Dating thread 216 ... spooky fun in cuffing season

[BelladiMamma]

Hi everyone

Can someone else please copy and paste the rules as my screenshot is crap 💩

[quote Nahnahnah]@Stayingstrongish yes they are all quite recent so it made me even think was he still married, but her profile says single. The latest was for their daughters birthday a few months ago both clinking glasses and her behind him with her arms over the tops of his shoulders. Even the month after they spilt it was all happy family photos and people's comments saying 'beautiful family'. If I didn't know I would have thought they were a happily married couple. It's left me really confused.[/quote]
Yeah I'm not sure I'd be down with that. Feels a little too like a triangulation to me. Tread slowly and carefully with this one!

@Stayingstrongish the physical contact in photos would be a red flag...one or both of them is comfortable in putting out a couple vibe and that just screams future trouble to me.

@VanGoghsDog

I've got ten people blocked, can only recall who one of them is. I don't like zombies so if a thing ends I block to ensure no zombie pop ups.

I do the same, once they've read the goodbye message. Makes it easier to fully get rid of any twats

[quote SpringlikeBunk]**@Eesha* and @BelladiMamma*

It is funny how ones brain works - it's like I know that realistically I am creating the best possible life for myself and my feelings and temperament I'm very lucky.

This sounds arrogant but I know that if I wanted the "moving in with someone and getting 2.4 kids and a joint mortgage" lifestyle I wouldn't really struggle too much

But also, I guess there is part of me that regrets "other potential lives I could have had which I haven't lived" sometimes, a little bit wistfully, some ennui.

Same as someone who married her childhood or uni sweetheart might look at all us daters and maybe feels a few pangs....[/quote]
I'm definitely with you on the lifestyle choice it's just the actual 'yes I had that great love affair and we built x and y together', I feel I've missed that. I certainly don't have to be single, it's by choice as honestly I've not met anyone yet that I would make the smallest compromise for, beyond carving out a bit of time every couple of weeks ...

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma I also feel a bit envious when someone finds that great love so quickly. I spoke to my indirect boss and she was talking about buying a house with her partner of 3 MONTHS! This will obviously get delayed but she was very much besotted and of the school of "when you know you know". It was from one of the big dating sites. I sat there wondering when it was going to be my time! I genuinely haven't felt anything for anyone for so long that I've lost that enthusiasm for love![/quote]
I think 'besotted' is right. I'd never ever assume someone was right for me after 3 months ... I felt things moved quickly with my exh and he was always pushing for more but I didn't move in with him for 6 months. And I remember being at his flat and staring at the phone and thinking, I want to call my ex boyfriend and tell him I've made an awful mistake and I want to leave and would he come rescue me!? But that's where I should have known something was wrong as never in my life had I ever wanted to leave so badly after 6 months or think that it was someone else's responsibility to help me leave. It was totally out of character and I can't believe I was gaslit to that extent. Shortly afterwards he suggested we stop using contraception and I was very quickly pregnant. Which he then told everyone was a mistake ... the whole thing was grim from the start and I can't believe it happened to me or lasted for so long.

@PurpleStripyScarf

the twat who said I was cold and hard work because I didn't appreciate the picture of his dick🤮🤢

Gosh sometimes the world seems like a really bleak place. You dodged a bullet there!

Ha ha Bella your sneeze really made me laugh! 😆

@PurpleStripyScarf thing was he wasn't actually that much of a catch, and I've seen better. He also used to try and sext but I never responded as it did nothing but make me cringe. The day I saw the light and blocked was the day I started to realise I deserve better (and I think I have way better now, well I could if I told him how I feel).

I'm really rooting for you and Mr Cricket @Isitreallyme177. Do you think you'll tell him?

Can I join in? Been stalking thread for a couple of weeks, so much great advice.
My story- split up from DH of 20 yrs early summer. Was surprise but right thing. Am 49, 2 nearly grown kids, one still at home.
Just starting OLD. One date zero last week was 😬 but toe dipped in.
Date zero tonight with let’s call him Mr Cagey - think I like him, super smart and well read, a bit filthy though.. not sure about that. Am a bit scared.
Have another iron have just moved to what’s app, not sure I’m feeling it though.
Oh and got catfished straight out of the gate for 2 weeks intensive texting that culminated in an ask for 16k - honestly was a bit grim but lessons well learnt and red flags never ignored again. No money sent obv and blocked but I can see how it happens, full on grooming.
So that’s me!

@Moopyhereagain

Can I join in? Been stalking thread for a couple of weeks, so much great advice. My story- split up from DH of 20 yrs early summer. Was surprise but right thing. Am 49, 2 nearly grown kids, one still at home. Just starting OLD. One date zero last week was 😬 but toe dipped in. Date zero tonight with let’s call him Mr Cagey - think I like him, super smart and well read, a bit filthy though.. not sure about that. Am a bit scared. Have another iron have just moved to what’s app, not sure I’m feeling it though. Oh and got catfished straight out of the gate for 2 weeks intensive texting that culminated in an ask for 16k - honestly was a bit grim but lessons well learnt and red flags never ignored again. No money sent obv and blocked but I can see how it happens, full on grooming. So that’s me!

Welcome 🤗

So sorry to hear about the cat fishing, that's awful.

Good luck with the date zero's.

The thing about filthy is that it's all very well if you have a connection/fancy someone but if not it's a bit grim.

@BelladiMamma all I can think is that thank goodness you managed to get away from your exH, honestly saddens me that men like him not only exist but often seem bloody untouchable. The number of genuinely gorgeous, lovely, funny women who end up with absolute wronguns is grim.
@Moopyhereagain ugh to the catfish. Must make you feel extra wary about the (already pretty tiresome) world of OLD.
Good luck on your date tonight!

I've had a think about my obsessing and worrying over MrBody. Honestly it's taken up so much headspace over this half term - I actually can't believe I've got so worked up over a man I've met twice. Now I still want to see him tomorrow and have no reason except the cooling off of texts to think he has changed his mind. But I'm genuinely thinking that I might be too invested already. Not sure I like myself that much when I'm stressing over whether a guy likes me or not! Anyone else felt similar?

@BelladiMamma thanks for the welcome. Yes filthy - it will either go well if we have a connection irl or I will be sat in a pub with a creep for an hour. Could go either way.

@MizKmyes cat fishing grim but was prob more about me building an unrealistic fantasy. Was full on professional romance scammer- they are very very convincing.
Will catch up on your stories so it’s not all me me !

@MizK yes my exh is untouchable as ostensibly he's a successful man but ... oh god that was a terrible choice. However you can't wish it away and my DC are truly wonderful.

As for your feelings over the last week, it happens. The best thing to do is to recognise it and breathe through it! Either his communication style is different from yours or he's also been busy with family over half term etc. I wouldn't worry about it unduly but I think that the digital era is so bad for relationships. Think about how much time we would give ourselves pre WhatsApp to communicate or chat. And we wouldn't even know what they were up to during that time!

For example I know MrActor is still on Feeld and checks it, but what does that mean really? That he still regards himself as single? Well so do I and I accepted a date invite for tonight with MrSardinia as actually the guy is local and I'm looking for regular FWB - MrActor is not local and very busy ... so I need to stay selfish ...

So after two dates you're still very early in whatever it is the two of you have ... and there's very little that we can or should be investing this early!

Hope it works out this weekend and that the date goes ahead

Still in a very philosophical low contact mood. Had my period migraine as well as being super busy with friends, I'm clearly just a slave to my cycle 😁. Am meeting MrSardinia but have given him a heads up that I'm not feeling super sexy ... and as for MrActor ... well the reminder of how lost I was after & during the BeardFlake shenanigans had made me just dial everything down a bit. Don't want to get sad if Sunday gets cancelled so just sitting very quietly on the smitten bench, not chasing anything

@BelladiMamma hope smitten bench is roomy, think might be a number of us joining you on it. I’m finding it hard to regulate my emotions - def links to my cycle but am menopausal into the mix. And I really need to stop what’s app online/offline/blue tick obsessing, it’s so easy to fall into.
I will search what the BeardFlake shenanigans are!

@WeWantTheFinestWines

bella you have a friend who's written her memoir? That's not your common-or-garden friend, but clearly someone fabulous!

nahnah I hated living with my ex, but now that we live separately, we will sometimes socialise together with mutual friends and we'll both watch our DC play football. We'll spend Christmas together with the DC because otherwise one of us would be on their own. And we still co-own our house and the property we take turns staying in on our DC-free weeks. But there it's no doubt in anyone's mind that we are 100% over and have been for years. My ex-BF didn't have a problem with it at all. So maybe hear his story and try not to feel threatened?

I'm fascinated by your living arrangements. It's absolutely what I would have done if my ex hadn't been such a nightmare about things. I think the sign of an abusive relationship is that you keep thinking 'if I can only manage to do xyz' then he'll behave properly and treat me with respect. I had it all mapped out like that with him and then he quite. Literally. Defrauded. Me ...

Luckily there was a paper trail ...

How long will you keep this arrangement going for? How old are your DC?

[quote Moopyhereagain]@BelladiMamma hope smitten bench is roomy, think might be a number of us joining you on it. I’m finding it hard to regulate my emotions - def links to my cycle but am menopausal into the mix. And I really need to stop what’s app online/offline/blue tick obsessing, it’s so easy to fall into.
I will search what the BeardFlake shenanigans are![/quote]
Don't waste your time on BeardFlake 🤣 he's wasted enough space here. Basically he was a fantasist of the worst type, really attentive and organising things and then flaked every single time. It was horrific. Even recently I got back in touch with him (to make myself feel better about it all) and was sending me links to places he'd like us to go live in 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just a reminder that the East Anglian contingent are meeting up on Sunday 31st at 10am in Colchester for coffee.
I'll be the one dressed as a 👻

Did some more Feeld and old Bumble culling. Luckily I tag them all with a code name for each dating app so I can search them that way and just block and delete.

One guy merited a message this morning but his flirty sex talk was just so 🥱

Amazing how it depends on what you feel for someone ... the same words from someone else can send you in an excitable tail spin 😁

I do that, if I meet them on Tinder they are Jon T, Bumble Jon B, Feeld Jon F, from my walking group Jon WG (though actually the initials of the group). But I do the same with other ways I meet people - Jon Ski, Jon Work, etc.

Until I know them properly, then they get their surname added.

(There is no Jon, btw!).

@Heartbeats0708

I'm really rooting for you and Mr Cricket *@Isitreallyme177*. Do you think you'll tell him?

@Heartbeats0708 thanks I'm kind of thinking he's a good egg. I'll probably end up telling him when I'm drunk knowing me, just not tonight as he is working today and tomorrow and I don't want to put him off his flying.🤣

@VanGoghsDog yes that's the same that I do. They're not real people til I've known them a while!

@Isitreallyme177 don't do yourself down thinking you'll just blurt things out when you're drunk. The conversation deserves sobriety - it doesn't have to be heavy though! In fact I'd suggest leaving him a voice note or having the conversation when you're at your best. Just gone to the gym, hair all shiny, ovulating type mood 🥰. You'll put it best when you're feeling at your best. Practice if you need to!! There's no shame in that either. Just be yourself and know that we are all rooting for you! ♥️

Happy birthday to @Isitreallyme177 and @JustAnother0ldMan! Hope you both have really great birthdays today 🥂🍺🎂👯‍♀️👯‍♀️🎈

I am off to the hairdressers shortly going to have my hair cut into a Chanel bob 💗 then on the razz with my mate tomorrow so looking forward to that!
#Shenanigans 👯‍♀️👯‍♀️

Happy birthday @Isitreallyme177, hope you have a lovely day!

How's everyone's weekends looking. I'm off to a wedding and cannot wait!!!