Dating thread 216 ... spooky fun in cuffing season

[BelladiMamma]

Hi everyone

Can someone else please copy and paste the rules as my screenshot is crap 💩

@BelladiMamma 100 per day or a week ?

@BelladiMamma you don't have to decide straight away what you want you to do. I mean if you enjoyed yourself and had fun that's the main thing!

Hello 👋 @FourPostBed, I’m an old man

@BelladiMamma crumbs that’s quite some brain dump.

[quote StartingAgain6369]@BelladiMamma 100 per day or a week ?[/quote]
Per day from MrActor when we've been at our peak

[quote Dazedandconfused10]@BelladiMamma you don't have to decide straight away what you want you to do. I mean if you enjoyed yourself and had fun that's the main thing![/quote]
True. I just need to breathe through it

[quote Dazedandconfused10]@StartingAgain6369 it varies, this current iron is clearly not glued to his phone like I am, but we usually text every day, not constant all day messages but a little convo here and there. I'm seeing him again tomorrow, so since our first date less than 2 weeks ago were going for our 5th date. So maybe texting isn't quite so important as we are seeing each other frequently. I know I'm setting myself up to get hurt but I also can't help myself.[/quote]
Why are you setting yourself up to get hurt? What have I missed? 5 dates seems quite promising

@BelladiMamma he isn't sure how long he will stay in the area, so at some point it will come to an end, and he'll go back overseas. I'm trying to just enjoy it for what it is, but he's so bloody sweet.

[quote Dazedandconfused10]@BelladiMamma he isn't sure how long he will stay in the area, so at some point it will come to an end, and he'll go back overseas. I'm trying to just enjoy it for what it is, but he's so bloody sweet.[/quote]
Ah! A bit like mine. Short dated and then so long distance it will be impossible

@BelladiMamma & @Dazedandconfused10 thank you x

Ms Sunglasses has been messaging quiet a bit but we're not up at @BelladiMamma & Mr Actor levels .......... yet

@BelladiMamma exactly! Trying not to run away with the thought he just needed to meet me, he will fall madly in love and want to stay. Realistically I know that's unlikely but I like him enough to see what happens for now.

With long distance things, I guess just breathe/enjoy things/boundaries/take things one meet or week at a time, same as anything else?

So had second date this evening, he seemed a bit different, positive but a bit more pushy. Saying things like I can’t read you, I can’t tell if you like me etc I just replied with stuff like so far so good etc. He said I’m not very tactile etc which I’m not so I assume what he really means is I haven’t kissed him or anything so he can’t tell if I like him. I told him I’d like to see him again etc but he hasn’t messaged since he got back, neither have I tbf.

@BelladiMamma

I’d definitely say get a few days rest/sleep on the situation and give yourself time to really properly emotionally process everything.

For now it sounds like you had a very enjoyable and cool date/experience/connection/meet so that’s a plus whatever comes of this.

Wow bella there's obviously something going on there... it sounds intoxicating and like the kind of ride you just have to stay on even though it might crash because it just makes you feel alive, and sexy, and wanted, and excited! But you have to hang on to your sanity also and not allow yourself to get too carried away, because it will have to stop. Or will it? Do you think you could have a future together?

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

I’d definitely say get a few days rest/sleep on the situation and give yourself time to really properly emotionally process everything.

For now it sounds like you had a very enjoyable and cool date/experience/connection/meet so that’s a plus whatever comes of this.[/quote]
Yes. You're right.

It was the lack of questions really that has made me make sure I don't get over invested. As everything else was set up to be 'relationship style'. Lots of sharing but no 'what about you' type moments.

Now I just need to sleep and let it lie.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Wow bella there's obviously something going on there... it sounds intoxicating and like the kind of ride you just have to stay on even though it might crash because it just makes you feel alive, and sexy, and wanted, and excited! But you have to hang on to your sanity also and not allow yourself to get too carried away, because it will have to stop. Or will it? Do you think you could have a future together?

I'm used to being pursued. Like to ridiculous levels. And I have to be honest, this guy is waaay out of my league physically. I've got a nice face but I'm no gym babe. But I have always had guys after me and this is not a guy running after me. I don't know what it is.

Yes @BelladiMamma I’d also take the “if it’s meant to be it will happen in good time and at my personal emotional pace” approach

there’s absolutely no requirement here for you to give definite answers or commit to anything in a short timeframe?

@Cocopogo

Sounds a bit uncomfortable tbh - were you attracted to him? It seems a little bit like he was fishing for some physical contact even if you didn't feel like it, which is kind of a turn-off really!

@FourPostBed not an unusual reply and what I'm using. I'm not looking for 'my last first date' though.

@StartingAgain6369 it depends on their job as well as individuals, mr Bodyguard was on his phone for work anyway so was very easy to message throughout if I felt like it. A couple have text in the morning and others haven't. Are you wanting more texts?

@BelladiMamma if it's meant to be casual sex then the friends calling and being answered and 'girlfriend' thing would be a killer for me. Why don't you believe he's had no luck on the apps?

@Catcrazy83 sounds like he was looking for kissing/sex/you to be throwing yourself at him by now. Asking for that kind of validation on date 2 would annoy me bit.

Mr IT, who I have a coffee date zero tomorrow night, had loads of texting throughout the day yesterday and did get a bit spicy in parts. Then he asked if I'd like to watch a film virtually together, so that's what we did last night. It was quite nice and defo something I would steal to to again in the future. Since I have kids it was nice to be able to put them to bed and then pick a film, make a cuppa and text a bit whilst watching.

@FourPostBed

I agree with @pinkfondu and previous posters - I have something on my profile about meeting “people”

and it’s just so I don’t get tied into specifics with someone I’m not attracted to going “but you said you were looking for a relationship”.

And to leave the door open for just hanging out a bit with no sex if we get on as people.

Or closing off ‘non-dates’ politely without it being ‘romantic’ and the guy being able to ‘save face’.

It doesn’t mean I’m obsessed with multi-dating or meeting loads of people or have a very casual approach to things.

I actually hate the “too many options” vibe on the apps and would like things to progress monogamously with the first guy I met recently off the bumble app (though it’s early days yet so may not work out!).

I try to avoid discussing “what are you after” before meeting as often it’s a prelude to guys suggesting hookups and realistically you want to get a feel of the person face to face before knowing that?

@Cocopogo it sounds like he was trying to round you up like a sheepdog. NO to that.

@BelladiMamma I hope you had a lovely time. Maybe he’s just really used to being on his own and being very self absorbed. Doesn't mean to say he’s a bad guy. Some people are just like that aren’t they? I’ve got some lovely friends who mean well and are very good hearted but often it’s all about them and they don’t even ask anything about me. It’s a bit thoughtless but they don’t mean it. But I guess its different with a friend or a man though. I just think maybe he’s just used to being on his own? Sounds like you had fun though which is the main thing. And sounds like he really likes you too. Not everyone is keen on a gym bod either. I’m not! Gym bod means nothing. I’m sure he’s completely wow’ed by you! 💖

And yeah the ‘people’ thing on apps. I sometimes think people who go on the apps can feel a bit lonely sometimes (ie me!) so whatever comes of them, could be a bonus, a friendship, lover whatever, just to be out there meeting ‘people’ is what’s needed, not necessarily a partner or anything heavy

@Shayelle2009 @SpringlikeBunk @Cocopogo thanks for all your thoughts. I'm already feeling much calmer and thoughts are now a bit more - 'we are both out of long term relationships and have considerable responsibilities'. Plus despite the lack of questions about me, he was always checking in to see if I was ok, what I wanted to do etc

And he did ask me about my work and also some things to do with my DC and how I handled certain challenges around divorce and co parenting. He just wasn't in the 'I really want to know you' mood. But I've had that in the past and it's been part of the classic 'love bombing' tool kit.

Yeah I'm smitten but it's cool. I will survive and I don't need to say or do anything. I can just let other chats fizzle out whilst I concentrate on him and see where it all leads.

@Cocopogo this contact was from Feeld so it was ostensibly for casual sex but it's turned into something else and I've had trouble navigating my emotions around it. Just trying to protect myself really and neither pick up the wrong vibe nor give the wrong vibe!

@Cocopogo the only call he took was a FaceTime with his kids when they were dressed up for Halloween. The calls from his over interested friends he left to voicemail

@pinkfondu sorry I got your user name mixed up with @Cocopogo 🤦🏻‍♀️

So those answers were for you 🥰