DH drunk last night and aggressive

[Mummypig1234]

Hey. I've name changed for this as I'm embarrassed. Don't even know what I want from this post.

Went to a wedding yesterday with DH. It was a great day until the end. I'm 13 weeks pregnant so I was driving. I started to tell him from approx 12am that I wanted to go home as I was tired and we had a 1 hr journey home. I usually am In bed sleeping at 10pm every night at the minute. So had previously discussed that it would be likely that we would need to leave wedding early.

Anyway DH was quite drunk. Didn't want to leave. Continued to talk to various ppl (family wedding on his side). Then agreed he was coming but was getting a bit snappy. Then decided he wanted to say goodbye to other various ppl. It was after 1am at this stage. I snapped at him and said I am exhausted and just want to go home.

As we were walking out of the wedding reception he launched a tirade of foul mouthed abuse at me. Basically telling me to "shut the f up you f dick". Shouting at me to shut my mouth up. You get the picture. He was looking at me with what I can only describe as pure hatred. I just felt so shocked and blindsided. He's usually so placid and we never argue. I was shaking as we walked back to the car. He refused to give me the car keys saying that I didn't need them (keys only need to be in the car for the engine to switch on) as I think he thought I would drive off and leave him. His parents were at the wedding and I was indeed tempted to drive off and leave him to go home with them to their house for the night.

I said "I can't believe you just spoke to me like that". He started demanding to know what exactly he had said and when. That he didn't know I'd wanted to go home since 12. Still swearing a lot. Then said he didn't remember shouting at me. I gave up trying to reason with him and went silent. He kept trying to talk to me and I just ignored him and turned the radio up. He turned it off. Then kept trying to grab my hand to apologise. I said well talk about this tomorrow as you're drunk.

We got home and I went straight upstairs to get ready for bed. I got it in DSs bed as he wasn't home. DH came busting in to the room loudly declaring that he would be sleeping beside me, shoving me over roughly in the bed. I got up and went to our own bed. Same thing ensued. I ask that he leave me alone and that I didn't want to share a bed with him after what had happened. He blocked me trying to get past him out the door. I told him he was bullying me and he then let me past.

This morning he came in to DSs room and got in to bed beside me wakening me up. Telling me how sorry he is etc etc. that he doesn't remember what he said.

I've been so upset all day, barely able to eat, feeling sick. Am I being dramatic? Is it pregnancy hormones? I don't even want to look
at him. I felt so intimidated by him last night and I just think surely a person doesn't speak to someone they like never mind love like that? my head is fried.

Op would have to fake a miscarriage if she wanted to do that; which ot sounds like maybe she doesn't in any case.

Spot on @SleepingBunnies21. Terminations only recently legalised here and only up until 10 weeks gestation. If I wanted to go down that route I would have to lie that I miscarried. I would be ostracised.
Anyway I think I do want this baby. It is/was a much longed for baby. Hopefully when I see him/her at the scan for the first time my maternal instinct will kick in.
Even if DH and I do separate, I have a good job and I think he would still want to be an equal parent. He very much has always been an equal parent/partner with me. I can't fault him in that respect.

It sounds like you want your baby whether you stay together or not.

For a man who's apparently not done this before in 8 years, it may be worth giving a chance if he takes full responsibility and he says he won't ever drink around you again.

I wouldn't play "Tell me what I did" .. and probably minimise, deny etc. I'd just say - do you think.someone whk needs to be told about their behaviour over several hours ecsuse they dint know or remember (so they say) needs to consider their behaviour? What do you think that person should do after they consider their behaviour?

I still have reservations about his upbringing/background though - also his behaviour since the "incident" has been pretty poor. The convenient total.memory loss, the challenging you tk tell him, the "why" when suggested he move out, even temporarily, the bullshit, OTT "you should rest" attemoted manipulation (yeah you're hubby of the year mate, your pregnant wife should definitely rest after you kept her til 1am to drive an hour and then interrupted her sleep for another hour or two, until she pointed out you were physically bullying her- not the mental the aggressive verbal.abuse before the drive home .... so concerned and chivalrous now).

*attempted manipulation

There also the fact you (entirely naturally) feel disallusioned and let down and see him very differently.

Also it's possible the "you should come home and rest" thing is not just over compensation because he suspects/knows he's treated you v badly, but could ve the beginning of an "you're overwrought, hormonal, hysterical, unbalanced" narrative re this incident (to you and anyone you tell).... and that would be getting into some grade A badtard gas lighting and manipulation.

Never mind the letter, the offer of limiting his alcohol intake, and the concerns about your tiredness - is he going to leave for a few days like you asked him to? Or is he just giving you a chance to soften a bit while still being in the house? To me, that's the sober equivalent of following you menacingly from room to room.

My oh did this when I was 36 weeks pregnant with my first.

I made it very clear it never happens again. It hasn't and if it did I would walk.

Please don't get me wrong my partner was a asshole probably worse than yours he threw a glass over the garden, blocked me so I couldn't leave tbh I was scared.

This was well over 3 and a half year ago and we've been together 9 it's really is the only time it ever happened and I wasn't losing my relationship over one drunken night however if it happened again i stand by what I'd say I'd be gone xx

Well done for being so strong op. Regardless of what happens with your relationship, it is good that he sees the serious consequences his behaviour has.