Have you successfully got a man to take responsibility and grow up?

[Workinghardeveryday]

I have been with dp for 13 years. We have 3 kids, dd15, dd10 and ds10.

I am totally fed up with running absolutely everything. I do all the washing, ironing, all housework, any diy I have to sort, shopping, cooking, birthdays for whole family. You get the picture - everything.

He does however clean up after tea on a night, if however anything is made after this time it’s all left for me again.

He will cut the grass if I ask but I have to ask. Generally forgets anything else asked of him. Spends his weekend sat in front of the tv, it’s a big deal if he comes with kids and I to walk the dog (also my responsibility).

When I ask for him to get more involved ie when we argue about it all he says is life is too short to spend it doing housework. I decided to leave the bathroom for as long as possible to see if he cleaned it. It was nearly a month before I gave in and did it. If I don’t wash his clothes he would just leave them forever in a pile. Doesn’t even put his ironing away unless asked.

I am exhausted. Everyday is the same clearing everyone else’s mess and dirt. I wfh part time which is very full on. I have to clean before work, after work and weekends.

Any ideas to get him to grow up and do his fair share? I find myself more and more resentful especially since I didn’t even get asked if I wanted a cup of tea on Mother’s Day!!

But then I think that I am CEV, he could have had vaccine way before he was due but wouldn’t because he is anti vaxer. Yet if he wants to go on family holiday next year he will consider having it!!!!!!! I just feel like a total mug

That alone would make me wave goodbye. You are worth more and now he’s sulking (controlling and being a stove) because he doesn’t like you having a drink (opinion). How very dare you do something so normal unladylike! Do you thin’ you’d be lonely without him? He’s the one making you feel lonely! He’s a lazy shithead. He will never grow up. He will teach your dd to be someone’s drudge too.

@ChargingBuck

I feel lonely enough as it is

It is far, far, less lonely being alone, than it is being lonely inside a relationship.

My experience, too. I live abroad, so no family, and only have a few friends, but still found it weirdly a lot less lonely after my exh left. When we were together, half the time I was either waiting for him to come home (he was usually late), or he was at home but was not really with me. So I was always confronted with the fact that I shouldn't be alone, but was. And I often couldn't do anything to alleviate my loneliness because I was supposed to be doing something with him "soon", he was in the way somehow (or just rolling his eyes), or I was busy washing his clothes or doing some other activity that made me feel like his servant. When I was doing all the work with the kids and we were together, I felt resentful as he was around but not supporting me. When I was doing all the work with the kids and we were not together, I wasn't resentful.

The change also inspired me to go out and do more, and seek out more friends. Perhaps OP could start with that.

When you have a partner people assume you aren't alone.

If you are single may not think you are lonely but they know you are single and invite you places, keep in touch more etc.