Managing finances with different earning amounts

[Willtherebeoctobersnow]

Difficult one. I don’t earn a ‘low’ salary by any means, just over £40,000, so above average. However, DH is on more - just over £70,000.

We have a brilliant joint income, therefore, but somehow I never have any money, and it both depresses and humiliates me a bit.

I take home just under £2400 and our joint costs are around £3000, so in theory I have about £800 for me. The problem is that once I’ve paid all of my things off, I’ve hardly any left, so have to rely far too heavily on DH.

Some of this is because I’ve only recently returned to work and so I’ve accumulated some debt which needs paying off, but just the same, wondering how best to manage this.

We need £2250 to cover everything household related including food. I pay in £1450 and my wife £800 which is roughly proportional to what we earn. It leaves us both with similar amounts left for our own interests and costs/savings. If we need more in the joint account we discuss where we are at and have savings to cover larger things.

I would never see my wife have significantly less than me just because I earned more.

How would he feel about balancing the books like this:

Assumed income after pension contributions and other likely taxable benefits:

Him - £3900
You - £2400 (just goes to show how much the higher rate tax payer loses compared to lower considering the £30k variation

Combined income: £6300
Less combined costs of £3000

Remaining £3300
Less (sensibly restructured) personal debt repayments (each) assumed £300 for you and £100 for him

Net remainder £2900
Leaving £1200 each to fund a decent lifestyle and £500 a month in to investments. Any residual from the £1200 gets swept across to pay off debt including mortgage early and isn’t wasted.

Sounds reasonable to me.

Honestly what does he think?

But I suppose the critical question really is - from his so called residual income, what are his liabilities and what is he left with to spend from his salary? Has he got a lease car, personal loan etc?

@noshiforever

All of you who split it so you each have the same amount leftover for themselves each month ... doesn't the higher earned feel resentful that the lower earned gets the same as them?

I have a few hundred spare to myself and DH has probably £2k spare to himself each month. He furthered his career and made more money than me, whereas I didn't. So does he not 'deserve' more money than me?

Did you play any part in his ability to further his career because generally speaking someone else is clearing a path so that can happen. Whether it's taking care of the kids, taking on the mental load or doing more around the house. Unless someone manages to further their career whilst contributing time and money equally it's not just their advancement - it's a team effort.

Find those big girls knickers and put them on.

There’s a vagueness to your OP that goes a long way to explain your current predicament. It sounds like that your “some debt” is quite significant if in theory you should have 800 over each month. Your income went down significantly during ML but if your DH was covering the majority of your expenses at the time, then you weren’t transparent with all your outgoings if you went into debt covering them. Does your DH know about your debt and when I say know, I mean exactly how much?

You budgeted poorly during ML, hence the debt and you appear not to be able to have an honest financial discussion with your DH.

I understand OP, I’ve been there and I could kick myself for burning through my savings during ML and not speaking up about the financial inequality at the time. Yes it was disappointing that my Ex didn’t question or volunteer to redress the inequality but I should have spoken up.

DH earns several times what I do. We each pay a %of our salaries by direct debit into the joint pot for all household and childcare bills. Then the remainder of our salaries is for us to spend or save as we wish.
Worked for thirty years.
I wouldn't pay his debts and wouldn't expect him to pay mine.

Once we married all our incomes went into a joint account. Bills were paid and what was left was spent or saved. My DH earnt about ten times what I did, but we both had the same 'right' to spend from our savings. It never occurred to me that I should have less money to spend than him. It has always been family money. Same with lump sums and inheritances. Family money.