How soon after your marriage did you realise 'this was a mistake'?

[faithfulbird20]

What made you think it and did you stay or leave?

About three years later, but we were together a long time before marrying so it had been about 9 years of a relationship. He started taking me for granted, and I withdrew a lot because of that, didn’t want to be affectionate and sometimes struggled to be civil.

I left, but it took a while.

I knew it was a mistake 4 months before the wedding, told dp & he gaslight me in to getting married, he threatened to kill himself. I felt nothing the day we got married, no excitement, love, only that I didn't want to marry him, I should have been strong & told him it was over. I stuck it out for just over 7 years, I got pregnant a few months after we got married, he got diagnosed with MS 6 weeks before ds was due & I felt nothing, only the fact that I was trapped, I didn't love him & I wanted out. With hindsight I should have left then, if I hadn't been so far on in my pregnancy I would have had a termination & left him but it was too late.

My mum told me she was led in the bath on the morning of her wedding day and knew it was a mistake.
She still married him though.

The next day when I woke up and saw him asleep next to me. Oh dear why did I do it. Stayed though - in those days there was more society pressure, "you've made your bed" sort of thing. So I stayed, had my kids, waited until they grew up, then I left him. Best thing I ever did, and I don't regret that long wait. My kids had a great childhood and didn't get damaged in the divorce , so I'm happy.

7 years post marriage, 15 years into our relationship. Still here 3 years later, for various reasons, I regret believing him and coming back after trying to leave 2 years ago when the worst of it happened. Lockdown scuppered my plans again this year, it was a sick hospitalised child last year. Still planning, 3rd times the charm.

6 months and like a fool, tried to make it work so it took more time to finally start divorcing and only wish I did it much sooner.

A few weeks into it. Tried to make it work for a couple of years but it was too much. Thanks to his laziness, wanting me to be bottom of the priority list and his nightmare family. Now with someone else and lm happy

I had this conversation with my best friend yesterday. She got married in July, realised by September that she had made a mistake and left for good the next May. I admire her.

The day I got married . I didn't have a single happy day . Left after 8 awful years.

4 months in I left for a couple of nights. Left permanently 8 months in. He changed overnight after getting married into an abusive controlling narc. It's weird I don't regret marrying him as was so happy at the time, we'd been together 8 years and I loved him but I shouldn't have married him

A few nights before the wedding I had doubts but put them down to nerves.
Married on a Saturday and on the following Tuesday thought "What the hell have I done?"
Stuck it out for a couple of years - he was a serial cheat, financially abusive and eventually turned violent.
I knew from the start that I would never inflict him as a father on children so no ties. Leaving him was the best decision, but the experience taught me what I didn't want in a man, so was quite a valuable life-lesson.

A about nine months in, I stayed fifteen years.

@catsareme14 Also the day I got married, when he left me standing alone outside the registry office after the ceremony and walked off to the reception hotel (about 500 yards down the opposite side of the road) with his friends. I stood there like an idiot for about 10 minutes (all the other guests had also walked off) thinking he would realise and come back for me. He didn't, and as I walked down the road on my own I remember thinking 'this was a mistake'.

He also sulked for about the first hour at the reception as the tables hadn't been arranged the way he would have liked - he'd left that to his mother, hadn't even seen the room before the ceremony. I was having to hiss under my breath to him 'ffs cheer up you're supposed to look happy on your wedding day!'...it was so fucking embarrassing, we were getting looks from the guests...

We'd been together 6 years and got married when we should have split. There were other problems but I'd bought in too heavily to the 'sunk costs fallacy' I finally left after wasting another decade.

Driving to the hotel afterwards. I burst into tears, and at the time I told myself it was just the build up and the stress of the day (he'd been awful all day too, but I convinced myself it was nerves). Looking back, I suppose something in me knew I'd made a big mistake.

@noirchatsdeux
Almost my story , avoided me the whole reception & refused to do his speech . To be fair I knew on the morning it was a mistake but was too much of a coward to pull out . I remember sitting on the doorstep hoping the church would burn down before 2 o clock .

@faithfulbird20 - Are you married, if so how long?

First marriage, I knew well before the wedding that this was going to be a disaster. He was an abusive, gaslighting, nightmare manchild.
I was very young and both sets of parents had spent money on the wedding, buying and furnishing us a house, etc. I felt constrained to go through with it. I'll never forget that trapped, dull feeling at the reception. I resolved to get out a lot sooner than I actually managed it.

@catsareme14 I'm sorry that you went through it too. Mine only started cheering up at the reception when people started buying him drinks...

I stupidly ignored the fact that just a year previously he'd ruined Millennium Eve ...he picked a fight with me because at 1.30am I wanted to go home...we'd been wandering around our small town centre in the freezing rain trying to find somewhere that was open to have a drink. The fight got so bad I had to ask him to leave my flat...he then stood outside and pissed on my front door. Didn't speak or contact me for a week afterwards. I look back now and can't believe why I didn't end the relationship there and then!

With dd dad I was crying at the airport. Five months pregnant, I felt like I had to go through with it.

We got married in vegas. Two days after the wedding he stayed out gambling downstairs then he was fucking horrible to me when I went down at 3am to see where he was.

I wish I'd of had the confidence at that point to say you know what no. This isn't for me. He'd worn me down at that point.

Que a fucking awful 18 months. Was a single parent regardless of being married. He was never there. Did nothing for our DD. Left him when the bank called me asking if I'd applied for a £35k loan. I hadn't, it was his running away fund.

I should have ran fast as fuck away from him.

I cried myself to sleep the night before the wedding. And in the car on the way I told my dad I didn’t want to marry him. He thought I was being dramatic.
I loved him very much. But I knew he wouldn’t put me, and the baby I was pregnant with, first.
Divorced after 5 years, 10 years ago. I’ll never have another serious relationship.

2 hours.

My boyfriend was a bit 'funny' sometimes, my husband was nasty from the moment we got back to our room after the wedding.

Took me too many years to realise I hadn't done something wrong, and that it wasn't my fault.

@Nat6999

Did you eventually leave ?

DuvetDayIsEveryDay I left when we had been married just over 7 years, the last 2 years were awful he was mentally abusive, gaslighting me about all sorts, he was financially abusive as well, when I finally left him I was £25k in debt mainly due to him,. I tried to ask him to leave but he wouldn't go & like starrynight21 I felt like I had made my bed, I was always told by my parents to not bring trouble to their door. I managed to be "allowed" to go on a night out from work & while I was out I got chatting to someone who was staying in the hotel we had gone in for a drink, I don't know why but we exchanged phone numbers, he knew I was married, but we texted each other a few times & it gave me the confidence that I didn't have to put up with being treated like dirt, I told my husband it was over, he didn't take it well & raped me, it took me 10 days before I was angry enough to take ds & leave him, we fled to a travelodge one night & spent a night with my husband being kicked out by security & him ringing & texting me for nearly 12 hours threatening me what would happen when he got hold of me. I never went back to him & I fell in love with the man who I had been chatting to in the hotel, we had 5 wonderful years together before he passed away.

The moment my dad and I stepped in to the wedding car to leave for the big day.
We lasted 18 months

I'll be married 6 years November. I wish it never happened. But then I wouldn't have my 2 beautiful kids. My husband was 'depressed', very needy and selfish. I felt like be sucked my soul out of me. It was all just an act. I was young and naive. Family weren't really there for me. I'm realising I was the depressed one.