Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

So I have a question about the FWB comments, the B bit I get (well, don’t get it much these days!), but the F part, how do find someone and befriend them, and it does seem very popular on this forum, is this because relationships in real life and too difficult to navigate, or just because us men are all a bit shit.

@JustAnother0ldMan I'm confused, are you asking how to make friends of the opposite sex or how to find a FWB?

I always wanted to find more male friends and thought I could do that if a date didn't work out however I'm yet to make any friends through this method! I've made a few good virtual male friends who I chat to regularly about stuff I would never tell anyone in real life.

My update, saw Mr Retro Vintage last night for a few hours and DTD. I'm now wondering whether it was such a great idea on date 2 as I'm usually one to wait. However he seems pretty happy with the situation but I think the sex has now complicated my thought process. Arghhhh.

I’m just interested in the thought process and the reason why someone might look for an FWB arrangement over a relationship

I dunno, sounds cynical but the definition of "friends" always seem very "subjective" to me? Everyone sees it differently.

Like when I say friends I mean people who I respect and who I plan on staying in touch with, who I schedule time in to do social things with?

And hopefully both parties are making an effort to communicate/host/plan stuff/contribute to the interaction.

Whereas I hear the term quite commonly used as in "we'll kind of chat online when I'm bored but no effort otherwise".

Or people who want me to take on the mental load/invite/plan cool stuff for them but no effort otherwise?

Just to be clear, I’ve been married (not doing that again), lived together in an LTR (not doing that again), been in a living apart relationship (would almost certainly do that again ), but how would a FWB differ from a living apart relationship?

@JustAnother0ldMan my last fwb was us seeing each other fortnightly to hang out and have sex. He would text me most days in-between. We never went out as he had no money. It suited me as was safe and fun but no future. A living apart relationship would surely have some sort of future? My fwb did then have feelings for me but I didn't see us as having any future. We were exclusive.

@JustAnother0ldMan. This is just my (cynical) take on it. Men like The FWB term because they hate commitment of any kind. Actually most are happy without the friends bit and just want a hook up, but they know a lot of women wouldn’t go for that so they add the friends bit in as it’s a bit of a ‘connection’.
I thought I was dating Mr Electric, and we were doing all the things dating entails…..but it got to a point where most would want things to progress (18 months, I was happy where we were), and he decided we were FWB more than dating. He panicked.
These newly fangled terms make no sense to me 🤷‍♀️

Hiya @NewJoolz the main difference I've noticed with Feeld is that the blokes seem to be much better quality than FAB. I've had a lot of suggested meets (4/5) but haven't gone ahead with any of them (yet). People are clearly looking for casual so they'll move quicker I think. However the average age is younger whereas with FAB it's more my age group.
The UX is good although messages can freeze.
There are some married or LTR guys & girls on there so I just screen them out. Fewer women than on bumble I think? If you want to date men and women? If you want to date men that potentially gives you more choice but can also be overwhelming. Before paying I had about 300 likes so I cracked and paid so that I could see them. I've put my profile incognito again though because I can't cope with more than that to filter through.
Good luck with it!

[quote Sugaspunsista]@NewJoolz welcome to the thread!! That's so annoying about your iron being in a different country!! Why would he lie? Was he just after sexting etc??[/quote]
Thanks @Sugaspunsista. Yep, really is annoying 🤬. I’ve absolutely no idea why he’s done this. I’m guessing he’s a very immature (much younger than me!) fantasist! He was very full on from the start, lots of love bombing etc, which I’m a little ashamed to say I really liked (even though I could clearly see, but chose to ignore, the red flags 🚩🚩!). I think I knew a while ago he was lying about a lot of things, but I let it go on longer than it should because the attention was lovely 😥😥.
Had a brave moment yesterday and decided I’d had enough. I didn’t even tell him I knew he was lying in the end, just said it wasn’t working for me any more, good luck for the future etc etc and blocked/deleted.

Feeling a little wounded and low now, so need to sit with my feelings for a bit I think, they feel like they’ve been through a spin cycle! 🤪🤪🤪

@BelladiMamma

Hiya *@NewJoolz* the main difference I've noticed with Feeld is that the blokes seem to be much better quality than FAB. I've had a lot of suggested meets (4/5) but haven't gone ahead with any of them (yet). People are clearly looking for casual so they'll move quicker I think. However the average age is younger whereas with FAB it's more my age group. The UX is good although messages can freeze. There are some married or LTR guys & girls on there so I just screen them out. Fewer women than on bumble I think? If you want to date men and women? If you want to date men that potentially gives you more choice but can also be overwhelming. Before paying I had about 300 likes so I cracked and paid so that I could see them. I've put my profile incognito again though because I can't cope with more than that to filter through. Good luck with it!

Thanks @BelladiMamma. Will maybe go and have another look at it in a few days time, and decide if I want to pay to see who wants to connect 🙂. Good to know about the lower average age. I’m 48, but wouldn’t say no (and have said yes in the past 🙂) to younger!

Mr Cricket has finally got his own place, he moves in in November(and it's closer to me😂😬🤦‍♀️). He just sent me the estate agent paperwork with the address on🤦‍♀️. I've just been walking there😂. And he has just asked me to the cinema to watch Bond this week😀.

@Fakehungarian for me I found OLD soul destroying, I constantly questioned my worth. One match called me cold and hard work as I didn't appreciate his dick pic. I'm hard work I know but I'm not cold. I had another one who made me feel uncomfortable as he started asking why my marriage didn't work out (that's no ones business but mine and my ex's) . I fell hard for one who was no where near ready and that really affected me.

I went round Mr Single Dad’s place last night. He’s grown on me, when we first met I wasn’t sure I fancied him, whereas now I do. He cooked for me again and in the morning made me cups of tea and a bacon sandwich. It felt nice to relax and have someone look after me, so different to my regular life running after two small children! He has asked if I want to be in a relationship though and I said no (it seems from some of the comments on this thread that this is a bit unusual). I just don’t know if I want to be tied down again after coming out of a 15 year relationship. Part of me feels like if we started a relationship he would start finding things wrong with me/expect more from me.

I haven't caught up on the thread yet. A random number texted me and I agreed to have a video call to try and work out who he is.
I'm 95% sure he is the date I went on last October who had a million and 1 amber flags on the date. I blocked him so unless he has a new number and fancied his chances again.

Im not really feeling like talking to a random number today as I need to get everything organized for back to work tomorrow 😭 and I always end up bringing more stuff home

Opinions on giving irons a go that you aren't initially attracted to? Chatting to a lovely iron but I'm not sure I fancy him. Seems a nice chap though...

Re the previous post about OLD messing with our heads...
I met my ex via OLD and he absolutely destroyed my self worth. I can count on one hand the number of guys I've felt confident and comfortable with then.

Now I just lerk on a few apps and hope no one asks me out 😂😂❤️

@TwatInTinFoil

Opinions on giving irons a go that you aren't initially attracted to? Chatting to a lovely iron but I'm not sure I fancy him. Seems a nice chap though...

@TwatInTinFoil I'd give it a bit more time. You don't have to fancy someone instantly ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Re the previous post about OLD messing with our heads... I met my ex via OLD and he absolutely destroyed my self worth. I can count on one hand the number of guys I've felt confident and comfortable with then.

Now I just lerk on a few apps and hope no one asks me out 😂😂❤️

*since then, rather 😊❤️

@Isitreallyme177 yay! Mr Cricket is stepping up!

@Naimee87 The night was eventful, the actual time at the party was short, we all looked amazing (1920's theme) and due to the said events we were home to my friends by 11 and over an hour of that was travel time🤦‍♀️
Some of the group are very rough today😂

@JustAnother0ldMan For me I wanted FB or FWB because I didn't want a relationship but wanted my sexual needs met.
I came out of a long abusive marriage which put me off men and I didn't want to commit to anyone again in case I ended up in a similar situation.
Some people find their FWB via people they are already friends with, I found mine on dating sites, generally started as FB and grew into FWB.
The difference between FWB and LAT is there is no commitment beyond the next time you meet, you might chat daily but not about anything deep or meaningful. I see LAT as full relationship but living in seperate houses but fully involved in each others lives including discussing finances/property/life goals etc and full commitment.

@Eesha thank you. I'm actually quite excited for him moving into his own place and buying new furniture (I know what that feels like). The cinema is an added bonus. He suggested tomorrow but i can't as I have Brownies so he said let's do later in the week. Must stay with my feet firmly on the floor lol 🤣.

@TwatInTinFoil I didn't fancy Mr Cricket straight away, not sure why as he was good looking and a genuinely nice guy and we really hit it off but there was something missing. Then he stepped up when my cat died and wham, a man that shows me care and sensitivity and I'm gone. When he told me to go home and give my cat a cuddle from him that was it 🙈.

Isitreallyme177
Ah I’m happy he is making you happy 😊

Justanother
Well as I haven't managed to find a FWB yet I don’t know !!! But I’d be looking for sex , fun , kindness and totally independent lives

Let see !

I also think you can be less picky , they don’t have to be Mr perfect . In fact if they were you’d fall for them probably
I’m not saying to accept red flags 🚩
But also be less picky and maybe more open minded ?

Thanks all, some interesting PoV,
I’ve read other stuff on this forum that every man and his dog, and his wife and the wife’s dog all have FWB, which is probably more like an open / poly arrangement.
Anyhow if someone could pls point in the direction of where all the Ms Perfect’s currently reside, I be moving right along

@JustAnother0ldMan the same place all the Mr Perfects are 😂.

I've never understood the fwb thing, if I like someone enough to sleep with them regularly then I like them enough to have a proper relationship with them. But that's me, everyone is different.

Oooooh @Isitreallyme177 lovely update!! Really glad he’s asked you out 🤗

@Eesha how you feeling about Mr RV? Do you like him more, or less, after seeing him?