Dating thread 216 ... spooky fun in cuffing season

[BelladiMamma]

Hi everyone

Can someone else please copy and paste the rules as my screenshot is crap 💩

@pinkfondu messages over the weekend around the 30 to 40 mark, weekdays are a lot less due to both our jobs.

[quote StartingAgain6369]@pinkfondu messages over the weekend around the 30 to 40 mark, weekdays are a lot less due to both our jobs.[/quote]
I couldn’t do 30 messages a day, not with my eyesight, I’d need my reading glasses round my neck on a string !, my eyes are crap.
About 10 messages a day is is all I could really cope with, if I’m not in the house, forget about it.
Ms Business only messages about once a fortnight, so that’s okay, but I think I’m going to have to rename her to Ms NeverBloodyAvailable.

[quote StartingAgain6369]@pinkfondu messages over the weekend around the 30 to 40 mark, weekdays are a lot less due to both our jobs.[/quote]
I'm not sure i could handle 40 messages over the weekend, I don't think I'd have the time to send that many or even want to receive that many.

I like the fact that Mr Cricket and I have settled into a nice (when I'm not overthinking which I do a lot) messaging pattern. We'll occasionally swap silly memes and some days we message more than others but we're busy people. For example I'm currently sifting through nearly 200 emails from 3 days off work and having to deal with catching up with work (I'm having breakfast before I go crazy and arrange the wrong meeting) that will keep me busy until lunchtime. Messages from anyone would distract me and not in a good way.

I'm a once a week check-in person! Or even longer. I got carried away with WhatsApp when I first got it but have learnt my lessson.

@BelladiMamma sounds like it's all bedding in with you.

Like you say, no obligation to do anything apart from and just see what comes up - remember the saying "love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe" - of course enjoy the emotions and the dishiness but also I'd watch boundaries same as any other situation.

A long-distance lover can be great, but I guess the distance doesn't mean you need to "fast-forward to more practical intimacy than you'd like or prefer".

Also agree with @Shayelle2009 on the gymbod - technically I have what could be labelled a gymbod but I genuinely authentically prefer lovers who don't have one, but have "the overall confident composed package" (and a bit softer at the edges is attractive).

Also agree with @Shayelle2009 on the gymbod - technically I have what could be labelled a gymbod but I genuinely authentically prefer lovers who don't have one, but have "the overall confident composed package" (and a bit softer at the edges is attractive).

Well then walk this way young lady, my bod has not seem a gym for many a year, but it has seen lots of pies

“🎶🎶Who ate all pies, 🎶🎶 who ate all the 🥧, you fat ba…”🎶🎶

Mmm making me feel hungry now, could just do with a pie 🥧

Ahhh and I cracked and sent a checking in message but he replied within minutes. I feel all happy and content. ☺

As for gym bod, it depends. Mr Cricket does have a nice body as he does go to the gym and cycles. Computer Geek had an amazing body, the six pack on him took some work. The two are very different people though. I go to the gym but don't have a gym bod, I have boobs and they ain't going anywhere but I am toned, if I was too skinny I would look weird as I'm not built to be skinny.

@Isitreallyme177 yay, Mr Cricket does seem to be doing all the right things.

@BelladiMamma here's hoping things remain positive with Mr Actor

Popping in to say hello - it's been years since I've been on this thread. Pleased to see the rules haven't really changed!

A previous iron has contacted me out of the blue, and wants to meet up this week for a drink. It's a bit of a red flag how we lost contact in the first place, and how he's got in touch after a gap of many years. I don't think I'd have entertained the idea if I knew him from OLD, but I know him from real life - friend of a friend of a long lost friend, that kind of tenuous connection.

I don't really know what he wants, or what I'm hoping he wants. I haven't actually been dating, so I'm not really in the right headspace.

I don't know. If he wants a friend, I suppose I'd be up for that. If he wants something more, I don't know. But he's a very good kisser.

Argh.

I'll go along with it for now, but bear in mind rules 3 to 8!

@Eesha thank you. It's his day off today so he doesn't have much of an excuse to not message back but he did let me know he is training for a couple of days this week. I like this and it feels less stressful not wondering whether I should message because obviously he likes getting them as he wouldn't reply if he didn't (and definitely not straight away). Work is keeping me busy this week so hopefully it will go quickly.

Re messaging. This is partly the joys of being an underemployed wfh words person 🤣 who exchanged messages and voice notes with someone who talks for a living

@theworldsastage

I guess this is standard winter cuffing zombie - contact out of the blue, maybe feeling a little bit sentimental here and wanting a romance for Xmas?

Imagine all you can do is meet and "play it by ear", any red flags drop, or there might or might not still be attraction there!

It's not been an easy journey to get to the 'relaxed' messaging stage, but for me the best advice i heard was to match the other person's communication level/style. I could never game play with anyone or sit hours on a messages that's come through from someone i am really interested in. But with MrE texting/constant contact was over-bearing. Now with magnet-man i tend to wait for him to instigate chats given he's the one that isn't able to text often. Some days it's a ton of flirty messages and seeing how each other is maybe 40-50 perhaps. But then other days it can be none or just a few, but honestly with him given how we are the odd emoji suffices too.
There was another post on NM about 'people who just don't respond' it wasn't specifically to do with romantic relationships just more how people maintain relationships in general when they just never seem to respond. It was an interesting read, given how many ways you can connect with people and how often one person's preferred style is the opposite of someone else's so actually staying in touch becomes a bit of a chore, unless you figure it out and get a balance that works well for both people.
But ulitmately in today's world more often than not if someone isn't in contact it's more likely because they are chosing not to be. Life, career, kids, hobbies, the 'unexpected' aside, if someone is that important then you create time to send a reassuring text or a quick call to let them know, not just leave them wondering. Isn't it all just SO wonderfully straightforward this OLD / Dating IRL stuff isn't it! Yay!

I'm definitely all about the real life meets - eg I've just got a message from the guy I cancelled with a CovExcuse on sunday asking how I was etc?

So arguably he's a "considerate thoughtful guy" based on texts - but when it came to the Sunday meet it was definitely a bit of a vibe of me having to chase up and him being last minute!

I mean he didn't stand me up, but I was waiting at 1pm for him to suggest a train time he was coming in from a message I'd sent the previous night?

Especially with apps I think it's so easy to fall into false positives based on "chats" that don't actually take the other person that much time and energy?

I speed-read and speed-write (and process fast) so I can write lovely lovely flirty/thoughtful/sexy/funny messages quickly - but that doesn't mean I actually want to make any real life time for the iron I'm sending the message to?

@Naimee87 very glad you seem to have found a nice chilled situation with Magnet-Man. Well-deserved and nice to have something going on coming up to Xmas.

@SpringlikeBunk I promised myself i will never fall into the 'confusion' trap again. If i want answers then i'll ask the questions i want answers to and sometimes you get silence which funnily enough 'speaks volumes' doesn't it. I'm trying to tread carefully where Magnet-Man is concerned he really hurt me, i never thought i'd hear from him again and now i've gone and let him back in! So far so good though. Would be nice to see him over Christmas but who know's so far he has only very vaguley mentioned freeing up time....

MrHedgehog asked me to let him know when I'm back in a fairly cold Teutonic way

Nose swabs galore, seem to have The Cold as my immunity is shot to pieces from wfh and isolation. So coughing but not covid.

Glad he's quite boundaried as I am - was a bit worried he'd try to suggest a meet before I go tomorrow and I have tonnes to do plus The Cold so would feel quite awkward.

Plus don't want my time away to be taking cute photos of myself to send.

@Cocopogo

So had second date this evening, he seemed a bit different, positive but a bit more pushy. Saying things like I can’t read you, I can’t tell if you like me etc I just replied with stuff like so far so good etc. He said I’m not very tactile etc which I’m not so I assume what he really means is I haven’t kissed him or anything so he can’t tell if I like him. I told him I’d like to see him again etc but he hasn’t messaged since he got back, neither have I tbf.

I don't like that at all. Too much projection / guilting going on. If he can't work it out he should just ask a straight question, once, and then chill!

Ms DropDeadGorgeous came round for "coffee" this morning before opening up her shop.

We have very little in common, I find her rude and struggle to understand her as she has such a strong accent. Beauty is only skin deep but she is sensationally beautiful.

Went for second date with Ms Lithuanian yesterday. She is great company. Proper kiss at end and talk of dinner date. Not sure if I fancy her or not.

Ms Vegan continues to be too busy to date but is very chatty. Her kids have left home so God knows why she can't find an hour in her schedule.

My general enthusiasm for dating is on the wane but perhaps that is just early onset of winter blues.

@FourPostBed

Hello all, may I join you? Recently went back on tinder but also had a blip/encounter with my ex which has set me back a bit. Trying to be more discerning about my choices. Matched with someone who has interests but no bio. So I asked him what his situation was. He’s explained his background a bit and said he’s on here to meet people and see what happens.

I’m not sure what to make of it but sounds very casual and the use of plural makes me 🤔

Welcome 🤗

I wouldn't read too much into that. It would even look a bit odd if he just said 'I'm here to meet a person' as we all know that you need to meet several to get close to the 'one'.

@Naimee87 this feels so much more of a relaxed 'this works for both of us' vibe than mrElfnSafety whom as you well know I'd taken a very personal dislike to 🥺. As @SpringlikeBunk says boundaries are good, and you guys seem to have your boundaries sorted out without making too big a deal of it.

@SpringlikeBunk wow you play it sooo cool. But maybe it's that magic mix of the scientist and the German professor. You guys make and maintain your own boundaries. I am in awe. But to coin a phrase, it's all about the chemistry, and if that's what works for you both then it's brilliant.

@eesha thank you ☺️. It's all a bit nuts and burning so brightly I'm aware it could just die a horrible death 🤣

@TobyEsterhase that does sound very unpromising. Would you consider going back on the apps and getting some more chats started, with a view to moving to coffees quickly?

@SpringlikeBunk

MrHedgehog asked me to let him know when I'm back in a fairly cold Teutonic way

Nose swabs galore, seem to have The Cold as my immunity is shot to pieces from wfh and isolation. So coughing but not covid.

Glad he's quite boundaried as I am - was a bit worried he'd try to suggest a meet before I go tomorrow and I have tonnes to do plus The Cold so would feel quite awkward.

Plus don't want my time away to be taking cute photos of myself to send.

Must be a lot of colds about, I’ve come home with a sore throat and have a headache today, but COVID Neg,

Also hate taking cute photos..

Thanks @BelladiMamma - don’t get me wrong I am “internally enthusiastic” and planning all sorts of deviant physical moves.

(might be stalking his twitter occasionally ).

But as we all know these promising interactions can fizzle out, it’s like someone said on First Dates Hotel - “you’re a beautiful woman he likes, there’s also another beautiful woman he can go out with”

So practically it’s really just “let’s see if we can move from date N to date N+1”. Nothing’s real till it’s real.

I feel a lot better that he contacted me, and I responded positively, so like @Naimee87 said it’s more “mirroring” communication so we’re both signalling cautious enthusiasm

(I think we’re both high functioning ASD to be honest - geek mating rituals)

@SpringlikeBunk I guess. I think it's a bit of post-lockdown sentimentality, TBH. I think he's lost touch with a lot of people and is looking to rebuild connections where people are open to it. That's partly why I'm so unsure - he might just want a friend to talk to, and here I am, worrying about whether I like him romantically.

I don't actually know what he looks like now (what is it with people who don't have their faces on WhatsApp?) but given he's younger than me, I'd be surprised if he doesn't still look gorgeous. I'm more concerned with the fact that I'm older and fatter myself. Arrrgh.

@TobyEsterhase For me, a proper kiss at the end of a date is a sure fire test of knowing if you fancy someone or not. If you're not sure - it doesn't sound like there is any chemistry there, unfortunately. I'd move onto another iron.

Anyone else who WFH uses MS Teams ?

Just posted a long & complex message into the wrong chat, bollocks

@BelladiMamma Yes MrE was a nutcase! I have the most massivist 'ick' now when i think of him/us... ugh!
With Magnet-Man i am practicing 'the art of patience' and it's paying off so far. It's as calming as it sounds.

@TobyEsterhase is it definitely a language issue though, do you think she's a nice person underneath or just a difficult person? I have a friend who is similar, beautiful but hard work! Do you think Miss Vegan is chasing a pen pal?

@Naimee87 you sound much happier so glad Mr Magnet is proving himself

I'm coming to the weird conclusion that the apps may just not be for me so perhaps a break is needed. Both the weddings I have attended this year were via online dates so there is promise out there but I'm just not feeling enthused at all. If I had even one chat going, this would perk me up but I just keep left swiping on most so I totally blame myself! Perhaps another profile review is due. I'm mid 40s, looking around the 40 to 50 mark. Male and female opinions welcome and I'll PM you!