Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

I've just realised I'm going to drive past Mr Cricket's house, every time I go to a certain town shopping or out for dinner or for a bloody walk by the river. I can't avoid it. It's also opposite the lady who made my wedding dress and next to the place that sells Christmas trees. I wish he hadn't told me now, I'm going to be paranoid every time I drive down that road🤣🙈.

@Shayelle2009 love the comparison with economics! It's like the old saying "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen".

@moirarosebabay I had one like that (he was also the one who asked rather personal questions), I never met him as I felt like he was bulldozing me into meeting him. The constant messages really made me uncomfortable. So I unmatched and blocked on Tinder and WhatsApp. I now have one whose messaging is a bit sporadic(we can go for days without messaging) but we've got to know each other face to face over several months and it is a much more comfortable relaxed pace for me. He was like you, preferred getting to know someone face to face.

@moirarosebabay love your nick name! I would personally say let's chat more in person as I'm up to my eyeballs in stuff. Truthfully I'm usually a keen texter but have learnt my lesson in the same way that people are not necessarily the same in real life.

@Isitreallyme177 that's so coincidental about Mr Crickets new place. Be careful in case he thinks you stalking him. My ex used to bump into his ex years ago pre me and he swore blind she was watching his house!

shayelle I do run out quite quickly normally but I hadn't been on for ages! Maybe it's just random 🤣

@Isitreallyme177 thanks. He's texted again today after I didn't reply last night asking if all is ok and I'm finding myself recoiling now which is a shame as I did want a second date. I don't want an arsehole who doesn't text all all and plays games but constantly trying to think of things to say to someone I don't really know is draining and I'm now dreading a second date. I'd rather just have the space to want to text him than be chased into it.

@Eesha that is a good response. I am on WhatsApp a lot as supporting a friend in a difficult situation but those are agreeing to meet, quick fire texts that don't need much thought. Feel like I'm being a bitch in not wanting to text him as much. Maybe I'm just not ready for dating.

Was speaking to a right hottie last night but he's gone cold. He did live hours away...ah well.

Mr Nurse is irritating me slightly putting winky faces on his messages too much - I might not even meet him if this carries on.

Anything can put me off 🤣

Welcome moira a lot of us have had this over texting, it's draining and smothering isn't it. I think I'd say can we hold off on the texts...you haven't got time to make small.talk all day ( or something slightly politer). I hate it!

@moirarosebabay no I think you just have different texting styles. Mr Retro messages me maybe 3 times a week and we have seen each other a couple of times. I do enjoy being thought about but genuinely need to work so this suits me. As long as its not nil contact, then I'm ok

Haha isn't it funny how we can get irritated or put off so easily.

Its so true though.. the balance between to little contact and too much is so easily tipped and i do think it's kind of dependent on how much you like the person too.
I think when I'm ready to venture into dating again i don't want daily texting

@TwatInTinFoil

Welcome moira a lot of us have had this over texting, it's draining and smothering isn't it. I think I'd say can we hold off on the texts...you haven't got time to make small.talk all day ( or something slightly politer). I hate it!

Hee hee I like it

[quote Eesha]@moirarosebabay no I think you just have different texting styles. Mr Retro messages me maybe 3 times a week and we have seen each other a couple of times. I do enjoy being thought about but genuinely need to work so this suits me. As long as its not nil contact, then I'm ok[/quote]
3 times a week sounds ideal!

@moirarosebabay, I would try not to get too negative about how much your iron is texting. You enjoyed the date and liked him enough to arrange seeing him again. Personally I would send a message saying that you really enjoyed the first meet and are looking forward to seeing him next weekend but life is a little busy, you aren't ignoring his messages but prefer to focus on getting to know each other through FTF dates. Maybe say that you will catch up with him in a couple of days.

@Sugaspunsista

Haha isn't it funny how we can get irritated or put off so easily. Its so true though.. the balance between to little contact and too much is so easily tipped and i do think it's kind of dependent on how much you like the person too. I think when I'm ready to venture into dating again i don't want daily texting

Yes probably is dependant on how much you like someone and I don't know him yet so not wanting to lead him on, just was happy for another date but increasingly thinking maybe it's not a good idea as wanted someone who I could see a couple of times a week as have the rest of my lovely life to enjoy.

@Eesha all I can say is thank god I'm skint and there is a petrol shortage so I can't go there for dinner or shopping🤣. During lockdown and earlier in the summer I went there quite a lot.

@moirarosebabay if he reigned it back a bit would you still be interested? He could just be nervous and not know how to play it. I think most people understand other people's texting style pretty quickly, I did with Mr Cricket so if I don't hear from him straight away I don't worry now. Do you know much about him? Although if you're dreading a second date then it's not a good sign.

Moira maybe tell him straight
I’d love to see you again
But I’m not a massive texter ! See you down the pub

I had an iron day that , so I reduced texting
Then he kept texting so I reminded him what he said !!

Yes the emoji useage is telling
I’ve taken up some new ones actually !

[quote Isitreallyme177]@Eesha all I can say is thank god I'm skint and there is a petrol shortage so I can't go there for dinner or shopping🤣. During lockdown and earlier in the summer I went there quite a lot.

@moirarosebabay if he reigned it back a bit would you still be interested? He could just be nervous and not know how to play it. I think most people understand other people's texting style pretty quickly, I did with Mr Cricket so if I don't hear from him straight away I don't worry now. Do you know much about him? Although if you're dreading a second date then it's not a good sign.[/quote]
He did rein it back in for a couple of hours and I found myself wanting to know him better so yes if he would rein it in a bit that should work. My last relationship was abusive so maybe I've gone too far in the work of making myself not want to change myself to fit in with another person or become set in my single ways

So Mr Sci-Fi, who I was meant to meet for a coffee date zero on Saturday, didn’t reply when I asked if he was still up for it on Saturday morning - so I assumed he wasn’t bothered. He has now popped up again on WhatsApp saying he had flu all weekend and is very sorry. I don’t believe him but am half tempted to meet to see what other tall stories he comes out with!

MrSingleDad messages a few times a day but I don’t mind as they’re interesting messages. When looking after a toddler all day a few messages are a welcome distraction rather than tiring!

@Heartbeats0708 You're right, I'm not satisfied after my chat with Mr K. I'm feeling in a state of limbo while I wait to see if he goes on another fishing trip later this week (for which I will be mightily pissed off) and I really want to chat to my counsellor but today's session has been moved to later in the week (if she's better).

The problem with me not feeling like a priority because of 1 Saturday night is that he cant prove to me I am a priority as I've now told him I won't invite him to anything ever again on a night he has his son.
So we'll still meet on our usual nights (other things permitting) but he can't do anything extra.

Checking in after catching up with the thread 🙂

The latest with me. Spent all day Saturday with Mr Breadcrumbs at his place and I think we've established we're compatible sexually 😳

Really interesting to read everyone's thoughts on the FWB question, because I guess that's what we've become. And for now, it quite suits me. Work is super busy at the moment and I also want to make sure I spend proper time with Dd and my friends. I also quite like being on my own to pursue my own interests and recharge.

I think as a 49 year old divorcee with a teenager to factor in and a full time job, my needs are not the same as they were when I was single and on my thirties. The thing is, I'm not sure what my new needs are?

It's definitely not just about sex with Mr Breadcrumbs - although that is definitely a major thing here - I genuinely like him and find him interesting and funny. He's also genuinely kind and thoughtful.

I have no idea where this situation is going but in the here and now it feels pretty good.

@Stayingstrongish I was wondering what had happened with your date zero's. With the flu thing - you wouldn't have wanted to meet but not hearing until the last minute is a pain

@moirarosebabay messaging / comms the bane of everyone's life ... personally I like intense messaging the first 3/4 days after matching just to get to know someone or strike up a flirtation but the constant messaging afterwards is a PITA

I'm considering binning off a couple of my Feeld contacts that went to WhatsApp because they didn't call when they said they would ... I'm not into hanging around waiting for someone ... even if it's just a call.

Having said that I had 3 calls pencilled in for last night. Only one called on time - MrActor, at the time we were due to have our date zero (which I'd flaked on).

MrItaly is back in the country soon. Just when my ex is away again. We will have another walking and snogging date hopefully. Actually I'm hoping we'll have some time in bed but I can only meet during the weekday ... 🤦🏻‍♀️

It strikes me that my ex's attitude has changed, since I refused to sign the agreement saying I wouldn't have a bloke / boyfriend more than 2 nights a week. He's basically doing everything he can to make sure that I don't have a personal life. And DD doesn't really like going there either ... so I'm stuffed really 🤣

@Languidleopard

Checking in after catching up with the thread 🙂

The latest with me. Spent all day Saturday with Mr Breadcrumbs at his place and I think we've established we're compatible sexually 😳

Really interesting to read everyone's thoughts on the FWB question, because I guess that's what we've become. And for now, it quite suits me. Work is super busy at the moment and I also want to make sure I spend proper time with Dd and my friends. I also quite like being on my own to pursue my own interests and recharge.

I think as a 49 year old divorcee with a teenager to factor in and a full time job, my needs are not the same as they were when I was single and on my thirties. The thing is, I'm not sure what my new needs are?

It's definitely not just about sex with Mr Breadcrumbs - although that is definitely a major thing here - I genuinely like him and find him interesting and funny. He's also genuinely kind and thoughtful.

I have no idea where this situation is going but in the here and now it feels pretty good.

That's great 😃

Good for you - and very similar life situation here so I am hoping I'll find a good match soon ...

@BelladiMamma your ex seriously wanted you to sign an agreement about not having anyone round more than two nights a week?! How bloody cheeky!

@Languidleopard sounds ideal :)

[quote Stayingstrongish]@BelladiMamma your ex seriously wanted you to sign an agreement about not having anyone round more than two nights a week?! How bloody cheeky![/quote]
Yes. He's nuts. Especially as he has live in partner now ... the level of entitlement is unreal