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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 216 ... spooky fun in cuffing season

988 replies

BelladiMamma · 26/10/2021 22:22

Hi everyone

Can someone else please copy and paste the rules as my screenshot is crap 💩

OP posts:
PurpleStripyScarf · 02/11/2021 23:37

YUP I CARE MORE ABOUT HIM READING MY STUFF THAN JUMPING INTO BED WITH HIM

Oh but that's totally understandable and normal. At least, I'd feel the same way. Naked and vulnerable, exactly. But from what you've said it sounds as if he just really wants to get to know you better. I think it's totes adorable 🥰

StartingAgain6369 · 02/11/2021 23:40

Such a long day today only just had chance to catch up, nipped in home around 6pm for a quick change before going out again for a walk and then on for a meal with the boys -sorry a group of middle aged men-

Ms YM1 pulled onto the drive, I had barely got out of the car, she's hardly texting now since we had a major fallout 4 weeks ago, but she had brought a present for DD1 who's 17 in a few days time, my big issues is she's been really hard with me, I've backed off texting her but everytime I see her I melt, I can't understand why she's got the hold over me because she definitely has her moments.

Ms Sunglasses after Monday night messaging me I think is going to be renamed Ms Imelda OMG does that lady like her shoes

Eesha · 02/11/2021 23:44

Thanks @Isitreallyme177 and @Shayelle2009, I've updated my profile pictures thanks to the beautiful @BelladiMamma so hopefully things will improve. I'm just hoping I haven't just lost interest in everyone and anyone as that would not be good.

Moopyhereagain · 03/11/2021 00:25

So it does look like it’s developing with Mr Cagey who cancelled date zero on the day last week. He’s been in touch a lot and final chance date arranged for next weekend. What I therefore need to know is how to do a casual date 0 with someone who you’ve done a lot of sexting with… it feels very upside down!

StartingAgain6369 · 03/11/2021 06:42

@Moopyhereagain you are so right regarding sexting, it really does feel upside down

The 2 ladies I've had date zero's with a sexting pretext, 1st was a weekend Saturday morning coffee, jeans, top, jacket the 2nd was a meet after work so it was a trouser suit

theworldsastage · 03/11/2021 07:43

Had a really long text chat with my long lost iron, who is adamant he wants to spend as much time as possible with me when we meet up this week. I'm very out of practice, but I feel like he was flirting with me and that there was still a connection. It doesn't feel like two old friends meeting up, it's starting to feel like it might be an actual date.

My biggest worry is that as we haven't actually seen each other in years, he's going to be disappointed when he sees what I look like now, but I'm not hard to track down on social media if you actually know me (guys from OLD don't get enough information to do this!) so he must have internet stalked me and seen a photo. I'm telling myself he must know what I look like... He's the one who initiated this meet up!

This is why I don't like dating. I remember now. It just brings all my insecurities to the fore.

@Moopyhereagain If you've been sexting already, I'm not sure a date can be totally casual - I'd expect quite a lot of heavy in-person flirting and innuendo. Hope whatever date it is turns out to be fun though, and Mr Cagey doesn't blow his last chance.

@StartingAgain6369 Ugh, you can't help it. The heart wants what the heart wants. Sometimes there is just that pull!

@BelladiMamma I get it. Whenever I've done OLD, I've refused to give them samples of my work to read - I know some of them are curious (been on a date with an actor myself before too!) but it feels more intimate than kissing. I know what you mean about putting a lot of yourself into your words!

@TobyEsterhase I'd have cut Ms Drop Dead Gorgeous loose for the comments to the waitress. I watch how people interact with all people, not just the ones they see as their 'equals' and if they're different with them, I see it as a major red flag.

BelladiMamma · 03/11/2021 07:56

@theworldsastage @PurpleStripyScarf thanks re thoughts about sharing stuff. I've kind of been running a fantasy in my head where he and I start working together as I've been searching for a writing partner for a while now. I think I should probably find a co writer through different channels though 🤣

@Moopyhereagain you can have a day time meet with a definite end - eg put something else in the diary to do which you have to go to. You can have a seriously flirty date with snogging and being tactile without ending up having sex. Unless you're up for potentially casual sex or a one off then I'd steer clear of letting things go on into the evening / include alcohol.

OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 03/11/2021 07:57

@theworldsastage

Had a really long text chat with my long lost iron, who is adamant he wants to spend as much time as possible with me when we meet up this week. I'm very out of practice, but I feel like he was flirting with me and that there was still a connection. It doesn't feel like two old friends meeting up, it's starting to feel like it might be an actual date.

My biggest worry is that as we haven't actually seen each other in years, he's going to be disappointed when he sees what I look like now, but I'm not hard to track down on social media if you actually know me (guys from OLD don't get enough information to do this!) so he must have internet stalked me and seen a photo. I'm telling myself he must know what I look like... He's the one who initiated this meet up!

This is why I don't like dating. I remember now. It just brings all my insecurities to the fore.

@Moopyhereagain If you've been sexting already, I'm not sure a date can be totally casual - I'd expect quite a lot of heavy in-person flirting and innuendo. Hope whatever date it is turns out to be fun though, and Mr Cagey doesn't blow his last chance.

@StartingAgain6369 Ugh, you can't help it. The heart wants what the heart wants. Sometimes there is just that pull!

@BelladiMamma I get it. Whenever I've done OLD, I've refused to give them samples of my work to read - I know some of them are curious (been on a date with an actor myself before too!) but it feels more intimate than kissing. I know what you mean about putting a lot of yourself into your words!

@TobyEsterhase I'd have cut Ms Drop Dead Gorgeous loose for the comments to the waitress. I watch how people interact with all people, not just the ones they see as their 'equals' and if they're different with them, I see it as a major red flag.

Why don't you just send him a recent photo? That way if he really does have an out dated picture of you in his head and that's the person he's in love with, then you know sooner rather than later
OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 03/11/2021 07:58

@StartingAgain6369

Such a long day today only just had chance to catch up, nipped in home around 6pm for a quick change before going out again for a walk and then on for a meal with the boys -sorry a group of middle aged men-

Ms YM1 pulled onto the drive, I had barely got out of the car, she's hardly texting now since we had a major fallout 4 weeks ago, but she had brought a present for DD1 who's 17 in a few days time, my big issues is she's been really hard with me, I've backed off texting her but everytime I see her I melt, I can't understand why she's got the hold over me because she definitely has her moments.

Ms Sunglasses after Monday night messaging me I think is going to be renamed Ms Imelda OMG does that lady like her shoes

The situation with YM1 sounds complicated- however it's nice that she's remembered DD's birthday. How was it seeing her?
OP posts:
JustAnother0ldMan · 03/11/2021 08:35

@Moopyhereagain
Just go casual with Jeans, but as it’s now Autumn you could break out the long scarfs and tall 👢, I always think that’s a casual but sexy look on women

Moopyhereagain · 03/11/2021 08:51

Thanks all. Wasn’t really thinking outfit - though now I am! More how to ‘be’ when you know erm, quite a lot about some aspects of a person, but really they are a stranger.
@BelladiMamma yes, you are spot on. Afternoon date drink and maybe a walk with a fixed end. Not really up for casual sex, at least not on date zero..

JustAnother0ldMan · 03/11/2021 08:54

The excitement of last weekend is wearing off now and reality is setting in,

This is just a Brain Dump really

Ms Business still wants a dinner date on Saturday, and I can really see myself in a relationship with her, she is smart, sexy, hard working, but also a terrible communicator, always working and has form for changing plans at the last minute and never being available, I remember now why I left things with her, so I really need her to step up and give me more time and attention, not just a dinner date and a promise once a month

Ms Wales still wants a weekend visit, but she is over 100 miles away so we have to sync diaries around work, her child care etc, so it’s now looking like we are potentially not going to meet up until next month now, I knew Ms Wales before she was Ms Wales so we have been Friends for years, and she has now added Benefits into the equation, which is nice (don’t get me wrong), but I think I want a bit more than she has to offer (that sounds awful )

Hmm,

theworldsastage · 03/11/2021 09:05

@BelladiMamma Because I'm a coward? I also miss his friendship, and I think I'd be happy to have that back. Also, neither of us has outright said that this is a date, so there's still a chance it's not. It's a date, isn't it? Boy, girl, past history of making out, emotional spark.

@JustAnother0ldMan I feel for Ms Business - if she's genuinely always busy with work, it's probably not personal. You can't ask her to work less though, so I guess the question is, would you rather continue to go on lots of dates with different people who aren't interesting to you, or would you rather have that one really good date a month? No right or wrong answers here. Sometimes people's lifestyles are just incompatible, not matter how amazing the connection.

Languidleopard · 03/11/2021 09:33

Thanks for tagging me @BelladiMamma 😊

I' doing OK really, much better than I thought I would be, which is a pleasant surprise. I've been sleeping and eating really well, which has made me realise how anxious the whole situationship was making me. I literally was just waiting for him to fuck things up.

I've deleted Bumble and I'm stepping back from dating to concentrate on self care, work, friendships and improving my self esteem. The goal is to make a fabulous come back in the new year 😁

I'm going to continue to lurk on here but won't be posting as much while I gather myself together again.

Sending love to all you brave and hopeful daters - good luck out there x

Onesmallstep67 · 03/11/2021 09:36

@JustAnother0ldMan, for me it's not how busy someone is but how they communicate or prioritise you when they aren't able to see you. Or when they are free, how much they want you to be the person they share that time with. In her busy schedule is she reaching out when she can and apologetic ( not quite the right word) that she's not able to see you more/misses you ?
My take on Ms Wales is most probably that you both enjoyed the time you spent together and fancy a bit more of what you had Wink but the effort to sustain something would only be worth it for me if I felt a real connection. If it's just sex and you fancy a weekend away and you both know the score then that's up to both of you.

pinkfondu · 03/11/2021 10:17

@Moopyhereagain  bit like going on a proper date after a ONS

@JustAnother0ldMan I don't think that sounds awful, it's how you feel nothing wrong with that. The question is do you carry on knowing the deal or him her off now.

So I have date zero tonight with Mr IT, and last night he suggested a quick phone call. There had been a bit of sexting during the day so wondered if really meant something else but no had a nice chat. Ended up on the phone for an hour. He's more softly spoken than I would have imagined. Clarified again what im looking for so we are on the same page but he said something about seeing how it goes and you never know what might develop which is worrying me he's gonna get a bit too clingy.

Had a couple of messages with MrSmile last night to try and sort out out weekend meet and he's still not being as decisive as I would like so not holding my breath it's gonna happen.

I also text my first tinder contact last night, mr Ireland, I passed the hotel he normally stays at on my way home last night so just text to say hey thought of you today. Probably not the best decision as I did get way too carried away with him originally. Have learnt so much from it, had a few texts which was nice. He is totally gorgeous with a beautiful accent and we never ended up meeting as he is in Ireland but was nice to be a bit more in control of myself. I won't be texting again. Totally left it at if you do head this way let me know and meant it so feeling proud Grin

SpringlikeBunk · 03/11/2021 11:11

@Moopyhereagain

I agree with @BelladiMamma to keep it boundaried if you’re not after casual first meet sex (obviously fine if you do though safety etc) - you haven’t consented to anything, there may be no attraction in person.

The communication may even change after you meet, I’d just treat it like any other date zero (low expectations and be able to cut it short or extend if needed) and take it from there. A lot of flamboyant flirtatious messagers can be very different in person!

Dazedandconfused10 · 03/11/2021 11:33

Went for date 5 last night stayed over and just got home. Dirty stop out. Still remaining cautious but I am allowing myself to like him. Hoping I see him this weekend. We are discussing a weekend away soon so will see if that happens

JustAnother0ldMan · 03/11/2021 12:17

@Onesmallstep67
Thanks, I think communicating is the issue with Ms Business, a couple of times earlier this year (before I joined these threads) we had plans in place and I had ducked out of other things to fit around her and she cancelled last minute.com, so ended up Billy No Plans, not good, and again little communication, and we did talk about this, so (for me), she is on her 3 strike really

As for your take on Ms Wales, yes, you are 100% we are both adults, it was / will be fun, but no real future in it.

Signalstation · 03/11/2021 12:34

Does anyone know what the best dating app is for me to find a man who'll take me down his allotment?

BelladiMamma · 03/11/2021 13:02

@Signalstation if you're looking for a mix of rural types or city folk with rural interests then MuddyMatches has worked for some?

@Dazedandconfused10 this is sounding positive. Long may it continue!!

OP posts:
Dazedandconfused10 · 03/11/2021 13:08

@BelladiMamma it is! But I'm still wary. I do really like him, I think we could be good for each other, I just want a bloody relationship. Texted him when I got home but no reply. He was very hung over. Mid week drinking is a bad idea. Next time we said we'd stay sober. Will wait for him to suggest next meet i think.

StartingAgain6369 · 03/11/2021 13:31

@Signalstation I've noticed on Telegraph Dating there's a lot of country, gardening, outdoor type based females, not sure if that applies to males

@BelladiMamma I really don't know what to say about Ms YM1, I need a bit of quiet time to think everything over. but it was lovely to see her

Naimee87 · 03/11/2021 13:44

I echo spring for the London trip. Not been back to the UK in over 4 years now... will be a real holiday for me if we manage to make it all happen!

SpringlikeBunk · 03/11/2021 13:52

@Naimee87

Yes if we make it in February I’ll personally probably budget a couple nights of it, and hugely enjoy meeting everyone and having that social time?

and also take advantage of the situation to do a little bit of London solo as well! There’s so many amazing places and galleries for free so I’d just stroll around like a yokel and enjoy the ambience.