The One With The Vintage Dresses From Paris Geller Doesn’t Know About

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Previous thread here

I’ve lost count of how many threads I’ve had, so I bloody well hope this is the one where he signs!

I think whoever pointed out my mother gave me the dresses out of guilt is right. And don’t worry, I’m not handing them back.

I’m sure you will all enjoy this story. So, my grandmother left me various things in her will. To date I have received only one of them, which I have treasured and looked after for years. That’s why I’m so excited about the dresses.

The one I am particularly sore about is her engagement ring. It’s a diamond trilogy ring. I love it. I love it not because of what it is, but because of what it represents. She always promised it to me, and we were incredibly close (armchair psychologists, this is where you raise an eyebrow and look thoughtfully over the top of your glasses whilst going hmmm) not least because, when I was under a year old, my mother went into hospital to have my brother three months early. They managed to stop labour, but my mother stayed in hospital for nearly four months. I was only allowed to see her once a week, and got so upset at leaving her, that they decided it was best for me not to see her. My grandma moved in to look after me, and effectually became my second mum. I didn’t see my actual mum for nearly 3 months, and then she came home with a new born who needed all the usual attention. And Granny moved out again. When I was 8, she moved in with us and stayed with us until she died. I was the one who found her, when I was 13.

Any wonder I have deep seated issues?! Anyway. Back to the diamond story. She left me the ring. However, my mother has never handed it over. She wears it. I could understand not getting it til I was 21, 25, or 30 …nothing (she gave me half a dozen duck eggs for my 30th present, by the way), but then when my wedding day passed (and no, she didn’t hand it over for him to use as an engagement ring) and then my 40th…well, I’ve pretty much given up hope of getting it.

It was in a letter my grandmother left, not her actual will, and I’ve no idea where the letter is, or if she even still has it.

I have already told my brother that the ring is literally the only thing I will want when the time comes, as I can see her leaving it to my SIL just to spite me.

So, if you’re looking for a reason why I was fucked up enough to marry a loser like Geller, I think my therapist pretty much nailed it with the comment ‘do you think the way your mother replaced you with your brother might have something to do with your competitive relationship with him?’

As you were folks. I’m opening the gin and lighting the fire.

Just popping in (amid a sea of undergrad essays to be marked) to cheer you on @StuckInPollyannaMode Congrats on the house, and cross-fingers about Westley.

My evil antiques-loving mind wonders why you don't keep the grandfather clock? There are two in my family, but as there are lots of us siblings and I'm not on the same continent as either of the clocks, I am unlikely to inherit either.

And a house with beams etc sounds luscious and just right for a grandfather clock (if it's a nice one).

Yay polly congratulations on the house!!!! Wonderful news.

Definitely leave the clock with Geller

Great news on the house Polly, a win for you and another step forward.

Gah, I typed out a long update yesterday and then lost it. We got distracted by Encanto - what a great film! The Dollies and I loved it. Cried my eyes out. Really positive messages. And much better than Frozen, i thought.

Anyway. I've got to the bottom of it. It's actually nothing to do with Geller, although his wishy washy refuse to deal with it attitude hasn't helped. It's to do a with a girl at school that they don't like, and I'm actually pretty pleased with the way they handled it. DD1 came into my bed yesterday and it all came out. @Pashazade I really like that explanation and wish I'd read it beforehand! Will definitely use that in the future.

Problem is now solved. Phew. Unlike the problem of what to do with the grandfather clock, which, it has to be said, is not an antique of any great beauty (hence, @LaChanticleer, not trying to find a home for it) it's more... rough hewn, shall we say.

The silence from the French since I said no has been deafening. I shall fire another salvo in a week or so and see what comes of it.

Tell the French, it will cost £x to have it taken to the tip, send me the dosh ASAP

Just give entitled DB a date (2-4 weeks) after which the big clock is going to the dump or onto freecycle etc. Say that if they don't reply to arrange collection that you will assume that are OK with you getting rid of it

Don't let them bully you any more!

"My Grandfather's Clock" is now my ear worm.

I think the French are just not getting it that you are no longer their doormat. Hence the new one. They're either too shocked to make arrangements or they're waiting for you to back down. Or they're waiting for your mother to call and upbraid you.

Problem is now solved. Phew. Unlike the problem of what to do with the grandfather clock. The silence from the French since I said no has been deafening. I shall fire another salvo in a week or so and see what comes of it.

I'd be inclined to Email them back stating that ignoring me will not solve the issue of the clock. So they have until 1st of February to arrange for it to be collected. And it needs to be removed from your house no later then 14th February otherwise you will arrange for it to been sent to the local charity shop.

I would also state that you only agreed to look after the clock temporary when they moved to France. And as they have continue to leave the clock in your possession for many years and you are only asking them to arrange for the clock that they clearly do not want to be collected as a curtesy.

Glad you’ve managed to get it out of the dollies Polly, I hope their school helps too.

The new house sounds amazing, sand blasting and paint colours?! I’m imagining oak beams, flagstone floors and fresh light paint colours on the walls

I’d contact them and give them a date three/four weeks before you actually need it gone and say if it isn’t gone by then you’ll leave it on the pavement with a free sign stuck to it!

It’s a tiny stone cottage with a wood burner and deep windowsills. I’m going crisp cream and soft green neutrals with a couple of statement pieces of Cornish art in the living room. There’s a pocket sized kitchen and a south facing garden with a cherry tree. My bedroom will be amongst the rafters in the attic, and I’m thinking calming French grey and soft pink bed linen, with possibly some chintz and waffle cushions. It’s tucked away in the folds of the hill and is just crying out for some TLC.

There’s climbing plants on the front of the house, rosemary and lavender in the garden, and just enough space for a table and a couple of chairs for sundowners.

Give me six months and you won’t recognise the place!

I'm so glad the thing with your girls was school and not Gellar, and so great that they handled it well!

I remember you started your last thread with a ticking clock - this may have come back to bite you! I second setting a deadline.

I would suggest to The French that you donate it to a local charity shop. If they veto that idea then give them a specific date by which they have to arrange collection and transportation to 🇫🇷 after which time you will dispose of it. Make sure this is all put in writing and that they acknowledge this in writing too, so you have proof of the arrangement.

Your cottage sounds heavenly.

Your house sounds like a storybook dream @StuckInPollyannaMode. I wouldn’t mention money to the French side. They’re operating on the assumption that you will move the clock (at your expense) and continue to store it until it behooves them to collect it. I would send one more message stating that as they haven’t informed you of their intentions re the clock, you will be leaving it on the footpath if it hasn’t been dealt with by X date, as you are not willing to be responsible for it any longer.

Also, how amazing that your dollies sorted themselves out! Clearly that is a trait that they don’t get from their paternal unit. X

OMG it sounds like an enchanted cottage from a fairy story! How wonderful!!

I'm going to look for my chocolate orange now - tap it unwrap it

The cottage sounds delicious

@Mintyt

The cottage sounds delicious

And big enough for you and the girls and unfortunately to small for guests to stay.

I am SO jealous you have just described my dream home Polly

Your description of your cottage reminds me of the one in Matilda. I am so pleased you have got it and hope proceedings move smoothly and quickly for you.
As for The French, one last email stating as of X date you will no longer be able to have it in your house and if they want it they need to make the arrangements to have it collected via whichever means they like. You can't take it to them.
I am having a similar issue with a relative on a much smaller scale, not divorce proceedings, just probate stuff, and the items aren't even part of the estate. But, the stuff I am trying to return, they just won't talk to me about (via messages, we don't speak). It is so frustrating and it's nowhere near what you are going through so [gjn] and for you, as they are certainly helping me

That sounds amazing Polly, so lovely, really chuffed for you!

Interior designer (and with you from the start) here. Take a look at Farrow & Ball 'Colour By Nature' collection. I would recommend a colour palette for your cottage of:

Snow White
Skimmed Milk White
Ash Grey

Within those three colours - all of which are beautiful in the flesh - you will be able to create a wonderful interior. Stick to a standard Deluxe brilliant white for all ceilings (which brightens the space no end). Don't try to match F&B colours, buy the actual F&B paint. Yes, a bit pricey, but it's a cottage so you won't need a truckful.

Don't hesitate to ask if you need any decorating tips!

Dulux, not deluxe. bloody autocucumber

I wouldn't say any more to the French. When you know your leaving date, just send a two liner,
"I am moving, you have till x to remove clock or It goes on fb market place, cant take it low ceilings."
When they start to complain. You say "I asked you to deal with it in early January"

Hasn't Sil got family in UK?

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Put it on eBay and send them a link 😉.

Seriously, I agree with @Mix56. I don't know how fast UK home purchases, but will there be enough time for them to make arrangements?

Personally, I'm betting they don't really give a shit about the clock and that you will end up disposing of it. If they did they'd have had it moved to theirs by now.

Have you had it valued? We have an old junky looking mantle clock that belonged to my DH's great-grandparents and we were shocked at it's value. I know it's not yours, but if the French 'abandon' it to you, I'd have it valued before selling or 'tipping' it.