Sexless marriage thread anyone want to join

[whyamidoingthisamimad]

We have it so infrequently I'm constantly wanting to divorce but I feel awful to disrupt the family. I've talked to him multiple times. Please can anyone help me how to navigate this as its highly unlikely to change

@Pky45 Strangely I don't disagree at all. I am who I am and that is a responsive person.

Been over five years here.

Dh doesn't want it and says he no longer finds me attractive

He is an emotional abuser and has been very cruel.

I crave sex and love.

I am in the process of planning the end of my 24 year relationship. It's very difficult and scary,

Similar issues here but although we occasionally do the deed, it's functional at best. I crave more and more we did join fabswingers but that was just a short term fix.

I'm seriously considering finding someone to replace what I'm missing but I've no idea where to start as my confidence has taken such a beating

@Morningsaregreat
I think this is an issue for older people in relationships, and certainly is in my marriage, I’m fed up of rejection so stopped initiating and since my wife won’t initiate our sex life is now over and il looking to divorce

[quote Pky45]@19Bears
I’m not going to be doing anything this side of Xmas, just sitting tight at the moment, but there has been a very very slight change, we actually dtd this morning, at my initiation, it wasn’t very good sex, we did both orgasm, but she didn’t really ‘do’ much, just kinda lied there, afterwards I asked her why, she said that I had been complaining that we don’t have sex anymore ( which is true),
So good in one way, as I got some sex, but feels like a breadcrumb to keep me quiet and she wasn’t really wanting it at all.[/quote]
Sex without mutual passion is a good quality sex.

• is Not

@Davina69

Similar issues here but although we occasionally do the deed, it's functional at best. I crave more and more we did join fabswingers but that was just a short term fix.

I'm seriously considering finding someone to replace what I'm missing but I've no idea where to start as my confidence has taken such a beating

So your DH wouldn't mind you having a lover?

@Lana07 initially he seemed ok with it as a way to try and liven up our sex life. Now I'm not sure

@Lana07
Thanks for pointing out the obvious

@Pky45 I disagree. It is the way forward to a better communication and as such sex. Speak with her about the positive first and move on from that. Sometimes, we are out of practice.

@Snugglebum20 sorry but it sounds like you're making excuses. I say that as someone who did the same. If you really wanted to leave, you would.
You could leave after the family wedding in April. I'm not really sure why it would ruin the DC's summer and so what if you lose money on a holiday with your friends?
Or is it the case that actually right now, the pros of staying and maintaining your lifestyle outweigh the thought of leaving?

@Macaroni46 I agree re the excuses
And yes to right now, the pros of staying and maintaining your lifestyle outweigh the thought of leaving? I had never realised until you said it. Leaving would be a huge compromise on my lifestyle and I worry I could regret it.

I’d been with my husband for 20 years, married for 12 when he left me last august. He never showed any interest in me and I don’t just mean sex, no form of intimacy or care whatsoever, no kissing, hugs or hand holding despite me trying. As a result I felt ugly, undesirable and generally not worthy.
He broke me when he left / he’d been having a flirtatious relationship with a colleague 10 years younger and left me to be with her. It hurt so much.
But now, it’s 14 months on. I’m divorced, I’ve had to sell my home and I’ve been living with my parents for 6 months. But I’ve ha an offer accepted on a house and will be moving soon, and I’m in a new relationship with a man who thinks I’m amazing. We’ve a great sex life and I’m feeling more attractive and desirable than I’ve felt in years.
Whilst I felt broken and betrayed at the time, I can look back now and realise this is the best thing that could have happened. I’m only 41. There’s a whole life out there and I know I’ll be much happier without him. It’s not all plain sailing and there’s days when I feel overwhelmed by the change in my life and I just cry. But I know that this is the best for me and I’ve got a chance at love and happiness with someone else who is worthy of me xxx

Can I join please? I've actually just posted myself and then saw this thread.

DH and I have a really great rapport together, we kiss a few times every day etc. But we have barely had sex for the past couple of years, and it has been dwindling for 10. We've never been good at sex together, I feel embarassed but it never turns me on. I never orgasm and we always have to resort to using lube. But I can easily get wet/orgasm on my own. He would love to have sex more but I just can't bear the thought of it. I feel like our bodies just don't fit well together? It's so sad and awful. I struggle to talk to him about it, I get really embarassed and his feelings get hurt very easily, so we've just suffered along. I still have a sex drive just not for my husband.

@qwincy that's so good to hear that you now have a good relationship and sex life. I'm happy for you x

Thing is its not just sex is it. I'm in a sex less marriage. But there is also no intimacy (not just sexual but also emotional intimacy). There is no love, no thoughtfulness.... no tactileness.... I'm so lonely yet the thought of leaving and breaking up my family is devastating to me. My kids will be devastated.

@Qwincy so glad it worked out for you.

@user6869848649 I know how you feel. I never felt turned on by my husband and never orgasmed. I had only been with one other before marriage and that was a quickie in a car so I really wasn’t experienced and didn’t know what it should be like. My husband was very poor at intimacy - kissing/touching etc.- and it was like having sex with a robot. I lived with it but stopped our sex life over a decade ago. My sex drive increased throughout menopause and I got involved with someone else who I developed strong feelings for and the sex/intimacy was amazing. I ended my marriage immediately and felt like Id wasted most of my younger years. I think, sometimes, couples aren’t compatible and it doesn’t show at first.

@SophiaLauren my marriage was the same. I ended it in the end. Life is too short to be constantly unhappy.

19Bears

I hear you , I’m amazed at how many people feel the same way as me . At least we know we’re not alone ( in the virtual world at least) if we decide to start a new life

CosmicUnicorn
And may I ask how life is now ?

@Fedupofthislark not good yet! I’m still waiting for my pension provider to give figures so that a settlement can be reached. I’m still in the family home and probably could buy him out but it’s a big house and I fancy a move to a village or somewhere else. The youngest won’t go with him overnight but will occasionally go to the shops with him or something. The eldest stays over there a lot as he feels sorry for his dad! It’s a difficult conversation to have with a kid that age as to why I ended the marriage so I have gave him a version I thought would do! When he is an adult I may tell him.
I’m not getting much of a break tbh as I’m working full time in a demanding role and I have the youngest all weekend and all the evenings. I have decided to just plod along until I decide what to do about the house but next year I will start leaving her a bit and maybe venture out and about!
I don’t regret ending it. I had to! My head was turned and I now know why. My marriage was non-existent. I could’ve lived without the sex but the marriage lacked affection, connection etc. and he was quite critical and unsupportive of me at times. I’d allowed this to bubble over for far too long.
I was naive when I married him (he is 10 years older) and very inexperienced. I changed as I got older and couldn’t go near him physically for years. It was no way to live!

The eldest is going away to university next year btw.

I feel like I’ve wasted years of my life tbh!

I’m making plans I’m getting out it’s going to a hard six months but I’m grabbing this chance.