@DrSbaitso
I just think it's interesting that, given how much we understand the pain and devastation cheating can cause, so many people would willingly actively bring it on, and even take pleasure in it, if they can a) convince themselves they are no more than a "messenger", despite tasking themselves to do it and b) can get the satisfaction of a cheater getting their supposed comeuppance. Optional c) if they can do it to everyone's pain but their own...it's only other people's suffering that can be justified.
I don't think you should never ever tell. But I think if you do, you should be close enough to the situation to be very sure it's for the best, and to be a support when needed, and to be open and transparent about who you are.
If you're happy, gleeful even, to make collateral damage out of innocents because it satisfies whatever urges are in YOU ...
This os probably one of the most hypocritical posts I've read as a counter argument.
"I dont think you should ever tell. But i think if you do you should be close enough to the situation to be very sure it's for the best, and to be a support when needed and to be open and transparent about who you are....."
Just as the ow is, is she being open and transparent about who she is ?
The level of control about this post is astonishing, you have accused others of having a God complex, but you are determining who and how close someone should be as to whether they recieve support and whether they are to be delivered the truth. Spoken like a true allienator.
How very convienient for the ow.
You have two arguments, the first being your disgust of someone being the bearer of truth by anoymous means.
Why are you upset about the concept of using anonyminity to uncover truths, to uncover injustice and to right a wrong.
There are many situations that require anonyminity that help others, tip offs to the police to catch criminals, whitleblowers that unearth all manner of deceitful acts, investagative journalists that livelihoods depend on speaking the truth for the good of mankind, they use these anonymous sources to put pen to paper and risk their own lives to make injustices heard.
This years Nobel Peace Prize has gone to two such brave individuals from Russia and the Phillipines, who have feircessly defended freedom of speech in their own countries, where do you believe they attain many of their sources of information.
When people phone social services to report their concerns for an abused child, what should they have done, approached the family first ?
You yourself admitted it is wrong to have an affair, but is it not quite wrong enough, the faux concern you have for the wife is laughable and extremely transparent.
Your second argument is really a latch on to the poster @Lobelia123, a convienient flying monkey.
@Lobelia123 I'm sorry what happened to you but your reasoning and subsequent anger are misplaced as others have said.
Your anger and total mistrust in the people arround you is due to your husband, no matter how you found out, you would have been gossiped about because his affair was public knowledge. Believe me you would still have been untrusting of the world, and paranoid because HE did that to you, regardless of who told you.
He humiliated you, he put you in that possition of not protecting you and your reputation.
He decided to take the chance of making you look a fool to others, it wasnt your anonymous tipper offer.
She may have wanted that to end for you, the gossipping, the stares, the pittying, She may have wanted to give you back some control over the situation.
If it were me I would be trying to find out who she was so I could give her a bunch of flowers.
I understand you may feel differently if you stay with your partner but here is where your anger lies in such an instance, you don't want the secret out so are angry she has the knowledge to spread the word.
Again it is not her fault, it is your husbands, he gave them/her a weapon to embarrass you.
@DrSbaitso would love you as the wife, if she was a ow (which many of the posters have assumed she may have been) you would be someone to turn the situation round and blame the wrong person, someone to manipulate.
You are a master of subterfuge @Dr, you would have made an excellent politician.