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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The One With The Vintage Dresses From Paris Geller Doesn’t Know About

998 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 26/10/2021 17:37

Previous thread here

I’ve lost count of how many threads I’ve had, so I bloody well hope this is the one where he signs!

I think whoever pointed out my mother gave me the dresses out of guilt is right. And don’t worry, I’m not handing them back.

I’m sure you will all enjoy this story. So, my grandmother left me various things in her will. To date I have received only one of them, which I have treasured and looked after for years. That’s why I’m so excited about the dresses.

The one I am particularly sore about is her engagement ring. It’s a diamond trilogy ring. I love it. I love it not because of what it is, but because of what it represents. She always promised it to me, and we were incredibly close (armchair psychologists, this is where you raise an eyebrow and look thoughtfully over the top of your glasses whilst going hmmm) not least because, when I was under a year old, my mother went into hospital to have my brother three months early. They managed to stop labour, but my mother stayed in hospital for nearly four months. I was only allowed to see her once a week, and got so upset at leaving her, that they decided it was best for me not to see her. My grandma moved in to look after me, and effectually became my second mum. I didn’t see my actual mum for nearly 3 months, and then she came home with a new born who needed all the usual attention. And Granny moved out again. When I was 8, she moved in with us and stayed with us until she died. I was the one who found her, when I was 13.

Any wonder I have deep seated issues?! Anyway. Back to the diamond story. She left me the ring. However, my mother has never handed it over. She wears it. I could understand not getting it til I was 21, 25, or 30 …nothing (she gave me half a dozen duck eggs for my 30th present, by the way), but then when my wedding day passed (and no, she didn’t hand it over for him to use as an engagement ring) and then my 40th…well, I’ve pretty much given up hope of getting it.

It was in a letter my grandmother left, not her actual will, and I’ve no idea where the letter is, or if she even still has it.

I have already told my brother that the ring is literally the only thing I will want when the time comes, as I can see her leaving it to my SIL just to spite me.

So, if you’re looking for a reason why I was fucked up enough to marry a loser like Geller, I think my therapist pretty much nailed it with the comment ‘do you think the way your mother replaced you with your brother might have something to do with your competitive relationship with him?’

As you were folks. I’m opening the gin and lighting the fire.

OP posts:
kidneysforeveryone · 25/01/2022 19:47

Following on from @AcrossthePond55 maybe tell them you HAVE had it valued and it's actually worth quite a lot of money.......bet they pull their fingers out then

DartmoorDoughnut · 25/01/2022 19:55

Sniggering at that suggestion @kidneysforeveryone Grin

We used the dulux heritage range, after new kitchen, knocking a wall down etc the budget didn’t stretch to F&B, in any case I think it’s lovely, Provençal white is this lush pinky white which is really warm, honestly was a total mistake as it did not look pink when I did the tester but luckily I liked it so it’s worked out well Grin

AcrossthePond55 · 25/01/2022 21:39

@kidneysforeveryone

Following on from *@AcrossthePond55* maybe tell them you HAVE had it valued and it's actually worth quite a lot of money.......bet they pull their fingers out then
Brilliant!!!!
Justilou1 · 26/01/2022 10:06

I can’t decide if the “Oh fuck, the girls were playing basketball in the house. I’ve got something terrible to tell you….” method would get them off your back or turn them into haemorrhoids.

Mix56 · 26/01/2022 11:25

No, can't do that, they'll want compensation...

Grrrpredictivetex · 26/01/2022 12:55

@Polly at least you've got the basis for next thread title.
"Oh la la l'horloge comtoise " 😂

Grrrpredictivetex · 26/01/2022 12:56

I should just say I hope thats grandfather clock in French ! 🙈

RandomMess · 26/01/2022 13:14

I so wish the next thread title would be

"When the Clock moved to Gellar's"

🤣

drspouse · 26/01/2022 15:36

Just realised this had fallen off TIO, so pleased about the cottage! It sounds amazing.

pointythings · 26/01/2022 15:39

@RandomMess

I so wish the next thread title would be

"When the Clock moved to Gellar's"

🤣

Or 'The One With The Stationary Clock'.
RobertsRadio · 26/01/2022 16:17

I think I'd like the next title to be
Man Killed by Grandfather Clock in freak accident.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 26/01/2022 16:29

Or how about "my brother's (a) huge clock"

Sithee · 26/01/2022 17:30

@dexterslockedinsantasgrotto Has it I think Grin

Justilou1 · 27/01/2022 01:18

I was just coming in to say “The one where I tell my brother and Geller to clock off.”

LaChanticleer · 27/01/2022 14:34

Unlike the problem of what to do with the grandfather clock, which, it has to be said, is not an antique of any great beauty

Oh that's a pity - so my evil plan of just appropriating it is a no-go.

The clocks in my family are antiques of some beauty (and utility) and I miss that the sounds of my childhood of clocks chiming the hours throughout the house.

I like the idea of eBay!

LivingDeadGirlUK · 27/01/2022 17:20

I imagine he will either try and get your mum to browbeat you into keeping it, or try and bully her into taking it.

Sugarcube84 · 27/01/2022 22:08

I’ve followed your threads for a while and wanted to say you sound so happy and excited for your house and you thoroughly deserve it, enjoy every second planning and dreaming (Pinterest!!)

I can recommend this from doing a couple of rentals

www.diy.com/departments/polycell-crack-free-white-matt-emulsion-paint-2-5l/127228_BQ.prd

It’s a bit more expensive but really thick so covers cracks like it says but also gives really good coverage and reduces the number of coats you end up putting on, so it does save you time and money in the long run. It’s also a good bright white. We have said we are going to use it in our next doer upper as a base coat everywhere.

StuckInPollyannaMode · 28/01/2022 08:25

Hello my lovelies

Thank you so much for all the congratulations and decorating tips and hello to new folk and welcome back to those not so new! Phew, I think that covers it…I’ve not got Pinterest, I mean I have, but I just don’t GET it. I have, however, now gotten about 2837472818 saved Instagram posts.

First things first. I am bursting with pride about the Dollies. DD1 has been chosen to sing a solo to open the school music festival. DD2, who some of you may remember has struggled with reading for some time, is receiving a special bookworm award from the head today in assembly to recognise how much she has improved.

I met with Geller yesterday. It turned out to be the best conversation I’ve had with him in about 5 years.

I had to tell him about the house because I need to access the funds which are in a joint account. I haven’t told him any details about it, only the nearest town.

He was so relieved he nearly cried. He thought my ‘little haunts’ to Cornwall and Wales etc were to scope out places to move to with the girls. Which just goes to show that he doesn’t fucking listen in the first place, and demonstrates completely that his way of living is to imagine the worst case scenario and dramatise the hell out of it.

He now appears to be my new best friend. I heard allllll about his new lady (it’s so refreshing to be with someone sensible, apparently) and he was positively jovial. Got a lot of stuff agreed date wise and in the holidays and so on, and things planned for the Dollies birthday.

Don’t worry, it all went to hell in a handcart when it came to discussing secondary schools, and we ended it on a bit of an argument. He wants them to go to the comprehensive about 1/4 mile from his house. I want them to go to grammar. If they can get in. They are both capable, DD1 more so than DD2. When I suggested we should put DD1 forward for the top grammar, which is about 15 miles away, he refused on the grounds that he won’t be able to work a full working day if he has to do the school run that far. Oh, and they should both go to the same school for that reason. So, says I, are you saying that even if one gets into grammar and the other doesn’t that they should give up the chance to go to grammar and go to the local comp instead?

Yes, says Dickhead. The logistics are too difficult for them to go to different schools.

Welcome to parenthood.

Tiger Mum came out blazing my friends. He was left in no doubt that’s not an option.

And then I came home and plumbed in my new washing machine which got rid of a lot of the rage, then last night Westley took me out for dinner and I wore my new leather leggings and felt amazing.

OP posts:
pointythings · 28/01/2022 08:40

Oh well done to your Dollies!

I don't blame you for wanting the best school for them - grammar schools are divisive and in a way I wish they weren't necessary, but if I'd been in a GS area I would absolutely have tried to get my DDs in. I come from the Dutch system, which is heavily selective, so I'm not opposed - just opposed to the way it's done in the UK.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 28/01/2022 08:48

Well done, Dollies! That is great news and shows they are doing well despite their father being a muppet.

Were you able to persuade him to agree with you regarding schools in the end or do you think there will be further arguments? They girls may be twins, but they are still individuals and the schools they go to should be whatever is best for them individually, not what is best their sister and the school run. Give him hell, Polly!

LookItsMeAgain · 28/01/2022 09:17

You didn't happen to leave the grandfather clock with him by any chance??? (wishful thinking)

StuckInPollyannaMode · 28/01/2022 10:47

Jaunts. Not haunts, obviously.

I think we'll be arguing for the next couple of years over this. I'm damned if I'm not going to fight for the best education for them. He is so ridiculously short sighted and self absorbed. The irony is that he went to a grammar school himself!

No, I haven't mentioned the grandfather clock to him Grin nor have I left it there. Tempted.

Oh - and this will amuse you. My mother has sent me a thank you email for the thank you note that the Dollies and I wrote thanking her for the Christmas presents. She seems not to have picked up on the deeply underlying sarcasm and is delighted to have bought me something so useful and practical. I've a horrible feeling I've painted myself into a corner...

OP posts:
Justilou1 · 28/01/2022 14:18

The lowest form of wit is lost on those who are utterly devoid of humour, unfortunately @StuckInPollyannaMode. God, she sounds like my mum. (*Cue the shrieking of shrill strings on repeat just before Janet Leigh pushes open the showerscreen and screams….)

Meanwhile, please document this argument. It’s a good one. His inability and unwillingness to empathise or sacrifice any damn thing to benefit the girls is magnificent.

AcrossthePond55 · 28/01/2022 15:58

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Jaunts. Not haunts, obviously.

I think we'll be arguing for the next couple of years over this. I'm damned if I'm not going to fight for the best education for them. He is so ridiculously short sighted and self absorbed. The irony is that he went to a grammar school himself!

No, I haven't mentioned the grandfather clock to him Grin nor have I left it there. Tempted.

Oh - and this will amuse you. My mother has sent me a thank you email for the thank you note that the Dollies and I wrote thanking her for the Christmas presents. She seems not to have picked up on the deeply underlying sarcasm and is delighted to have bought me something so useful and practical. I've a horrible feeling I've painted myself into a corner...

Never underestimate the denseness of the giver of an 'obvious' gift. Your mum thinks you got her 'point'. She just doesn't realize it wasn't exactly the 'point' she intended.

Being in the US I don't know much about grammar vs comp but I DO know the value of putting your DC in the best school they can be in. And that if it's 'inconvenient' for the parents, so be it. Mine are grown and I'll tell you this, there is nothing like seeing your children educated and settled into good careers to make your retirement years 'serene'. Not because they can support you, but because they can support themselves. You fight on, Polly. This is a fight worth winning.

RobertsRadio · 28/01/2022 17:41

So your Mum bought you "A packet of Oven Pride and some antibacterial hand gel" and she really thinks you were delighted with that. Sheesh, talk about self deluded.

It really emphasises how selfish Gellar is as a parent doesn't it? Any decent parent will do their utmost to get their DC the best education and the school that is the best 'fit' for their DC because they want to give their DC the best shot for a happy and fulfilling (and hopefully well paid) career.

The fact that he doesn't want to be inconvenienced AT ALL over his daughters' education speaks volumes about the kind of parent he is. And they deserve better, so thank god they've got you fighting their corner.

I don't suppose he has indicated when and if, he is going to sign off the financial agreement. BTW my suggestion for the next thread title was in relation to Gellar, not your brother, thought I should probably make that clear.