Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

So my update is that i need to think whether i want to rejoin OLD. I think i might take a break for a bit longer to get my head clear of previous guy ... Great updates from everyone on their irons. I still love this thread

@Naimee87

It is odd isn’t it being on the bench - along with fellow threadies including sugas and shayelle

I do think on balance I would like to do some dating - although I’m cutting myself some slack with having moved recently!

Speed dating was a washout (cancelled) so I’ve been on an apps break for 2-3 months now I think

@worse I'm definitely feeling better thanks

@SpringlikeBunk @Shayelle2009 & others ... I feel like I've benched myself emotionally but I'm happy to see what fun and flirtation can be eked out of my current situation... definitely had a blip during the recent news coverage. It's all so overwhelming sometimes, especially after stalker plus awful games my ex plays. But I'm slowly slowly moving on from those things plus my accident. And having a bunch of strangers ask me out is like a fun weekend mood rather than getting my emotions all tangled up like with irons of the past. The expectations are low but the fun factor desire is high

Being on the bench is much less stressful than being on the apps. I'm not sure whether to go back on them or not. I want to date but don't think it's the right way to go about it for me as it messed with my head too much and right now I'm much more settled and happy. 🤔

Although I’m introverted and have my own life goals etc, I did find when I spent too long “on the bench” I ended up massively overthinking everything and having wild crushes and limerence on unsuitable men or colleagues or ex’s!

So I think it’s better to have one or a few real life interests on the go

@Naimee87

I’m at my parents place (2hr drive away from my place) and its dawned on me that this trip has been the first in a long time where i’ve not been wondering/waiting on messages from anyone. I’m no longer being bombarded by MrE or been left hanging by magnet-man. Or got any chats on the go taking up precious headspace, it’s unbelievably relaxing, i’m just enjoying being here, feeling so free! So i’m with you *@Shayelle2009* i’ve given up on looking! *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* you’re back!! Hope you’re doing fine! *@SortingItOut* completely understand the kids situation. It happened to my DS too and we weren’t involved half as long as MrK and his DS were but it still caused hurt and a lot of confusion for his DC and my DS when we ended things. Hoping you’re feeling better. I’m sure you look fantastic and hope you get as sloshed as you want and let your hair down! I didn’t think i’d get through this week given how it started with DS acting up at school and MrE’s surprise visit. (DS doesn’t know he came by) But we made it!! Have a extra drink for me! And look forward to hearing how the pary was! 🤩

@Naimee87 yeah, I'm fine thank you. Just needed a break from here for a bit ❤️

Can you all shuffle along please so I can get my skinny arse on the bench, but I do find my size 9’s take up quite a lot of space

... sometimes I don't know why I bothered friend-zoning Mr Gambit though. His communication is a bit crap, to say the least. When you just WhatsApp him with a quick 'how are you?' He reads it and doesn't reply. It's so annoying.

Occasionally I wish that I didn't know him.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Hmmm...you guys didn’t ever meet though? So it’s just messaging.

Maybe this time round on bumble make it a goal to just meet guys for a coffee even if it is more of a “friends” vibe?

Good to see u back!

@SpringlikeBunk well, we were chatting for a while, so we do know each other in a way.

I don't know if he would have liked me if we had met each other, so it's probably for the best we didn't.

Whenever I think of meeting somebody IRL, all my problems start, haha! ❤️

@SpringlikeBunk and thank you 😊😘

Good to see you back @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards...( i was dropdeadfred before)

@Sugaspunsista 👋🙂

@SpringlikeBunk

Although I’m introverted and have my own life goals etc, I did find when I spent too long “on the bench” I ended up massively overthinking everything and having wild crushes and limerence on unsuitable men or colleagues or ex’s!

So I think it’s better to have one or a few real life interests on the go

I so recognise that. My imagination goes into overdrive. It's painful 🤣

@BelladiMamma

Lol yes my 2-3 years of “let’s concentrate on work” chastity involved multiple unsuitable crushes/obsessions which did my mental health no good!

And as crazy as the dating world of creeps and flakes and degenerates is, I do think it’s possible to learn and improve - obviously it’s not a sport and I hope to eventually be out the game!

But just using the apps, knowing how to navigate them, getting the confidence to set boundaries and recognise in myself when I’m being too “cool girl” is a learning journey for me.

And I don’t get that from a year on the bench.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

Lol yes my 2-3 years of “let’s concentrate on work” chastity involved multiple unsuitable crushes/obsessions which did my mental health no good!

And as crazy as the dating world of creeps and flakes and degenerates is, I do think it’s possible to learn and improve - obviously it’s not a sport and I hope to eventually be out the game!

But just using the apps, knowing how to navigate them, getting the confidence to set boundaries and recognise in myself when I’m being too “cool girl” is a learning journey for me.

And I don’t get that from a year on the bench.[/quote]
Totally agree. Much less likely to get drawn into penpal situations or the situation I had last year with local single men fixating on me because they knew / thought I was 'available'.

I’m quite happy on the bench for now and @HairyArsedMan plenty of space for your size 9’s next to my 4’s! 🤩 I think between magnet-man and MrE i didn’t take a breather and sort of ran head first into things with MrE to try get over magnet-man faster. Really unfair to him but given how he’s behaved neither of us are in ‘relationship’ head-spaces so ultimately would have ended. Cannot wait till he is gone for good. I’ve no desire to get back on any apps at the moment. I’ll enjoy this free feeling for as long as i can.
On a separate note, does anyone have any positive stories that involve seeing ‘ghosters’ / ‘zombies’ again? Or has it always ended in complete disaster? hmmmm

@Naimee87 have a really great time at your parents! Sounds like this break couldn’t have come at a better time for you.

I am just pretending there is no such thing as apps, if something doesn’t exist then you don’t even think about it… I am a lot happier without any involvement in ‘online dating’.

Hi All. I'm new to this thread but am struggling with the world of OLD! I've been on a few, most recently Feeld. It's hard work!
I've noticed a few people talking about OLD messing with their heads. I was wondering what it is others have found difficult about it?

Fakehungarian

I found tinder hard
(A) too much choice
(B) too many people, I paid for tinder gold and at one stage I had 3000 likes and it was overwhelming
(C) brutal , two people just deleted me when they didn’t like my reply !
(D) too many promising conversations that wither off

But with hindsight I was obsessed with someone

We’ll see , I meant to have two lunch dates and who know if they flake on me or not ?

My main issue was getting totally fixated with someone online , lesson learnt

As Belladi said our imaginations are a rich tool and have been keeping me going for quite some time !!!!

@Fakehungarian honestly the thing I hated most about OLD is privacy concerns. Having your photos out there for all the weirdos and creeps to make use of as they will.

Hello! Can I join you all in the mad pit of OLD?

Just trying my hands again after a 4 year break from relationships, not really sure how a relationship would work as between the 2 dogs and 3 cats there doesn't really seem to be much room for a man...

But the pets don't laugh at my jokes so it's probably worth a try....?

I can echo the ‘getting your hopes up’ with a really good ‘online connection/chat’ only to be disappointed when you finally meet. I’d always try to meet up with someone as soon as possible as well (and as safely as possible) rather than loose yourself in a ‘text’ relationship. And the minute conversation feels strained/communication changes then go straight in asking ‘why’ or walk away. No need to keep yourself in the weird limbo of wondering what’s going on. I think @Heartbeats0708 and @MayEye can definitely confirm that if someone’s interested and they like you they’ll show you/let you know with words and with their behaviour. Also being promised a ‘relationship’ only to become a FWB/FB and settling for a situation you aren’t really comfortable with but ‘feel it’s better than nothing’ and they may change their mind the more they get to know you is something to watch out for.

Hello all. Ive posted here a couple of time but recently just been lurking again, and keeping an interested eye on this thread. My previous couple of posts were about a guy I was chatting to who seemed to be shaping up as a pen pal (excuses not to meet IRL, vague with details, swervy with direct questions etc) Well, that turned out to be totally true and after some digging by me, turns out he’s actually in a different country entirely to where he said he lived 🙄🙄🙄. I’ve waved him off and blocked/deleted but feeling pretty fed up today 😔

Had a little nosy at Feeld last night, seems ok, but I’m guessing you have to pay to see who wants to connect with you? @BelladiMamma, I see you’ve posted about it, how are you finding it? Is it worth paying for, or should I stick with FAB to continue searching for the ever elusive FWB I desire?! 🤣

@NewJoolz welcome to the thread!! That's so annoying about your iron being in a different country!! Why would he lie? Was he just after sexting etc??