started dabbling in online dating...

I'm setting my age limit to 5 years either way so we have stuff in common and distance to 10 miles, but as I'm 50 myself the results are disappointing... I've sent 3 likes and messaged 2 people but no-one seems interested. I thought I was such a catch too

So, what's your number one tip of OLD?

Expand your search to about 50 miles gives you a much better catchment area ( but I was okay with travelling), clear pictures, some bio ( I used to like about a paragraph or so),

@Dazedandconfused10

I don't mind going on proper dates first but I generally get along well with people and like chatting so even if there is no chemistry it's a night out for me.

I am feeling a bit down, not sure why, no dates lined up with iron but will wait for him to reach out getting my hair done today and have a day put planned tomorrow to keep my mind off dating and men. I feel so blah, nearly 34, getting divorced and single is not where I want my life to be right now.

I know how you feel ( and people on this thread keep kicking me up the arse about it ). But at 34 you really are so young.. go out have a great time and relax.

@JustAnother0ldMan thanks and it is surprising what happens when management is mentioned on your cv. Definitely the next step for me. I've been with the company for 15 years and have a wealth of knowledge now.

I agree you need to change your name too!

Thanks @JustAnother0ldMan - I'm not sure about the distance thing, I can't afford to travel far and don't want to start anything that's unsustainable because of this. I do have a decent (I think!) bio so I guess I'll have to just sit and wait or be less picky...

I don't want to settle though, it's either got to be brilliant or I'll just keep going with the singledom.

@Isitreallyme177
That’s perfect, any management skills/ experience is highly desirable/ transferable, I also do some skills coaching IRL, and that has really helped me as I’ve had some coaching in how to coach people.

Also any project management skills help
(IRL, trying to organise 15 or so 50 year old blokes to meet at the same place at the same time is like herding cats 🐈).