How soon after your marriage did you realise 'this was a mistake'?

[faithfulbird20]

What made you think it and did you stay or leave?

It's so reassuring to see these messages even though I'm sorry for everyone who has experienced a bad marriage.

I actually thought I was a freak being married for less than 2 years after I just couldn't take any more but can see now that it's not uncommon. It takes a lot of courage to leave because there are so many factors and people involved and inevitably, the other party creates their own narrative to make you look like the bad guy. My exH befriended my neighbours, my family and close friends and to this day many of them still have friendships with him which I find bizarre. Even one neighbour who suffered for years at the hands of her abusive exH.

Once you come through the haze, you realise that none of that matters and real friends will support you and those that don't, bye.

I know this is a zombie thread but how is everyone doing? After 4 months of marriage I feel like I’ve married a total stranger. My husband is not the man I met and fell in love with. I feel I’ve no one to blame but myself as I married within 11 weeks of meeting him. Previous relationship was abusive but ended 10 years ago. Now I’m feeling my new husband is the same just without the violence. I’m feeling so sad with life right now and as per usual he’s no where to be seen.
I seem to be no priority.
my mental health is so so bad but he just puts me down for it.
I feel fat and ugly and he says because I say it he’s starting to see it :(
if you say something enough the other person will eventually believe it to be true.
what have I done.

When my Dad asked me on my wedding day, as we were waiting for the car, if I really wanted to go through with it as we could cancel it and my my mother would get over it. I went through with it and regretted it instantly. It should never have happened.

I also realised on my wedding day. I'd always thought his grumpiness was a bit of an act, like a sort of in-joke between us. Imagine my surprise when he was moody and sarcastic all day of the wedding!

Then watched football when we got home. I remember struggling to keep up with him through all the turnstiles on the Underground because I was carrying all the bags. He was yelling at me to hurry up or we'd be late for the match.

I went to bed (alone) that night in our grotty little house, listening to him watching telly downstairs, and wondered about running away. But it seemed too rude after mum and dad had forked out quite a bit for the reception. So I waited another 17 years! 😋

Luckily he was dead against marriage even after 6 years but I would've known straight away that it was a mistake. Think any marriage I get myself into would be a mistake, not like it'll ever happen though

About six months in (married way too soon). Quickly realized I hadn't married a man but a nasty, selfish, spoiled eight year old. Ever seen a six foot man throw a temper tantrum because he hasn't been made captain of the village cricket team? I have! As a boy, his mum and grandparents had treated him like a little prince - constantly told him he was special and clever and talented and amazing, etc. He never got over it, and couldn't understand why everyone else didn't treat him that way, including me.

I understand that some people just can't leave, or that they don't want to hurt their kids, but if there is any possiblity of escape, don't hesitate. So many women stick out a miserable marriage because they're convinced they'll be unable to cope on their own. Or they're frightened of being lonely. In reality, almost everyone who walks out of a sh*t marriage is much happier. And almost all of them wish they'd done it sooner.

When our baby was crying and DH was laughing about it and I realised that he doesn’t love either of us, not properly.

I stayed, I don’t know what the future holds.

I had doubts before the wedding but told myself it was nerves. I did all the organising down to paying the hotel on the day. In the evening he told me he had a surprise for me . The surprise was he violently raped me every way he could. I spent my wedding night crying on the bathroom floor.

You’re not to blame. Please don’t think that. You deserve happiness. You found your way out of a bad relationship before. You can do it again. 💐

At the rehearsal the night before. Still went through with it though-I was only 21. We lasted 16 months before separating. This was 30 years ago so had to be separated a further 2 years before we could divorce. 🤷🏼‍♀️
We were just both too young, but we can pass the time of day if we bump into each other now

Absolutely right.
Well done!

That's really ghastly. So sorry.

Ironically , mine wouldn't have sex. On the 'Honeymoon' we didn't have sex at all, I slept on the sofa downstairs thinking ''What have I done?''

He just has a very low sex drive. {Other wives said the same of him after me}

On the night of our engagement party when he got drunk, kicked in the door of a shop on the way home, then called me a fucking bitch when I tried to pull him out of the road away from an oncoming car.

my parents persuaded me it was a one-off.

The marriage lasted three months.

Day before but hey still together after 29 years.

The day of the wedding.

I left(made him leave)because he went to punch me in the face because I asked him if he'd like a cup of tea,at the time our 2 year old and 4 year old DS's were sitting on his lap,that was the first time he went to hurt me Infront of them.

After years of being raped by him,after years of all of the cohercive control and abuse he made the biggest mistake he'd ever made and tried to hurt me Infront of our lovely little boys.

I'll always be grateful for that mistake,because of that mistake I was freed!

I've remarried,my DH is the complete opposite and he loves me as much as he hates my ex husband which is alot.

Please tell me you’re out of that relationship now?

I've often THOUGHT it is, and did even before the wedding, but I've never KNOWN. Eight years so far and still not sure.

In all honesty I didn’t ever really like him. But I had low expectations of marriage and assumed most men were like him. Didn’t leave for 18 years. What a waste. Two good kids out of it though and in many ways it could have been so much worse.

On our honeymoon. He accused me of checking men out in the airport (I obviously wasn't). Swore at me and shouted at me in front of people at the boarding gate. I was crying on the plane, he showed no remorse, empathy and refused to apologise. We got to our destination, he refused to speak to me, as I was going to book a flight to go back home, he 'realised' what he had done. I forgave him and things have just gotten worse from there. I left him about 2 years ago after a 4 year marriage.

It's absolutely grim how many men seem to become monsters the instant they think they've 'got' you.

I'm sure I knew it was a mistake inside from the time I accepted the proposal, but I acknowledged it the moment I started walking down the aisle. With the first step, my mind was screaming "Turn around and run" and during the vows my mind was telling me "Say no, SAY NO!!". But I was just barely 20 and hadn't learned to listen to my instincts and my own common sense.

I should have ended it after 6 months, but I finally kicked him out after 4 years of 'trying to make it work'. I might have been a slow learner, but I learned lessons I've never forgotten. Never, ever let your pride, your fear of 'what others will think', or a loss of money stop you from listening to your own common sense and doing what is right for you. There is NO failure in a failed marriage. The only failure is staying in one and denying yourself the life you were meant to live.

The moment we were in the hotel wedding suite, after our marriage.
He switched into a violent, abusive, rapist monster.
I had no idea, before we were married.

OMG so many sad stories! My H is a pain in the hole but not in the same league as some of these horrible men!

My parents were very traditional - no sex before marriage; if any of us came home pregnant we'd be thrown out etc. However my sister decided to marry a man none of us could stand. He was a useless, selfish, lazy turd and he took her for a complete mug. On the day before the wedding my mum told her she didn't have to go through with it, and that she and my dad didn't care about how it looked or what it cost. She went ahead anyway and it barely lasted a year. The shitbag had been having an affair behind her back. My parents were actually delighted when they split up!!