Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

@JustAnother0ldMan

I charge £65ph. Generally. I often do a few hours free work for small local businesses and ask them to make a charity donation (to a local charity) if they insist on paying.

Bloody hell fire, I earn just over £20 ph, but that’s as an employee, plus I get paid holidays 30 days, healthcare, pension (12&8%) etc, but saying that I get paid no matter how busy I’m an or not, never work for free and evenings, & weekends are all paid overtime rates.

So the question is where can I find one of these high earning women who can keep me in a manner I’d like to become accustomed to ?

You probably earn a broadly similar rate to those of us self employed folks here, especially when you take holiday, sick, pension etc into account.

Ummm 🤔 I have enough mouths to feed and am rather fierce about that. To the point of even finding it icky if a bloke I'm dating shows too much interest in my finances. Btw I'm sure you're just joking but I've lost my sense of humour about money when it comes to partners 😕

@BelladiMamma
I’m both joking and not joking at the same time, it was just a light hearted comment really, but I have had people (let’s be honest here it’s been women), asking about job / finances before dating, so IRL I’m quite careful about taking about money/ earnings before I get to know someone, for probably the same underlying reasons as you

[quote JustAnother0ldMan]@BelladiMamma
I’m both joking and not joking at the same time, it was just a light hearted comment really, but I have had people (let’s be honest here it’s been women), asking about job / finances before dating, so IRL I’m quite careful about taking about money/ earnings before I get to know someone, for probably the same underlying reasons as you[/quote]
Yes, sad but true. At least we get some good boundaries coaching here ♥️

@JustAnother0ldMan

I charge £65ph. Generally. I often do a few hours free work for small local businesses and ask them to make a charity donation (to a local charity) if they insist on paying.

Bloody hell fire, I earn just over £20 ph, but that’s as an employee, plus I get paid holidays 30 days, healthcare, pension (12&8%) etc, but saying that I get paid no matter how busy I’m an or not, never work for free and evenings, & weekends are all paid overtime rates.

So the question is where can I find one of these high earning women who can keep me in a manner I’d like to become accustomed to ?

I have a full time job as well (all the benefits you list but 15% pension and I pay in 35%), I do the other stuff in my spare time.

I probably make about £12k pa in my consultancy. I tend to just take £2k dividend and the rest goes in the pension, after expenses which are pretty low except last year when I needed a new laptop and a new phone.

[quote JustAnother0ldMan]@BelladiMamma
I’m both joking and not joking at the same time, it was just a light hearted comment really, but I have had people (let’s be honest here it’s been women), asking about job / finances before dating, so IRL I’m quite careful about taking about money/ earnings before I get to know someone, for probably the same underlying reasons as you[/quote]
Whereas I am, evidently, very open about money. I like to understand people's attitudes to it.

If people (men) show an odd interest I'd steer clear. Also if they are cagey I'd steer clear. But I don't really ask, it's just a topic I'm interested in so it comes up.

I know all about MrWGs finances, we compare notes on savings and pensions, investments etc. Same with my last ex. Even MrStone I know what he earns, what type of pension he has, how much his mortgage is, etc.

@VanGoghsDog,
I don’t mind talking about money, but I’m a bit cautious when people I don’t really know ask, it’s as if they are trying to measure me up somehow, does that make sense?

[quote JustAnother0ldMan]@VanGoghsDog,
I don’t mind talking about money, but I’m a bit cautious when people I don’t really know ask, it’s as if they are trying to measure me up somehow, does that make sense?[/quote]
Oh, of course it makes sense.

And it's a bit different from the other side. On average, women earn less, and you'll meet women who have had career gaps etc (I never have). So it's inevitable that some women you meet will be fairly low paid or badly off, work part time, single parents etc. And it's a fact that you'll meet some looking for a provider.

And some may be doing that above all else, which is unpleasant and you should totally be wary of.

My financial independence is more a signal to men that I don't need them, I am set. And I expect them to be able to support themselves totally. I don't mind if I am the higher earner providing treats, holidays, special restaurants etc, but only as negotiated (so no-one feels taken for granted and no-one feels patronised), and because this is what I like and if he can't afford it we'd never do it. I won't be paying his rent or buying his toothpaste!

I know how much Mr Cricket earns, how much his mortgage is, how much his house is worth and how much rent he will be paying. Doesn't bother me, I've told him how much my mortgage is. It came up in conversation. My pay is shit but I do a job I like and have found my niche(well that is what Mr Cricket said). It doesn't change my view on him and I don't expect him to always pay because he earns more than me (5 times more). I was glad that when we went to the cinema I got the tickets, and he drove to me and bought the drinks. It actually felt like we were doing things equally.

@VanGoghsDog
Yes, I like the way you have phrased that, I don’t mind being the higher earner ( and I don’t really earn that much), but don’t want to be seen a provider first and foremost.

Hi all. Fascinating chat about charge rates, relatable from my 'old' lives consulting /running a creative agency.
I must admit I do like to get a sense of what someone's job is as an early part of 'screening' but - as someone taking a lot of pride right now out of reestablishing my financial independence - it's not to assess their financial position as much as to get a sense of whether I'll be able to relate and converse with them. I'm aware that might sound judgemental and snobby and not really meant to - but it is what it is.

On a completely different subject - have you already all talked about the book 'Available' sometime earlier in these threads? My sister just recommended it to me - I'm only a couple of chapters in, but so far sooo relatable (especially in terms of my weekend Hotel adventure) and for anyone finding themselves single and navigating dating again. I am sure I'll find loads of it irritating and UNrelatable as I get into it further, but wondering if anyone else has read it? https://smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/0008395896/ref=cmswwrcppapiglttfabcHX4MFH6YNYY1T27H9ZP7

Money is an issue I have found when it comes to dating. Not an issue but I dated a lovely person last year, but our finances were so off kilter (I'm a homeowner, he was in a shared house) I earn for my age I think I great salary he was on minimum wage. I just could not see a future long term where I would feel anything other than providing for everything. (My ex never split rent or bills, I paid for everything including holidays and days out so I do not want to be in this position again) I'd love to say it didn't matter but ultimately it did.

I sometimes find money is an issue when say the ex wife has stayed at home and my date has almost gotten used to being the breadwinner. This definitely was the case with my most recent date and I felt like he was trying to justify taking an easier job when I wasn't fussed. I think the fact that I work and am very solvent was a surprise.

Money is a factor in all relationships / friendships / family ties. There's good and bad aspects of being transparent about finances. I don't know if I've ever hit the sweet spot with it but I would hope to be able to discuss financial goals and be relatively transparent when the situation felt right.

I have a date tomorrow. Only my third date ever. Yeah I’m 26 and I’ve only had two dates but anyways. We’ve not confirmed time yet, which is frustrating me. I like to be organised (I’m autistic). All I know is it’s afternoon.

I’m just a bit anxious.

Can i ask, oh wise ones on this thread.

I've got into the habit of not messaging Mr Cricket, as I don't want to bother him. In doing so am I sabotaging things? He has never told me I am and has never made me feel I am.

I asked him how he was and how work was going at the weekend and he seemed happy to tell me about the flights he flew last week and how his time away was. He then asked me how my work was going and how I was. It felt nice to 'chat'. But I didn't even attempt to make a conversation, instead of asking what he did whilst he was away I just left it. I could have asked where he flew to. I'm just acting like I'm not interested.

I miss the messages we used to send to each other. I think the past few weeks I've stepped back because I don't want to be a burden but I've also retreated into myself which isn't helping. I'm losing my confidence too.

@Isitreallyme177

Can i ask, oh wise ones on this thread.

I've got into the habit of not messaging Mr Cricket, as I don't want to bother him. In doing so am I sabotaging things? He has never told me I am and has never made me feel I am.

I asked him how he was and how work was going at the weekend and he seemed happy to tell me about the flights he flew last week and how his time away was. He then asked me how my work was going and how I was. It felt nice to 'chat'. But I didn't even attempt to make a conversation, instead of asking what he did whilst he was away I just left it. I could have asked where he flew to. I'm just acting like I'm not interested.

I miss the messages we used to send to each other. I think the past few weeks I've stepped back because I don't want to be a burden but I've also retreated into myself which isn't helping. I'm losing my confidence too.

Not sure I’m the best person to answer this, as I’m crap as dating, but if you like him and he likes you, why are you stepping back, he ‘Might’ perceive this as you losing interest ( how would it feel the other way around), as long as he is not texting while trying to land what’s the issue?

@wombatsanddating

I have a date tomorrow. Only my third date ever. Yeah I’m 26 and I’ve only had two dates but anyways. We’ve not confirmed time yet, which is frustrating me. I like to be organised (I’m autistic). All I know is it’s afternoon.

I’m just a bit anxious.

Oh well, date cancelled as they still have a cold.

@JustAnother0ldMan thank you I think you've put it perfectly, I would feel like he wasn't interested. I just need to snap out of it.

Oh and I've just had an image of him sat there trying to land whilst texting 🤦‍♀️🤣. I feel a bit of a Leslie Nielsen Airplane moment.🛩

@wombatsanddating welcome. That's a shame. Have they made an suggested a different day?

@wombatsanddating sorry to hear that! People are going to be very cautious at the moment with their health and also it's the new normal to be respectful of other people's health even if you've just got a cold. Frustrating but at least they let you know I'm advance. Good luck 🤞🏽 for the next one.

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@wombatsanddating welcome. That's a shame. Have they made an suggested a different day?[/quote]
Only next week at the moment, depends on their day off.

[quote BelladiMamma]@wombatsanddating sorry to hear that! People are going to be very cautious at the moment with their health and also it's the new normal to be respectful of other people's health even if you've just got a cold. Frustrating but at least they let you know I'm advance. Good luck 🤞🏽 for the next one. [/quote]
Yeah true, didn’t think of that. I don’t really get colds touch wood. So not at the fore front of my mind.

@Isitreallyme177
Don’t call me Shirley

And, of course, Roger, Over, Done

@Isitreallyme177.. just a thought, I used to work for an airline and my exh was also a pilot, I know it may seem like Mr Cricket is living a fabulous life, on the beach in the Caribbean or in a busy cosmopolitan city, but the reality can be very different.

I know there were times I was on a crew that may have been years younger than me and off doing their own thing and it can actually be very lonely in spite of the beautiful location. He may love to get a text from you when he’s away.
Remember he’s not away with friends/family, he’s possibly jet lagged and sometimes no matter how fab the location, you just want to be at home. I think asking him about his trip or sending him a text while he’s away would be probably welcomed.. I know if I was in his situation it would put a smile on my face. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had fabulous trips to amazing locations but honestly, they’re few and far between..

@wombatsanddating
Oh that’s bad luck, get back to you date and try to confirm another time