Dating thread 216 ... spooky fun in cuffing season

[BelladiMamma]

Hi everyone

Can someone else please copy and paste the rules as my screenshot is crap 💩

@Cocopogo I wonder if we went on a date with the same man I didn't get a word in edgeways and then neither of us bothered to follow up. Hope next goes better.

@Dazedandconfused10

Yeh I have often wondered if the "phone step" or even a video call is a way to screen these guys out a bit.

I haven't been consistent with this tbh myself but could be an option? I also have found the timewasters/sex guys don't like phone calls as they find texting more impersonal and easier to manipulate people with?

I am thoroughly uninterested in clothes and hate shopping. I'm sure it shows but then again, most men in their 50s don't look like they've just stepped off the catwalk either. I'm good at talking football, music, politics and shit though, so maybe more likely to attract the kind of man who's not that fussed about dating someone elegant and stylish. I hope anyway. And as long as they're clean, smell nice and don't look weird I'm quite happy with no fuss from my date also.

Having said all that, I can't wait for the weather to get colder so I can wear tights, boots, dress, fake fur and a massive scarf!

Good luck pogo hope he turned up and knocked your socks off!

@SpringlikeBunk I had a screen call (just realised using work talk here) with this guy! He talked a lot but asked questions and seemed very nice so that didn't help. But agree probably a good first step. Although I do just like meeting people even if it's just to get out the house

Just need to share… oh it’s like buses isn’t it - afternoon of very inappropriate texting with Mr Cagey who had been off radar for a bit- then during that 2 other irons who are more realistic options messaging more vanilla things- think I need to burn my phone.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I am thoroughly uninterested in clothes and hate shopping. I'm sure it shows but then again, most men in their 50s don't look like they've just stepped off the catwalk either. I'm good at talking football, music, politics and shit though, so maybe more likely to attract the kind of man who's not that fussed about dating someone elegant and stylish. I hope anyway. And as long as they're clean, smell nice and don't look weird I'm quite happy with no fuss from my date also.

Thank goodness us old farts still have a chance !

I’m normally pretty clean and have loads of good smelling stuff (so I’m told),
And yes I know NCFC were beat (again) today, not sure which is harder, dating or being a Norwich supporter.

OK so I did the wrong thing and texted MrBody asking if he was ghosting (did a supposedly jokey Halloween-ghosting message which was painfully sincere and would fool no one).

So he had mentioned on our last date that his ex had not taken their breakup well. He's explained that she turned up at his house this week after someone saw him on bumble and asked to try again. He's explained that he's in a bit of a mess and heads all over the place. So I have my answer and actually I feel so much better. Whatever he decides to do is his business as it sounds really messy and I'm sure could be tricky...he knows I'm dating other people which he admits makes him feel a bit jealous but at the end of the day, he's just not single enough for me and could well be back with his ex any moment. So I know its silly that I cared so much about being ignored but I'm actually glad I know what's happened. I think the bad thing about ghosting is that if you're an overthinker you start to feel like you imagined the connection or the interest - now I can concentrate on people who are actually in the position to date me.
Sorry for being self indulgent, just feel better for asking him directly what was going on. Onwards!

@MizK you said texting was wrong but after reading your post it's a good thing you did, you're not being indulgent, are you ok?

@MizK i think you did the right thing and amazingly you got an answer that’s put your mind at ease. I’m an over-thinker and ghosting really does mess with your head for exactly the reasons you said you begin to question if the connection you had was genuine or if you even meant anything to each other. I think it’s similar to having the ‘exclusive’ chat where you’re on the fence about having it because you aren’t sure which way it’ll go. I’ve learned though that all the questions you have don’t ever leave your head unless you get them out and get the answers that you need and sometimes these aren’t the answers that you want but it’s clearly time to move on. Having to move on from a ghoster is definitely one of the hardest thing to do…

Sorry for the delayed update. No he didn’t quite knock my socks off, he was rather lovely though and wants to see me again tonight so I said sure. He’d already asked if I was free.

What is it with men and BMWs? Are they over compensating for something? Last four guys, ex’s and these two dates all drove BMWs. Is it a bad sign of just strange coincidence as they are a common car?! Last nights only black mark really was that he walked towards his car rather than walking me to mine at end of date and I could tell he was looking intently at me as he wanted me to be impressed, which I wasn’t particularly.

That's really funny pogo! Probably not a red flag, but a bit off putting maybe. Fancy cars actively turn me off. I think it says something about someone... but my profile says no Tories, and socialists don't tend to drive expensive cars so I reckon I'm alright on that front. Any showing off of ostentatious wealth is so icky to me. If you're wealthy, fine, good for you, but it don't impress me much.

Ah you see I love a good car, I went for an interview at the head office of a car company who also have an F1 racing team and I would have been in my element. But your run of the mill BMW or Golf GTI don't do it for me . I want a McLaren (not sure I would ever be able to afford the insurance). I used to walk past a Talacrest garage every day and dream about owning one.

I also love a car. But my dad loves them so that got me into them really as I’m best friends with my dad.

It’s not really showing off either it’s more of an appreciation of the machine 😍 if you don’t love cars you may not feel that.

That’s good you got your snswer @MizK im glad he answered you and was honest. It definitely helps doesnt it 💓

BMWs aren't particularly impressive.

I'm more impressed by an ancient car that someone is keeping going, because it's more environmentally friendly and financially sensible.

I'd possibly be impressed by a Maserati or something. Possibly.

But I suspect he was just wondering whether to snog you!

Fancy cars and fancy clothes is not a world I inhabit. If someone arrived to pick me up in an expensive car and designer clothes I’d feel uncomfortable from the get go. And although they definitely don’t always go hand in hand I’m instantly turned off by any Billybigbollocks bragging about holidays or salary. I’m much more drawn to someone who makes me laugh, genuine and comfortable in their own skin.

I think 'little man syndrome' can come into play when big/powerful cars are being showed off! MrE was short 5'6 and he ended up buying a HUGE Mercedes... (to compensate!)
I know far more about trucks than cars, never been a fan of speed, more power! You can't exactly be a fan of speed when your restricted to 80km max! Yeaaaaa
I always got made fun of in the truck course being the only woman there. And i'm 5'4 and a normal size 10! But sat next to me were two guys obviously younger than me one was my height and stocky, the other my height but a skinny whippet. Yet they never got picked on! And both had gone into driving trucks too. Like MrE as well, so i think being short for a man does affect their self-esteem quite a bit.

My XH pissed our money up the wall on ridiculously fast cars that he drove like a fool. I have no interest in speed or expense but I love a beautiful line, like an etype. And I love my shiny red Peugeot with headlights shaped like lion’s claws and LED lion scratches along the ceiling. To me it’s orgasmic. Each to her own!

@Naimee87

I think 'little man syndrome' can come into play when big/powerful cars are being showed off! MrE was short 5'6 and he ended up buying a HUGE Mercedes... (to compensate!) I know far more about trucks than cars, never been a fan of speed, more power! You can't exactly be a fan of speed when your restricted to 80km max! Yeaaaaa I always got made fun of in the truck course being the only woman there. And i'm 5'4 and a normal size 10! But sat next to me were two guys obviously younger than me one was my height and stocky, the other my height but a skinny whippet. Yet they never got picked on! And both had gone into driving trucks too. Like MrE as well, so i think being short for a man does affect their self-esteem quite a bit.

Oh crap, I’ve got a big ‘ol SUV, does this mean I have a tiny penis ?

Hahaaa! I think short men find it hard 'being short' ... whether this translates to other areas being small/tiny no idea if there is a correlation really. Although come to think of it the tallest most well-endowed man i was ever with drove the tiniest car a red peugeot 106 ...

Money-management is important but if someone wants to make money and spend it on X (cars or anything) then it's their choice really, I'm not looking at joint finances long term.

I am and date childfree so that kind of narrows down the finance picture a bit anyway as we all are just responsible for ourselves.

Someone being a cocklodger or a cocklodger lite is always my main worry really.

But that's not even to do with money! I think some guys have good jobs and plenty money but still want to scrounge off a woman and be at hers all the time - it's more a control thing.

@MizK

I agree was a good move - good for you for being more open in communication rather than just letting things drift and worrying/wondering about stuff.

@Naimee87
Ha, I’m 6ft so not a height thing, can’t comment on the ‘other’, but I got my SUV in 2018 when my dad was really ill, I was doing regular 350 mile roundtrips and taking him to hospital for Radiotherapy and MRIs so needed something he could easily get in & out of, same when he was dying, I was taking the family to Hospital, so was handy having a ‘big’ car.
Was handy again when my mum fractured her pelvis during lockdown and getting her in & out of something quite tall was v handy,
But have been thinking about getting something smaller now as hardly ever need it but it’s sooo comfy to drive for an old man and has all the toys.