Page 12 | Sexless marriage thread anyone want to join

whyamidoingthisamimad · 2021-10-14T14:55:48+00:00

We have it so infrequently I'm constantly wanting to divorce but I feel awful to disrupt the family. I've talked to him multiple times. Please can anyone help me how to navigate this as its highly unlikely to change

Lana07 · 01/11/2021 20:27

@user6869848649

Can I join please? I've actually just posted myself and then saw this thread.

DH and I have a really great rapport together, we kiss a few times every day etc. But we have barely had sex for the past couple of years, and it has been dwindling for 10. We've never been good at sex together, I feel embarassed but it never turns me on. I never orgasm and we always have to resort to using lube. But I can easily get wet/orgasm on my own. He would love to have sex more but I just can't bear the thought of it. I feel like our bodies just don't fit well together? It's so sad and awful. I struggle to talk to him about it, I get really embarassed and his feelings get hurt very easily, so we've just suffered along. I still have a sex drive just not for my husband.

Teach him the techniques you like.

GentlemanJay · 01/11/2021 20:29

I was in the same situation. I got a divorce. That sorted it.

To be fair the lack of a sex luge was just one small part of what was wrong.

GentlemanJay · 01/11/2021 20:41

I went two years without sex in my marriage. Not my choice. While all along she'd tell anybody who would listen how perfect we were.

When we went to marriage guidance she admitted it was an issue. We decided to go to Ann Summers. Got a baby sitter for the children. She picked a couple of outfits out. Nothing slutty. Her choice.

Two and a half years later when I eventually left her, those two outfits were still in their boxes, unopened.

seventyminutes · 01/11/2021 20:54

Not entirely sexless but I recently posted about this. Going through an awful time at the minute and it’s left me feeling so rejected and worthless. I’m sorry to hear you are all going through this it truly is awful.

My situation is more physical it’s like his body is just rejecting me at the moment. Outside the bedroom hes so touchy and attentive so it’s frustrating knowing that the one issue is the bedroom where he doesn’t even bother coming on to me any more even though he knows I’m upset by it all. It makes me feel like a failure as a partner. We are only young

Fedupofthislark · 02/11/2021 01:03

Tinkerscuss

Sending positive thoughts, it’s only going to get better once you leave behind what’s been hurting you

Fedupofthislark · 02/11/2021 01:04

Vfrust88

Fedupofthislark · 02/11/2021 01:08

Qwincy
I’ve got a chance at love and happiness with someone else who is worthy of me xxx

Here here

Fedupofthislark · 02/11/2021 01:11

SophiaLauren

I guess would your kids want to learn when they’re adults that you struggled on and felt the way you do ?

Fedupofthislark · 02/11/2021 01:17

CosmicUnicorn
Thank you for sharing , you’re not settled yet but I guess knowing you’re on your way and could have the exciting future ahead of you that you deserve is good!?

Could I ask why you said your head was turned?

Mebster · 02/11/2021 03:11

More than 20 years without sex or affection of any kind, except he loves to spend $$$ so buys lots of gifts on obligation days (bday, Xmas, etc.) I'm not very material oriented and have all the jewelry, etc. I'd ever want. He will come along if I plan a holiday but doesn't really enjoy it so I'm going on a cruise by myself next week and leaving wedding ring in the safe. He can leave or not. I really don't care anymore. His contempt for me is reflected in the way our adult kids treat me as well.

Mebster · 02/11/2021 03:14

I'm better off than my cold husband and I think he married me for the lifestyle/money, which he enjoys. He loves to entertain and put on a show for our friends, who all think he's great. I will be left alone but I'm just about ready to walk. Several friends have left their spouses and seem very happy.

Holothane · 02/11/2021 16:40

To everyone thinking of leaving remember get prescriptions scripts letter from dr just in case for customs if applicable, this was a worry now it isn’t new system at our chemist we keep the scripts I’m delighted easier for me just will make appointment in March to cover April then into may

SophiaLauren · 02/11/2021 19:31

I think this too but then I think of the kids that came out of it all!!! Don't think you wasted any of it... things happen for a reason xx

CosmicUnicorn · 02/11/2021 19:38

@Fedupofthislark
I’ve sent you a PM

CosmicUnicorn · 02/11/2021 19:43

@Mebster
Why don’t you leave him?

SophiaLauren · 02/11/2021 19:55

Those who divorced... can you tell me how you survived financially... I would hopefully get the family home and with savings could get the mortgage payments lower. However I have been been a full time mum 7 years. Can you get benefits if you have your own home? My OH would not be able to support us and himself if we split... I am looking for work but as I've been out of work 7 years... whatever I can get will be low paid and won't cover all the bills...

Qwincy · 03/11/2021 21:57

@Fedupofthislark

Qwincy I’ve got a chance at love and happiness with someone else who is worthy of me xxx

Here here

Good for you. We all deserve better and to be with someone who looks at us and simply appreciates what they have xx

Holothane · 03/11/2021 22:13

Good for anyone else I’m the same worshipped by new man six month's I’m off .

guardianegg · 07/11/2021 12:08

I'm in the same boat. Want to leave but have given the last 7 years of my life to raising babies and looking after the house and children while he progressed his career. I have no career to speak of so I would struggle a great deal.

He's a good man and an excellent dad, just not interested in me sexually. He would be happy to never do it again apparently. He maintains he loves me and doesn't want a divorce.

Since being with him I have developed several conditions that make me objectively unattractive so it's not as easy as a discreet affair. He's told me to sleep with other people if I want to so really really doesn't care.

Nobody would want me like this and I feel trapped and so so lonely.

19Bears · 08/11/2021 14:39

I'm sorry you're going through this, @guardianegg My dh is the same, content never to have sex again, as long as we all stay together as a family. It's soul destroying though. I've told him I can't deal with that for the rest of my life, but he just sweeps it under the carpet. He's never said anything about me going elsewhere for sex, but I wouldn't want that anyway. I want a normal loving relationship with a grown man, not nip off for a quick shag and then come home to an inept Benny Hill. Jeez. I hate that there's so many of us stuck like this!!!

CosmicUnicorn · 08/11/2021 18:26

@GentlemanJay

I was in the same situation. I got a divorce. That sorted it.

To be fair the lack of a sex luge was just one small part of what was wrong.

Same here.

AverageGuy · 09/11/2021 12:02

I've posted many times before about my sexless marriage. but to precis - When my XW hit menopause, her libido went off a cliff. She just wasn’t interested. Not only that, but the “heat” that menopause brings meant that she couldn’t stand to be too near me, so we had almost no intimacy. There were other issues. She had (undiagnosed) depression, had considered leaving me several times (even before we married, but were living together), and told me she “emotionally divorced” me after I told a joke about our relationship during my best man’s speech at my best friend’s wedding…

For some reason, I put up with it for 10 years before I woke up, and decided my life was too short to be in a sexless relationship. I started googling it, found a thread on here, started reading it, to discover that there are thousands of people in sexless relationships, all wondering what happened, and why..

I got a lot of help and advice from people on this site, and I’m very grateful to you all.

All I can say is life is just far too short to be in a relationship that isn’t working for you.

By all means, try talking to your partner. Try couples counselling, try anything and everything that might re-ignite your sex life, but be prepared for none of it working.

My XW and I talked, went to counselling, considered me getting a “girlfriend”, and an open marriage. Unfortunately, nothing worked, or felt right, so we divorced.

I’m still in touch with her, I see her regularly, and in some bizarre way, our relationship is better now than it was then… Probably because the elephant in the room isn’t there anymore.

I regret I took sooo long to decide to do something. I’m nearly 60 and finding someone is a lot more difficult that I though tit would be, so my advice is to not wait to long. You are a long time dead.

Jaguarshoes · 09/11/2021 17:37

I wonder how many people are stuck in these types of situations due to finances/kids. Divorce rates are so high, imagine if it was easier to divorce. I wonder how many marriages would make it to the end if that was the case. We’ve started relationship counselling and at the moment it’s not improved anything but it’s early days.

CosmicUnicorn · 09/11/2021 18:08

@Jaguarshoes

I wonder how many people are stuck in these types of situations due to finances/kids. Divorce rates are so high, imagine if it was easier to divorce. I wonder how many marriages would make it to the end if that was the case. We’ve started relationship counselling and at the moment it’s not improved anything but it’s early days.

Probably a lot! I imagine there are lots of women who quit jobs/careers when children came along and are now stuck with their husband even though they may be seriously unhappy. Then the men who have been the breadwinners don’t want to end the marriage as they’ll know their wife will have a big claim on their pension etc. Then people stay together for the sake of the children - which I did - but this can be damaging for all concerned. I think there are probably loads of men and women out their who have FWB’s etc. to keep their sanity etc. As most people get married when they’re in their 20’s then a lot will change as they mature. Maybe some regret marrying. I know I did!

RiverSkater · 09/11/2021 19:25

Ten years here. As soon as we had our second, I was carrying every responsibility and he just kept letting me down. That is not attractive. Then he seemed to want to be an old man and moany hypochondriac. Now he's put on weight, and won't look after his health.

If I did cartwheels naked he'd not notice and that is soul destroying. He loves family life but doesn't want a real woman in his life, just a cook and housekeeper. I've told him we are broken and to discuss it with somebody in his family but he's got his head in the sand.

My sex drive is through the roof after menopause. But how do you break up your family unit for sex? I doubt he'd go for a open arrangement, he displays some weird issues when he thinks women are having or enjoying sex like they aren't allowed. Maybe he's got a Madonna Whore complex.

Sometimes I fantasise about an affair or going in one of those websites where you have extra marital affairs. But my self esteem is on the floor so it's all very unlikely and I'm just too nice.

In my early 50s. I didn't even get my first boyfriend until 24. Not sure how
this might ever be resolved.