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Original poster

Match on Bumble, red flags?

168 replies

Wolfie11 · 13/10/2021 10:12

I’m new to the dating game and recently downloaded Bumble. I’ve never done online dating before or anything and have pretty much been in a relationship since I became an adult so my radar might be a bit off!

I matched with someone yesterday who I’ve got a lot in common with. We messaged back and forth most of yesterday, I gave him my number and we sent voice notes etc but some of the things he has said have put me off him slightly. For example:

• He said that he would give me a ‘silver star’ as usually most girls don’t get this far with him in the talking stage Confused.

• He asked what are my best and worst physical attributes. I said my legs and bum are my best, he then said he’d been on my Instagram and couldn’t find any photos of my bum and asked for one. I sent him a fully clothed photo at a party where you can see my figure. He replied with a voice note saying he was disappointed and that wasn’t the kind of photo he was looking for and I was going down in his estimation to a bronze star. I told him if I was going to send photos of my ass to strangers I would do it on only fans and at least get paid for it! He stopped then.

• Chat was normal again, it was getting late so said goodnight and he said “top tip for you, I like cute morning texts” and “strong first day”.

I haven’t sent a morning text. Does anyone else have an opinion on the above? It’s annoying because I do actually quite like him and we have a lot in common but these comments have put me off. Not sure if I’m being unfair with that though!

OP posts:
Pinkspecs · 13/10/2021 11:03

I wouldn't have messaged back from the silver star message.
Block and forget him.

neededafart · 13/10/2021 11:08

utter creep

todaysdilemma · 13/10/2021 11:09

Yuck! Good on your for identifying he's a creep.

Admitting to stalking your IG before you've even met, and asking for a shot of your bum??? WHAT! I'd have blocked him then.

Also him grading you sounds like negging, he's read the pick up artist book I'd assume.

Next!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 13/10/2021 11:10

This is an immediate bin
Don't get too hung up on matches on OLD. First sign of ick throw them in the bin. Trust me.

Guetzlibache · 13/10/2021 11:10

Jesus Christ are you seriously asking if this guy is ok.Ditch him immediately,unless you have absolutely no self respect.what a twat! Do you have female friends who could give you some advice on what to text and not to text on dating apps.your response to his questions are so so so wrong.

Magicstars · 13/10/2021 11:11

He's a twit.

MarshmallowSwede · 13/10/2021 11:12

Sounds like an asshole. I would turn it around and say I don’t usually chat with men like you.. I usually date taller, much more handsome men. But I thought I would give you shot. All my friends say that below average looking men are best.

Neg him right back.. I don’t know if you really want to date someone that does this. But these sort of assholes should get a taste of their own medicine.

anon12345678901 · 13/10/2021 11:14

He sounds disgusting! Bin him

AngusThermopyle · 13/10/2021 11:15

I cringed at no.1 and only got halfway down no.2.
No way I'd continue with this. Yuk.

Twizbe · 13/10/2021 11:17

He's have lost me at that silver star crap. Throw him back

SnarkyBag · 13/10/2021 11:17

I’m a bit shocked you even need to ask to be honest!

BigMamaFratelli · 13/10/2021 11:18

Do I have an opinion? Yeah, the guy is a complete knobHmm

Anyone who gives you 'top tips' is an asshole

lost202 · 13/10/2021 11:23

I am very laid back but even that would put me off . When the right one comes along, you will not need to ask .

Fruitandnuts · 13/10/2021 11:23

Break it down - he is treating you like an object. A sexual object. People repeat behaviour and this must work for him with women. No one has called him out on being a sleaze they have likely unmatched him and he's deemed them all frigid. So he keeps repeating this behaviour and perhaps some enjoy it if they only want fun.

Can you imagine what he say to you if you actually meet face to face ? Or after a few drinks? I dread to think.

I'd just unmatch. All men can say they like such and such hobbies and get you into a mindset that they are nice decent men. You start to day dream about how great they will be. They appear so good and ticking boxes. Then BOOM they come out with someone offensive, sleazy, cheeky and your brain cant accept it. Hang on....his guy was so sweet and nice, why is he asking for pics of my bum? You think ahhh sure he is just a man and being flirty. Would a high value woman send pics of their bum? Think of a woman you admire and ask yourself would she send them?

It doesn't matter what he said before and you clicked etc. people need to keep consistency, he has not, this is like a digitally slap to your head, BOOM, he wants pics.

nahhhhh he can find someone else to neg. unmatch and move on, keep your boundaries, make a list of what behaviour you expect. No matter how nice they seem at the start, unmatch any inappropriate behaviour and let them move out of your path to find a decent man. It might take a while but it'll be worth it

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/10/2021 11:24

He certainly sounds like a real 'bronze star' himself....

If you don't want him treating you like an Amazon purchase, as if your only purpose is as a commodity to satisfy his desires and make him happy, bin, bin, bin.

Does he even see this as a two-way thing, or are you nothing more than a candidate on his short-list whom he's trialling to see if 'you'll do' for his requirements?

Don't be surprised if, post-binning, he 'offers' you some 'feedback' - to 'help' you to see 'where you went wrong' and how you could be 'more successful' in future. Ugh.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/10/2021 11:25

He asked what are my best and worst physical attributes. I said my legs and bum are my best, he then said he’d been on my Instagram and couldn’t find any photos of my bum and asked for one. I sent him a fully clothed photo at a party where you can see my figure.

Nice blokes don't ask for pictures to check if specific body parts are good enough for their liking.

Don't send pictures to men who ask for them in future. They're not the decent ones. They always, always, always mean nudes and they're always sleazes.

Doggydoodah123 · 13/10/2021 11:26

Yuk he sounds gross. Please don't pursue this any further. Delete and block!!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/10/2021 11:27

Has he sent you any pictures of himself? If so, say "Feast your eyes on this amazing arse!" - then wait 10 minutes before sending his his own picture back.

ChargingBuck · 13/10/2021 11:27

Ugh. he's been reading PUA bullshit, & feels entitled not just grade women, but inform them of their ranking as if they should be grateful for the assessment.

Does he think he is a judge at a livestock show?

He is testing your Shark Cage.
Any woman who puts up with his crap has shown him she has poor boundaries. He will push & push at them until she becomes his creature. It's obvious - he views women as objects, for him to arrange & control as he wishes.

www.oomm.live/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

He has a totally degrading attitude to women, fuck him off pronto.

Derbee · 13/10/2021 11:27

Yuck. He sounds awful. I can’t believe how low the bar is set for online dating, that you even need to ask if this sounds ok.

LadyMuckington · 13/10/2021 11:29

Nope. The silver star/bronze star shit is negging and if he’s doing that after one day talking and you haven’t even met imagine what he’d be like in a relationship! It also sounds like he loves himself talking all about how you can please him. No thanks.. block!

Echofallen · 13/10/2021 11:40

Yuck X 10000. 🤮 Why do these arseholes behave like this? Online dating was bad enough when I did it years ago, pre swipe apps, it's become so much worse now. There's some good ones but you have to sift through so much shite.

northbacchus · 13/10/2021 11:43

Jesus Christ ltb

Worried234 · 13/10/2021 11:46

He sounds like an absolute prick. Please don't have any more to do with him.

WhatMattersMost · 13/10/2021 11:48

@Wolfie11

I’m new to the dating game and recently downloaded Bumble. I’ve never done online dating before or anything and have pretty much been in a relationship since I became an adult so my radar might be a bit off!

I matched with someone yesterday who I’ve got a lot in common with. We messaged back and forth most of yesterday, I gave him my number and we sent voice notes etc but some of the things he has said have put me off him slightly. For example:

• He said that he would give me a ‘silver star’ as usually most girls don’t get this far with him in the talking stage Confused.

• He asked what are my best and worst physical attributes. I said my legs and bum are my best, he then said he’d been on my Instagram and couldn’t find any photos of my bum and asked for one. I sent him a fully clothed photo at a party where you can see my figure. He replied with a voice note saying he was disappointed and that wasn’t the kind of photo he was looking for and I was going down in his estimation to a bronze star. I told him if I was going to send photos of my ass to strangers I would do it on only fans and at least get paid for it! He stopped then.

• Chat was normal again, it was getting late so said goodnight and he said “top tip for you, I like cute morning texts” and “strong first day”.

I haven’t sent a morning text. Does anyone else have an opinion on the above? It’s annoying because I do actually quite like him and we have a lot in common but these comments have put me off. Not sure if I’m being unfair with that though!

OP, I think you need to work more on your boundaries if you're unsure about him.