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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The One With The Vintage Dresses From Paris Geller Doesn’t Know About

998 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 26/10/2021 17:37

Previous thread here

I’ve lost count of how many threads I’ve had, so I bloody well hope this is the one where he signs!

I think whoever pointed out my mother gave me the dresses out of guilt is right. And don’t worry, I’m not handing them back.

I’m sure you will all enjoy this story. So, my grandmother left me various things in her will. To date I have received only one of them, which I have treasured and looked after for years. That’s why I’m so excited about the dresses.

The one I am particularly sore about is her engagement ring. It’s a diamond trilogy ring. I love it. I love it not because of what it is, but because of what it represents. She always promised it to me, and we were incredibly close (armchair psychologists, this is where you raise an eyebrow and look thoughtfully over the top of your glasses whilst going hmmm) not least because, when I was under a year old, my mother went into hospital to have my brother three months early. They managed to stop labour, but my mother stayed in hospital for nearly four months. I was only allowed to see her once a week, and got so upset at leaving her, that they decided it was best for me not to see her. My grandma moved in to look after me, and effectually became my second mum. I didn’t see my actual mum for nearly 3 months, and then she came home with a new born who needed all the usual attention. And Granny moved out again. When I was 8, she moved in with us and stayed with us until she died. I was the one who found her, when I was 13.

Any wonder I have deep seated issues?! Anyway. Back to the diamond story. She left me the ring. However, my mother has never handed it over. She wears it. I could understand not getting it til I was 21, 25, or 30 …nothing (she gave me half a dozen duck eggs for my 30th present, by the way), but then when my wedding day passed (and no, she didn’t hand it over for him to use as an engagement ring) and then my 40th…well, I’ve pretty much given up hope of getting it.

It was in a letter my grandmother left, not her actual will, and I’ve no idea where the letter is, or if she even still has it.

I have already told my brother that the ring is literally the only thing I will want when the time comes, as I can see her leaving it to my SIL just to spite me.

So, if you’re looking for a reason why I was fucked up enough to marry a loser like Geller, I think my therapist pretty much nailed it with the comment ‘do you think the way your mother replaced you with your brother might have something to do with your competitive relationship with him?’

As you were folks. I’m opening the gin and lighting the fire.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 12/12/2021 18:44

@RandomMess

Actually she is venting her displeasure at his incompetence. Ever more clearly are they recognising he is useless and your are their anchor.

It's not all bad. It's healthy she is show her feelings rather than saving them for yours where they feel safer.

Thanks

This.^^

Children (all children) become unhappy when something they want isn't available. That's life and 'you can't always get what you want' is a valuable lesson they all must learn. And yes, verbalizing it is healthy.

It's just fucking Geller using it to torment you. He just loves to twist the knife, doesn't he? Don't let him do this to you. DD will be fine. And once she's home and has relaxed and settled, you can talk to her about it if you feel the need to. But chances are she'll have forgotten all about it by then.

Either don't respond or send a short message "Comfort and distract your daughter. You're a competent parent aren't you?".

Actually, just not responding would probably be best.

dexterslockedinsantasgrotto · 12/12/2021 19:33

@StuckInPollyannaMode

I haven’t replied. I feel like shit.

She’s suffering because of his utter incompetence.

Just tell him this! What a pathetic man child he is.
Mix56 · 12/12/2021 19:49

Your reply: "Your best isn't good enough"

comfortablyfrumpy · 12/12/2021 20:14

"I'm doing my best"

"Yes, she realised that... "

BigRedDuck · 12/12/2021 21:00

@RandomMess

Actually she is venting her displeasure at his incompetence. Ever more clearly are they recognising he is useless and your are their anchor.

It's not all bad. It's healthy she is show her feelings rather than saving them for yours where they feel safer.

Thanks

This.

DD will be OK OP. So pleased to read your latest updates. I think of you often!

Justilou1 · 14/12/2021 07:38

Love the idea of telling Geller that “Doing your best” is the worst excuse ever. He should always aim higher and do better, as his best has led him nowhere fast.

mbosnz · 14/12/2021 10:29

Alternatively, you could respond, 'way to make it really easy for me to look really good in comparison to you Gellar'. . .

Justilou1 · 14/12/2021 21:51

Or even “Really? That’s your BEST?!?! I’m embarrassed for you.”

prettybird · 14/12/2021 22:03

Or, "If that's your best, you'll need to up your game" Wink

billy1966 · 14/12/2021 23:25

OP,

You are doing so well.

What a piece of work your brother and SIL are.

Awful that you have to have them to stay.

I would be the laziest host imaginable and would do the very least you can.

Hide any nice booze.
Suggest take out.
Cook bland food.
Don't buy in any nice bits.

Plead poverty and emergency work that needs doing.
Welcoming I would not be.

I am tolerant-ish too, but disloyalty finishes me.

Flowers
StuckInPollyannaMode · 17/12/2021 12:56

So my brother messaged last night to say he was bringing the dog.

I like dogs. I like his dog. My cat, however, does not. And I did not appreciate being told, not asked.

I ignored his message whilst I considered how to respond (and also because I was with Mr NM and frankly had better things to do)

This morning I woke up to a message to say DB has tested positive for Covid.

Christmas is off.

THANK GOD. I never, ever thought I would be saying that about someone having Covid (he is fit, and healthy, and has no symptoms) but oh, the RELIEF. I don't have to host them all, I don't have to go through the motions, I don't have to turn the house upside down and cook for three days.

Not sure what my DPs are doing now, so might get away without any of it Grin and can just hunker down with the Dollies and stay local and chill out. Plus, I've all the booze to myself now mwhahahahaha.

I'm going to spend the whole of tomorrow in my pj's eating chocolate and watching Christmas films with the Dollies and the rest of the world can just sod off.

Geller is being uber dramatic about Covid and how we're all going to be locked down and not able to leave the house in January and the end of the world is nigh... he's also not covered himself in glory by turning up at the school carol concert and lurking at the back and not even staying at the end to say well done to the Dollies (sent me long rambling message about why it wasn't appropriate FFS) ...frankly I'm just delighted I don't have to live with him any more. Best Christmas present I ever gave myself, getting rid of him.

OP posts:
PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 17/12/2021 13:29

Polly It feels wrong, doesn't it, to be glad. Xmas Blush I fully understand your relief.
I truly hope you don't get some v. slight symptoms yourself, and have to PCR test AND isolate before your M&D set off for your house...Wink

Pashazade · 17/12/2021 13:33

Oh hurrah, that saves a whole world of ball ache doesn't it!
As PussyCat said I'd probably be gently dissuading your parents, although if you fib about having Covid I'm sure Gellar will find out and squeal on you.....

pointythings · 17/12/2021 13:37

I think your sense of relief is entirely reasonable, so don't beat yourself up about it. Just enjoy your Christmas and your PJ day, you soooo deserve it!

I have no time for drama about COVID. It is what it is. We have panto tickets - I expect that to be cancelled. Tough shit, I will suck it up. My main aim is to have a family Christmas at home with my DC and my foster son's DP who is staying with us due to family issues at home, and my secondary aim is to get all the DC boostered as they are now eligible.

I have an entire Sainsbury's big shopping bag full of chocolate of all kinds just waiting to be opened Christmas Eve.

PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 17/12/2021 13:39

Ah, but Polly only needs to have a symptom and a test...not necessarily a positive one...she'll have to isolate for 24+hrs while she waits for the negative result. Halo

Justilou1 · 17/12/2021 13:51

Honestly, Covid couldn’t happen to a nicer guy…

comfortablyfrumpy · 17/12/2021 14:06

Polly that's the best news I've heard all week . I have shameless schadenfreude Grin

Enjoy your chocolate/wine/pj-fest.

And I think @PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets' s suggestion is perfect. Start sniffing on Christmas Eve then it's just you and the Dollies and no annoyances from anyone else.

chesterelly1 · 17/12/2021 14:19

Haven't posted in a while but I'm delurking to wish you a very merry Christmas. As a family we have been untouched by COVID so far but it's starting to feel like when not if. Both DS & DD2 have friends who have it and we are doing lateral flows, so far so negative. All the Christmas food and drink is bought, the fridge and freezer are both chockablock. DD1 comes home from uni tomorrow. I found myself thinking would it be too bad if one of the kids tested positive and we had to hunker down for 10 days, just the 5 of us, no more running around, no fetching and carrying, no entertaining relatives who frankly do not appreciate or even have a clue on the effort it takes. I think we'll have a Christmas pj's, movie & party food day on Sunday.
Wishing you everything you wish yourself.

Lunde · 17/12/2021 14:23

Christmas has come early for you this year Polly
Xmas Wink

Mix56 · 17/12/2021 15:25

Oh Thank the Lord !!!! I was thinking you could send message "I hope the Covid passes without more symptoms. the cancellation did however save me having to tell you you cannot bring your dog in my house. My cat will not like it. & its my cat & my home."
But actually wont be needed as you will never invite them again !

Sunbird24 · 17/12/2021 17:32

Hooray for a well-timed positive test! 😂 Luck is definitely on your side at the moment Polly, long may it continue!

PatriotCanes · 17/12/2021 17:35

A Christmas Miracle!

ItWasAgathaAllAlong · 17/12/2021 17:50

Oh @StuckInPollyannaMode, if ever there was a time when you can be sure fate (or karma!) is a 'thing'! You've now got the most wonderful Christmas to look forward to, just you and the Dollies!

Embrace! Enjoy! Xmas Grin

livinthedreamnot · 17/12/2021 19:18

Delurking to say how completely delighted I am that your DB has (symptom free) Covid. Enjoy an utterly fabulous ChristmasXmas Wink

tribpot · 17/12/2021 19:40

Fantastic - I hope your brother makes a full recovery very soon and is never, ever invited to your house again. I would have no hesitation in telling anyone who thought they could bring a dog to my house and upset the cat that they should fuck off to the far side of fuck. I wonder if he was trying to goad you into telling him he couldn't come, so that you could be the reason he had to go and stay with Geller or something. Anyway, who cares - major bullet dodged, never ever to be repeated I hope.

What a great Christmas you can now have!