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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The One With The Vintage Dresses From Paris Geller Doesn’t Know About

998 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 26/10/2021 17:37

Previous thread here

I’ve lost count of how many threads I’ve had, so I bloody well hope this is the one where he signs!

I think whoever pointed out my mother gave me the dresses out of guilt is right. And don’t worry, I’m not handing them back.

I’m sure you will all enjoy this story. So, my grandmother left me various things in her will. To date I have received only one of them, which I have treasured and looked after for years. That’s why I’m so excited about the dresses.

The one I am particularly sore about is her engagement ring. It’s a diamond trilogy ring. I love it. I love it not because of what it is, but because of what it represents. She always promised it to me, and we were incredibly close (armchair psychologists, this is where you raise an eyebrow and look thoughtfully over the top of your glasses whilst going hmmm) not least because, when I was under a year old, my mother went into hospital to have my brother three months early. They managed to stop labour, but my mother stayed in hospital for nearly four months. I was only allowed to see her once a week, and got so upset at leaving her, that they decided it was best for me not to see her. My grandma moved in to look after me, and effectually became my second mum. I didn’t see my actual mum for nearly 3 months, and then she came home with a new born who needed all the usual attention. And Granny moved out again. When I was 8, she moved in with us and stayed with us until she died. I was the one who found her, when I was 13.

Any wonder I have deep seated issues?! Anyway. Back to the diamond story. She left me the ring. However, my mother has never handed it over. She wears it. I could understand not getting it til I was 21, 25, or 30 …nothing (she gave me half a dozen duck eggs for my 30th present, by the way), but then when my wedding day passed (and no, she didn’t hand it over for him to use as an engagement ring) and then my 40th…well, I’ve pretty much given up hope of getting it.

It was in a letter my grandmother left, not her actual will, and I’ve no idea where the letter is, or if she even still has it.

I have already told my brother that the ring is literally the only thing I will want when the time comes, as I can see her leaving it to my SIL just to spite me.

So, if you’re looking for a reason why I was fucked up enough to marry a loser like Geller, I think my therapist pretty much nailed it with the comment ‘do you think the way your mother replaced you with your brother might have something to do with your competitive relationship with him?’

As you were folks. I’m opening the gin and lighting the fire.

OP posts:
pointythings · 04/02/2022 22:15

Oh Polly I am so sorry you are dealing with yet more fallout from other people's dickish behaviour. You deserve a medal for always staying on the moral high ground. Flowers

crikeycrumbsblimey · 05/02/2022 08:05

In case you didn’t see this at the time although I think it is worth seeing again

AndrewScott

Anythingforsleep · 06/02/2022 16:47

@StuckInPollyannaMode I have been reading all your threads for the last week or so and 'watching' you grow throughout has been wonderful. The person you were at the start and the person you are now is incredible. I am just starting the process of leaving my husband (for very different reasons) and the days where I wonder if I am doing the right thing, I look at how far you have come and know I absolutely can do this and me and DC will be ok!

I do hope everything is alright with you and your girls after the conversation about Westley.

StuckInPollyannaMode · 07/02/2022 14:00

Oh, my loves. Have I got an update for you.

Make a cuppa, pull up a pew and get comfy. @crikeycrumbsblimey I LOVE Andrew Scott and hadn't seen that, so thank you. @Anythingforsleep thank you and I really hope you are ok. DM me if you like.

Firstly, Geller has signed over all the money to me!! I am now megabucks (well, until the house is bought, but it's rather nice to know that I'm not going to be fighting him to get it). He went to the bank and took himself off the joint account and assigned it all to my name alone.

Bloody hell number one.

THEN he proceeded to tell me that he'd done this and he was having his first overnight with his new girlfriend that weekend, so could I make sure that I didn't message him about the girls as he wanted the weekend to be special and that she was staying at his for the first time on the Friday night and he was excited about having her over and then on the Saturday he was travelling up to hers and staying there and coming back on Sunday after they'd had lunch.

So, basically, telling me he was having sex. There isn't enough brain bleach in the world. I half wondered if he'd then tell me it was over once she'd discovered how awful he is in bed, but nooooo.... last night I get a message saying they'd both really enjoyed the weekend and wanted to commit to it happening again the weekend after next so am I ok to have the Dollies.

I mean.... it's my bloody weekend anyway and I don't need to know about your social and sex life, you lunatic.

And then - remember what I got for Christmas? GUESS who sent him a flipping hamper from Bettys? Yes, my MOTHER.

I am big on loyalty as you know and this is absolutely fucking nuts. I think she must have lost it.

Honestly you couldn't make this up.

I haven't said anything to my friend. What I am doing is gradually withdrawing - and limiting the information she receives. I don't blame her daughter at all, she should have had the sense to keep her mouth shut. But this is the third time now that supposedly sensitive stuff has just been splurged out, so it's no longer a mistake but careless and thoughtless.

The Dollies are doing ok, things are settling down, last night was the first night DD1 wasn't in my bed. Taking it slow. They need to understand nothing changes. I'm not introducing him until after we have moved.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Westley has popped over for a late lunch and a sneaky snuggle on the sofa. I'll have to fight the cat to get in on the action, the pair of them are looking very comfy!

OP posts:
pointythings · 07/02/2022 14:09

Well, that's pretty massive progress on the money, and business as usual on your mum and so-called friend. Your future is right there on the horizon - financials settled, new house, Westley. If Geller has a new woman then you're defo allowed your new man. I just hope Geller handles informing the Dollies of his new relationship in such a way that it doesn't bring them more upset. You've done everything right but can we trust Geller not to do everything wrong...

Still, massive progress and metaphorically I am cheering and waving pom poms.

frazzledasarock · 07/02/2022 14:53

hooray, on everything really.

I think also whilst he's having his wonderful time with his new lady friend, seize the opportunity to settle everything you need getting done. But frankly the money thing being sorted is the most stressful bit over.

And the cat approves of Westley, another tick!

frazzledasarock · 07/02/2022 14:57

PS your mums a dick.

Sounds like something mine would do.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 07/02/2022 15:58

And the cat approves of Westley, another tick!

😻

Enjoy your snuggles and try not to annoy the cat

Clutterbugsmum · 07/02/2022 16:44

Hopefully now he has another victim girlfriend he will now get the divorce sorted out ASAP.

comfortablyfrumpy · 07/02/2022 16:48

Polly that is great news. The money, I mean. Not Gellar having sex!

As for your bitch of a mother, are you surprised?

Enjoy your sofa snuggles. Grin

Pashazade · 07/02/2022 17:14

The money is great news! But jeez Louise you so don't need the rest of the details! "Whatever" or an appropriate gif would be my response especially as it's your weekend. Your mother just never ceases to amaze...one more nail in that coffin.....

AcrossthePond55 · 07/02/2022 17:56

Now, if you'll excuse me, Westley has popped over for a late lunch and a sneaky snuggle on the sofa. I'll have to fight the cat to get in on the action, the pair of them are looking very comfy!

And this makes up for the rest of it, doesn't it? Just knowing that you have a man who actually treats you with respect and consideration.

Good news about the money. One more hurdle jumped!

As far as him having to give you all the minute details, he really thinks he's 'rubbing in it', doesn't he? He doesn't realize that your uppermost thoughts are sympathy for the new gf along with "Better you than me, sweetheart". Let him have his 'moments of glory', sometimes it's more fun to watch them make verbal fools of themselves thinking they're 'getting to you' when in actuality it's a huge relief to know that they can turn their 'focus' onto someone else. It also makes me wonder just how much he knows about Westley if he thinks he's getting 'one over on you'. Does he not realize you're, shall we say, enjoying each other's company extremely well.

I really don't get what your mother is thinking trying to kiss his arse this way. Do they owe him money or something? Do you think it has anything to do with worries over access to the Dollies? It just doesn't make sense. Either that or she is one of the most spiteful women on the planet. I guess it's another thing to tuck away in the 'Mum is not on my side" box for further reference if you get tempted to trust her again.

I think after you've moved and settled may be a good time to introduce Westley into their lives slowly. New house, new area, new 'friend'. No memories of 'Daddy' anywhere in the vicinity.

Mix56 · 07/02/2022 19:42

Good Lord Gellar is a buffoon...
No calling on his w/es off!!!!! Hahaha.
Glad he finally paid out, surely the next step in signing the paperwork ?! Maybe the gf doesn't want to get "cozy" unless he's divorced 🤣
As for your mother....Ask your Dad if she is losing her mind ?
Glad Dds are settling..
Does Westley want to meet them yet ?

Newestname002 · 08/02/2022 06:12

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Firstly, Geller has signed over all the money to me!! I am now megabucks (well, until the house is bought, but it's rather nice to know that I'm not going to be fighting him to get it). He went to the bank and took himself off the joint account and assigned it all to my name alone.

Oh my word, OP - plus a "Hoorah"!!! At long last - a huge step in the right direction. He's obviously clearing the decks for this next wife-to-be, poor woman. Hopefully things will go more positively and smoothly for your upcoming divorce whilst his eye is turned (like Sauron's) away from you.

As for your mother - what a very weird person she is. Hopefully you can keep her in a very small, dark corner of your life where she'll gather cobwebs, and be insignificant in the new life you are building.

Onwards and upwards! 🌹

StuckInPollyannaMode · 08/02/2022 07:29

Just got an email to say my mortgage has been approved!

No, my parents don’t owe Geller money nor do they really have anything to do with him. I’m at a loss. Yes, I will be asking questions but not right now, I’ve enough on my plate and my insomnia is back so I know I’m not strong enough to deal with her. I’m just lying low.

Still no resolution on the grandfather clock by the way.

I’m back on it sportswise - ran my first 10k in a long time yesterday! Sore today. A spot of yoga later me thinks.

Also, I have just discovered Gousto. Isn’t it marvellous? If anyone wants a referral code let me know! Last week 8 meals cost me £14.95, they got me out of a rut and with 8 portions I fed Westley and I handsomely last night, and I’ve had 6 other meals spread over the two weeks. I got fed up with shopping in the supermarket and feeling like I come out with nothing having spent a fortune.

OP posts:
comfortablyfrumpy · 08/02/2022 08:04

Woohoo on the mortgage!

All systems go Grin

As for your mother, you don't have to deal with her. Just ignore. If she contacts you, just give vague/basic answers.

As for Gellar - have you had thst moment where you feel, out of sisterhood etc, that you ought to warn the new gf? Every time my Ex gets a new gf I think - should I warn her what he's like? (I never have as I end up thinking they will find out in due course! They never last so I think they must do Grin )

Justilou1 · 08/02/2022 08:20

I am going with “I am moving on X date”.
The clock won’t be. Arrange to collect it/have it moved or it will be left on the footpath.

billy1966 · 08/02/2022 09:09

@Justilou1

I am going with “I am moving on X date”. The clock won’t be. Arrange to collect it/have it moved or it will be left on the footpath.
Absolutely this.

Your mother is some piece of work with her hamper for Geller.

Delighted that things are moving forward for you.

Flowers
RandomMess · 08/02/2022 16:19

I think this is a golden opportunity to tell the buffoon that you want no more of these regular unnecessary and often dramatic messages about the Dollies or anything as you too need to move on with your life with him disrupted your time and peace.

Wink
RobertsRadio · 08/02/2022 17:26

I think Gellar has mistaken you for one of his male cronies, he is such a plonker isn't he? I mean, on what planet does he think this is acceptable or normal behaviour? Was he dropped on his head as a child?

I hope he hurries up and signs off on the financial agreement so you can legally uncouple from this twit.

Re. Your Mum, I would definitely be wondering if she is ok. Although I did have something similar happen with an ex boyfriend of mine and my Mum still sending him birthday and Christmas cards with £50 notes inside (always a good idea sending cash to an alcoholic 🤦) and asking me why his mother had contacted me when he was ill instead of her. I had to remind her that it was presumably because I had been his girlfriend and not her. She was normally quite sensible.

2DogsOnMySofa · 08/02/2022 19:36

I am going with “I am moving on X date”.
The clock won’t be. Arrange to collect it/have it moved or it will be left on the footpath

This with bells on it (or get it valued and sell it)

ChristmasPlanning · 08/02/2022 20:20

Brilliant update!

Geller boasting about fancy a girlfriend.... less brilliant Hmm

Mix56 · 08/02/2022 20:37

Gellar probably thinks you'll be jealous !
Yes, good message re clock,

Tomlettegregg · 08/02/2022 21:26

New to this thread. Just read all of them and have to say you should be a columnist. Helen fielding has nothing on you.

You're a genius. I don't know how you tolerate your moron of an ex husband and a narcissistic mother but congratulations. Your daughters clearly have a wonderful mum.

sixpencenonethepoorer · 09/02/2022 06:14

Fabulous update! Some really uplifting news, your life definitely seems to be going in the right direction.

As for geller, it's so clear that he's oversharing on the new girlfriend because the 'friends' told him about seeing you with westley. He's just transparent! Things not to share with your ex... Hmm. Childish and obvious!

Gousto sounds fab. I'll look into that. Also sick of the ' what's for tea' routine. Fridge full of food but nothing to make a meal with!

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