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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The One With The Vintage Dresses From Paris Geller Doesn’t Know About

998 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 26/10/2021 17:37

Previous thread here

I’ve lost count of how many threads I’ve had, so I bloody well hope this is the one where he signs!

I think whoever pointed out my mother gave me the dresses out of guilt is right. And don’t worry, I’m not handing them back.

I’m sure you will all enjoy this story. So, my grandmother left me various things in her will. To date I have received only one of them, which I have treasured and looked after for years. That’s why I’m so excited about the dresses.

The one I am particularly sore about is her engagement ring. It’s a diamond trilogy ring. I love it. I love it not because of what it is, but because of what it represents. She always promised it to me, and we were incredibly close (armchair psychologists, this is where you raise an eyebrow and look thoughtfully over the top of your glasses whilst going hmmm) not least because, when I was under a year old, my mother went into hospital to have my brother three months early. They managed to stop labour, but my mother stayed in hospital for nearly four months. I was only allowed to see her once a week, and got so upset at leaving her, that they decided it was best for me not to see her. My grandma moved in to look after me, and effectually became my second mum. I didn’t see my actual mum for nearly 3 months, and then she came home with a new born who needed all the usual attention. And Granny moved out again. When I was 8, she moved in with us and stayed with us until she died. I was the one who found her, when I was 13.

Any wonder I have deep seated issues?! Anyway. Back to the diamond story. She left me the ring. However, my mother has never handed it over. She wears it. I could understand not getting it til I was 21, 25, or 30 …nothing (she gave me half a dozen duck eggs for my 30th present, by the way), but then when my wedding day passed (and no, she didn’t hand it over for him to use as an engagement ring) and then my 40th…well, I’ve pretty much given up hope of getting it.

It was in a letter my grandmother left, not her actual will, and I’ve no idea where the letter is, or if she even still has it.

I have already told my brother that the ring is literally the only thing I will want when the time comes, as I can see her leaving it to my SIL just to spite me.

So, if you’re looking for a reason why I was fucked up enough to marry a loser like Geller, I think my therapist pretty much nailed it with the comment ‘do you think the way your mother replaced you with your brother might have something to do with your competitive relationship with him?’

As you were folks. I’m opening the gin and lighting the fire.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 17/12/2021 20:02

@tribpot

Fantastic - I hope your brother makes a full recovery very soon and is never, ever invited to your house again. I would have no hesitation in telling anyone who thought they could bring a dog to my house and upset the cat that they should fuck off to the far side of fuck. I wonder if he was trying to goad you into telling him he couldn't come, so that you could be the reason he had to go and stay with Geller or something. Anyway, who cares - major bullet dodged, never ever to be repeated I hope.

What a great Christmas you can now have!

Agree.

So delighted to read this.

Him coming was stressful to read, considering the year you have had and that he is a patronising disloyal twat.

AcrossthePond55 · 17/12/2021 20:48

"It wasn't appropriate" to be at the concert? Oh I bet that explanation was a doozy!!! Although my BFF's ex did Geller one better; he showed up at the end of their son's Jr High graduation, walked up to their son and said "I'm not staying. Your mother doesn't want me here" then turned around and walked out. They can be such assholes, can't they?

I hate to think 'Hurrah' for anyone testing positive, but in this case I will permit a very small 'yippee'. Hopefully he won't become very ill and will recover swiftly. But it certainly does make your Christmas a good deal merrier and brighter!

As far as your DPs, errrmm, when was the last time they were around your DB? Maybe they should be isolating as having been around someone who tested positive. I mean, it's always a good idea to err on the side of caution in these cases, right? 😉

ChristmasPlanning · 17/12/2021 22:43

Oh I'm pleased you don't need to see or host Bro & SIL!

frazzledasarock · 17/12/2021 23:51

Must admit I was reading about your brothers increasingly mad demands and wishing self isolation on him.

This pandemic does have its upsides.

I found when I got divorced family behaved really bizarrely. Almost like they enjoyed seeing me down and wanted me to stay down.
But that’s my dysfunctional family.

Hope you and the dollies have a fab Christmas.

ifeelabitsad · 18/12/2021 09:36

What a wonderful Christmas present your brother has given you! Hope he's not too poorly though.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 18/12/2021 18:08

Christmas has come early :D

RandomMess · 18/12/2021 18:13

I am so happy for you!!

I guess skiing won't happen but you can still have a shag fest with NM for a few days!

DartmoorDoughnut · 18/12/2021 19:34

I know it’s awful but yay for your DB and his positive! Hope he doesn’t have it too badly but frankly thank fuck for that get out and let’s hope it improves his behaviour!

IncompleteSenten · 19/12/2021 10:19

Can't believe he said that about the baubles!
You should have said that sounds like a lot of work - she takes them off our tree to take with her, puts them on yours, then takes them back off yours to bring back here - it would make much more sense for you to buy a set yourself.

Justilou1 · 19/12/2021 22:01

Does it surprise anyone that he looks to @StuckInPollyannaMode rather than find his own set of balls?

longtompot · 19/12/2021 22:54

@Justilou1

Does it surprise anyone that he looks to *@StuckInPollyannaMode* rather than find his own set of balls?
Haha! Good one Grin
Mix56 · 20/12/2021 07:23

" Just Get some balls " perfect 🤣

Lunde · 20/12/2021 10:54

@Justilou1

Does it surprise anyone that he looks to *@StuckInPollyannaMode* rather than find his own set of balls?
Xmas Grin
comfortablyfrumpy · 20/12/2021 13:21

Yup, when they were divvying things up, @StuckInPollyannaMode definitely got the balls Grin and Gellar is yet to find any.

I hope you and the Dollies are enjoying the start of the school hols and looking forward to a cosy Christmas.

MzHz · 20/12/2021 13:33

Oh well… apparently there IS a god…

And he doesn’t like your DB and his family either!

What a let off! What a joyful day!

AngelonTopoftheTree · 21/12/2021 14:13

Great news on DB not coming for Christmas Polly
Hope you and the Dollies have a wonderful stressfree Christmas 🎄 Xmas Smile

prettybird · 21/12/2021 14:53

So are you going to post his special, personalised door mat to him? Xmas Wink

comfortablyfrumpy · 21/12/2021 15:54

@prettybird

So are you going to post his special, personalised door mat to him? Xmas Wink
Oh golly I forgot about the doormat.

Polly you won't get to see their look of wonderment as they open your extremely devious and deliciously pointed thoughtful gift.

StuckInPollyannaMode · 21/12/2021 21:07

I’m so low, my friends.

I can’t stop crying. I’ve spent an hour on solicitor paperwork today. I’ve finished work for the year. My anxiety is out of control. I’m scared I’m pushing Mr Lovely Man away. All our plans have changed re holidays and I feel so unsettled. I’ve damaged a ligament in my knee so I can’t run. The legal stuff is dragging on. I’ve now to post all the fucking presents including the sodding doormat. The world is pressing down on me and I’m so incredibly tired. Just fed up of being a grown up.

I keep thinking about this time last year and I’m not going to have the girls for Christmas and honestly, I don’t know how I’m going to get through it.

Except with wine, obviously.

I’m doing all the right things. Yoga, chocolate, fresh air, wine, meditation, talking, therapy.

But it’s just THERE.

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 21/12/2021 21:14

(((Hugs))) Polly

Don’t send the presents, they can have them in the NY.

Have you got a single/divorced/separated friend without their children you can spend Christmas with maybe?

pointythings · 21/12/2021 21:20

Oh Polly. Flowers

Can you contact your therapist even if just for a telephone or Zoom consult? It sounds as if life has thrown a lot of horrible but smallish shit at you and it's the final straw. And being done with work actually doesn't help because it means you lack structure when your normal structure (Christmas with your girls) is also not there. And that's all new and anxiety inducing. And it's also very normal to feel that way.

Ask for help if you can. Put aside the things that are nor immediately urgent. Prioritise looking after yourself.

StuckInPollyannaMode · 21/12/2021 21:55

I’m with Mr Lovely man for Christmas. I won’t be alone. I’m inundated with offers of help. I’m so very lucky.

I just can’t stop crying. It’s like waves and waves. I’m so incredibly sad and tired and so very fed up of being a strong independent woman. Rightly or wrongly I just want someone to go it’s ok Polly, I’ve got you, we can spend a week just being and all will be ok and you can read library books and sleep and drink tea and go on long walks and the world will be ok cos I’ve got you.

And the whole bloody Covid thing doesn’t help - It’s all the uncertainty that does for me. It’s like we’re at the mercy of a giant narcissist. Oh, wait, it’s JUST like my marriage was. Oh, and remember DI Dishy? He’s in lurve. All over the socials with his amazing relationship. Compared to me who has to keep Mr LM a secret because Geller won’t get on and sign the bloody paperwork. I’m tired of living a half life.

And I want it done. The whole lot of it. Geller has tried to change all the arrangements for Christmas and new year today. My father has had to have an op. My mother is being my mother. None of it is easy and you know what? Not once am I someone else’s priority. Not once has someone gone, I wonder what Polly wants to do, what would make it easier for her.

And that hurts.

The Dollies are so scrumptious and so lovely. DD1 - who, as you know, has challenges - got a certificate from school on Fridays for being empathetic and helping a classmate. A year ago that would never have happened. It’s such a big thing for her. I’m so proud.

And all this talk of a lockdown…

I had my therapy session today and she was great. I’ve talked to a dear friend tonight. I’ve just got to ride through it and trust and keep going but fuck me, I am so done with all this shit.

Sorry to rant but honest to fucking god I am done with this year, done with secrets, done with the endless demands from school for time and money, done with Geller, done with being a bloody grown up. I am going to bed with a cup of tea and putting my electric blanket on and reading a trashy historical novel because goddamn it, I am a strong independent woman and that is what we do.

I bet Beyoncé doesn’t have to put up with this. As Caitlin Moran says, it’s not girls who run the world, it’s very tired middle aged women.

OP posts:
WitchDancer · 21/12/2021 22:01

The crying is your emotions letting go. Let it go if you want to, howl at the moon if you want to, beat the shit out of a pillow if you want to, go to bed and stay there with the covers over your head if you want to.

You are a fantastic person and are doing so well. ThanksWineCake

harriethoyle · 21/12/2021 22:02

@StuckInPollyannaMode please take my virtual gin and make sure you have some IRL. and tell Geller to fuck right off re changing things. Cockwomble. Gin

RandomMess · 21/12/2021 22:02
Thanks

Tell Gellar to fuck off.

HTH