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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The One With The Vintage Dresses From Paris Geller Doesn’t Know About

998 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 26/10/2021 17:37

Previous thread here

I’ve lost count of how many threads I’ve had, so I bloody well hope this is the one where he signs!

I think whoever pointed out my mother gave me the dresses out of guilt is right. And don’t worry, I’m not handing them back.

I’m sure you will all enjoy this story. So, my grandmother left me various things in her will. To date I have received only one of them, which I have treasured and looked after for years. That’s why I’m so excited about the dresses.

The one I am particularly sore about is her engagement ring. It’s a diamond trilogy ring. I love it. I love it not because of what it is, but because of what it represents. She always promised it to me, and we were incredibly close (armchair psychologists, this is where you raise an eyebrow and look thoughtfully over the top of your glasses whilst going hmmm) not least because, when I was under a year old, my mother went into hospital to have my brother three months early. They managed to stop labour, but my mother stayed in hospital for nearly four months. I was only allowed to see her once a week, and got so upset at leaving her, that they decided it was best for me not to see her. My grandma moved in to look after me, and effectually became my second mum. I didn’t see my actual mum for nearly 3 months, and then she came home with a new born who needed all the usual attention. And Granny moved out again. When I was 8, she moved in with us and stayed with us until she died. I was the one who found her, when I was 13.

Any wonder I have deep seated issues?! Anyway. Back to the diamond story. She left me the ring. However, my mother has never handed it over. She wears it. I could understand not getting it til I was 21, 25, or 30 …nothing (she gave me half a dozen duck eggs for my 30th present, by the way), but then when my wedding day passed (and no, she didn’t hand it over for him to use as an engagement ring) and then my 40th…well, I’ve pretty much given up hope of getting it.

It was in a letter my grandmother left, not her actual will, and I’ve no idea where the letter is, or if she even still has it.

I have already told my brother that the ring is literally the only thing I will want when the time comes, as I can see her leaving it to my SIL just to spite me.

So, if you’re looking for a reason why I was fucked up enough to marry a loser like Geller, I think my therapist pretty much nailed it with the comment ‘do you think the way your mother replaced you with your brother might have something to do with your competitive relationship with him?’

As you were folks. I’m opening the gin and lighting the fire.

OP posts:
pointythings · 21/12/2021 22:17

Geller will sign. You will be free to live your life. You will go from strength to strength work wise. You will be able to distance yourself from your useless family. You will build a circle of people who will put you first and care for you. It will all come.

Meanwhile letting it all out is healthy.

Sunbird24 · 21/12/2021 22:34

Oh Polly, give in to the feelings, have yourself a lovely big tantrum and really go to town on it, because life isn’t fair and sometimes it just sucks being a grown up!
Then block or at least unfollow/mute DI Whatsit, you don’t need to see what’s going on in his life now. I second not worrying about posting presents right now, they probably wouldn’t arrive in time for Christmas anyway! Do send them at some point though, otherwise it gives people an excuse to try and come and visit you when you don’t really want them to…

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2021 22:54

A line I've always remembered from 'Tootsie' is: "Don't tell me how to feel. I'll feel this way until I don't feel this way anymore!". So go ahead and FEEL. You're entitled to it. You deserve it. You've earned it.

"Weeping endureth for the night, but joy cometh in the morning" so give into it now and you'll feel better tomorrow.

AngelonTopoftheTree · 21/12/2021 23:12

@AcrossthePond55

A line I've always remembered from 'Tootsie' is: "Don't tell me how to feel. I'll feel this way until I don't feel this way anymore!". So go ahead and FEEL. You're entitled to it. You deserve it. You've earned it.

"Weeping endureth for the night, but joy cometh in the morning" so give into it now and you'll feel better tomorrow.

That's a great quote @AcrossthePond55, I really like it Xmas Smile
ChristmasPlanning · 21/12/2021 23:44

I think the emotions are healthy & completely normal!

Hope you get a good sleep tonight. What nice things can you look forward to?

AcrossthePond55 · 21/12/2021 23:46

Words to live by @AngelonTopoftheTree . Too often we deny our feelings for fear of hurting someone else's or we let others tell us how to feel. Feeling feelings isn't weak. It actually shows we have the courage to face our demons.

loveablequalities · 22/12/2021 01:07

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Is it a Georgette Heyer historical novel because if not then get on those straight away.

Your ex is a dick = can't change that
COVID is a thing = can't change that
Chocolate is a thing = can eat that
Fresh air is outside = can breathe that

Tomorrow is another day = change is inevitable

Keep strong.

Pashazade · 22/12/2021 07:29

Morning Polly, really hope that a nights sleep has helped shift some of the squashed and harried feeling.
It will all be alright, whilst we're all randoms on the internet we all care about how you're doing too. I know things feel bleak but you are getting there.
Being without the dollies will I'm sure not be fun, but remember it's only for a few days, you will get through because that's what we do.
I wish I could come and boss you around (hopefully in a making you feel cared for way!) by making you cups of tea and cake and forcing you to sit on the sofa and watch daft films, I also know it's a bad time of year for friends being able to do this for you, because I'm sure they would if they could.
Oh and a lovely book for feeling like everything can be better and my therapy book I give to friends for duvet days is "Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day" it's glorious and always worth having to hand.
Big hugs ThanksThanks

Mix56 · 22/12/2021 07:50

"Caitlin Moran says, it’s not girls who run the world, it’s very tired middle aged women., Ain't that the truth.
I hope you got a good sleep Polly.
You are exhausted, you have had so much shit to deal with.
Gellar can Fuck off, you wont be changing any plans at the 11th hour. He's had months to decide & negotiate what he wants, now he's missed the deadline.
He us being such a bastard not just signing & getting this hurdle over, he's in his new house with his Range. Smug little dick.

So lets looks at the amazing things you have achieved this year:
Ejecting your miserable loveless husband
Saving your daughters, who are visibly happier & behaving better (for you anyway)
Moved into your new safe home
Work achievements & qualification
New man
Out of the FOG with your family
Coven of Goiden friends who love you
Varios glorious w/e escapes
Running
Losing weight
New ring
Freedom
Us

Chin up Polly. & Happy Christmas 😅

StuckInPollyannaMode · 22/12/2021 09:02

Thank you all. Got myself a bit bogged down there. But, enough now.

Time for the pity party to stop now. I’ve ordered the book (I see it’s a film too!), I’ve been for a walk round the glorious frosty fields, I’ve picked up the last few bits from the supermarket and I’m just waiting at the docs for the contraceptive shot in my bum.

Who says I don’t know how to live?!

I have much to look forward to, friends in real life and virtual - onwards and upwards.

Thank for you for once again being there to catch me when I stumbled. Love you all, and hope you have a very merry Christmas.

OP posts:
Pashazade · 22/12/2021 10:08

A shot in the bum, you indeed know how to live! 😁
Glad a night's sleep helped.
Oh the film is good, in light and fluffy style, but def read the book first.
Merry Christmas to you and the Dollies! 🎄🎄

comfortablyfrumpy · 22/12/2021 10:32

You know what, Polly - 2022 is going to be your year.

You've survived 2021 and all the shit it's thrown at you, and you've come out of it a shining example to your Dollies.

Gellar just wouldn't be Gellar if he didn't do last minute nambying about. Are you really surprised? At least you aren't still with him - it could be worse Grin

Enjoy your downtime, hunker down and do whatever you want to.

Merry Christmas to you and the Dollies.

And stuff Gellar!

Newestname002 · 22/12/2021 12:24

Sending you supportive thoughts and 🍷 and/or Ginand/or 🥃 plus 🍰 dear Polly as well as best wishes for Christmas and a much better 2022! It's got to be better right? And you are so much stronger than you were at the start of your first thread. Maybe read them back... 🌹

Justilou1 · 22/12/2021 12:45

You are with Mr New Man at Christmas? Isn’t that a good thing? Surely that means that you are his priority - knee and all?

Mr Plod is clearly ludicrously stupid and intimidated by your gorgeousness. Bet his dolly is thick. Please remove him from your sm. Comparison is never good for mental health.

Gellar is a waste of skin, oxygen and other resources.

Beyoncé is stuck with Jay Z. He’s a cheating, power-hungry fucker who is also ugly AF. I very much doubt that she’s happy with him. I also doubt that she can afford to divorce him either. He owns her. They live very separate lives.

ItWasAgathaAllAlong · 22/12/2021 18:47

You have come so far, @StuckInPollyannaMode. But it's exhausted you, so no wonder your emotions and body are having a moment of saying, "No, can't do this for a few days". We can kick the can down the road, but eventually things do have a habit of breaking out (especially emotional crap) when they can't be kept in any longer.

But you know what? You've got this. You've got two scrumptious Dollies, and I think Mr New Man is a better man than DI Dishy ever was.

And, to echo every other poster above me - Geller can just fuck off to the far side of fuck with his attempts to change arrangements at this late stage. Nope, not happening. The MN staple of 'No, that doesn't work for me' was never so apt! The 'fuck off...' mantra also applies to your DM and DB (but I hope your DF is ok - thinking about an op at this time of year is never nice).

Christmas Day is just that - a day. It's so difficult for many people, but it's almost sacrilege to say it. Which is wrong. If we don't feel full of the joys, it's ok to say so. You do you, Polly. You and your girls. You owe no one anything, least of all an explanation about why you feel how you do right now.

Thinking of you. Xmas Smile Flowers Gin Wine

Justilou1 · 23/12/2021 08:58

The other thing that has occurred to me is that Geller knows that you are willing to sign off, so he sees that as him winning and you being weak. If you show him that you are willing to go to court and instigate an investigation into his financial fuckery and parental and marital machinations, then he may roll over and die.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 23/12/2021 10:50

I'm not at all into woo or the like, but its a hard time of the year for motivation and stress with the long dark nights. It drains the energy out of most people! Things will get brighter (physically and metaphorically lol) from now on.

RobertsRadio · 23/12/2021 12:28

@LivingDeadGirlUK

I'm not at all into woo or the like, but its a hard time of the year for motivation and stress with the long dark nights. It drains the energy out of most people! Things will get brighter (physically and metaphorically lol) from now on.
I agree with this plus Christmas brings its own pressures. Add to that a divorce, difficult and disloyal family, a useless and game playing STBXH, well no wonder you needed to relieve the pressure by having a good cry and a small pity party. It's perfectly healthy and a good way to let off steam and then reset.

Stop following the copper, surely only 15 year olds need to trumpet on SM that they are in luurve, besides which in his job he should be careful what he advertises. So just block him.

The winter solstice has just passed here in the Northern Hemisphere, the days will be getting longer soon, your girls are thriving, your business and professional life is progressing well, you have a lovely new man and in 2022 you will be finally divorced from THAT man (and if not me and @Justilou will hire a hit man and get rid of him for you, are there any new motorways being built near you?). Just hang on in their kid, things are just beginning for you and the dollies.

Mix56 · 23/12/2021 12:33

I'd tell Gellar that if he hasn't signed by the end of the year you are no longer prepared to negotiate & will go for his throat with full forensic enquiry...

WildMaryBerriesWithBrandyCream · 23/12/2021 18:42

This is the darkest time of year - and that is not just a metaphor.
Things will get better - you know that.

Message to provoke a signature from Gellar :
Hi G - really hoping I caught you in time and that you haven't signed the papers yet. I was looking through things with a friend today and we now think it might be better to take the formal route after all...

:)

LookItsMeAgain · 24/12/2021 14:07

I've been lurking but I just wanted to say that I hope you and your girls have a wonderful Christmas @StuckInPollyannaMode and that 2022 brings you everything that you need and want.

Onwards and upwards!

Happy Christmas

Fooshufflewickjbannanapants · 24/12/2021 17:08

Just popping back to wish you and the dollies a very merry Christmas and a fruitful and healthy new year x

SpringCrocus · 24/12/2021 20:17

Happy Geller free Christmas to you and the Dollies!

Pepperami36 · 25/12/2021 08:15

Hi Polly, I’ve lurked on here since the first thread and just wanted to say, well done. You’ve come so far! Wishing you and your dollies a wonderful Christmas and all the best for 2022!

StuckInPollyannaMode · 27/12/2021 08:30

Hello hello

Hope everyone had an exceedingly lovely Christmas. I’m about to pick up the Dollies and head off to have my own Christmas with them.

There has been a development with Mr Lovely New Man and I’m both perplexed and a bit upset and at a loss. Perhaps you can help me gain some perspective, knowing me as you all do.

We had Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together and it was lovely. Great presents - extremely generous and thoughtful ones, I’m very lucky.

When we went to bed, because it’s Christmas and I was a bit pissed and feeling bold, I told him how I felt about him. That I’m crazy about him and falling for him.

He said nothing. I said I felt stupid now. He said no, no need to. Hugged me and went to sleep.

Boxing Day morning was a bit weird. It was obvious it was Lurking. We went for a nice walk and I gathered up my courage and addressed the elephant in the room. Said that I stood by what I had said. And that I wasn’t expecting him to say something he didn’t feel, but I would like to know one thing. Would there be a possibility that he could fall for me in the future. And he said yes, that he could fall for me in the future and kissed me.

And then, because I am a twit and just can’t leave things be, I said that I had no idea how he felt about me and I was finding that tough. To which he said ‘but what if I don’t know how I feel about you?’

Which shut me up sharpish. I just muttered ‘enough’ and we both changed the subject.

We have plans for March - the ski trip was rescheduled. He’s coming away with me for a couple of nights next week to replace the trip we should be going on. He’s quite happy to make future plans.

But…I’m a bit lost. And hurt, if I’m honest. It took a lot for me to say what I said. And he’s been SO lovely - never inappropriate or love bombing or anything - he’s respectful and open and we’re having such a lovely time.

I totally respect that he doesn’t want to say something doesn’t feel. And that he’s not prepared to lie to me. But…

But now I just want to close down. My walls are going back up and my inclination is to retreat and withdraw. Which won’t help.

Any advice, my loves?

PS Geller posted a picture of him and The Poison Dwarf and the Dollies in Christmas jumpers on Christmas Day. Then proceeded to send it to practically everyone I know saying ‘how easy’ the day had been and he didn’t know what all the fuss was about.

OP posts: