Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The One With The Vintage Dresses From Paris Geller Doesn’t Know About

998 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 26/10/2021 17:37

Previous thread here

I’ve lost count of how many threads I’ve had, so I bloody well hope this is the one where he signs!

I think whoever pointed out my mother gave me the dresses out of guilt is right. And don’t worry, I’m not handing them back.

I’m sure you will all enjoy this story. So, my grandmother left me various things in her will. To date I have received only one of them, which I have treasured and looked after for years. That’s why I’m so excited about the dresses.

The one I am particularly sore about is her engagement ring. It’s a diamond trilogy ring. I love it. I love it not because of what it is, but because of what it represents. She always promised it to me, and we were incredibly close (armchair psychologists, this is where you raise an eyebrow and look thoughtfully over the top of your glasses whilst going hmmm) not least because, when I was under a year old, my mother went into hospital to have my brother three months early. They managed to stop labour, but my mother stayed in hospital for nearly four months. I was only allowed to see her once a week, and got so upset at leaving her, that they decided it was best for me not to see her. My grandma moved in to look after me, and effectually became my second mum. I didn’t see my actual mum for nearly 3 months, and then she came home with a new born who needed all the usual attention. And Granny moved out again. When I was 8, she moved in with us and stayed with us until she died. I was the one who found her, when I was 13.

Any wonder I have deep seated issues?! Anyway. Back to the diamond story. She left me the ring. However, my mother has never handed it over. She wears it. I could understand not getting it til I was 21, 25, or 30 …nothing (she gave me half a dozen duck eggs for my 30th present, by the way), but then when my wedding day passed (and no, she didn’t hand it over for him to use as an engagement ring) and then my 40th…well, I’ve pretty much given up hope of getting it.

It was in a letter my grandmother left, not her actual will, and I’ve no idea where the letter is, or if she even still has it.

I have already told my brother that the ring is literally the only thing I will want when the time comes, as I can see her leaving it to my SIL just to spite me.

So, if you’re looking for a reason why I was fucked up enough to marry a loser like Geller, I think my therapist pretty much nailed it with the comment ‘do you think the way your mother replaced you with your brother might have something to do with your competitive relationship with him?’

As you were folks. I’m opening the gin and lighting the fire.

OP posts:
comfortablyfrumpy · 19/11/2021 23:36

Polly, You're a better person than me - I wouldn't be hosting DB after the way he is behaving.

You are doing amazing Grin. Gellar, less so!

Mix56 · 20/11/2021 07:43

Well played Polly, I know I am a knee jerk kind of response person. Which is rarely good !

Meanwhile, who do you think is looking for this ongoing friendship between them all ? DB or SIL, or both. do you think G has asked if they are coming at Xmas & would like to see them/ present for kids... says he thinks you are having a breakdown ( General bull)
OR worse IMO, them meddling & looking for mud to sling at you.
Either way. Hopefully you will now go as low key as possible with the pair of snakes in the grass,
Know that anything you say will be transmitted to your mother/Geller. & that st least all the children will have fun.
Next Year, Make plans to be in Lapland, or the Maldives...

Have a great w/e

StuckInPollyannaMode · 20/11/2021 08:21

I have no idea what you are on about @Justilou1 and @AcrossthePond55 🤣

All up late last night with friends so naturally the Dollies were wide awake at 7.30 and wanting to talk about Christmas presents. I am deriving great pleasure from selecting things for DB and SIL which look thoughtful but and expensive but actually aren’t and are under a fiver. Suggestions welcome!

I have managed to get in to see my therapist for an extra session just before my parents arrive thankfully. That’ll help. Boundaries, boundaries. It’s not that my feelings matter any less @Opal8 but it takes a long time to change 40 years of learned behaviour- I agree I need to start treating them as they do me - however that is not my way at all! I’m learning!

I’ve got the Dollies their own Alexa for their bedroom for Christmas and I was looking at Outsmarted as I think they’d love it - has anyone played it? Meant to be brilliant.

OP posts:
StuckInPollyannaMode · 20/11/2021 08:23

Oh sorry @Mix56 I meant to reply to your question about the ongoing relationship- I am totally bemused by the whole thing. My DB never really got on with Geller, they never got to the point of going out for a beer together kind of thing, he tolerated him for my sake but I could tell he didn’t like him. SIL humoured him. So, no idea.

OP posts:
MzHz · 20/11/2021 08:50

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Oh sorry *@Mix56* I meant to reply to your question about the ongoing relationship- I am totally bemused by the whole thing. My DB never really got on with Geller, they never got to the point of going out for a beer together kind of thing, he tolerated him for my sake but I could tell he didn’t like him. SIL humoured him. So, no idea.
So they never ‘supported’ you in your marriage by being welcoming/family/friendly with Geller.

And now they’re not ‘supporting’ you now by being pally and going out of their way to be friendly with him now.

Given the dynamics with your mother and you, I’d say the lot of them are not good enough for you. This is an exercise in stealth undermining of you.

The family have never been on your side. :(

RandomMess · 20/11/2021 08:55

As they never have him the day of time when you were together it is absolutely bizarre and yes deliberate and undermining to see him now you have split seeing as though it's actually inconveniencing them!

You would expect them to be sighing with relief they don't have to see him again bar the dollies getting married!

Justilou1 · 20/11/2021 09:01

Sorry @StuckInPollyannaMode
@AcrossthePond55 and I were referring to “Get Smart”, which was originally a tv series which first went to air in 1965. I was born in 1972, and it was still being replayed well into my teens. 99 was the female sidekick who was also the brains and beauty to the fumbling idiot who was the “hero” of this series. There was a movie remake with Anne Hathaway and Steve Carrell, which I highly DON’T recommend. The secret agents used code numbers instead of names. 99 was the awesome heroine and 86 was the twit that she inevitably fell for.

The One With The Vintage Dresses From Paris Geller Doesn’t Know About
pointythings · 20/11/2021 09:53

I was born in 1968 and used to watch reruns of Get Smart on one of the early cable channels back home in Holland.

RandomMess · 20/11/2021 10:14

I think I'm glad I never saw Get Smart somehow - sounds awful!

ShowMeTheSugar · 20/11/2021 10:25

I'm so impressed with your response to them, you're so dignified without losing ground.

Mix56 · 20/11/2021 11:04

So it sounds like G is fishing to me. He might gave contacted them & said it would be good to see them, he has a gift for the children.
Meanwhile hoping to infiltrate via your family ? To shit stir, get info & generally undermine you.
If this is the case, SIL still should have dealt with it differently.
Over the time they are with you, Ideally you grey rock reply to ant fishing questions. Possibly adding,
Seeing as you such buddies with G. I feel there is a conflict in interest in pursuing this conversation.
I dont trust you to blab

RandomMess · 20/11/2021 11:07

I would have to mention that G has a new woman so hopefully they've warned him that they aren't prepared to meet new partners yet.

Just to make them squirm at their never ending double standards.

Justilou1 · 20/11/2021 11:56

@pointythings - Although I’m an Aussie, I lived in Holland from 2008-2017. It’s probably still on! 🤩 My kids are a bit old now, but they would have been watching the Sinterklaasjournaal every night and traveling op fiets *moeder fiets met de stoeltje achter, natuurlijk… ( I used to call it my Dutch Minivan) to the kerstmarkt to eat oliebollen & stroopwafels - lekker!!!

I don’t think you can blame Geller entirely. I suspect that the reason you fell for his “charms” (when you know how utterly dysfunctional and unpleasant life with someone as fucked up as he is) - is because it felt rather familiar to you. He is more at home in your family that you are. They are all screwed up, disordered personalities if ever I have read any described.

Justilou1 · 20/11/2021 11:57

Oooh… last paragraph was for @StuckInPollyannaMode, obvs. I am on 2nd glass of wine. What an animal.

RandomMess · 20/11/2021 11:59

Back at the beginning to you remember Polly we said you'd been trained by your parents to pick a Gellar. Hence your mother kicking off every time you get out of the box she tries to keep you in!

ChristmasPlanning · 20/11/2021 12:09

@StuckInPollyannaMode

I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the night. I’ve barely slept. Feel like I’ve taken a massive step backwards.

Just how far does this level of backstabbing go? The dollies tell me Geller is buying Christmas presents for my parents. WTF?

I’m going for a run to think. Half a bottle of red last night didn’t work, so might as well try some exercise! Work was hectic yesterday so I didn’t have a chance to absorb all your brilliant advice. I will come up with a plan of action.

My natural instinct is to withdraw and close down. From the lot of them. I am incredibly hurt.

I replied to a couple of other messages on the WhatsApp so as not to seem like a petulant child - so far I have ignored the Geller meet up request. Cool, calm and collected until I decide what to do.

The point about WhatsApp politics was well made, thank you - doing this in plain sight is about making it seem like I’m the one out of step or the crazy one.

Geller is still peddling the ‘I don’t know why she wants a divorce, woe is me’ line, by the way. Had that from a couple of people this week.

With family like this, who needs enemies eh?

I'm not surprise at Geller being manipulative & getting your parents gifts. I'm also not surprised at him trying to stay happy families with your "D"B & SIL. However I'm shocked at their behaviour!

They should be supporting you and the dollies

WineCakeThanksHaloween Sad

TheSandgroper · 20/11/2021 12:20

This Aussie can confirm that “Good thinking, 99” is in our lexicon but also that English Dh has no idea what it is. Also Hogans Heroes, F Troop and My Favourite Martian.

HalfHope · 20/11/2021 12:21

I do wonder Polly if you are being used as the family scapegoat and now that you've asserted yourself in one area of your life (getting divorced from Geller) they are reacting by being unsupportive lest presumably you insert boundaries around them and their behaviour

If that's their view then I'm afraid they've picked the wrong woman...

Wildheartsease · 20/11/2021 15:28

Ask SIL and BIL how they feel about meeting Geller's new woman? (Do the same standards apply.)

It does sound as if they all still see this separation as a temporary thing ... and are supporting marriage (at any cost). Clearly- they know nothing.

Mix56 · 20/11/2021 16:02

Or, Golden boy & SIL are "milking" your "failed marriage" to ingratiate themselves with your mother😡

crikeycrumbsblimey · 20/11/2021 22:30

I recommend this card

The One With The Vintage Dresses From Paris Geller Doesn’t Know About
RonSwansonsChair · 21/11/2021 09:17

@crikeycrumbsblimey

I recommend this card
Ah, good old Doris Grin
StuckInPollyannaMode · 21/11/2021 22:04

Oh, I want to see Get Smart now! The original, obvs. Has anyone seen the new Ryan Reynolds / Dwayne Johnson on Netflix? Great way to pass an evening, good fun.

Love the card!

In a master stroke of passive aggression, I have ordered DB and SIL’s Christmas present. It’s personalised with a family saying that only applies to them.

It’s a doormat.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/11/2021 22:13

🤣

ChristmasPlanning · 21/11/2021 22:48

😂👍👏🏻

Swipe left for the next trending thread