Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

[quote Sugaspunsista]@SpringlikeBunk i agree with that entirely. I do think the whole matching and then not talking properly is annoying....
I still can't get over your surgeon from last night!![/quote]
Yeah @SpringlikeBunk on yer bike 🚲

🤣🤣🤣🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

@BelladiMamma

Hmmm....not sure really - I think it's a case of one day at a time and filter like MAD.

I have to take responsibility and say in my summer sausage-fest I maybe was a bit "desperate" myself.

As in I do want to "be in love" and being "spontaneous" has worked for me when younger

but with the apps and being a bit older, it's a completely different culture with different rules?

So this time I'm trying to eliminate/have better boundaries @Sugaspunsista I mean a few years ago I might even have met the surgeon and something might have come off it - but being a little bit more boundaried and going for the considerate not the flash guys now!

I'm actually going to ask for a refund from speed dating - the issue is the bar they host it in is very close to where I live, and I don't want the guys at the bar which is next to the train station I commute from knowing my business? But I gave it a shot.

@BelladiMamma

I know I'm so high maintenance! Reckon he'd have asked me to pay for the drinks as well for the privilege of a hookup

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

Hmmm....not sure really - I think it's a case of one day at a time and filter like MAD.

I have to take responsibility and say in my summer sausage-fest I maybe was a bit "desperate" myself.

As in I do want to "be in love" and being "spontaneous" has worked for me when younger

but with the apps and being a bit older, it's a completely different culture with different rules?

So this time I'm trying to eliminate/have better boundaries @Sugaspunsista I mean a few years ago I might even have met the surgeon and something might have come off it - but being a little bit more boundaried and going for the considerate not the flash guys now!

I'm actually going to ask for a refund from speed dating - the issue is the bar they host it in is very close to where I live, and I don't want the guys at the bar which is next to the train station I commute from knowing my business? But I gave it a shot.[/quote]
So I'm totally up for a few hook ups but I still need to actually like the guy or want it to be a FWB or more type of arrangement even if it is isn't? So I have hook up invites a plenty on Feeld but guys have to be prepared to talk to me / flirt / suggest coffee / generally not be a dick for it to even be an option.

Like I'm really struggling with one at the moment because our communication is mismatched but he's cute and not a dick so I'm thinking, oh maybe I should meet up with him this week ... then I'm thinking no I can't be arsed and anyway MrActor and MrItaly are offering the same but are genuinely people I connect with. Or are they just more charming (and so the doubting merry go round goes on).

Also re Bumble, I'm wondering if guys go on their because the maths is in their favour or because the woman makes the move. So they're a more 'on the fence' population then say Tinder?

In any case Tinder the company has a culture of bullying and sexual harassment and that just filters down doesn't it? Which is why I've never joined ...

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

I know I'm so high maintenance! Reckon he'd have asked me to pay for the drinks as well for the privilege of a hookup [/quote]
And bring the condoms (if he deigned to wear them)

@BelladiMamma

Yeh, it does seem very complicated with this “negotiating casual” thing.

Even though I’m craving touch, I’ve decided to desex my early interactions a bit as it just seems to bring another construct/level of emotional interaction into situations that isn’t there otherwise?

Like when I was away for work I had a brief flirtation with one of the guys there, he was very charismatic and we had a “cuddle moment”, but I think if things had progressed to full physical intimacy it would have been too stressful/loaded?

I’m having some ok chats on bumble but again low expectations - if things happen they do but I’m not going out of my way to meet and date.

I’m considering slightly different guys to my normal type - so maybe less motivation for me to override/excuse early red flags?

I think if I get excited over a guy’s profile I’m more up for meeting even if there’s early warning signs. So I’m watching that tendency in myself.

@SpringlikeBunk i can speak German and have to say it is probably the most 'unsexy' language on the entire planet. The correct term for ('sexual) intercourse' is 'geschlechtsverkehr' which translates into 'gender traffic' ... not sure he'd have capitvated you in the sexty/flirty sense given the awful ability to translate anything 'sexily' from german into english or vice versa! I'd have been curious to read his attempts though

Morning all. This weather!! It's blowing a gale and raining here. @Earlgrey19 I'm in a similar situation with a guy newly out of a longterm relationship, albeit without the history you two have. I guess I would say proceed with caution... He's hurt you before with his flip flopping so it's on him to show you he's serious this time.

So things continue to progress with Mr Scot and he stayed last night again we're kind of not labelling anything and that's fine with me. A few things he's said suggest that he's not going to go looking for anything else, but of course he's had his trust broken by his ex so why would he give one person that power again? At least for a while. We can't see each other for a week now, which is probably a good thing to slow things down. We speak every day though so far. He's in a very messy life stage so I'm just going to enjoy it for what it is and if I get hurt, I get hurt. It's always a possibility when we open ourselves up to someone and I'm okay with that.

Morning all
My date zero cancelled me

So this is embarrassing but we started our chat when we were horny
But the I lost my horn and suggested a lunch instead
Also his texts didn’t excite me as some other have (ok my overseas obsession )

In all fairness he’s been completely clear on what he wanted , so I’ll peg this to experience !!

This whole FWB isn’t as easy as I thought it would be !!!!!

Morning all! I'm bunged up which is bloody annoying as I was meant to be out pretty much all weekend (child free) seeing friends and dinner Mr Retrovintage. Any tips to get rid of it FAST!

Glad things are going well @Misty9 and you are keeping your wits about you.

@SpringlikeBunk I think your desexing approach is a good one and I sortof regret my situation with Mr Retrovintage as I jumped into bed pretty quickly and it muddles the mind more than in the past when I've had time to think about suitability.

On a plus note, my job has been extended for another year! Woohoo!

@Thisisworsethananticpated As you say, he was clear what he wanted so it's nothing personal. At least you can move on pretty easily.

So I'm totally up for a few hook ups but I still need to actually like the guy or want it to be a FWB or more type of arrangement even if it is isn't?

This is the problem
You have to actually fancy them and feel safe
So , you are filtering almost as if a relationship

Gah ! I’ve got an ex texting me (kindly offering sex) and I don’t know how to delicately tell him that his recent admittance into a psych ward and major MH issues pose a slight concern for me

Congrats eesha !

Even though I’m craving touch, I’ve decided to desex my early interactions a bit as it just seems to bring another construct/level of emotional interaction into situations that isn’t there otherwise?

Good idea 👍

@Eesha well done on the job!!

@anniewilkes21 Someone with more than 1 red flag should need no thought, for a lot of people 1 red flag would be enough.

Do you know why you're considering continuing when there are so many red flags?
There are lots of men out there with no red flags.
You are worth more than this🤗

@Eesha Great news on the job.
To get rid of a cold I suggest sudafed and also olbas oil steam thing, you need to get it out of your system rather than dry it up (sorry for TMI🤢)

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Even though I’m craving touch, I’ve decided to desex my early interactions a bit as it just seems to bring another construct/level of emotional interaction into situations that isn’t there otherwise?

Good idea 👍

I'm on the fence here. I need to know we can flirt and that I fancy the other person! But I don't need charm in spades or anything 'romantic' going on. Just a good bit of fun / sexy chat. I tell people to piss off if they do too much of anything if I'm honest - everything in moderation!

MrItaly is on his way back and is in a very emotional state for him. Being very open and vulnerable. I'll hopefully see him next week.

The problem with sexting is that if they say the wrong thing it’s a total turn off before the date
Some guys nail it (aka obsession who maybe because he doesn’t speak English !!!)
Some don’t , so
‘I can’t wait to have you on your knees with my cock down your throat’
Erm 😐

It’s a fine line !!!!!

Congratulations @Eesha on the job! Zinc, vitamin C/Sambucol and shed loads of water. Definitely agree re getting it out of your system than trying to suppress it!
@SpringlikeBunk:
"Even though I’m craving touch, I’ve decided to desex my early interactions a bit as it just seems to bring another construct/level of emotional interaction into situations that isn’t there otherwise"
Great idea. I think the craving for physical contact can lower our boundaries at times.
@SortingItOut how did it go with Mr K? I think you were seeing him last night.
@BelladiMamma good news on Mr Italy. Have you met before?

@Heartbeats0708 yes we've met, then Covid and my accident scuppered our last two meets. We've got close on calls, text etc. Let's see how it goes on this stay in the U.K. I've told him when I'm free - I've given him one day at the moment because I'm also working around MrActor's call times when his off days coincide with my childfree days.

The good thing is they both appear to be grown ups and contact me regularly. No future faking, just flirting and logistics. Let's hope these two work out better than the last two flakes! And that I like them once I've spent (more) time with them ...

@Thisisworsethananticpated

The problem with sexting is that if they say the wrong thing it’s a total turn off before the date Some guys nail it (aka obsession who maybe because he doesn’t speak English !!!) Some don’t , so ‘I can’t wait to have you on your knees with my cock down your throat’ Erm 😐

It’s a fine line !!!!!

Yes. But then again that's a useful filter too.

The choking thing is the immediate unmatch one for me ... I mean wtf
🤮

@eesha and congratulations 🎉 on the job 🤓

Name change again, I will be on date 11 tomorrow with mr working away, don’t recall making it to double figures for a long while. It’s all going great. Very easy. Even dates booked in for next month. He sort of skirted around the idea of deleting the apps on our sleep over at the weekend. I was a little surprised and brushed it off/changed subject. think the convo is coming tomorrow though. I feel nervous and I can not put my finger on why. There is my dd of course, she hasn’t met a bf for around 10 years, but also my fwb. I will be sad to see him go. He definitely is not relationship material though so obviously going nowhere. When the deleting app convo happens, do you all tend to speak about exclusively label it at that point?

@SortingItOut yes this is what I thought myself. I think it was because there's a lot of positives about him, but I've decided not to take things any further with him, regardless of what the clares law disclosure comes back with.
Back to the apps it is