Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

I’d say for meeting definitely bring the suggestion up early - saves on all these long penpal situations and overinvesting. You learn so much more in 30min at Costa than over lots of chats.

I'm having a weird day, my pt session this morning was completely bizarre. I kept forgetting which leg I had done, then at the end my trainer said these stretches need good coordination which just made us both laugh (I'm so not coordinated), I've just said to a friend my lips are sealed and he comes back with are they really sealed😉 (cheeky sod), now I'm asking Mr Cricket about his rather large bed 🛌!

justanother I think a few of us live in the sticks and experience very slim pickings on the apps. We can't all be Belladi who has to post an occasional inventory of irons so she can keep track of them 😅

@JustAnother0ldMan I think its a city thing as I'm in London and could probably have a date every day if i wasn't fussed. In fact both my best friend and ex went on between 1 to 3 dates per week for 5 years!

My time is super limited and I screen people early on and only then would I even go on a date! Essentially I'm saying it really depends how fussy you are and how much time you have.

That's exactly it @Eesha - I mean sometimes you just want to "randomly get out a bit" and sometimes you want to be very picky and discerning, depending on time? It varies a lot.

I love the country and my introverted misanthropist soul craves a hut on a mountain or a tiny remote village somewhere.

However, I think I've definitely learned to watch out for "green spots but where you can be on a bus to a big city with a Primark and shops and theatre and new people" in 30 minutes for my "dream house"!

@WeWantTheFinestWines

justanother I think a few of us live in the sticks and experience very slim pickings on the apps. We can't all be Belladi who has to post an occasional inventory of irons so she can keep track of them 😅

You're keeping me honest on here 🤣

To be fair, I'm pretty honest in my life in general and yes my sales & marketing approach can yield more than I can handle at times 🤣

Although my hairdresser and I were having a good laugh at my profile. He was like 'you've got all your clothes on but frankly that look in your eye you may as well be stark naked'. So I think I should maybe post some more wholesome 'walking the dogs no make up on' shots 😜

@BelladiMamma

YY to that - I can type fast and think fast which means I get quick "results" in most walks of life

but I think this can overwhelm me sometimes, my heart and feelings aren't working at the same rate as my brain

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

YY to that - I can type fast and think fast which means I get quick "results" in most walks of life

but I think this can overwhelm me sometimes, my heart and feelings aren't working at the same rate as my brain [/quote]
I think we've spoken about this before - I can have massive bursts of intensity and with almost everyone else in my family has an adhd / add diagnosis I feel I either have a fair smattering of it myself or have just internalised that very focused and intense way of doing things. By having more than one iron I'm maybe diluting things 😜 and can't get obsessive about one decent match. Which is another reason I like the 30 minutes in Costa theory as well

@BelladiMamma

I don't like being on the apps for long periods of time.

So I guess that's also my motivation - try to "get in there" quick so that I can collect some contacts, have some promising meets and then come off?

But maybe a more sedate, chilled approach - ie stay on longer but do less ultimately works better, IDK?

Sooo, Mr Scot was indeed on a date last night and told me when we spoke tonight. He said he doesn't know why he's doing it other than he thinks why shouldn't he be having fun, after being shat on by his ex. Which I can't really argue with and we've only been seeing each other for nearly two weeks, so he's only doing what posters on here often describe. The question is whether I can handle it. He does want to keep seeing me but won't commit to not chatting to others. Even he knows that's having his cake and eating it - and I'm allowing it?! But I do like him and the sex is very good. My head is a bit of a mess

@Misty9 I wouldn't be ok with this as he's bound to end up sleeping with others at the same time. But then perhaps others would be OK with it. Are you planning on dating others?

@Misty9

Ultimately it comes down to YOUR feelings - no-one can authorise what you feel comfortable with.

Just be mindful of not being too "cool" if you're actually not comfortable with this.

@Misty9 at least he was honest about it i guess but its not the news i would want to hear either.
I think the thing with the apps is they do offer the opportunity to view lots of potentials ... I know i couldn't handle that though. You have to do what makes you comfortable.

Belladi
Ugh did he really dump you straightaway?
Saves you some time I suppose 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes he did ! We had video call , he had to curtail it and he never texted back
And this chap was replying instantly before

Just makes me wonder why! But it’s not worth it
Thick skin needed hey !

Misty
Disappointing , but honest I guess ?
He wants a cock fest clearly

Your decision if this works for you , or not ?

@Misty9 I wouldn't like it and I really don't like this idea of multi dating(I can't multi chat either and I definitely wouldn't want to share a man I'm having sex with). If they want to date others then they can but we wouldn't be dating. If, and it's a big If, things with Mr Cricket go further than friendship I'd need to know he wasn't dating others and if he was that would be the end.

Ultimately it's what you're comfortable with though.

@Misty9 You don't have to pretend you're cool with it if you're not.

He says he's chatting and dating others but I think its highly likely he's also having sex with others, I mean you had sex on the first date (no judgement, I'm happy for 1st date sex as I need sexual compatibility)

I think he's so newly put of a relationship that he has kid in a sweet shop mentality, he isn't doing anything wrong as you're not together or exclusive.

I admire his honesty but equally think its quite boasty and look at me with my dates, is it to try and make you step up and be better than the others.

Ultimately only you know what you can tolerate, after your 1st date you said you know you're going to get hurt by him but you can't help wanting to continue. Do you feel differently now?

My only concerns would be if he's using protection with everyone and also both of you having regular tests.

Thanks all. I honestly don't think he's having sex with anyone else - yet - and he's being so up front about everything that I do believe he'd tell me. He definitely isn't telling me about the dates to boast or get me to step up either - he's hurting and raw and just on a hedonistic autopilot I think. He said he didn't expect to meet someone he likes so much straight away and it scares him. There's so much I like about him, not least his honesty! But I'm a bit of an anxious mess and it's affecting the rest of my life. That said, I'm also like this at the start of anything as it triggers all my childhood buttons... I'll step back a bit I think.

@Misty9 good idea to step back. You can always stay in touch and see how things progress. There's no need for either of you to rush things, especially if the split is recent for him

Bloody disappointing though ❤️

I’ve matched with a guy on Bumble who has told me he’s in an open relationship and asked if that’s ok. Not sure how I feel about this, I have limited spare time so maybe I don’t have time for a committed relationship anyway. He’s in another city so that would be a bit of a pain.

I told myself I would snooze Bumble and not go on for a while as I have enough dates lined up, but as people have noted here the apps do seem to be addictive! That feeling that there might be someone extra exciting at the next swipe.

@Stayingstrongish Did you ask if his partner/,wife knew they had an open relationship 😂

I'd be asking to speak to his wife/girlfriend to confirm.

I would chuck him back, being involved in an open relationship could get messy.
There are plenty of single men out there.

@SortingItOut ha ha good point, does his partner know! He also says he’s looking to make unconventional contacts, who knows what that means. Don’t think I can be bothered proving how ‘alternative’ I am.

@stayingstrongish like @sortingitout it would be the first thing I'd ask too 😆

Well its my bday today and mr mason surprised me with a visit late last night to drop off cards, flowers and chocolates so that I have them for the day 😁 told he really shouldn't have as only be chatting a few weeks but such a lovely thought 😊

@Slothmomma happy birthday - sounds like you’ve got a good one there with Mr Mason!