Managing finances with different earning amounts

[Willtherebeoctobersnow]

Difficult one. I don’t earn a ‘low’ salary by any means, just over £40,000, so above average. However, DH is on more - just over £70,000.

We have a brilliant joint income, therefore, but somehow I never have any money, and it both depresses and humiliates me a bit.

I take home just under £2400 and our joint costs are around £3000, so in theory I have about £800 for me. The problem is that once I’ve paid all of my things off, I’ve hardly any left, so have to rely far too heavily on DH.

Some of this is because I’ve only recently returned to work and so I’ve accumulated some debt which needs paying off, but just the same, wondering how best to manage this.

I earn less than DH. We get paid into separate accounts, and we both pay various bills (childcare, mortgage, utilities etc), and add money to savings. We then both put an amount into a joint account that is used for groceries, clothes for DD, presents for family, things for the house etc - basically any joint costs. We calculate this so that it leaves us both with the same amount of leftover money in our individual accounts each month which is for each of us to spend on whatever.
It’s all worked out on a spreadsheet and any changes to bills or income get put in and we recalculate.
It works well, we both think it’s fair and it also helps us with budgeting. We know we can spend the money in our own accounts without needing to thinking about the effect on household finances as they’re already covered with the joint account.

I don’t understand? All family money is one pot. Add together what comes in, pay the bills, save some, each have the same amount of personal spending money, what’s the issue?

This is what we have to do @SickAndTiredAgain - it’s difficult to know exactly how much to put in. As I don’t wish to take the piss but it clearly isn’t fair if I have £50 left and he has £500!

@Willtherebeoctobersnow

This is what we have to do *@SickAndTiredAgain* - it’s difficult to know exactly how much to put in. As I don’t wish to take the piss but it clearly isn’t fair if I have £50 left and he has £500!

We make it so we have equal amounts. We half whatever is leftover once bills/savings/household costs are added up.

Both of you put all your earnings into one pot. Deduct all household expenses including food, fuel, childcare, pensions etc. Share the remainder equally.

My DH earns more than me. He pays proportionally more towards the bills, we calculated on take home pay rather than salary because of his higher tax bracket. I think it works out at roughly 1/3 coming from me. He still ends up with a bit more spending money at the end of the month but I see that as fair given he's the one in the higher paying job. To be fair to him, he'd split our joint income 50:50 right now if I asked, I'm the one who doesn't think we should.

I get that some people just share everything but we don’t, so those answers aren’t enormously helpful.

Thanks Mildura

@Willtherebeoctobersnow

I get that some people just share everything but we don’t, so those answers aren’t enormously helpful.

Well what do you want then? You either share or you don’t and if you don’t want to then yes you are going to be left with less than your DH because he earns more.

I’ve only recently returned to work and so I’ve accumulated some debt which needs paying off

Is this after being off on maternity leave?

To know how others manage. Look at Mildura’s answer, for example.

Yes most of the debt is.

@Willtherebeoctobersnow

I get that some people just share everything but we don’t, so those answers aren’t enormously helpful.

You can share everything, or don’t, but there’s no magical solution that involves not sharing but you ending up with more money than you have now?

But being on maternity leave you were providing free childcare for him. Why do you solely absorb that cost and he benefits from it?

You’ve accrued debt because you were on maternity leave? If so, didn’t your dh add extra to cover the bills because you weren’t earning to have and look after the baby you had together?

If he took the next year off to care for your child and you worked, would you be comfortable knowing he was building up credit card debt so that you could keep working?

He paid for everything on ML. But it was still very tight as I had things I needed to keep paying.

bornin78 - but that’s not what I’m asking, is it? Be fair.

So you’ve ended up in debt from maternity leave while your DH is sitting pretty?

Well he’s a prince isn’t he.

Percentage split here too (though tbh it needs a review as it's been years since we set it up and his take-home has shot up while mines crawled...)
Set up an account for direct debits, household spending etc, and work out what sum needs to go into that pot to cover everything, then break it down proportionally and pay in your share. The remainder is personal spending, saving or whatever you want to do with it.

He can’t have paid for everything if you accrued debt. Either he paid for everything, or he paid a bit more and you accrued debt to pay for the rest. Do you mean he paid everything joint like the groceries but if you wanted coffee or soft play entry or a bra that fit, you had to use your credit card? What about baby clothes, bottles, feeding bowls toys and pram etc? I’m trying to understand here.

There's not a lot of options here OP. You would have to split your rent/mortgage and CC in proportion to your earnings. You have a huge difference in terms of what you each earn.

Why were you in debt? Your DH earns 70k!

What is the debt for, if it were paid off early would it save interest costs?

Your married and have DC I would expect there to be a joint approach with equal spends regardless of earning.

Who is buying all the things DC need - clothes, toys etc? Hopefully they are a joint costs?

Wait. Take a step back.

You have debt that he could have covered before it became a debt?

Why? That's crazy. As a family you have debt that need not exist.

You need a good sit down chat about finances and how it just isn't working for you! Remember, whatver you both ear it beongs to both of you and you are not off for fun, you are raising his child and he needs to pay his due there to - and that includes bits and bobbs you might want/need.

You say you don't have shared finances but you also want help to sort this inequity. The way to do that is shared finances

Sharing everything was a condition of my 2nd marriage (and I earned and owned a lot more than DH at the time). If you are married it reflects the legal view of your incomes, and to me it’s an important proof of lifelong commitment. 1st marriage we didn’t share, DH was financially controlling, and it was one of the (many) nails in our marital coffin.

If you dont share and one of you earns more but you life at a lifestyle reflecting your joint incomes then the one with lower income is going to suffer.

I had things of my own that needed laying, and plus yes things like baby classes. But I can see I’m not explaining so well here.