Dating thread 216 ... spooky fun in cuffing season

[BelladiMamma]

Hi everyone

Can someone else please copy and paste the rules as my screenshot is crap 💩

@Isitreallyme177

I've just had to Google what a peeled banana emoji means. I'm so not down with emojis.

I've just googled it too and now I'm even more baffled than I was before...

@JustAnother0ldMan

Ladies & Gents, I need some subjective advice / opinions.

The weekend away with Ms Wales was great fun, but I thought it was just going to be fun, but today I have been invited to hers (she lives in another part of the country from me ), for a a ‘repeat’, as she puts it, which I appreciate will be v nice, but I suspect she is a bit lonely (recently divorced), and looking for some company, so that is that.(could she be lining me up as her FWB ? )

But strangely enough Ms Business has been in contact today, with some somewhat suggestive messages…, and I really liked Ms Business, but wasn’t really sure liked me, so in a bit of a quandary now, as she seems to blow hot and cold..

As someone up thread said, bit like London Busses, nothing for ages then 2 comes along at once..

Thoughts from a grown up please

Neither of them have 'laid cards on the table' so to speak or asked for exclusivity? How often, realistically, is each of them going to want to see you? Do you fundamentally prefer dating or sex or friendship etc with just one person?

Can you go with the flow but make sure that within the next meet or two you've established what they're looking for?

FWIW I think that conversation is almost best had as pillow talk as if you try to text or call or have the conversation over dinner before you've had sex again and before you know if there's a real connection then I think it can come across a bit 'over engineered'. I'd find it really odd if, say MrItaly asked me out on another date or weekend away and then before we met up started asking me if I was going to commit to him.

But then again I'm now one year into OLD and I think my attitude has probably changed a lot, especially since I was first single.

@JustAnother0ldMan

Ladies & Gents, I need some subjective advice / opinions.

The weekend away with Ms Wales was great fun, but I thought it was just going to be fun, but today I have been invited to hers (she lives in another part of the country from me ), for a a ‘repeat’, as she puts it, which I appreciate will be v nice, but I suspect she is a bit lonely (recently divorced), and looking for some company, so that is that.(could she be lining me up as her FWB ? )

But strangely enough Ms Business has been in contact today, with some somewhat suggestive messages…, and I really liked Ms Business, but wasn’t really sure liked me, so in a bit of a quandary now, as she seems to blow hot and cold..

As someone up thread said, bit like London Busses, nothing for ages then 2 comes along at once..

Thoughts from a grown up please

It's different from buses though, inasmuch as with buses you can only ride one of them at a time

Maybe you can just go with the flow with both for now, and see how each situation pans out?

@Dazedandconfused10 @Moopyhereagain good luck with the texting dance, hope it goes the way you'd like it to

@BelladiMamma

I think that’s a really good take on things and tallies with my experience - just “getting to the next meet then see how things go” is good policy?

Like having let the MrHedgehog thing “bed in” a bit (arf) realistically I’d like to get to know him better and see how things pan out. I can see a few flaws but more FTF time is needed really.

But we’re not going to meet until I’m back from my “escape to the country in case another fucking lockdown happens” time (he knows my schedule)

and so I’ll just drop him a line when I’m back in town and go from there, rather than trying to play text ping-pong or discussion?

And I don’t want to be spending my R and R sending cute/flirtation messages.

If he’s detached a bit by then that’s sad but my cue to think about getting back on the apps.

With my ex-irons, I did find that even without frequent contact they remembered to get in touch when they were in town and led on the dates, so I’d assume if MrHedgehog is reasonably into me this will be similar.

@JustAnother0ldMan I agree with the others, unless you don’t fancy a ‘repeat’ with Ms Wales then keep your options open while they are still options.

‘Bella’ looking forward to the update.

Meeting Mr L later - so looking forward to it. He has a few days off and has booked a hotel nearby so we can see each other 😍 I have booked tomorrow off work so we are going to the zoo! I have never been at the zoo without kids and he is so excited to go - it’s cute

Thanks all
@VanGoghsDog Ms Wales is based over 100 miles from me, so it’s hard to pop round for the evening, as for Ms Business, I’ve just looked our WhatsApp chat and some of the gaps are almost a month between messages, then a sudden group, it’s like I’m playing 2nd fiddle to her Business (hence her name), she is about 40 or so miles, and I’ve been invited over on Saturday for dinner and “afters”, maybe I’m going to be the afters and she is going to eat me praying mantis style 😯

@BelladiMamma thanks, tbh, I’ve never been in this position before (no pun intended), of potential seeing multiple people at once (not at the same time), and no, neither have talked about being exclusive, so yes will just go with the flow and see what happens

@PurpleStripyScarf actually it is just like busses, I can only ride one at a time 😀 ( I’ll get my coat.. )

Thanks to those reassuring me I did the right thing! I'm going to practice being cool and ignoring for future irons if needs be!

@MayEye aah that sounds lovely! Hope you have a great time!

@SpringlikeBunk I like your attitude to things. You seem to have a healthy level of self respect as in you put your own needs first- absolutely as you should! I'm sure Mr Hedgehog will be just as keen after your trip.
@Dazedandconfused10 @Moopyhereagain hope you get the responses you want!

Right on cue we have a polite message saying he hopes the work I told him I was busy doing is going well.

Very.....German

Thanks @MizK - I know I naturally have a dreadful attachment style (thanks parents ) and can really obsess over guys

so I’ve made a conscious effort to regulate myself a bit more when dating and “protect my mental health” rather than go in too intense!

I need to learn to be less intense. I have worked out for now I am not the kind of person who can date more than one person at a time.

@SpringlikeBunk @Dazedandconfused10
I'm figuring out that I may have an anxious attachment issue and need to be 'less'.

I am also struggling a bit with texting more than one person, I've found myself saying 'sorry if youve mentioned this already' which really can't be good

@JustAnother0ldMan you don't have to met either of them again and certainly don't see any need to decide yet, if you like to see both do it at face value, if not then move on.

Hello all, may I join you?
Recently went back on tinder but also had a blip/encounter with my ex which has set me back a bit.
Trying to be more discerning about my choices.
Matched with someone who has interests but no bio. So I asked him what his situation was.
He’s explained his background a bit and said he’s on here to meet people and see what happens.

I’m not sure what to make of it but sounds very casual and the use of plural makes me 🤔

Hello fourpost welcome to the thread. I wouldn't worry too much about the 'people' remark at this stage. Maybe he's hoping to make some friends along the way, while looking for 'the one', or maybe he finds the idea of saying "I'm here to find the love of my life" a bit intense - I would!

Ahh thanks @WeWantTheFinestWines that’s a good take. Playing it cool 😎

I used to say to meet someone and see where it goes, as to be fair you don't know if you'll like the people you meet.

Hi @FourPostBed I'm new too!

Hello @FourPostBed & @pinkfondu

Welcome aboard

Hello 👋🏻 @pinkfondu and @StartingAgain6369

I know @BelladiMamma mentioned it earlier with regards to @Dazedandconfused10 & @Moopyhereagain text dance, can I ask approx how many messages you tend to get from your irons daily?

@FourPostBed I was looking for the wave emoji ! how did you manage that ............ ?

Brain and feelings dump alert post my night of passion.

So, it's not all about the sex. He told friends about me who called him three times to invite us out with them ... by the third time they were shouting down the phone, teasing him, saying let us meet your girlfriend...we've heard enough about her!

He organised dinner. We went to the cinema. He'd cleaned his flat. He spoke to me loads about his early life, his kids. He listened (but didn't ask about) some things I was happy to share. He doesn't know what he wants or what he's looking for. He believes in monogamy but loves sex and misses female companionship. He complimented me but didn't talk about feelings. He teased me and asked me about my dating. He said he'd had no luck on the apps. I don't believe a word of it. He's living totally hand to mouth and is hyper focused on his career. He's the most driven and passionate person I've ever met. But he's not an entitled twat.

As part of my processing I'm veering wildly between I never want to see him again to just carry on / to just call it now / call it once the play is finished to never call it and don't label it and leave well alone to he's just getting me closer to the thing and the one that I want, but it's not him. He's part of the process. He's teaching me about what I want - not from a man but from life.

All this for a guy I met for casual sex.

@StartingAgain6369

I know *@BelladiMamma mentioned it earlier with regards to @Dazedandconfused10 & @Moopyhereagain* text dance, can I ask approx how many messages you tend to get from your irons daily?

From zero (MrItaly averages one a week) to a hundred (MrActor).

I'm not kidding. I only let it get to 100 if that's what I want. If I don't want more than one or two I say I'm busy.

@StartingAgain6369 it varies, this current iron is clearly not glued to his phone like I am, but we usually text every day, not constant all day messages but a little convo here and there. I'm seeing him again tomorrow, so since our first date less than 2 weeks ago were going for our 5th date. So maybe texting isn't quite so important as we are seeing each other frequently. I know I'm setting myself up to get hurt but I also can't help myself.