Dating thread 215 we are over here!!!

[BelladiMamma]

Ok folks new thread, hopefully everyone will find is!!

Heeeey @BelladiMamma! Lovely! Nice date to look forward to! Honestly from everything I’ve seen I feel like he is being quite coupley with you already? He is clearly 100% comfortable with you. Has he said anything about having this nice connection you two have with anyone else??

Sweet 🥰

@Naimee87 I absolutely get you and know the feeling of just being really out of place around some people who are coupled and stuff, or being a little bit of a joke to some people who have their strong partnerships, I get that and feel like it myself sometimes, it’s not a nice feeling. Its really good your best mate is also single though so you can support each other. Thankfully I’ve got loads of single mates too but my oldest friends are all long term married with children and they don’t get how it feels! Xx
Ahh thanks I am missing the gym and feeling flabby 😩 am laid up feeling rough with this damned socket now! Hopefully it will be better tomorrow 😓

@Shayelle2009 @SpringlikeBunk thanks for your thoughts ladies ... he is being very coupley with me but I know that he'd wanted to shag around a bit more, and experiment a bit more sexually with what was out there. But he is certainly very committed to me communications wise and with what he shares. So I'll just think in my head that he's my bloke and cool off other connections until Sunday at the very least. Then see how that goes / if he flakes. Honestly I just live in fear of the flake attack.

@SpringlikeBunk I thought I'd just tell other flakes I was busy with half term and then my son home for a bit. Keeping all options open really with MrSardinia. I'm not that bothered about the other contacts for the moment. MissBrazil is definitely a pragmatist like me and I've realised I don't fancy MrItaly enough to make his very complex logistics work for me. What about you? Are you keeping any on the back burner or just letting them fade?

I should share that I've let @Shayelle2009 see some of the messages because I was like ... is he genuine? So if it all turns to dust I'll know that I wasn't just imagining this connection... it's there ...

He’s 100% genuine @BelladiMamma no question there.

Good point @BelladiMamma - I think MrHedgehog has raised the bar for me?

So the contacts I’m keeping are the nice guy who messages me and looks fine (I just need to get him in for a date zero before I go away)

The other good date zero I had asked me to the cinema at the weekend but I was seducing a hedgehog.

So I’ll keep them around and not waste those contacts - they aren’t “over-invested” in me either it’s just occasional messages really.

About the patriarchy.. what I love about all my friends’ marriages is that they are all with thoroughly decent guys, it’s an equal partnership, equal domestic responsibilities and freedoms, and finances.. I guess this is why they have all lasted so long. It’s good to see. I feel that my friends are kind of lucky though, their guys are the exceptions in a way.

Question for all you gurus! In dating terms I’m a total novice, I was married for over 20 years ( huge EA) and had one other relationship since. I know in both relationships, didn’t set boundaries and in spite of a parade of red flags I choose to ignore them. Have been seeing a therapist and working on feeling like I’m ‘good enough’.

So I had been chatting to a seemingly normal, nice man on Bumble, and yesterday we talked about meeting today. There was no firm plans, but a time slot and a location were discussed. He had one of his kids at a theme park and said he’d be home by 6. I said I was free from 7 but as a mum I get that things don’t always run smoothly when young kids were involved! He said he’d be in touch today to firm up plans… obviously he hasn’t.

I get that it’s only gone 6 but nobody is that busy that they don’t have 15 seconds to send a text. I very much feel as if he’s not interested in meeting, just wondering what is the done thing, block and delete or leave the means of communication open.

Because I’ve really struggled with setting boundaries, my inclination is probably to overset them and not give him a chance, but I’m very afraid of being seen as a soft touch as my exh and ex bf did. However blocking and not explaining why just goes against my ingrained sense of manners!

I’ve read the rules posted, I’m absolutely not over investing in him but don’t want to be walked over, just wondering really, in this scenario what is the done thing?

@Alexandradream you could wait 24 hours and if you've not heard anything just delete him? Maybe something came up. Kinda rude though..

@Alexandradream

I think the fact that you’re not comfortable now should tell you what to do?

Some daters are happier doing the organising and are ok with more spontaneous things (so they’ll be constantly on WhatsApp arranging till they meet)

but others (I’m one of them and I guess you are too) want people to stick to what they say they will do?

Like you say you’re not expecting flowers and champagne just a quick apology message so you know what’s happening and you’re not “on hold” for him this evening.

Flaky people don’t tend to change and even if they’re great in person the whole “I’ll change my plans but not let the other person know out of courtesy” vibe is a real emotional killer.

@Shayelle2009 @Shayelle2009
thank you., I’m a mum of 4 so do like things to be planned a bit in advance.

I’m almost embarrassed, on the face of it I’m a highly competent woman that gives the impression of having my shit together but from a man/dating/relationship point of view I’m worse than a teenager!!! I just haven’t had much experience or practice..,

I’m not going to do anything right now, but will delete him before I go to bed…

Am just starting my online experience so expect lots more of these types of questions! Strangely all my close girlfriends are in long term marriages and relationships and honestly there’s not one of my close friends that I can talk to about this… they just don’t get what it’s like to be not only starting over in your 50’s but none of them have done online dating and it’s special set of rules!

Hi all,

Would anyone consider helping a guy out with a profile review? I've been off the apps a couple of months, spent time getting some (What I thought were) nice new pics taken to have a real go again, and it's been absolute crickets! Starting to lose faith again already unless anyone can suggest where I'm going wrong?

Hi @Dan88Bourne, I’m not on any apps and if 88 is related to your birth year then I’m in a completely different age group- not sure if those 2 things help me to be more objective or out of the loop ? Happy to take a look if you think it’d be helpful but no problem if you think someone on the apps or closer in age may be a better option. 👍😊

@SpringlikeBunk 'seducing a hedgehog'
🤣🤣🤣
Love ❤️ it

@Dan88Bourne

Hi all,

Would anyone consider helping a guy out with a profile review? I've been off the apps a couple of months, spent time getting some (What I thought were) nice new pics taken to have a real go again, and it's been absolute crickets! Starting to lose faith again already unless anyone can suggest where I'm going wrong?

I date in the 40-60 age range so if that fits happy to have a look!

@Shayelle2009

He’s 100% genuine *@BelladiMamma* no question there.

About to run off and have nervous breakdown 🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭

@Alexandradream did he message you in the end? You've had pretty good feedback here but this is really rubbish communication and planning from him.

@Shayelle2009 your friends are lucky. There aren't enough people around who understand true equality.

@Shayelle2009 I haven't made any other arrangements so there's no flaking there at least. Just a couple of weeks where I've got lots of family things (true). And in fact MrSardinia isn't free when I'm seeing MrActor so I feel ok there. Plus he knows I'm seeing someone else. So it's all good. Just no point starting anything that looks at all promising because I won't give it my attention and I'll not be genuine either. Even in casual dating authenticity means a lot to me.

Thanks for the offers already. I'm actually 37 If that makes any difference to anyone wanting to offer?

@Dan88Bourne I have my Bumble range as 38-50, happy to have a look and give my thoughts.

[quote BelladiMamma]@Alexandradream did he message you in the end? You've had pretty good feedback here but this is really rubbish communication and planning from him.

@Shayelle2009 your friends are lucky. There aren't enough people around who understand true equality.

@Shayelle2009 I haven't made any other arrangements so there's no flaking there at least. Just a couple of weeks where I've got lots of family things (true). And in fact MrSardinia isn't free when I'm seeing MrActor so I feel ok there. Plus he knows I'm seeing someone else. So it's all good. Just no point starting anything that looks at all promising because I won't give it my attention and I'll not be genuine either. Even in casual dating authenticity means a lot to me. [/quote]
They are lucky.. I think the dating world was very different 15 years ago. Also they met their guys when were all younger so they have all had their first experiences of marriage, children, buying houses together.

[quote BelladiMamma]@Alexandradream did he message you in the end? You've had pretty good feedback here but this is really rubbish communication and planning from him.

@Shayelle2009 your friends are lucky. There aren't enough people around who understand true equality.

@Shayelle2009 I haven't made any other arrangements so there's no flaking there at least. Just a couple of weeks where I've got lots of family things (true). And in fact MrSardinia isn't free when I'm seeing MrActor so I feel ok there. Plus he knows I'm seeing someone else. So it's all good. Just no point starting anything that looks at all promising because I won't give it my attention and I'll not be genuine either. Even in casual dating authenticity means a lot to me. [/quote]
That last comment was for @SpringlikeBunk

But obviously you're welcome to it as well @Shayelle2009

@Dan88Bourne I am happy to have a look at it but obviously I'm elderly compared to you so I don't want to give you a bum steer 😁

@BelladiMamma I read, and appreciated ☺️

@Dan88Bourne my age range is set at 34 - 40 so happy to look!

@BelladiMamma no he didn’t so is blocked.., it’s maybe a bit dramatic and a flounce and in real life I’m far, far from being a princess but I’ve been doing huge work on myself in therapy and I’m not going to waste that time nor that money and revert to old habits!

Honestly had he text and said he had to cancel or or wasn’t available I would have felt respected and there would have been no drama. I’ve no interest in dating (another!) man that has no respect for me!

[quote Alexandradream]@BelladiMamma no he didn’t so is blocked.., it’s maybe a bit dramatic and a flounce and in real life I’m far, far from being a princess but I’ve been doing huge work on myself in therapy and I’m not going to waste that time nor that money and revert to old habits!

Honestly had he text and said he had to cancel or or wasn’t available I would have felt respected and there would have been no drama. I’ve no interest in dating (another!) man that has no respect for me![/quote]
Blocking isn't drama. It's letting go and moving on.

Seemed pretty poor to me. FWIW I've had my worst experience of flakes on Bumble. I don't know if it's something to do with the marketing - ie that women take the lead, or if it was a run of bad luck?

Better luck 🍀 out there and well done for sticking to your principles