Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

@Languidleopard that sounds great!! That's exactly what i want!!

@Languidleopard i think we're in similar positions in that we are able to really think what are our needs are and how can we get them met. This has peaked my interest and something i'm definitely going to give some thought too. Given the disastarous MrE events, time/space is just what i need. I like the sound of the developments here, sounds fun and 'worry' free!
@moirarosebabay your post is so similar to how i feel at the moment. I wouldn't write him off over too much texting, see him again. Definitely take up the advice to let him know you've a ton going on and perhaps agree on a check-in text during the day. I like these but i know others see them as low-effort. Either way i think you're absolutely right to want to limit texting/chatting beforehand it's so draining and can come across as 'desperate' and 'too available' ...
Like @BelladiMamma finding a communication style that works is really really difficult. But without letting each other know how you feel and what you'd like how's anyone suppose to know.

@SortingItOut have you made another time/date to chat with MrK again then? Is the fishing trip with your brother? I can see why this would be annoying. From what i can gather he's giving you really mixed signals. What exactly could MrK do to get you both back on track if that is in fact what you'd like to happen going forward.

It strikes me that my ex's attitude has changed, since I refused to sign the agreement saying I wouldn't have a bloke / boyfriend more than 2 nights a week.

What the fuck
He is trying to police your sex life
Jesus
As we safely know it’s not to protect your kids is it

Oh I’m so angry 😡

@Languidleopard that sounds great!! That's exactly what i want!!

Me 3 !!!! Lucky languid

@Thisisworsethananticpated

It strikes me that my ex's attitude has changed, since I refused to sign the agreement saying I wouldn't have a bloke / boyfriend more than 2 nights a week.

What the fuck
He is trying to police your sex life
Jesus
As we safely know it’s not to protect your kids is it

Oh I’m so angry 😡

Yup. Opens my eyes to what on earth he thought marriage was - slavery, basically. This is a man in charge of other people's livelihoods on a daily basis. The immaturity and entitlement are like an illness.

@Languidleopard I think we're in similar situations - has Mr breadcrumbs (or you) said anything about exclusivity?

So Mr Scot and I had a very good time again (the man has serious skills) and we chatted openly about where we're both at and what we're doing. He wouldn't exactly say he won't go looking at what else is out there... But I'm still on tinder too. He did admit being scared that he likes me. So, we'll keep doing what we're doing for now I think. I'm confident I would walk away if I needed to, it just sometimes takes me a bit of time. And I may as well have great sex in the meantime will I get hurt? Possibly. Am I having fun? Yes.

As for messaging, I love it. A bit too much sometimes but I couldn't cope with one message every few days. It wouldn't sustain my interest mainly.

I've just had a lovely little message from Mr Cricket(I think it's lovely anyway), he has been out buying bits for his new home. It's nice to see him excited. Although he keeps mentioning how much he has to buy almost like he wants me to offer to go shopping with him (no chance I'll just go round for the house warming 🙊).

@Languidleopard I think that sounds like a great time. I guess you probably just need to think whether you would be OK with him seeing others. That's the only thing I wouldn't be ok with post having sex

sorry, meant to say when it hasn't been defined yet, would we be OK with the other person seeing others

That’s really cute @Isitreallyme177 that he’s sharing his excitement with you. He 100% is fond of you…. But does he have feels ???? 💖

Anyone used Facebook dating ?
I was a bit pissed last night and set it up, 5 matches this morning.
2 genuine, 3 catfishing from China, any one else experienced this?

@JustAnother0ldMan what is Facebook dating????

Like OLD, but just on the Facebook platform, looks like a few scammers on there

@Naimee87 No other time set to have a chat, as far as Mr K is concerned we discussed things and we'll make an extra effort to meet even on the evenings I have meetings.
I will plan another chat once I've spoken to my counsellor.

This potential fishing trip is with friends which he usually does a few times a year.

I have no issue with his fishing trips but what has annoyed/hurt me this time is that he can do these trips without a care in the world and not seeing his son but when I ask for 18hrs of a weekend with him (most overnight) I can't have it and the fact these 2 trips are sandwiched between the party he wouldn't come to just makes it hurt more.

Definite mixed signals and I think he's got complacent ☹
He says he's very content in our relationship and he's never had that in a relationship before, I think he thinks I'm so easy going I just won't mind or kick up a fuss and I'll be happy with what he offers me.

@JustAnother0ldMan I have. Big advantage is being able to block all your FB friends from seeing you on there (also a 'secret crush function if that's something you do want). I can only use apps that have some kind of contact blocking function at the moment, which basically means FB and Tinder. You're right, lots of fake accounts but reasonably easy to sniff them out. They don't make FB dating available to all FB users, apparently, I presume this us to try to position it with some kind of verification naked in (clearly not that successfully!)
Wouldn't try it just now though, looks like FB, WhatsApp and IG are all down.

@Isitreallyme177

I've just had a lovely little message from Mr Cricket(I think it's lovely anyway), he has been out buying bits for his new home. It's nice to see him excited. Although he keeps mentioning how much he has to buy almost like he wants me to offer to go shopping with him (no chance I'll just go round for the house warming 🙊).

That's nice he's in touch more and could turn out really nicely if he's nearby and you stay close.

Definitely leave him to it to sort his own house out though - then you can be a visitor and not an interior designer for him.

[quote FireandBrimstone]@JustAnother0ldMan I have. Big advantage is being able to block all your FB friends from seeing you on there (also a 'secret crush function if that's something you do want). I can only use apps that have some kind of contact blocking function at the moment, which basically means FB and Tinder. You're right, lots of fake accounts but reasonably easy to sniff them out. They don't make FB dating available to all FB users, apparently, I presume this us to try to position it with some kind of verification naked in (clearly not that successfully!)
Wouldn't try it just now though, looks like FB, WhatsApp and IG are all down. [/quote]
... and Feeld. It's been a quiet afternoon 😁

Sounds like you are no longer on the same page. Do you think your needs have changed or has he been slightly slacking. I believe it was his son that meant he couldn't make it to the party even though you'd given him more than enought time to find arrangements for him. I think this is the part that i'd struggle with if i ever did the FWB because it is nice to have someone to go to events with and usually the person your being intimate with is the person you'd like to go with. I'm still really open to the idea but like @Eesha said i'd need the exclusivity. So it's a really fine line between FWB and 'in' a relationship. But MrK considers you to be in a relationship doesn't he. Good you'll see your counsellor all these mixed feelings are so draining to deal with. Does your counsellor know the ins and outs of the relationship already has she offered any advice so far?

@BelladiMamma I can neither confirm nor deny that I've had a look at that also 😳

@FireandBrimstone it's actually the longest I've stayed on an app. I usually get pissed off with them after a week and delete my profile 🤣

Oops also the FB verification for the dating function is apparently BAKED in.

#freudian....

[quote BelladiMamma]@FireandBrimstone it's actually the longest I've stayed on an app. I usually get pissed off with them after a week and delete my profile 🤣[/quote]
I can understand that on all sorts of levels. As per, may not be the busiest in my particular corner of the world sadly...

@Naimee87 My needs haven't changed, in fact I was very clear previously about never inviting him to things when he had his son but after him missing out on a family BBQ he persuaded me to invite him and he would make the decision about whether he would give up time with his son to come. Hence he came to another family BBQ and I invited him to this party.
You're right that I gave him 8 weeks notice and he did nothing until a few days beforehand.
His son was upset about not seeing him as he hadn't seen him the weekend before due to a 4 day fishing trip. Not sure how Mr K communicated that to his son but presumably he either wasn't told until late or didn't mind as he sees his dad every weekend but then to face another part weekend with his dad was too much (it seems)
I'm not even sure Mr K wanted to come as he had not sorted his outfit either.

I don't mind going to events alone, I invited him because I thought it wouldbe nice to have him there andhe could meet a few more of my friends.

My counsellor doesn't know much yet as this week is our 3rd session and the first week was discussing my childhood and family and last week was my marriage.
This week was going to be Mr K and I wanted to work on why I felt so guilty with inviting him to events knowing he had to pick between me or his son...clearly I now need to work on why what Mr K has done hurts so much and if I'm irrational by verging on ending things because I want to run away and not solve issues.

@FireandBrimstone I think my relative proximity to London and also another large and 'alternative' city on the south coast means that jam quite spoilt for choice if I widen the radius.