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Original poster

Match on Bumble, red flags?

168 replies

Wolfie11 · 13/10/2021 10:12

I’m new to the dating game and recently downloaded Bumble. I’ve never done online dating before or anything and have pretty much been in a relationship since I became an adult so my radar might be a bit off!

I matched with someone yesterday who I’ve got a lot in common with. We messaged back and forth most of yesterday, I gave him my number and we sent voice notes etc but some of the things he has said have put me off him slightly. For example:

• He said that he would give me a ‘silver star’ as usually most girls don’t get this far with him in the talking stage Confused.

• He asked what are my best and worst physical attributes. I said my legs and bum are my best, he then said he’d been on my Instagram and couldn’t find any photos of my bum and asked for one. I sent him a fully clothed photo at a party where you can see my figure. He replied with a voice note saying he was disappointed and that wasn’t the kind of photo he was looking for and I was going down in his estimation to a bronze star. I told him if I was going to send photos of my ass to strangers I would do it on only fans and at least get paid for it! He stopped then.

• Chat was normal again, it was getting late so said goodnight and he said “top tip for you, I like cute morning texts” and “strong first day”.

I haven’t sent a morning text. Does anyone else have an opinion on the above? It’s annoying because I do actually quite like him and we have a lot in common but these comments have put me off. Not sure if I’m being unfair with that though!

OP posts:
flicktheswitch22 · 13/10/2021 12:19

Ugh. Knob.

ButterflyAway · 13/10/2021 12:22

First day and already setting you up for a lifetime of trying and failing to meet his expectations. Yes it’s a red flag, yes you should ditch him before he gets his feet under the table.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 13/10/2021 12:23

Ugh
He’s clearly been OLD for a bit too long

It’s an eye opener when you start
But most want one thing which is basically sexting and onlyfans photos

Onwards !

Stillafatknacker · 13/10/2021 12:24

What a patronising creep, yuk!

IcetSUV · 13/10/2021 12:24

How awful.

godmum56 · 13/10/2021 12:24

@Wolfie11

I’m new to the dating game and recently downloaded Bumble. I’ve never done online dating before or anything and have pretty much been in a relationship since I became an adult so my radar might be a bit off!

I matched with someone yesterday who I’ve got a lot in common with. We messaged back and forth most of yesterday, I gave him my number and we sent voice notes etc but some of the things he has said have put me off him slightly. For example:

• He said that he would give me a ‘silver star’ as usually most girls don’t get this far with him in the talking stage Confused.

• He asked what are my best and worst physical attributes. I said my legs and bum are my best, he then said he’d been on my Instagram and couldn’t find any photos of my bum and asked for one. I sent him a fully clothed photo at a party where you can see my figure. He replied with a voice note saying he was disappointed and that wasn’t the kind of photo he was looking for and I was going down in his estimation to a bronze star. I told him if I was going to send photos of my ass to strangers I would do it on only fans and at least get paid for it! He stopped then.

• Chat was normal again, it was getting late so said goodnight and he said “top tip for you, I like cute morning texts” and “strong first day”.

I haven’t sent a morning text. Does anyone else have an opinion on the above? It’s annoying because I do actually quite like him and we have a lot in common but these comments have put me off. Not sure if I’m being unfair with that though!

if this has only put you off slightly, what would it take to REALLY disgust you?
BobLemon · 13/10/2021 12:25

An armada’s worth of flags!!

The rating you and telling you what to do is controlling behaviour. In the first few hours!! Fucking hell, what an asshole. Please please report him to Bumble so others don’t get sucked into this BS.

TheWeeDonkeyFella · 13/10/2021 12:26

Same as preceding 104 posts all saying the same thing - block and run! This grading and 'tips' crap sounds very controlling - if its that bad on day 1, can only imagine what this would lead to.

BiLuminous · 13/10/2021 12:30

Yes, run away. I am mega intolerant on OLD though but I think this is just blatantly not good news. If this is a first impression, think how things would progress. Gross

Atla · 13/10/2021 12:32

Haha! What a prick - bin him & on to the next!

BiLuminous · 13/10/2021 12:32

Just to add, avoid matching with anyone who has prescriptive ideas of what they dont want in a woman in their bio. If they have nothing to say about their personality and only about what they dont want from a woman then you've been given a big red flag before you've even started.

Luckingfovely · 13/10/2021 12:34

Whoop! 100% agreement on a thread!

The MOST important point here is that you even asked the question. If you are unsure if this behaviour is okay or not, you are in no way emotionally prepared for online dating.

I'm sure others can suggest some resources to help you, but until you have educated yourself more on the dangers and risks of OLD and men like this, I strongly advise deleting your profile.

FrodoAteMyRing · 13/10/2021 12:34

Wow he sounds disgusting!
He sounds worse than some of the scum I have had the misfortune to encounter online! And that is saying something!

He comes across as a future abuser tbh!

paperpusher · 13/10/2021 12:44

Run.

shedofdread · 13/10/2021 12:47

None of it is real until you've met.

He wants you, a stranger, to send him porn. Eeeurgh.

Sidehustle99 · 13/10/2021 12:48

Yack, just yack. I mean you could have a bit of fun playing with him first but I would not make any attempt to meet this ahole IRL. You could give him some feedback?

Eralos · 13/10/2021 12:54

Gross. The rating alone makes me cringe. As he’s some prize to be won by women!?

Fireflygal · 13/10/2021 12:59

Do you really need to ask?

You are being performance managed, if that's the relationship you want then go for it...but my advice would be to Run 🏃‍♂️

ChargingBuck · 13/10/2021 13:09

Also OP - don't give your number or social media, or full name to ANY random you are chatting to on OLD.

You don't need to, that's what the dating platform is for.

Guys who demand your direct contact details as soon as they message you are usually bad news. Use the protection the website offers for its intended purpose - & beware men who want to intrude too far, too soon.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 13/10/2021 13:24

He's testing what your boundaries are and just how much you'll put up with.
On day one, nah I cba. I'd not be messaging him again he sounds like a right tool.
OP, you do not need a forum to tell you that a bloke asking for nudes on the first day is something you want to pursue. Your gut is wisely telling you something, I'd listen to it and if you don't feel confident enough to do that yet stop dating until you do.
Blokes like that are the very reason I deleted all dating apps and decided to plough the energy I wanted dating into being happily single instead.
It literally makes me PMSL that these men think women find that attitude attractive.

WildImaginings · 13/10/2021 13:27

Ych a fi

Suprima · 13/10/2021 13:27

@Wolfie11

I’m new to the dating game and recently downloaded Bumble. I’ve never done online dating before or anything and have pretty much been in a relationship since I became an adult so my radar might be a bit off!

I matched with someone yesterday who I’ve got a lot in common with. We messaged back and forth most of yesterday, I gave him my number and we sent voice notes etc but some of the things he has said have put me off him slightly. For example:

• He said that he would give me a ‘silver star’ as usually most girls don’t get this far with him in the talking stage Confused.

• He asked what are my best and worst physical attributes. I said my legs and bum are my best, he then said he’d been on my Instagram and couldn’t find any photos of my bum and asked for one. I sent him a fully clothed photo at a party where you can see my figure. He replied with a voice note saying he was disappointed and that wasn’t the kind of photo he was looking for and I was going down in his estimation to a bronze star. I told him if I was going to send photos of my ass to strangers I would do it on only fans and at least get paid for it! He stopped then.

• Chat was normal again, it was getting late so said goodnight and he said “top tip for you, I like cute morning texts” and “strong first day”.

I haven’t sent a morning text. Does anyone else have an opinion on the above? It’s annoying because I do actually quite like him and we have a lot in common but these comments have put me off. Not sure if I’m being unfair with that though!

Yes, there is practically red bunting.

You are NOT ready to date if you honestly answer questions like ‘what is your best feature’ and send him pictures of your clothed body parts.

He shouldn’t have your Instagram either after just chatting on an app.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 13/10/2021 13:31

@rbe78

Massive eeeeeew. I thought Bumble was suppsoed to be a bit more respectful?
Why would the type of dating app make a difference to some men's behaviour?
Original poster
Wolfie11 · 13/10/2021 13:37

Thanks for the replies, all pretty unanimous. I didn’t message him and he sent me a voice note this morning saying “hmm bit confused (my name), there’s only 33 minutes left in the morning and I’ve still not had a cute message off you. Well you’ve still got time!” I’ve not replied.

Reading this thread has definitely made me realise there’s something wrong my with boundaries and I’m probably not ready for dating, never mind OLD. I didn’t feel like these comments were okay but I kept talking to him anyway because I thought it was probably me that was the problem. My last relationship has probably messed me up a little more than I realised. I had to tip toe around my ex and sort of dance to his tune, it was basically his way or the highway so I became the kind of person who just did whatever he wanted and said everything was okay when it wasn’t. Thankfully that’s all in the past now but I should probably work on myself a bit so I don’t end up in the same situation, or worse, again.

Thanks very much for all your advice, if/when I go back to OLD I definitely won’t be giving my number/social media out that early!

OP posts:
KarenofSparta · 13/10/2021 13:37

Agree you seem mega naive OP, there are many more men like the negging/incel type you just had the misfortune to attract out there.

Have a look at the OLD threads on the relationship board here, and have a good read. I've lurked there before even though I'm not looking!. Online dating really is another world.