Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

@BelladiMamma thank you for your reply. I don't want him to think I want long term commitment. I just rather not be with someone who is happy multi dating that's not for me. Something to ponder on.

[quote unicornsarereal72]@BelladiMamma thank you for your reply. I don't want him to think I want long term commitment. I just rather not be with someone who is happy multi dating that's not for me. Something to ponder on. [/quote]
You're not being needy. You're just being honest. I wouldn't choose to be with a smoker or with someone who never exercises. Different strokes ...

Its taken me all day on and off and 5 pages to catch back up with you as haven't been on since last week.

Had a busy weekend and this week is flying by also!

I went out at weekend with my friend and we went to same club we went to a few weeks ago. I get a tap on shoulder and mr clubs friend is there. Anyway we spent most of the night dancing and we did kiss. I did however then think to ask if he was actually single and low and behold he wasn't 😡 i said in that case no more kissing from me. He couldn't understand it as I was single so "not doing anything wrong". Told him my 2 decade marriage had ended because of cheating and I don't think women should do that to other women 😡 In his "defence" he claimed he'd only been cheating over last 5 years 😱😡 its enough to put you off men - sorry to the nice men on here

Anyway, on to nicer things, I had my date with Mr Mason. Meal and cocktails followed by Mr bond. Was lovely and so was he. We had loads in common and he was perfect gentleman. Despite this I wasn't sure (being hormonal doesn't help) however the following day I did find myself keep looking at his pics and thinking about him so have agreed to another date and am now really quite excited to see him again. Didnt want to wait 2 weeks (when next childfree) so have arranged my first babysitter and will be seeing him Saturday evening 😊 I'm trying not to overinvest ....

@Slothmomma

Its taken me all day on and off and 5 pages to catch back up with you as haven't been on since last week.

Had a busy weekend and this week is flying by also!

I went out at weekend with my friend and we went to same club we went to a few weeks ago. I get a tap on shoulder and mr clubs friend is there. Anyway we spent most of the night dancing and we did kiss. I did however then think to ask if he was actually single and low and behold he wasn't 😡 i said in that case no more kissing from me. He couldn't understand it as I was single so "not doing anything wrong". Told him my 2 decade marriage had ended because of cheating and I don't think women should do that to other women 😡 In his "defence" he claimed he'd only been cheating over last 5 years 😱😡 its enough to put you off men - sorry to the nice men on here

Anyway, on to nicer things, I had my date with Mr Mason. Meal and cocktails followed by Mr bond. Was lovely and so was he. We had loads in common and he was perfect gentleman. Despite this I wasn't sure (being hormonal doesn't help) however the following day I did find myself keep looking at his pics and thinking about him so have agreed to another date and am now really quite excited to see him again. Didnt want to wait 2 weeks (when next childfree) so have arranged my first babysitter and will be seeing him Saturday evening 😊 I'm trying not to overinvest ....

Nooo MrClub that's a shocker. Really shakes your belief in men. Why can't people be honest? More importantly if you don't feel like you're happy in your marriage and you want to have new relationships- however short - just leave. Do the right thing, guys.

Yes @BelladiMamma thats what I said to him. His response was that he's got kids. I said so what - they'd be better off with happy parents than risk them finding out that he treats their mom so badly 😡 i wish my exdh had left as soon as he found someone else attractive and not strung me along for 6 months whilst he tested waters with her first thats for sure

@Slothmomma

Yes *@BelladiMamma* thats what I said to him. His response was that he's got kids. I said so what - they'd be better off with happy parents than risk them finding out that he treats their mom so badly 😡 i wish my exdh had left as soon as he found someone else attractive and not strung me along for 6 months whilst he tested waters with her first thats for sure

Been there! It's awful because you know in that time they're looking for something nee, you've been questioning yourself and tying yourself in knots to make things work ... whilst they've already got one foot out of the door. Betrayal is the worst isn't it.

@BelladiMamma yep it really messed with my head at the time as I knew something had changed and questioned it but kept being told it was just work stress, being tired etc. He effectively strung me along until she left her husband too as he clearly didn't want to jump ship till she had 😡 the only good thing to come out of it all is that nothing can ever hurt me as much as he did so I'm pretty much Teflon now

God what a pig @Slothmomma. Brazen how he said to you he wasn’t single either. Probably wearing it like a badge of honour too!!

@Slothmomma

Agree that’s horrible.

I try not to be cynical but my experiences of being “vaguely attractive single woman” amongst partnered up men isn’t good at all.

And of course you know who the partners are going to blame even if the guy does all the pursuing....

@SpringlikeBunk I felt quite sorry for the women. I mean they didn't have to pursue etc when or if they knew my ex was married but no, he's the one to blame.

I think I’ve been jilted after a video call
He had to leave as child came back earlier
But he hadn’t texted since and he’s usually quite frequent
Oh well ! I’m having Botox Saturday 😉

@unicornsarereal72

Afternoon all. I'm after some advice from those in the know.

I've been single for about 4 years. Done old on and off. More as a distraction than anything else. I'm not looking for anything full on. Just someone to date. Spend time with etc. All very relaxed but I do expect exclusivity.

On that point I've been seeing someone for a few weeks now. So early days I'm very much aware of that. On the same page about dating not looking to blend families etc. Makes plans for future dates. Keeps in touch day to day. All very lovely.

Now this is where I'm feeling a bit meh. He is still on old and I fully appreciate he is free to do as he wishes. It's early days etc. So when should I broach this? Or don't I? Just looking for other peoples experiences/thoughts.

@unicornsarereal72 I think if you've decided you don't want to date other people then it's fair enough to want him to feel the same way. But are you sure you want exclusivity after a few weeks? Isn't agreeing to it limiting you as much as him?

@Languidleopard thank you for your thoughts. Something to think about. I don't have the time to date different people. But maybe I should be more open to the idea of talking to others.

@unicornsarereal72

It's a tricky one isn't it! I genuinely never know what the best decision/approach to make here is.

Like I don't want to move in with someone and have the wedding ring but equally it feels a bit "manky" if we're seeing each other regularly, planning to spend weekends/chunks of time together and we're both also trying to arrange new meets!

On the spectrum from "strictly sticking with one person you like" to "playing the numbers game and checking apps all the time" there's always room for hurt and misunderstanding.

I guess having an open conversation when you're relaxed together might be a good way forward?

Don't expect any set answers and remember you can't control any outcomes - it's more "learning what his views are on exclusivity".

Like I agree not to get overinvested too soon etc BUT also I do feel the apps can throw up "potential new excitement" so easily that staying on them can easily destabilise a pleasant interaction?

I mean even if you have a great dating rhythm, mutual attraction, if there's a match or a first chat from someone it can be "tempting to have a look"?

Plus I guess it's a bit weird for new matches if the person you're dating has already been on three great dates/two weeks steady with someone else!

its enough to put you off men - sorry to the nice men on here

Note sure if I’m nice or not 🤔, but after I found out my ExW had been cheating, it was certainly enough to put me off women for quite a while, and I certainly had more trust issues with women now - sorry to the nice women….

Anyhow, how come people seem to get so many dates so quickly ?, admittedly I do live in the middle of fucking nowhere, so chimney pot count is a real issue in nowheresville, I guess everyone else lives in London or thereabouts

I always find this exclusivity thing confusing. I would hate to think the person I'm seeing and possibly having sex with could be seeing other people.

@JustAnother0ldMan I got virtually no dates when I did OLD it was quite demoralising.

Anyhow, how come people seem to get so many
dates so quickly ?

City , no more , no less ! Or near one ?

Anyway I’ve already deleted the guy who dumped me after video call
You need thick skin in this business !!!!
My lord

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Anyway I’ve already deleted the guy who dumped me after video call You need thick skin in this business !!!! My lord

Ugh did he really dump you straightaway?

Saves you some time I suppose 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've filtered a few people but I tend to leave it 24 hours or so in case I'm having a knee jerk reaction and I usually send a 'thanks you're lovely but not for me'.

I’m 90% sure he has
I’ll report back x

Slothmomma
I’m sorry for the bad experiences with your ex and cheating and horrible nightclub man
What can I say ! Humanity

@JustAnother0ldMan

its enough to put you off men - sorry to the nice men on here

Note sure if I’m nice or not 🤔, but after I found out my ExW had been cheating, it was certainly enough to put me off women for quite a while, and I certainly had more trust issues with women now - sorry to the nice women….

Anyhow, how come people seem to get so many dates so quickly ?, admittedly I do live in the middle of fucking nowhere, so chimney pot count is a real issue in nowheresville, I guess everyone else lives in London or thereabouts

Ugh so sorry. I know everyone is capable of it and it's so hard to get over.

As for the dates, are you asking people out for coffees etc, chilled style or are you waiting to be 💯 certain they'll say yes?

@JustAnother0ldMan

I wouldn’t worry too much about numbers tbh.

I tend to generally go for meets quite soon as I live urban and have no children and date similar (for example someone suggested a pub quiz tonight and MrHedgehog suggested yesterday afternoon - I agreed to MrHedgehog but not to the guy tonight)

But everyone is different.

Someone has suggested coffee on Sunday and I have the number of someone who also wants to meet.

I haven’t got the hang yet of my new schedule or the dating culture and demographics of my new city (don’t know where good date venues are).

In general I don’t like loads of chatting or messaging in advance so if I kind of have a vague idea of no red flags and can verify them online (so MrHedgehog obviously has his work etc out there) and we’re meeting in a public place there’s no harm really.

I’d say I’m actually going to try to cut down on meeting unless I’m really excited about the person involved and feel their manners etc are spot on -

so the guy suggesting the pub quiz tonight looked really handsome

but very few details and the suggestion was quite like “you can hang out with me if you like” so that was a no.