Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

@SpringlikeBunk i can't believe the cheek of that guy!! Expecting you to bike in the rain to meet him... what an entitled tosser!!

@SortingItOut I can see you are working through this in your methodical way. I think Mr K is being disingenuous though - he knows a relationship will involve weekends occasionally and in your defence you have been more than accommodating not making demands at weekends ever and respecting his need to see his son. You are the compromiser and I don’t see much compromises happening on his side….that way leads to resentment ime.
It’s good you will get to unpick it all at therapy and I hope it gives you the clarity you deserve and need. All of us on the thread would be lost without your incisiveness and ability to get to the heart of the issue quickly so you deserve the same for yourself.

Thanks @Shayelle2009

Going to remember to eliminate ASAP - if someone’s a little bit pushy or inconsiderate or flaky at the start it never gets better and that’s the emotional drain right there?

Swapped DrSawbonesTwat iron for a slightly more humble sounding medic who is also new to the city so discussing coffee.

@SpringlikeBunk why didn’t you hop on your bike

@Sugaspunsista

The mental thing is I do have a bike ....

but it’s not with me and not mentioned on my profile - so he was encouraging me to “think creatively and consider all options to come out for what clearly was going to be a leading to a hookup situation to suit him”.

Ffs

(If I’d continued chatting it probably would have asking if I could ask my parents for a lift! )

@MayEye

I know us single women just don’t make the effort do we!!!!!

Thanks @MayEye and everyone else for your thoughts and for allowing me to take over the thread (again).

Hopefully I'll stop droning on about it soon - please Counsellor be well asap😂

sorting not droning or monopolising at all -
We are all learning from each other’s experiences.

I’m having a nightmare of a day and would love a cuddle from Mr L- that’s where long distance sucks - esp at the moment when we won’t be seeing each other for weeks
Have a family occasion tomorrow where my ex and his family will be there - first time since we separated and my anxiety is through the roof. Can’t even hash it out with my sisters on our chat group like I normally would as FB messenger is down so wine it is!

I'm really enjoying my night without WhatsApp etc. Some of the people in my group chats have signal so there's a tiny little group thing going. All good fun. Much more peaceful if I'm honest 😆

As in Signal, the messaging app

@Misty9
Yeah, used to the yo-yo feeling, obviously we won the CH in 20/21 season but we are 1st club to be related 5 times from the Top Flight, not a record to be proud of…

No, don’t live there anymore, left about 25 years ago, but was in Norwich the night we beat Bayern (1st English team to beat BM in the Olympic Stadium).
My Mum still lives that way, so still go back a few times.

Not sure how to feel about this one... Had a chat on the phone with Mr Gardener last night, which I had to cut short when kids came home. Spoke again tonight, he had a cold and was feeling a bit rubbish but we had a great chat, made each other laugh, all good. Then he asks me if I'm emotionally stable. Explained that he had split up with someone by mutual agreement but she was now behaving weirdly and threatening to put some stuff he had in her loft out in the rain and he felt like he'd had the rug pulled from under him and bla bla.

So I waited for him to finish, then said it was a bit early to be talking about his crazy ex in our second conversation and for all I know, he could be the crazy one because we don't know each other at all. He said he understood and maybe we should leave it for a couple of days and he wasn't feeling very well and had to go to bed. I said I'd like to talk again and hoped he would feel better soon and that was it.

So I feel odd. Like I was too forceful and kind of blew it? But it felt a bit flaggy and I felt I had to call him out on it. I'm pretty sure I won't hear from him again. Which is such a shame as he was great fun until.... he wasn't.... 😪

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Not sure how to feel about this one... Had a chat on the phone with Mr Gardener last night, which I had to cut short when kids came home. Spoke again tonight, he had a cold and was feeling a bit rubbish but we had a great chat, made each other laugh, all good. Then he asks me if I'm emotionally stable. Explained that he had split up with someone by mutual agreement but she was now behaving weirdly and threatening to put some stuff he had in her loft out in the rain and he felt like he'd had the rug pulled from under him and bla bla.

So I waited for him to finish, then said it was a bit early to be talking about his crazy ex in our second conversation and for all I know, he could be the crazy one because we don't know each other at all. He said he understood and maybe we should leave it for a couple of days and he wasn't feeling very well and had to go to bed. I said I'd like to talk again and hoped he would feel better soon and that was it.

So I feel odd. Like I was too forceful and kind of blew it? But it felt a bit flaggy and I felt I had to call him out on it. I'm pretty sure I won't hear from him again. Which is such a shame as he was great fun until.... he wasn't.... 😪

Agh. The right thing to do though - questioning your mental health because someone else he's had an intimate relationship is 'crazy' 🧐

I know it hurts but you're well out of it

@SortingItOut I agree, we all post more at certain times than others, its what the thread is here for even if it's just "thinking aloud" rather than needing a response.

@WeWantTheFinestWines Agree that sounded red-flaggy - like he was "warning" you he expected you to behave in a certain way - plus the cutting you off/stonewalling seemed like a "punishment" for speaking your mind. How connected are you to him, have you been chatting for long?

Thanks belladi and springlike. It was a very new connection, just a couple of chats, but he's fairly local, I fancied his photos and we got on like a house on fire on the phone. So I didn't have time to get invested, except for getting invested because he was lovely until he went weird.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Thanks belladi and springlike. It was a very new connection, just a couple of chats, but he's fairly local, I fancied his photos and we got on like a house on fire on the phone. So I didn't have time to get invested, except for getting invested because he was lovely until he went weird.

Again, aargh. So frustrating.

@SortingItOut don't feel that way about the thread! I don't know if I've got much more to add other than no, bloke's don't generally sort their outfits out much ahead of an event. But I can see why you're feeling discombobulated at the moment. You thought you were changing gears together and it turns out you weren't really ... not yet anyway ...

@WeWantTheFinestWines, sometimes people don’t always have the filter that they should. Maybe the good conversation had made him ‘relax’ and say something that was on his mind but clearly not appropriate for the level of connection you have only just established. I’d take a bit of a step back and see what his next contact with you is like - if it happens. There are a lot of different emotions and adrenaline running through us when we are talking to someone new in the context of dating. It was a very strange thing to share with you or ask you, almost like potentially accusing you of being something completely out of nowhere. If he’s self aware he might come back with an apology, showing that he has reflected on what he said.

@WeWantTheFinestWines - I think I would have asked him why he hadn't collected the items, lol. You called him out on his bitching. He obviously wanted you to agree that his ex is unreasonable and then felt awkward. It's a red flag.

onesmall and walking - I think you're both right, despite saying quite different things, but that's because I really don't know him at all. I think he was preoccupied with a development in his saga and because we got on so well he sort of wanted to know that something like that wouldn't happen with me - which is clearly irrational but sort of explainable. At the same time, enquiring about my emotional state in our second conversation shows at best poor judgement and at worst, a desire to control. I will give him a break for being ill - I've just got over a particularly nasty cold myself, and the cold did give him a sexy voice - but if there's any further contact I will beware.

sorting without minimising any effect Mr K's behaviour is having on you, I do wonder if he's not just being a bit if a bloke who doesn't think ahead, says yes to stuff, forgets he's said yes to stuff and then just bumbles along with whatever's in front of him - without realising what this means for you and how hurtful his behaviour comes across?

Looking at my Bumble "matches but not any connections" today, just realised the dodgy surg had a line in the middle of our chat clearly not intended for me...

So clearly just hitting every woman up...

"can you cycle in the rain?"

"can i come over when the kids are asleep?"

etc etc etc

And then some "nice-looking" matches who just "match and don't talk".

Oh apps, apps, I haven't missed you at all

@SpringlikeBunk that is so gross... minimum effort etc
Why are some blokes just so ewwww??

@Sugaspunsista

Yes, it's 95% ok looking matches who don't message or fizzle out after a couple of inane messages.

then the uber-keen ones are clearly looking to save money on OnlyFans for one night and "any holes a goal" that night

I'll keep my "ok contact" and see how it goes.

It's such a psychological head-fuck though - I've swiped my free allowance today, and of course I'm thinking "no-one is quite right but I'm almost there....if I just swipe just a little a bit more I'll meet someone...".

And that's how the behavioural scientists get us addicted and paying for upgrades.