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Original poster

If men are not getting enough sex at home ...

128 replies

Squaddielife · 11/10/2021 23:29

They will get it elsewhere!?

Overheard a group of men debating his topic of conversation today and I was shocked at how entitled they all sounded. Very matter of fact. Some mention of hook up sites to fulfill needs when not being met at home!

Is this the general consensus? Is there some ground to this that basically if we're not satisfying the sex drive of our men then don't be surprised if they play away? Or is it part of the script that men use when found out to be cheating?

OP posts:
PixelatedLunchbox · 11/10/2021 23:34

Men and women both play away.

Pinkbonbon · 11/10/2021 23:35

I don't think it has much to do with amount of sex tbh. It's more just about outright entitlement. Even if they get plenty, there are certain men who feel they are still entitled to plenty more.

butterflyze · 11/10/2021 23:40

It's so that when he is found out, he can tell his wife/partner that it's their fault that he had to go and shag someone else.

WorraLiberty · 11/10/2021 23:41

To be perfectly honest, any time I've heard this said it's by young women unfortunately and I hope they don't truly believe it.

Effic · 11/10/2021 23:42

Almost every relationship starts with sex. Sexual attraction is the reason you are partners not friends. If one party decides that they aren’t interested any more then no I’m afraid you shouldn’t be surprised if the other looks elsewhere. Obviously it would be far better if the person left but the same could be said for the person who decided no more sex. If you no longer want sex with your partner, you change the rules and you should leave. No one should be forced celibate because of someone else decision. If sex is no longer possible - accident / injury - then that is different although the other party still has the right to walk away IMO but as the decision isn’t an active one it’s different.
I can’t imagine a life with sex and would be off immediately if my partner suddenly decided he didn’t want to anymore.

Ionlydomassiveones · 11/10/2021 23:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Immaculatemisconception · 11/10/2021 23:44

@Effic

Almost every relationship starts with sex. Sexual attraction is the reason you are partners not friends. If one party decides that they aren’t interested any more then no I’m afraid you shouldn’t be surprised if the other looks elsewhere. Obviously it would be far better if the person left but the same could be said for the person who decided no more sex. If you no longer want sex with your partner, you change the rules and you should leave. No one should be forced celibate because of someone else decision. If sex is no longer possible - accident / injury - then that is different although the other party still has the right to walk away IMO but as the decision isn’t an active one it’s different. I can’t imagine a life with sex and would be off immediately if my partner suddenly decided he didn’t want to anymore.
That’s so grim. Relationships are about so much more than sex.
Milkbottlelegs · 11/10/2021 23:46

Never underestimate the potential for men to bullshit when amongst other men.

Percypigg · 11/10/2021 23:46

In my experience, it's not necessarily about the quantity. I have married male colleagues who will sleep with other women because they feel entitled to do so - the woman is attractive, they fight to ask her out first, then date her/wine and dine/buy gifts for her as if they were single.

They then move onto the next woman.

BlueSlate · 11/10/2021 23:47

@Milkbottlelegs

Never underestimate the potential for men to bullshit when amongst other men.
Or express thoughts and beliefs they wouldn't state in front of women...
WallaceinAnderland · 11/10/2021 23:49

If anyone in a relationship, male or female, wants more sex than their partner, they are free to leave that relationship and pursue other opportunities.

Libertaire · 11/10/2021 23:49

Yes, sadly, in many cases it is true.

For some men not having access to regular sex is simply not an option so if their wives refuse to oblige they will seek it elsewhere. Hence the success of hook-up apps and the continued prosperity of the sex industry.

Original poster
Squaddielife · 12/10/2021 00:01

@PixelatedLunchbox

Men and women both play away.
Of course. It was a group of men I overheard though. I'm sure some women do similar
OP posts:
Original poster
Squaddielife · 12/10/2021 00:03

@Pinkbonbon

I don't think it has much to do with amount of sex tbh. It's more just about outright entitlement. Even if they get plenty, there are certain men who feel they are still entitled to plenty more.
Yes indeed. The tone of the conversation was that playing away was the default option. Don't worry if you're not getting enough at home. There's always (insert hook up site) to go to!
OP posts:
Original poster
Squaddielife · 12/10/2021 00:05

@butterflyze

It's so that when he is found out, he can tell his wife/partner that it's their fault that he had to go and shag someone else.
And I'll bet they all say this. Then poor woman is left thinking "I should have give him more". If I had, this wouldn't have happened. How do you counter that argument when so many belive it not surprising they do it when not getting enough. Confused
OP posts:
Strangevipers · 12/10/2021 00:06

Wouldn't be surprised if those 'men' who were saying those things with their mates go home to their wives and partners and act like something like that would never come out of their mouths

Men do say things around each other that they wouldn't actually act on just to fit in with the 'lad' mentality

Original poster
Squaddielife · 12/10/2021 00:07

@Effic

Almost every relationship starts with sex. Sexual attraction is the reason you are partners not friends. If one party decides that they aren’t interested any more then no I’m afraid you shouldn’t be surprised if the other looks elsewhere. Obviously it would be far better if the person left but the same could be said for the person who decided no more sex. If you no longer want sex with your partner, you change the rules and you should leave. No one should be forced celibate because of someone else decision. If sex is no longer possible - accident / injury - then that is different although the other party still has the right to walk away IMO but as the decision isn’t an active one it’s different. I can’t imagine a life with sex and would be off immediately if my partner suddenly decided he didn’t want to anymore.
Agree with this.

It was more the fact if they weren't getting it as much as they wanted rather than not at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Squaddielife · 12/10/2021 00:07

@Ionlydomassiveones

How old were they?
In their 40s I'd guess
OP posts:
Original poster
Squaddielife · 12/10/2021 00:08

@Milkbottlelegs

Never underestimate the potential for men to bullshit when amongst other men.
Well yes, absolutely true. We can all hope it was good old male bravado.
OP posts:
Original poster
Squaddielife · 12/10/2021 00:10

@WallaceinAnderland

If anyone in a relationship, male or female, wants more sex than their partner, they are free to leave that relationship and pursue other opportunities.
Yes of course. Free to leave the relationship but these men were not talking in that context. It was very much have you cake and eat it. Wife at home, hook up site for extra if required. Urgh!
OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 12/10/2021 00:25

No one should be forced celibate because of someone else decision.
That's straying into incel territory. What if no one wants to have sex with them?

EBearhug · 12/10/2021 00:31

No one should be forced celibate because of someone else decision.

I'm not celibate through choice, unless it's a choice to have some standards and self-respect. No one's entitled to sex, it should be about mutual consent. Otherwise, it's coercion, srxual assault, rape.

Twobirdsinatree · 12/10/2021 00:55

I think its bizarre to say that of men.
Its true of anyone. If your needs consistently aren't being met in your relationship you will eventually look elsewhere.. either by leaving the relationship which is obviously the best thing to do.. or by cheating, which is obviously a bad thing to do

People say 'men' because they use the sexist idea of men having these huge uncontrollable secual urges to justify them cheating and trying to illicit sympathy so they can get away with it.

No one has the right to cheat on anyone. But no one has the right to expect someone stay in a relationship that isnt meeting their needs either. It doesnt matter what gender you are. Women have sexual needs too.. and men are more than capable of not just following their dick about.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 12/10/2021 01:00

Not only will they get it elsewhere - they will get it multiple elsewheres....

Graphista · 12/10/2021 01:07

I've yet to come across in real life a man who has cheated who honestly WASN'T "getting it at home" inc my own ex

It's bullshit!

Same applies to the women I know who cheated

They CLAIMED their needs weren't being met at home when the affairs were discovered but NEVER said so to their partners/spouses and their partners/spouses said all was well in that area and usually others too (women cheats tend to claim their emotional needs aren't being met)

If there's a problem in your relationship then you raise it with your partner/spouse and work together to address it

If that doesn't work you leave

You don't stay silent but cheat!

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