Match on Bumble, red flags?

[Wolfie11]

I’m new to the dating game and recently downloaded Bumble. I’ve never done online dating before or anything and have pretty much been in a relationship since I became an adult so my radar might be a bit off!

I matched with someone yesterday who I’ve got a lot in common with. We messaged back and forth most of yesterday, I gave him my number and we sent voice notes etc but some of the things he has said have put me off him slightly. For example:

• He said that he would give me a ‘silver star’ as usually most girls don’t get this far with him in the talking stage .

• He asked what are my best and worst physical attributes. I said my legs and bum are my best, he then said he’d been on my Instagram and couldn’t find any photos of my bum and asked for one. I sent him a fully clothed photo at a party where you can see my figure. He replied with a voice note saying he was disappointed and that wasn’t the kind of photo he was looking for and I was going down in his estimation to a bronze star. I told him if I was going to send photos of my ass to strangers I would do it on only fans and at least get paid for it! He stopped then.

• Chat was normal again, it was getting late so said goodnight and he said “top tip for you, I like cute morning texts” and “strong first day”.

I haven’t sent a morning text. Does anyone else have an opinion on the above? It’s annoying because I do actually quite like him and we have a lot in common but these comments have put me off. Not sure if I’m being unfair with that though!

@Wolfie11

Thanks for the replies, all pretty unanimous. I didn’t message him and he sent me a voice note this morning saying “hmm bit confused (my name), there’s only 33 minutes left in the morning and I’ve still not had a cute message off you. Well you’ve still got time!” I’ve not replied.

Reading this thread has definitely made me realise there’s something wrong my with boundaries and I’m probably not ready for dating, never mind OLD. I didn’t feel like these comments were okay but I kept talking to him anyway because I thought it was probably me that was the problem. My last relationship has probably messed me up a little more than I realised. I had to tip toe around my ex and sort of dance to his tune, it was basically his way or the highway so I became the kind of person who just did whatever he wanted and said everything was okay when it wasn’t. Thankfully that’s all in the past now but I should probably work on myself a bit so I don’t end up in the same situation, or worse, again.

Thanks very much for all your advice, if/when I go back to OLD I definitely won’t be giving my number/social media out that early!

Jesus. Does he have aspirations to be Christian Grey or something? If he's like this now I can imagine what he probably likes in bed. Hope you like being dominated a lot OP .

The more you play along the less they respect you (but they get other thrills from it though). Read up of 'negging'and what pick-up 'artists' tell men to do. The whole star thing is bleurgh.

Send him a laughing emoji and block.

He sounds like a complete arsehole entitled dickhead. Why would you give your number out so easily. Beware that people are not always who they say they are and sometimes us women are too trusting. Well I did not do internet dating but will not be so trusting or gullible, vulnerable again as far as men are concerned. Staying single. Anyway he is giving you stars, tell him to shove one up his arse...He is trying to control you already telling you how to behave and asking you to send photos. How many other women is he trying this on with. These are red flags and I would just block him. Join a local group or something you have an interest in and you may connect with someone there. Just take care and value your self worth and do not let a man treat you like this. He sounds gross, bet he is no catch.

Ick

Oh my god he sounds disgusting. Strong first day? He sounds like a psychopath OP. Just nope.

@TeachesOfPeaches

Ask him for a dick pic. Once received, explain you found it very disappointing

[ Op, What worries me most is you saying you actually quite like him...

He's earned the rusty knob award.

Well done on asking about him and binning him off.

This article has examples of the tactics to look out for.

psychcentral.com/blog/recovering-narcissist/2018/12/5-pick-up-artist-techniques-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-players-use-to-unsettle-you

Christ, how old is he? 7? What a dick. He already has you jumping through hoops after one day.

Ugh and yuk.

Most men on dating apps aren't looking for a relationship but a hook up (my experience), despite what their profiles say.

What I found interesting about your post is that less than 24 hours of matching with him, you said you quite liked him, that to me sounds quite invested... you haven't even met yet?!

@Wolfie11

Wow what a creep.
Grading you. Jeez.

Dump him now.

Ps use KiK ap first so you don’t have to give number out!

Does he have aspirations to be Christian Grey or something?

He might already be. Grey was a pointless pissant with no social skills as well.

Hi op. Well done for spotting it and don't bother responding to him again, he doesn't deserve it. And yes don't accept anything that makes you uncomfortable and don't be too polite to tell someone to F off when they cross a line.

Keep your standards very high. Had I realised that the little things that made me uncomfortable with my exes at the beginning were hints of their controlling and abusive behaviour, I would not have continued with them.

However, since my previous relationships and upbringing was healthy, I didn't spot them.

@Guetzlibache

Jesus Christ are you seriously asking if this guy is ok.Ditch him immediately,unless you have absolutely no self respect.what a twat! Do you have female friends who could give you some advice on what to text and not to text on dating apps.your response to his questions are so so so wrong.

My thoughts exactly.

Wow. Nothing more to add than what has already been expressed.

I think it’s great you posted and I hope you felt supported by the posters’ unanimous views on this. Others will also benefit. Having done OLD, I can say you need a thick skin, tough boundaries, and low expectations. It’s a cesspit (with the occasional decent person). If you don’t think you are ready for OLD, maybe look at other ways of meeting people. Best of luck!

And don't agonise over what to say to this guy - just block him. He'll be saying the same rude, entitled shit to multiple women every morning and won't even notice who stops replying, he will just find new victims! So don't reply, just block him.

That's likely very true. He sounds like the sort to keep a spreadsheet, detailing each 'potential lead', the 'score' he's assigned to each one, what he wants/hopes for/thinks he could get from each one....

Disgusting: take your time and try to find a genuine man who won't treat you like a project and is sincerely after a mutual, loving, respectful relationship with an actual person he considers an equal (and not an unpaid employee/glorified pet).

Is this my ex? Is he from Manchester and wearing a shit coat?

@Schhhteeevie

Is this my ex? Is he from Manchester and wearing a shit coat?

Please let this be true!

There are literally thousands of men on Bumble, don’t settle for someone so cringe.