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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The One With The Vintage Dresses From Paris Geller Doesn’t Know About

998 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 26/10/2021 17:37

Previous thread here

I’ve lost count of how many threads I’ve had, so I bloody well hope this is the one where he signs!

I think whoever pointed out my mother gave me the dresses out of guilt is right. And don’t worry, I’m not handing them back.

I’m sure you will all enjoy this story. So, my grandmother left me various things in her will. To date I have received only one of them, which I have treasured and looked after for years. That’s why I’m so excited about the dresses.

The one I am particularly sore about is her engagement ring. It’s a diamond trilogy ring. I love it. I love it not because of what it is, but because of what it represents. She always promised it to me, and we were incredibly close (armchair psychologists, this is where you raise an eyebrow and look thoughtfully over the top of your glasses whilst going hmmm) not least because, when I was under a year old, my mother went into hospital to have my brother three months early. They managed to stop labour, but my mother stayed in hospital for nearly four months. I was only allowed to see her once a week, and got so upset at leaving her, that they decided it was best for me not to see her. My grandma moved in to look after me, and effectually became my second mum. I didn’t see my actual mum for nearly 3 months, and then she came home with a new born who needed all the usual attention. And Granny moved out again. When I was 8, she moved in with us and stayed with us until she died. I was the one who found her, when I was 13.

Any wonder I have deep seated issues?! Anyway. Back to the diamond story. She left me the ring. However, my mother has never handed it over. She wears it. I could understand not getting it til I was 21, 25, or 30 …nothing (she gave me half a dozen duck eggs for my 30th present, by the way), but then when my wedding day passed (and no, she didn’t hand it over for him to use as an engagement ring) and then my 40th…well, I’ve pretty much given up hope of getting it.

It was in a letter my grandmother left, not her actual will, and I’ve no idea where the letter is, or if she even still has it.

I have already told my brother that the ring is literally the only thing I will want when the time comes, as I can see her leaving it to my SIL just to spite me.

So, if you’re looking for a reason why I was fucked up enough to marry a loser like Geller, I think my therapist pretty much nailed it with the comment ‘do you think the way your mother replaced you with your brother might have something to do with your competitive relationship with him?’

As you were folks. I’m opening the gin and lighting the fire.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/01/2022 07:53

I would give SIL a fixed deadline to sort it, tell her the only thing you can assist with is being home when the packers collect it.

I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up at an auction house as it doesn't mean anything to her after all!

Gellar having tantrums yet again 😆 poor new girlfriend in a vulnerable place ready to be abused by him instead SadIt's hilarious that he thinks you'd be jealous.

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 22/01/2022 07:56

DB goes oh, don’t worry, send it home. To which mother says ahahahaha nope, we’re downsizing, nice try.

Are your DP likely to move before you? if so, you could courier it to their new place. Halo
Otherwise, say it's got woodworm, so it's going to the tip.😹

frazzledasarock · 22/01/2022 08:42

Well done for shutting your brother down on this.

Do not go out of your way one teeny tiny bit to accommodate the removal of this grandfather clock.

If your SIL can’t be arsed to pick it up, I’d leave it behind when moving. Sometimes you leave things behind 🤷🏻‍♀️

A man who gives you the last segment of a chocolate orange is definitely a goodun.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 22/01/2022 08:48

He had already let you have the middle? Well, I am in love even if you aren’t! 😂😂😂

I’m so glad that this is your choice and Westley is being super supportive of it.

I’m doing my happy dance for both of you! 💃🕺🏼

RandomMess · 22/01/2022 08:57

All I can say on the chocolate orange front is that they are vile since they changed to using palm oil

SadSadSadSadSadSad
AngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngry

I would no longer consider it wonderful to be given any 😱

Polly up your standards, palm oil free chocolate from now on 🤣

Justilou1 · 22/01/2022 10:01

Last piece of the chocolate orange you say, Polly? AS….YOU…WIIIIIIIISH!
Phwoarrrr!
Also, Fuck those arseholes!
I’d be so tempted to say that Geller had sold it years ago, but they’ve invaded your space recently, dammit!

Tomeeornottomee · 22/01/2022 10:39

🍾🥂 Congratulations on getting your new home!

Newestname002 · 22/01/2022 10:40

@frazzledasarock, @StuckInPollyannaMode

A man who gives you the last segment of a chocolate orange is definitely a goodun.

I wonder if there's any way of cloning him... 🌹

Eddielzzard · 22/01/2022 12:07

Wait... so you've been kindly looking after this grandfather clock for your DB. Now you're moving you can no longer look after it for him. Instead of thanking you for taking such good care of it, and he will arrange to pick it up, he tells you to take it to DParents. DCrazyMum says no, not on your Nellie, so he says YOU can drive all the way to fucking SWITZERLAND (I'm imagining) with a GRANDFATHER CLOCK, and then drop it off at his on your way home? When he told you you weren't welcome to visit WITHOUT his fucking grandfather clock??? I think a vein just exploded in my head.

Svalberg · 22/01/2022 15:01

Could you suggest leaving the clock with Geller, as they're such good friends?

CraftyYankee · 22/01/2022 15:19

@Svalberg

Could you suggest leaving the clock with Geller, as they're such good friends?
This is genius.
Mix56 · 22/01/2022 17:37

This has made me seeth, So glad you refused, when they come back for more, I I would say, you already had the movers move it once, how the fuck are you supposed to get a fucking grandfather clock in your car ? (Or bf's car, that they dont mind driving their belongings down but dont want to meet ??????)
Plus did they know there's probably tax to pay after Brexit ?!!!!
If they want it, they need to decide where it is going, & how, rapidly as it cannot remain at yours.
Fuck off...

StuckInPollyannaMode · 22/01/2022 21:05

Ahahahahahahahaha that’s absolute genius, leaving it with Geller! Oh, that’s made me howl with laughter. Brilliant.

Excellent summary @Eddielzzard hope you didn’t lose too much blood!

Girls have been really unsettled the past couple of days. He’s wound them up something chronic about something. Hmmm.

In other news, I have finally started taking my make up off with micellar water every night - what a difference! Late to the cleansing party but I got there in the end.

Oh, and I’ve a hideous cold. Urgh. Testing like crazy but it really just is a cold. Been so long since I had a bad one that I’d forgotten just how vile they can be.

Already started with the clearing out. Taken a load of china to a friend this afternoon, listed a load of clothes on Vinted, emptied a box in the Room of Doom, finally got the Christmas bedding away…by the time I move I’ll finally have got the house straight!

OP posts:
StuckInPollyannaMode · 22/01/2022 21:09

PS @DifficultBloodyWoman the L word has not been mentioned. I’m falling, and I’m pretty sure he is too, but I’m cautious and so is he. I’m not saying a damn thing after what happened on Christmas Day when I did say something. I have to believe in actions not words. And his actions make me very happy!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/01/2022 21:17

With Gellar you listened to the words and ignored his actions so you do very well to place priority on actions.

Still his words on the clock were very good indeed Wink

RandomMess · 22/01/2022 21:18

Have you asked the dollies if something happened at Daddies as they seem upset and you want to help?

Mix56 · 22/01/2022 21:31

Is it to do with his new lady friend ?( poor woman) she really must be deranged to leave an abusive marriage & take on a thrice divorced (nearly) idiot

StuckInPollyannaMode · 22/01/2022 22:11

Dollies are mute on the subject. Just want lots of cuddles. No idea. Didn’t open up in the car, nor at bedtime either night. Hmmm.

I’m googling beam sandblasting and paint colours. Braving family swim tomorrow. Urgh.

Super annoyed. Was halfway through the first season of West Wing and they’ve taken it off All.4! Just as I had become addicted! And it’s not late enough in the day to Wordle for a second time…

Just seen Katie Price has been arrested. Crikey now there’s a soul that needs saving if ever I saw one.

Just in case I haven’t said it enough lately, I really really do value all of you cheering me on and commenting and all the support. It means so much. And yes, obviously, I’ll be having a MN house warming - all welcome - complete with gin, bubbles and plenty of bubbles 😁

OP posts:
RandomMess · 22/01/2022 22:15

PuzzWord is the app for as much as you want wordle Wink

Starbonnet123 · 22/01/2022 22:39

@StuckInPollyannaMode , you got me at the last piece of chocolate orange . I always wanted someone to really love me , I was married at 22 , 2 children and years later we used to go ballroom dancing (I thought it was romantic he was very methodical) anyway at a dance party there was a new couple and the man was absolutely besotted with the lovely lady he was partnering, I so wanted to be loved like her .
Long story short I found the one who would give me the last piece of chocolate orange, looks at me with love in his eyes and will tell anyone who asks how much he loves me . I was 45 when this wonderful man found me and we've been together for 12 years now .
You too will have all the love, it will come to you and you will be happy . you have come so far from your first post , you are an amazing woman I have nothing but admiration for you . Love and hugs 💖

AcrossthePond55 · 22/01/2022 23:26

Is it possible he's introduced them to his new 'lady' and told them not to tell? Even worse, could he have told them about Westley and said you don't want them to know? I think the Dollies are so generally 'open' with you that they would have told you about him getting angry or some run of the mill 'Geller-made' incident. I think it's that they've been told to keep a secret.

Being told by Daddy to keep a secret from Mummy sets up a real conflict in little minds.

Justilou1 · 23/01/2022 02:17

I would be pushing the girls to understand that you NEVER keep secrets in your family. Who knows what they have witnessed? It could be the OW, or we know his behaviour had been deplorable in the past, he may have lost it at one of the girls and has bought their silence or intimidated them. Silence is how abuse perpetuates. I’d be going hard on that one. (I’d even reward them for spilling the beans.)

RandomMess · 23/01/2022 08:44

I certainly would be telling them that you know something is wrong and there are never secrets to keep only surprises like presents. That you are their Mum and you need to know what is wrong to help make things better.

Pashazade · 23/01/2022 08:58

DH passed this on to me and I thought it was good, so maybe you could have a general conversation about "secrets".
Good secrets have a time limit, ie surprise party, special visit or special birthday present.
Bad secrets do not, so if someone tells you something and doesn't give it an end date then it's not a secret you need to keep.
(Obviously I know it's more complicated than that, but it's all you need to tell them at their age.)
I'm sure you've had similar conversations before but it might be worth going over again, as it appears they are feeling stuck about something.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 23/01/2022 11:04

@Pashazade
I like that explanation!